Inferno #03 22 ноября 2002

Юмор

Humor - Literary anecdotes.

    N. Dobrokhotova, Vladimir Piatnitski

             Funny guys


        (Literary anecdotes)

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  But it does not Harms, not Harms.Takie case. Details and 
illustrations see "Literary Salon"

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   In Viazemsky had a flat overlooking the
Tver bulvar.Pushkin loved to walk
to visit him. Come - and immediately jumped on
sill, dangling from the window and looks. Tea
he, too, there at the window, fed. Sometimes
there zanochuet.Emu even bought a special mattress, but he did 
not recognize him. "Why, - he says - such luxury?". And spihnet 
mattress with podokonnika.A then turns the whole night, sleep 
does not. 


   Gogol, Pushkin, dressed, went to
Pushkin and rang. Pushkin had revealed to him and
screams: "Look, Arina, I come!".


   Lermontov, Pushkin's wife wanted to take away.
At Kavkaz.Vse looked at her from behind pillars,
watching ... Suddenly ashamed of their desires.
"Pushkin - I think - the mirror of the Russian Revolution, and 
I? Pig. Went and stood in front of him on his knees and said: 
"Pushkin, where is your dagger?" That my breast. " Pushkin is 
laughing. 


   Pushkin once shot himself with Gogol.
Pushkin says:

   - You shoot first.

   - How do I? No, you.

   - Ah, me! No, you!

   And did not shoot.


   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children. Once
He was the Tversky boulevard and saw ahead of Pushkin. "Of 
course, this is no longer a child, is already a teenager - 
thought Leo Tolstoy, anyway, let me catch up and poglazhu on 
the head. "And he ran to catch up Pushkina.Pushkin same Tolstoy 
did not know the intentions, took to their heels. Running past 
the policeman, still guard order was outraged indecent rapidity

Running in a crowded place and ran rushed
followed in order to stop. The Western press
later wrote that in Russia, writers have been persecuted by the 
authorities. 


   Lermontov once bought apples, come on
Tverskaya Boulevard and began to treat the females present. All 
were taken and said "merci". When it came up with her sister 
Natalia Alexandrina, from excitement, he trembled so that the 
apple fell at her feet (Natalia, rather than Alexandrina). One 
of the dogs grabbed an apple and ran away.

Alexandrina, of course, ran after her. They
were alone - the first time in my life (Lermontov, of course, 
not Alexandrina with a dog). By the way, she (Alexandrina), it 
is not caught up. 


   Pushkin once decided to scare Turgenev
and hid on Tverskaya Boulevard under the bench. And Gogol, too, 
decided this day to scare Turgenev, Pushkin, disguised and hid 
under another lavkoy.Tut Turgenev goes. They both jump out! ..



   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children. Once
He played with them all day and was hungry.
"Sonia - he says - and, angel, do
I tyurku. "She retorts:" Lyovushka, you're
You see, I am "War and Peace" copying. "" A-aa, - he cried - so 
I know that's my literary incense more of my self. crutch And 
shivered in his feverish hand. 


   Pushkin once wrote a letter to Rabindranath Tagore. "My dear 
distant friend - wrote he - I do not know you, and you do not 
know me. I'd love to meet you. Good luck. Sasha. "


   When the letter was brought, Tagore indulged
introspection. So absorbed, though Cut
ego.Zhena pushed, pushed, slipped the letter - does not see. 
True, he read in Russian could not. Never met.



   Once, Fyodor Dostoevsky, God rest his soul, turned 150
years. He was overjoyed and gave day
rozhdeniya.Prishli to him all the writers, only
For some reason all shaved bald. One Gogol mustache drawn. 
Well, drank, ate, congratulated the newborn, the kingdom his 
soul, sat down to play whist. Passed Leo Thick - each with five 
aces. What a hell? It does not happen. "Give, brother Pushkin

better than you. "" I - he says - please rent ".
And passed. Every six aces and two
peak damy.Nu and deeds ... "Give-ka, brother
Gogol. "Gogol passed ... Well, you know ... Even
not nice to say ... somehow it turned out ..
No, really, better not.


   Once, Fyodor Dostoevsky,
God rest his soul, was sitting by the window and smoked. 
Finished his cigarette and threw it out okna.Pod window he had 
a kerosene lavka.I butt landed just in cans of kerosene. Flame, 
of course, post. In one night sex Petersburg burned. Well, they 
put it, of course. Served, left, is the first day in St. 
Petersburg, meet - Petrashevsky. Nothing he did not say just 
shook hands and eyes looked. With the value.



   Dream of one day Herzen sleep. If he immigrated to London 
and live for him there very horosho.Kupil he, like the dog 
bulldog porody.I before feisty dog ​​- not the strength. Who 
will see to that rushes. And if catch up, grabbed a 
stranglehold? everything can be ordered to flee requiem. And 
suddenly, though he is no longer in London, and Moscow. Is

the Tversky boulevard monster keeps her on a leash, and met Leo 
Tolstoy. And it must be same here the most interesting part came

Decembrists and awakened.


   Gogol only at the end of life of the soul
thinking and in his youth he does conscience
not bylo.Odnazhdy bride cards lost and
not given.


   Tolstoy lived in Pushkin Square, and
Herzen - Nikitsky Gate. Both on literary matters have often 
been on Tversky bylvare. And if the meet -

trouble: The Chase Leo Tolstoy once, yes
embed in the head with his crutch. And it also happens
that the five of us dragged, and Herzen from a fountain with 
water in a sense lead. That is why Pushkin to Vyazemsky some of 
the guests went on window sidel.Tak this house then, and called

- Herzen House.


   Once Gogol was the Tversky boulevard (in its form) and met 
Pushkin. "Hello, Pushkin, - said - that you all

da poetry writing poetry? Come join prose
write "." prose only .......... well, "said Pushkin.


   Once dressed Pushkin and Gogol
came to visit Maykovu.Maykov sat him down
in a chair and treats empty tea. "Believe
whether - he says - Alexander, a piece of
sugar in the house net.Davecha Gogol came and
all ate. "Gogol he said nothing.


   Leo Tolstoy loved to play the balalaika (and, of course, 
children), but not umel.Byvalo, wrote the novel "War and 
Peace", and he thinks: "Ten-der-day-ter-ter-day-day-day."

Or: Brame monument Dame dararam-Pam-monument ".


   Lermontov loved dogs. Yet he loved
Natalia Nikolaevna Pushkin. Just more
all he loved Pushkin himself. Read it
poetry and always plakal.Poplachet, and then pull out his sword 
and let's chop pillows. Here and beloved dog does not get 
caught by the arm - dozen or so then slaughtered. But Pushkin 
nor on What was not crying. No way.



   Once Gogol, Pushkin, dressed, pulled on top of lion's skin 
and went to a masquerade. Fyodor Dostoevsky, God rest his soul, 
and saw him and shouted: "I bet Leo Tolstoy" I bet Leo Tolstoy! 
" 


   Once Chernyshevsky saw from the window
your attic, as Lermontov jumped to
horse and shouted: "In the mall!" "So what? -
Chernyshevsky thought - that, God willing, the revolution will 
be, then I call out. "And he began to rehearse in front of a 
mirror, repeating at different manners: "The Passage. In 
passazhzh. In passazhzhzh.V anssazhzhzh.V 
PA-PASS-A-A-A-AZHZHZH!" 


   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children. Morning
wake up, catch someone and pats on
head, until summoned to breakfast.


   Dostoevsky once clogged nostril. Began to blow - burst in 
the membrane uhe.Zatknul tube - proved to be large, fractured 
skull ... contact rope - looks mouth is not opened. Then he 
woke up in disbelief, God rest his soul. 


   Gogol read the drama of Pushkin's "Boris Godunov" and 
saying: "Ah yes Pushkin, indeed, son of a bitch." 


   Fyodor Dostoevsky passionately
loved life, God rest his nebesnoe.Ona it
however, not spoiled, so he is often sad. Those to whom life 
was smiling (for example, Leo Tolstoy) did not appreciate it, 
constantly distracted by other things. For example, Lev Tolstoy 
was very fond of children. They hid his boyalis.Oni from him 
under the bench and whispered there: "Robya, you do worry - yet 
how fuck a crutch! "Kids love Pushkin. They said: "He's 
hilarious. Funny like that." And chasing a flock of them. But 
Pushkin was not to children. He liked one house in Tver

Boulevard, one window in this house. He could sit for hours on 
the wide windowsill, drinking tea, look at the boulevard. One 
day, going to the house, he looked up at his window, saw ... 
sebya.S whiskers, with a ring on the big paltse.On, of course, 
understood who it is. And you?



   Leo Tolstoy once said of Dostoevsky, God rest his soul: "It 
is true that Pushkin - a bad poet? "" true "- I wanted to answer

Dostoevsky, but he remembered that he had not opened his mouth 
since he tied a cracked skull, and said nothing. "Silence gives 
consent," - said Leo Tolstoy and ushel.Tut Fyodor Mikhailovich, 
God rest his Heaven, I remember that all of this he dreamed

in a dream, but it was too late.


   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children. Sometimes
lead to the office about six, all apportion. And it must be the 
same: eternally Herzen no luck - then nitty get, the biting. 
But try wince - enough for a crutch.



   Once dressed Pushkin and Gogol
came to visit Vyazemskomu.Vyglyanul the window and sees: 
Tolstoy, Herzen crutch Lupit, a range of kids are, laughing. He 
regretted Herzen and wept. Then Vyazemsky realized

that before him was not Pushkin.


   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children, and all his
was not enough. Will complete the room, step
step into nowhere, and he screams: "More!" More! "


   Pushkin was often at Vyazemsky long
sitting on the window. Saw and knew everything. He
knew that Lermontov loves his wife. Therefore,
He considered not quite appropriate to give him
liru.Dumal Tiutchev send abroad - is not
allowed, they said, is not subject, has an artistic tsennost.A 
Nekrasov him as the man did not like. He sighed and left lira 
at home. 


   One day during lunch Sofia Andreyevna
gave a plate of lush, hot, fragrant cutlets. Leo Tolstoy was as 
angry: "I, - he cried, doing samusovershenstvovaniem. I do not 
eat more rice cutlets. Had made the food of the gods to feed 
people. 


   Pushkin was not something that is lazy and prone to
dreamy contemplation. Turgenev was the same terrible busybody, 
always obsessed with a thirst for action. Pushkin these often 
abused. Sometimes, lying on the sofa, is Turgenev. Pushkin him: 
"Ivan Sergeevich, not in service, and friendship - not for a 
beer will run?" AND immediately back to sleep peacefully. 
Knows: no was no case that Turgenev returned. That zabezhit 
somewhere to sign a petition, then Civil panihidu.A then 
chegonibud scared and go away to Baden-Baden. No beer is 
Pushkin was not afraid to stay. Thank God, serfs were. It was, 
whom to send. 


   Turgenev, moreover, that by nature was
timid, it still Pushkin and Gogol quite zatyukali: wake up 
screaming at night: "Man ma!" Especially in old age.



   Pushkin was the Tversky boulevard
met a beautiful lady. Winked at her, and she
zahohochet as: "Do not be fooled - he says Nikolai, better to 
give three rubles, that just now in Burime lost." Pushkin 
guessed what had happened. "Do not give up - he says - a fool." 
Tongue and fled. That Gogol was then ...



   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children and adults could not 
stand, especially Herzen. As sees and rushes with a crutch and 
all Eye strives, in his eyes. And he pretends that

does not notice. Says: "Oh, Tolstoy, oh, Tolstoy ..."


   Once dressed Pushkin, Gogol, and
pinned above the mask and went to the masquerade. Here to it 
pretty podporhnula lady, dressed Bayadera, and slipped him a 
note. Gogol reads and thinks: "If it's me Gogol as that, I ask, 
should I do? If it is I like to Pushkin as a man honest, I can 
not use it. What if it's just a joke of the young establishment,

pampered public worship? Well
her. "threw the note in the trash.


   Once dressed Pushkin and Gogol
came to visit Derzhavin Gavrila Romanovich. The old man, 
convinced that in front of him and Pushkin is indeed converging 
in the coffin, and blessed him.



   Turgenev wanted to be brave like Lermontov and went to buy a 
sword. Pushkin walked past the shop and saw him in okno.Vzyal 
and cried on purpose: "Look, Gogol (a no Gogol with him was 
not), look, see-ka, Turgenev saber buys, we let you buy a gun. 
"Turgenev was frightened and That night went to Baden-Baden.



   Leo Tolstoy and Fyodor Dostoevsky, God rest his soul, to 
argue, who Best Novel napishet.Sudit invited Turgenev. Tolstoy 
ran home, locked himself in study, and soon began writing a 
novel - about children, of course (he loved them very much). 
Dostoevsky sits at home and thinks: "Turgenev - a timid man. He 
now sits at home and thinks:" Dostoevsky - nervous, if I I will 
say that his novel is worse, he can kill. "What can I try?" All 
my money soon will be. " (This is the Dostoyevsky thinks). A 
hundred rubles argued. But Turgenev was sitting at this time 
for yourself and think: "Dostoevsky - people nervous. If I say 
that His novel is worse, he can kill. On the other hand, 
Tolstoy - graph. Also better not to contact. And the hell with 
them all. "And in the same night went to Baden-Baden.



   Fyodor Dostoevsky, the kingdom
his soul, too, was very fond of dogs, but was
painfully proud and hide it (about
dogs), so no one could say that he
mimics Lermontov. About him and so
much to say.


   Once, Fyodor Dostoevsky,
God rest his soul, caught in the street cat. He had a live cat 
for a novel. Poor animal nutrition, squealed, croaked and

rolled his eyes, and then pretended mertvym.Tut he was bitten 
in his otpustil.Obmanschik turn a poor writer in the leg and

skrylsya.Tak and remained non-embodied the best
Dostoevsky's novel "The poor animals. About cats.


   Leo Tolstoy was very fond of children, and wrote
about them stihi.Stihi these copied into a separate 
tetradku.Odnazhdy after tea supplies notebook to his wife: 
"Take a look, Sophie, however, Pushkin's better?" - And he 
keeps behind his crutch. She read it and said: "No, Lyovushka, 
much worse." Whose is it? " Here he is her on the head - bang! 
Since then he has always relied on her literary tastes. 


   Once Gogol wrote roman.Satiricheskiy.Pro a good man who has 
fallen the camp to camp Kolymu.Nachalnika name

Nikolay Pavlovich (an allusion to the king). And here he is
by criminals poison of this good man and make it smerti.Gogol
called the novel "A Hero of Our Time." signed: "Pushkin." And 
Turgenev carried to printed in the magazine. Turgenev was a man

robkiy.On read the manuscript, and covered with cold sweat. 
Decided, rather, its otredaktirovat.I otredaktiroval.Mesto 
action moved to the Caucasus. Inmate replaced ofitserom.Vmesto 
criminals had become pretty girls, and they do not hurt the 
hero, and he them. Nikolai Pavlovich he renamed

Maksim Maksimovic. Crossed Pushkin and
wrote "Lermontov". Quickly sent the manuscript to the editor, 
wiped sweat from his forehead and went to bed. Suddenly, in his 
sweet dream pierced by a nightmarish thought. Name. Name 
something he has not changed! Immediately, almost no dressing, 
he went to Baden-Baden. 


   Pushkin came to the Tversky boulevard and saw Chernyshevsky. 
Crept up and go back. Reaching past the writers Pushkin bow, and

Chernyshevsky thinks - he; raduetsya.Dostoevsky was - bowed 
Pomyalovsky, Grigorovich - bow, Gogol was - laughing and a 
handle made hi - too nice, Turgenev - reverans.Potom Pushkin 
went to Vyazemsky tea. And then towards Tolstoy was still 
young, beardless, in epoletah.I not looked even. Chernyshevsky 
later wrote in diary: "All Writers haroshii and Tolstoy -

Hamm. Patamushto Graff. "


   Lermontov was in love with Natalia Nikolaevna Pushkin, but 
not spoken to her or once. One day he brought all his dogs on

Tver bulvar.Nu, they, naturally, squeal,
bite him, just ispachkali.A then she meet with her sister 
Alexandrina. "Look, he says - some hunting complicate life for 
themselves. It's better to keep the kids more." Lermontov 
already spat himself. "Well, fool, me such a gift and do not! 
"Since then, and not wanted more to take her to the Caucasus.



   Nicholas I wrote a poem on the birthday of the empress. 
Begins: "I remember a wonderful moment ... "and so on. There 
came to him and read Pushkin. A evening in the cabin had 
Zenaida Volkonskaya through these poems a great success, giving 
them