Seven and 1/2 - let's laugh: Anecdotes about lamers and users, as well as real calls to the technical service. support number 2.

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- Can you install multimedia for me?
- Yes.
- And where?

- Here is the problem with the hard drive...
- No, it seems to me that the main problem here is with
"head".
- F:-O With what head?
- Probably with a hard drive, but I'm not sure.

- I bought a motherboard from you...

- Who came up with the idea of copying WINDOWS from disk
C to drive D.:-O

- What interface does your printer have?
- CENTRONICS.
- But still: parallel or serial
solid?
- Parallel!
- Ah, well, that's better :-)

- I want to increase the processor cache.

- Please print through my CENT-
RONICS.

- Sell me the 486th multicard...

- You have a Pentium 75 dash 150 m board here -
gahertz. Can you put a hundred on it?

- Do you have a PCI CREATIVE? (obsolete)

Mouse pads select:
- It’s better to take cats, cats are horny-
vy.

- Perhaps this machine can also work now
there will be an hour.
- But what about these things - they are quite strong -
ki.

- How much does a monitor cost that can
draw?

- And laptops all have built-in (var: with
inkjet) monitors?

- Do you have a year warranty for the "Pilots", otherwise
short and burned?
- No need to include irons in it!
- What can be included in it?
- ....

- How is Ethernet different from the Internet?
(Globally asked :) )

   3.12
   On the market:
- Do you have multimedia in this box?
- Well, “multimedia” includes a lot of things, but
this is what you show, just Sound Blas-
ter.
- (irritated) - I'm not asking you about
Sound Blaster, I ask how much there is
"multimedia"!
4.12 (22:30)
   Call the company:
- Hello! Hello! Is this a BBS station?

- Do you have a hard drive with a VLB bus?

- You have coprocessors with square
location of the legs?

- How much does DX2/80 cost?
- 660.
- And without a keyboard?
- 645.
- Is it possible to work without it?
- ...

- Which drive should you install first?
- A:...

   11.12
  On the market:
- Do you have a disk drive and keyboard?
- Yes, $27 and $16.
- Will they work?
- Yes, of course, 3 month warranty.
- You don’t understand: they are connected to each other-
whether or not: will I be able to get a computer?
- It’s better to first consult the literature, and
then buy something?
- Don't fool me: the computer is in
tit from the drive and keyboard, and they should
work together.
 (Waving his hand.)

- Do you have modems?
- Which ones?
- To contact someone.

  Buys SIMMs:
- Aren't they afraid of frost?..

- I damaged my motherboard and processor -
or programmers.

- How much does it cost to connect to a computer?
 programming language?

(About Win'95)
- Your mother is buggy in the biggest Windows!

Points to the box with the outsideUSR Sport-
ster: "Is this a Chinese company?"

- Do you have a horizontal minitaver?

- Do you have two-head CD-ROMs?

... - We have your "slope" burned out and burned two
vidica. Good thing they have fuses
were. I replaced them and they seemed to work.
There an icicle fell on the wires, and two phases
Flashed. I want to sue this housing office.

- Does your SB16 Creative read everything?

(About windows'95)
- Made for idiots. This is exactly what I need
needed.

(About the video card)
- It’s not that she’s dead: she’s alive, but
dead.

- This mother should be in a white box, with
thick instructions.

  Statementbuyer:
- If I break the screw with fdisc, I have it
becomes "ef".

- This printer has an economic re-
press?

  29.12
- Can you replace my brains?

 30.12
EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS WRITTEN SEPARATELY!!!

 year 1996

 03.01
LASTDRIVE=C:

- Do you have network equipment?
- Yes.
- How much do surge protectors cost?

 06.01
Oh! I entered SETUP! Help me get out!!!

Does VERTOS need to be installed like a CD-ROM?

 11.01
- Do you have CENTRONICS in _black_ color?

  Power Supply Statement:
The power supply cannot be repaired. In case
its malfunctionsshould be thrown away or
return to the supplier. :-[]

  15.01
  (About the monitor)
- I will make the “barrel” myself and fix it myself!

  16.01
  Regarding the consumer rights law:
"The buyer _is not_ obliged_ to know that he is going
from..."

  17.01
(_good_epigraph_to_"Town"_)
Call:
- Good afternoon!
- Hello! Can I ask you a question?
- Easy.
- Is this AURA?
- And this is your question? :(

  19.01
  About the properties of the protective filter for monitoring
tora:
- How does the “Russian Shield” react to blows?

- Pulse power is a flexible concept.

- The mouse is like salt and matches. Always in good
will do for the farm!

- Why does the monitor have a second cord?

- And your monochrome monitors are low-
is there a high level of radioactive radiation?

  26.01
I spent a long time choosing a monitor.
... - Well, what are you doing: I came, I chose and I bought,
- this is not done that way.

  28.01
- What is an electronic notebook?
- You can’t explain it right away...
- No need to explain to me: my friend has
CITIZEN, and I think it's like CITIZEN. you to me
explain how to write there: with a pen or
how?

    31.01
Do you have computers with 486 memory?

- On my hard drive, files appeared on their own -
are available. I turn off the computer, turn it on - 80 MB
files... 8-(

    1.02
- Do you have multicards?
- Which one do you need: ISA or VLB?
- No, I'm in rubles.

- How much does your computer with printing cost?
typewriter?

- You can adjust the process frequency for me
would it work in OS/2?

     12.02
- How much does the DX2-66 processor cost?
- $35 (I show the processor in the palm of my hand).
- This is not him. How much does this one cost (so far)
calls to the body)?

     18.01
- Your company upgrades computers
ters?

- Do you have high-radiation monitors and in-
terlised?.. Not non-interlised, namely inter-
terlised!

- How much are cartoons?.. Which ones? 512's!

- Provide me with a VLB multicard to dis-
The drive worked faster!

- What do you have here: CMOS or BIOS?

- Is it true that Sims with parity are lowered
performance?

- Do you have sims with memory?

  7.03 pp Bytsenko explained popularly:
- Video rays slow down at the phosphor layer and
at the same time they knock out X-ray radiation
thing, which is harmful to the health of others
monitor.

  Same:
- Pavel! They brought such a mother there!..

- And how does this monitor simultaneously
Do LR and NI work?

  11.03
- This is like a warranty card for you. Arrival
child, there will be problems within a month.

- Have you noticed the difference between monitor-
rami SONY and DAEWOO?

- This monitor has its first leg here.
- Yes, but before it was in a different place...

- What are you doing with the upgrade?

- Something is happening with the chip...

- You have an adapter from 40 contacts to
34 for CD-ROM?

  24.03
- Do you have a microphone?
- Yes.
- And where is there, where should I speak?

  06.04
- Do you have a cable for communication via LTP?

  11.04
- Do you have an ASP chip?
- Yes.
- Why is it needed?

- What is the best way to format a hard drive?

  12.04
- You haveexpander?
- What?
- Well, expand the memory...

...- If I hold the battery with one hand,
and the other behind the monitor, it shocks me.

- Doesn't the TV-coder reduce the grain by
TV?

  18.04
- I want to buy the 286th and then for an upgrade-
take it to Pentium.

- Have you checked the car in every detail?
- Checking all details will take several
by day. Will you wait?
- No. What if there is some kind of defect?
- Warranty - one year. You can contact us.
- What if I don’t find out about it in a year?..

... - What discs are you interested in?
- Well, there's Delphisome, in general, co-
leading things, for example, C, there, etc.

- I have an unreasonable appeal to Vinces-
teru ...

  28.05
- ... Two month warranty. During this
You can come back more often...

  04.05
- Do you have a Komov rope?

  07.05
 We bought a car by bank transfer, get in and drive
sews:
- And you can’t explain why we need this
need?

   13.05
- Excuse me, please, we will buy prin-
ter.
- No need to apologize.

- This is where the “bads” appeared on the hard drive,
was formatted all night.
- Have you set the geometry correctly?
- What is this?
- Oh, well, now we’ll change your hard drive.

  15.05
- Do you have amplifiers for modems?

  19.05
- I'll tell you a secret, no one does this
knows. There is one mind in power supplies -
signal, and if the motherboard
does not find it, it starts to fail.

- IBM has two timers: One is a clock,
another is just a timer.

- Show me where your Pentium is?
- Here.
- Yes, and I have the same 486.

  27.05
- Yes, I know, without simm's the machine works poorly -
will work.

- I want to test the monitor on Windows!

- Is the keyboard included in the case?

  30.05
-Should you install drive A or B?
- I don't care, put it below.

  30.06
- Is it possible to make a radio from a computer?

   16.06
- I want the left case!

   24.06
  (about the monitor)
- Is it Green or is it just “green”
lazy"?

    09.07
- Do you have 486 psi motherboards?
are different?

- And how many meters is the VGA keyboard extension?
ditch?

  16.07
- Which means two short and many, many
long squeaks in the loudspeaker?
- Indicates that the loudspeaker is on.

  23.07
- I need Ivan two-speed for 38 bucks
was promised...

   25.07
- 15" GoldStar available?
- Yes, there is, one thing left.
- Is it possible to choose?

    29.07
- Do you have powder for the scanner?
 31.07
- Is the joystick connected via a mouse?

From the newspaper "Economy and Life" No. 27, 1996.
- ... computers were seized from the processor -
mi, fax modems, with programs included there
many products.

   06.08
- Do you have a short memory?

- What monitor do you recommend?
- Samsung.
- Are we going to look through it?

... The monitor went into state twice
peace.

  13.08
- Do you have CDROMs with a readability guarantee?
bridges of all CDs?
- Yes.

   21.08
Line insystem.ini:mouse=Microsoft "mouse" IBM or OS/2

- And we will take the monitor on which
written Low Radio.

  22.08
- I have a problem at the interface between the mother-
what kind of board and memory.

   23.08
- I bought a Sound Blaster from you and two months
e$#%^%sya: why doesn't he sing?
- Which jack did you plug the speakers into?
- You didn’t tell me what I needed to buy
also columns!
 Later call:
- I plugged in the speakers. Still no sound!
What to do!

- You can't drink at price!! (I.P.)

- You haven't connected the processor to the network!
(I said about the cooler)

 07.09
 Buys a keyboard:
- Is the number of megacycles indicated here?
- I have no brains, what do you recommend?
buy?

13.09
- You see, the turns of the deflection are visible on the screen
new kinescope system!

- I bought a car from you today, and from me-
no problem appeared.
- Which one?
- She doesn't talk!

16.09
- Hello. How much does a car like this cost?
configurations: Pentium-100, 8Mb memory, hard
hard disk 850Mb, floppy drive, well,
measuredly, about 3 inches, so, and a half...

17.09
- Is this a mouse wire?
- Extra!

18.09
- At what distance does your device connect?
dem?
- How is this?
- Well, will it get on the Internet?

19.09
- I didn’t like the colors on the monitor!

20.09
- We won’t take a monitor, but a video card
you supply it to us.

23.09
- Can you buy a 1Mb SVGA card?
- Yes, which bus? (PCI, VLB)
- Is the tire really important? I need 1 Mb!

- It is written in your warranty card,
that the warranty on components is not valid
is valid if the seals are broken. Show me how
please, where is the seal on the SIMMs?

11/19
About the PRIMAX-MusicReader scanner. They return
motivating:
- Your scanner scans only notes!

- Do you install motherboards in your computer?
boards?

20.11
- You have a mother "ChainTech" that is not
Chinese?

25.11
- But I have a connector, and where should I plug it in?

26.11
- What do I need to do to buy a CD-
ROM?
- Give me money!

- I bought a monitor from you, there is a ray of running-
it is there, and there is no way to get rid of it.

About the ergonomic keyboard, consisting of
two "halves":
- Probably a good keyboard!? For two!

27.11
About the IDE cable:
- You have this for CDROM, towel,
which is so wide.

29.11
- Please tell me when I launch
English from laser disk and incl.
I put headphones in the CDROM socket, then there is sound
no, you have to unfold itcomputer and
turn on the headphones from behind, there is sound there.
Probably the CDROM is faulty?
- The CDROM is working, as it should be.
- Yes... But it’s inconvenient!

30.11
- How many sectors need to be installed in
SETUP for CDROM NEC4x4?

3.12
- Do you have USR14400 on that chipset or
this?
- That's it.
- And what happens even then?

- Do you sell a steering wheel for a computer?

4.12
- Where is the person who told you everything?
he's calling, such a little one!

5.11
- You can talk to a specialist in
numeral technology?
- What specifically interests you?- Do you have a small disk drive?

10.12
- Hello, have you moved from Buckle for a long time?
are you going?

Conversation between dealer and manager:
- Is a keyboard worth 84 thousand worth 75 thousand?
- Give him for 74 thousand.

[about EDO SIMMs]
- Which SIMMs are better: regular ones or with three
letters?

15.12
- How much does a “de-ha” computer cost?

- How much will a computer with a mouse cost?
keyboard and VAT?

17.12
-Which monitor is better than Samsung or GoldStar?
-Samsung!
-Well, then we need a keyboard and a pi-
tania!
-How is it, maybe you need a computer?
-And what, he tooneeded?.. Yes?.. Well, then
all together!

[We have our own mini-PBX]
- Hello, my Lena is broken, connect
me again!

- Hello, I am a private person and I need a personal
nal computer!

- This CDROM has a button to
play music discs?
- Yes.
- Do I need to connect power to it?
- It is necessary. How could it be otherwise?
- Well, maybe it runs on batteries.

19.12
- I reinstalled the program here, and I have
there is only one letter "C" left...

22.12
This is what managers sometimes say:
- He [CDROM Acer 685A]even in Chinese
disk doeseight speeds
must be done on licensed ones!

- Is your monitor sold with a mouse?

25.12
- My hard drive is bad, and most importantly irregular
reads clearly!

30.12
- Do you have a microphone on bent legs?

- I have a computer after two hours of work
excited!

9.01
- I bought a joystick from you today and
I don’t understand where to insert it now.

10.01
- Please tell me that you have a good
which of the 15-inch computers?

13.01
- Do you have modems?
- Yes.
- And you won’t tell me what its function is
inside the computer?

15.10
- Do you have cheap cases?
- $32.
- And even cheaper?
- No, it can’t get any worse!

20.01
- Do you have an AMD150 for Pentium?

- Do you have passive mice?

- The airplane doesn't fly well on my ACER-8sp,
twitches.

22.01
- Could you tell us about the technical features?
characteristics of the protective screen, which
protect me from the monitor?

23.01
- How many colors does this video card have?

26.01
- What version of the modem do you have: Europe or
America?
- He's Canadian!
- No, which version is English or Gol-
Landish? Can I be on the box?Will I read it?
- Yes, please.
- Oh, version internal!  This is what I need
need!

- I bought a color cartridge from you, and it’s from
WORD does not print, it prints from CorelDraw, but
from Word no. We should change...

Buyer K5-90:
- Everything is fine in DOS, but WORD is written
decides to type words.
- How is that???
- When I type, they write to me "Invalid
operation..."

29.01
- Where are the instructions for the joystick?
- As with the shovel and joystick instructions
also not included!

- So young, and already a consumer!

- You have a CDROM in your Nautilus computerPompi-
lius?

06.02
Call the company:
- Good afternoon, this is what the reference book says -
good trade!

...- EDO SIMMs have an additional leg
yes, special!...

8.02
- I have a hard drive about 20 times low-level
matting, it works faster!..

- Where should you put the fox in your fax modem?
tick?

- Do you have modems connected to a gar-
niture?

10.02
- I don’t have a 3.5-inch floppy disk, so what?
What should I do now?

21.02
(About the plug for the COM port, about which
reminds me of CheKit)
- I bought a computer from you, and it doesn’t have enough
the jumpers are melting!

22.02
- I need a large monitor for public places
th use.

Call the company:
- How many bytes are there in your computer?
- ??? As much as you need, so much will be!
- How much is needed for multivideo?

3.03
A man entered the company, he had not made any purchases yet.
lal, and his first question:
- Do you have any gifts from
firms?
- ??????!!!!!!!

4.03
- We want to buy another computer from you!
- What configuration?
- (called configuration) and monitor 14
inches Trinitron!
- So we don’t have such monitors!
- No, you had them. We took Samsung.
- So he's not Trinitron, shadow mask!
- Thereit says 3Ne, which means trinetron!

7.03
- You have activated speakers!

- I need a hard drive, please!
- Which one?
- (with a scream) Acceptable!

11.03
- I want to buy a computer from you. Teach
me to work on it.
-... And when you buy a car, you
ask to be taught how to ride it?
- Of course, I always do this!

13.03
- Join me in the accounting department!

14.03
- Hello, Hello!
- Hello!
- Is this a fax?

- Do you need more or less guarantees?

The client holds the SIMM in his hands and asks for bolts
for their fastening. The manager takes him to
stand with the motherboard and explained for a long time -
knows how to do itattach SIMM. Client service
walks, listens, listens...
- You don’t understand, I need screws to secure
leaving the housing cover!..

- 90% of the memory dries up under Windows!

22.03
- My mouse runs by itself!

- Do you have a cartridge for Epson L?
- And then what letter?
- And then the letter is gone, it was erased...

27.03
- Do you have a mouse substitute? I heard
is there such a pen?...
- And for what?
- To write on the screen!

- Do you have paws for monitors?
- What?
- Well, let it hang in a hanging position!

Buyer's summary of computer malfunction
Yutera:
1. Sound card does not work. No drive
ra.
2. Missing MS-DOS blaster.
3. Windows'95 is cut down.
4. No memory manager.
5. The Winchester is split into two parts. Constant
but freezes.

9.04
- Do you have scanners?
- Which ones are you interested in?
- But all the same, so that I can scan...

- Included in the cost of a multimedia computer
CDROM included?
- Included.
- So it’s not there!
- Why not?.. I delivered it to you.
- Well, we open it, and it’s empty!..

Looking at the monitor:
- Is this your FAT?
- ???

21.04
- You have a thing,which is called "shta-
use" for a 3.5" drive to insert it
in a fifteen-inch place!..

28.04
- Hello.  Do you have maternal
DFI boards?
- There are none.
- Which ones are there?
- FIC, Spring, QDI, Shutle ...
- Is there DFI?
- ???

19.05
- Why is SONY written on the wall, and next to it
is GoldStar worth it?

- Do you upgrade for free?

They probably asked about CMOS:
- The sine wave in my motherboard was erased,
how to restore it?

22.05
- Can you tell me what the speakers sound like?
- ???

- I have a fax machine. If I buy
fax modem and attach a fax app to it
rat, can I get a printer?
- No. Between them we also need an automatic telephone exchange...
- Ah-ah! I understand: we also need an emu program
automatic telephone exchange!

About the "play" button on the CD-ROM:
- I want a CD-ROM with an external launcher!

- Hello! Is this the Internet?

- Please prepare it for me tomorrow
computer, but I don’t know what kind of coffee yet
gurations.

- Do you have an Internet cable for sale?
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