Murzilka #03

Юмор

Rzhevskii - jokes about Rzhev.

1. Rzhevskii goes on
balcony and said: - What is the moon, which
Star ....

  -Your mother, your mother, your mother ... habitually 
responds to the echo. 

2. Lieutenant Rzhevskii goes to Natasha Rostov on the shore of 
the pond. 

  -How I would like to become a fish in this

   pond - said Natasha.

  -Better if you stood crustaceans - is responsible Poruchiik 
Rzhevskii. 

3. Lieutenant-how do you feel about homosexuals?

   "Yes, sir, here, am ...

4. From the diary of Hussars. Day
first. Arrived in the village, quartered. Fucked all the women 
and drank all champagne.


   Second day. Fucked the entire large-scale cattle and drank 
all the moonshine. 

   Third day. They drank all that burns and
fucked everything that moved.

   Day Four - came LIEUTENANT
Rzhevskii! Well, there's such debauchery has begun!

5. -Lieutenant, how do you find my chest?

   -With some difficulty, sir, madam.

6. Yesterday, I rescued a woman from rape ...

   -Oh, I wonder, Lieutenant, Tell!

   -Oh, I just talked it.

7. -Lieutenant, how many children do you have?

   -Yes ... about six or five.

   -Do you love children, Lieutenant?

   No, but the process ...

8. -Lieutenant, Natasha died from cancer!

   Yes, it was her favorite pose!

9. Natasha Rostov danced at a ball with Lieutenant Rzhevsky. 
Lieutenant presses it to the wall.


   -Oh, Lieutenant, you want me crucified?

   -No, no, six times.

   "What do you mean?

   - What have you and admit - thought the lieutenant, and said 
aloud: 

   No, Province, sir, not poymuts ...

10.-Lieutenant Rzhevskii you in all
three days, but already you have tried everything
our women. How did you manage that?

   -I just go to the lady and said:

    "Madam, allow you to vpendyurit.

   -But you can get in the face ...

   "Well, first, in the face, and then vpen
    dyurevayu.

11. A young lieutenant Rzhevskii plays
theater. His first role was to
that the lieutenant should go on stage,
say "Balabuev, here's your stick"
and give it to. Hussars argued with a lieutenant, he makes a 
mistake and instead of names Balabuev excitement Balahuev say.


  So here goes spektakal and Rzhevskii enters the scene.

   -Balabuev, "said the lieutenant and victoriously
looks into the pit - that's your dick ...

12. Lieutenant Rzhevskii lying in bed with
Natasha Rostov.

   -You, Natasha, just like heating
battery - make a compliment Lieutenant
Rzhevskii.

   "What, so warm?

   -No, a ribbed ...

13. Lieutenant Rzhevskii sailing in a boat with
Natasha Rostov.

  During the awkward silence Lieutenant
asks:

   -Natasha, Have you ever paddle on

    pussy beat?

   -Lieutenant, how dare you ...

   Yes, I just wanted to talk a
    keep ...

14. Lieutenant Rzhevskii going to the ball.
Batman lieutenant sees a cologne that lubricates the end.

   -Your Broad, why are you doing this?

   Yes, just in case.

  After some time the lieutenant begins
lubricated ass cologne.

   -And this is why, Your Broad?

   "Yes, they are different ...

15. Lieutenant Rzhevskii asks Natasha
Growth at the ball:

   -Natasha, why you have on hand you
    cut?

   -What would a man could kiss me

    hand ...

   A, - said the lieutenant - now me
    nyatno why incision on my shi
    nonlinear.


16. Rides Lieutenant Rzhevskii the train is on the top shelf. 
Hears the bottom of Spades says:


   -Honey, remember, never cluster
    wee eggs for money, it is from this

    dims.

   -Live and Learn-century thought, the lieutenant

    Rzhevskii and shifted his cigarette case

    from his trouser pocket in his jacket.


17. The lieutenant asked to play Othello.
He refuses, but he had a cheat sheet,
on which to say the role. This paper
adapted to the inside of his jacket and went to the scene.

   -Desdemona!

    Infection, bitch, bitch! "- Looks at the paper - Shut up, 
pause, ha-ha factor of three. 

18.-What do you think, Lieutenant?

   -About the same, as well as you, Natasha.

   Fu, lieutenant, and of vulgar as you are!

19.-Lieutenant, why ladies are not offended by
Your vulgarity?

   A word I have never diverges

    with the case.

20. Natasha Rostov thinks of Lieutenant
riddle:

   - Lieutenant, guess-ka: What is -

     small, grayish in sexual

     chink - Whack!

  The lieutenant hesitated:

   - Natasha, but it is unseemly, um ...

   - Lieutenant, what you have, it's a mouse!

  Lieutenant surprise removes his pince-nez:

   - Mouse?? In the pussy?? Original!


21. Natasha Rostov nineteen. In a dark room included with the 
birthday cake which burn only eighteen

candles.

   -Hussars - it refers to the presence
    sponding - on the cake was no place

    for a single candle, where do I put it?

   -Lord, a word about the pussy! "- A voice lieutenant Rzhev.


22.-Lieutenant, yesterday you were sleeping with me, but
does not even want to say hello!

   -Madame, the bed is not the reason for the values
    komstva.
23. Natasha Rostov danced at a ball with Lieutenant Rzhevsky.

   -Lieutenant, you've ever loved?

   -Ebalsya sir.

   Natasha faints. Lieutenant
catches it on the fly and soothing:

   -Excuse me, sir, madam, sir, garbage-in

    breccia, with ...

24.-Lieutenant, say you were a young member of the court?

   Ah, youth ... Member there, a member of

    here ...

25.-Lieutenant, you fuck me for two hours,
but did not say a single word of love ...

   Ah, excuse me, I love you, cornet.

26.-Lieutenant Rzhevskii, your rank is associated, as 
"Lieutenant-LAZUCHIK," You French spy ...


   -Oh, "CARNET-CLARINET-TRAMBON-condom"

    You're just an asshole, M. Obolensky.

27.-What are you doing in my back, Lieutenant?

   -Looking Breast, madame.

   Yes, they are also in the front ...

   -There I was looking for, madam.

28. Lieutenant Rzhevskii came to Pierre
Bezukhov the estate, but that was not at home. "In the grand 
piano-that is shit?" Thought Rzhevskii. 

29.-Lieutenant, - asks for the ball Natasha
Rostov - can jump to the hussar

    a horse at full gallop her?

   -Yes it is us, the hussars, nehuy piss, Natasha Rostov, by 
these words fall into swoon


   Oh, sorry, madam, nehuy do, I

    wanted to say.

30. Lieutenant Rzhevskii comes to visit
Natasha Rostov.

   -Natasha, I just invented a new

    pose - I called her pose beaver, sing
    demte the stairs.
Lieutenant, and Natasha went to the stairs and
Rzhevskii puts her on all fours.

   -Lieutenant, but it is usually

    cancer ...

   No, Natasha, you are at this

    to gnaw the railing!

31.-Lieutenant, did you like someday?

   -Ebalsya sir.

   Fu, Lieutenant, I'm talking about chelevecheskoy

    love ...

   Sometimes, sir, and with people-with.

   -Oh, Lieutenant, I'm talking about clean any ...

   Sometimes, as in the bath-house, sir.

   -Oh, no, well, I mean any high
    bov ...

   Rachko-on-a-kolokolenke with?

    Original-with!

32.-Natasha, you're already married to a lieutenant

    Rzhevsky two years and you still do not

    Children ...

   -Oh, Mama, so I though, would be able to again

    swallow this stuff ...

33.-Lieutenant, Tell me: what about more

    just beat the eggs?

   -On the saddle.

   -Oh, Oh, no - on the frying pan!

   -Pan? In the balls? It's funny, sir!

34. The lieutenant went outside and returned
all wet.

   Lieutenant-that, in the street a strong

    rain?

   -No, noser ...

35. A young lieutenant Rzhevskii read in
book about the rules of good manners how to talk with the 
ladies. There have been given broad topic conversation: 

   about animals, weather, music,

   about love.

   The lieutenant was not slow to take advantage of
advice and decided to get acquainted with a lady
who walks with a lap dog.

   -What is your small dog - said
The lieutenant and came closer, kicking her boots - low flew 
something to rain seen.


   -However, I am Lieutenant Rzhevskii, I

    house has a drum, let's go

    poebemsya ...

36.-Lieutenant, and would you like to be Lebesgue
    dem and swim in the pond?

   -Here is another, hunting my ass wet ...


37. Pierre Bezukhov wakes up after the ball.

   Oh, and booze you yesterday, sir, yes

    still crap ...

   Yes, it's not me, it's my lieutenant Rzhevs
    cue ...


38. In the morning Lieutenant Rzhevskii leaves Natasha Rostov.

   -Lieutenant, and money?

   "Well you, madam, hussars no money

    take!


39.-Oh promudohueblyadskaya pizdoproe
    Bina - said Lieutenant Rzhevskii and
dirty curse.

40.-The lieutenant heard that you are getting married on

    Countess Ligovsky, but you know that

    it sleeps all Tambov ...

   -Fie, Tambov, I was there, twenty thousand

    men, no more.

41.-Lieutenant, you have a glass or opal?,
- Natasha asked, pointing to the ring
Lieutenant.

   -First, glass, and then Opal - not
understood the question, answers Rzhevskii.

42.-Natasha, you are again today, no panties
    Cove?

   -How did you know, Lieutenant?

   Poe dandruff on sneakers ...

43.-Lieutenant, do you play guitar?

   Game.

   -A on the piano?

   "Of course I play.

   -And on the drum?

   -And on the drum, too.

   A harp, Lieutenant?

   No, the harp is no card through a string
    Ny slip ...

44. Gentlemen Hussars came up with a new type of
billiard. In a billiard table pockets are removed and instead 
put naked women. 

  If Hussars sent the ball straight between the legs,
he receives a kiss to her hand.

  The lieutenant learned about it Rzhevskii.

  -Listen, not better than them just curves
   Bat?

  -Well, how come lieutenant Rzhevskii

   so forever debase all ...

45.-Lieutenant, you promised to marry me
    Xia ...

   "Well, you never know I promised that on anyone!


46. Lieutenant Rzhevskii played Chatskogo.

  Here and I do not ezdun ... Not ezdyuk ...

   No rider ... Ugh, damn, I forgot!