Seven and 1 / 2 - Jokes about programmers.

<b>Seven and 1 / 2</b> - Jokes about programmers.

AY-Track: by Max / CBX / BD, 18.12.98.
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(C) Design Sutdio 1998

    MOSAIC 1998
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        Jokes about PROGRAMMERS

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   The inscription on the tomb of programmers:
Cause of death: Run-time error at 18:12:97
Cause of Birth: GPF at: 18:12:97


   The programmer sets himself on the bedside table before 
going to bed two glasses. One with water - for case, if he 
wants to drink at night. A second empty - in case you do not 
want to. 


   The zoo child excitedly jabbing
finger at the cage with primates, shouting:
- Mom! Mom! Look - the programmers!
- Why are you agreed?
- They are like my father! - Not washed, shaggy and corn to the 
pope! 


   Programmer wife tells her husband:
- Honey, I want a baby!
- Lie down, schA proinstalliruem!


   Got into the car, a programmer, and a new Russian 
metalworker. Plants - will not start. Fitter and says:

- I now you look what happened, everything is done,
and go.
New Russian says:
- Sit down, I am now on a cellular call, a team coming artists 
and all rapidly done. A programmer and says:

- Maybe all got out and AGAIN
Upload?


   At work, lost programer. Day gone,
two. Calls does not answer. Well decided to check that you are 
coming from. Came to his house, and there in the cold tub sits 
a bald programmer with a half-empty shampoo bottle in his hand. 
Robbed him of the bottle and read the instructions: - Apply to 
wet hair; - Lather;

- Wait;
- Wash;
- Repeat.


   Programmer saw a UFO:
- Someone's drive flew ...

Question: How many programmers have to

        screw a light bulb?
Answer: None. This is a hardware problem,

       Programmers do not solve them.

People sign: if a programmer at 09.00
am at work, so he spent the night there ...

- Mayonezzzzz ezzzz?
- Ezzzz ...
- Rulezzzz ...


   Girl-programmer goes to the tram, reading a book. The old 
woman stares at the girl, looks at the book, crosses and runs 
in terror at the next stop. A girl reading a book "The Language 
of Hell." 


   Georgian family, Dad programmer.
Son:
- Dad, what is the OS, it is the same striped flies?
- Nat, sonny, this is Stuck, which is divided in half will 
receive trash huzhee than striped flies! 


   Programmer sits deep in debugging.
Suitable son:
- Dad, why the sun rises every day
in the east, and sits on the west?
- You've tested it?
- Check it out.
- Well tested?
- Okay.
- Works?
- Works.
- Every day work?
- Yes, every day.
- Then, for God's sake, son, do not touch
nothing changes.


   Music lover, an alcoholic, and programmers were asked what 
they would do if they suddenly woke up in the 80-year ...

Music fan would have gone to save John Lennon.
The alcoholic would be bathed cheap vodka.
A programmer would be hanged ... Why?
And that, again, for the EU to sit down?


   Engine room RISS.
For pishmashkoy (it's such silnoozvuchennye
displays were ESkah) sits Kostya Talnishnih systems analyst. 
Chef leads a tour of the mashzalu and with a very solid kind of 
explains: - This is the system input ...

- This is the system output ...
- This is the system processor ...
- This is the system console ...
- This is a system programmer ...


   As programmers remember the numbers:

                345-23-12?

        Verification symma equal to 2.


   As a programmer catches a lion in the desert:
Fence partitions off the desert in two;
/ * Leo is one of the resulting
halves * /
While (Lev is caught) {
Partition off a part that contains the lion's intake in half;}


   Real Programmers think that ...
- 1 km 1024 m;
- 24 hours in a day or 3 bytes;
- As a result of the transition from 16 bit apps to 32 bit, 
ob'em "War and Peace not to double;

- "On order" - this twice;
- A. Bits also wrote the program;
- BMP - not fighting machine, and the bitmap in the Wind;
- Reset - not a button, and a bitter necessity;
- Carrots and sticks - the algorithm described in Knuth's 
famous monograph, and later modified carrot; - Mr. X - a 
magazine for fans of X Windows;

- SS10 - it's not a rocket, and the workstation;
- Company "Memory" SIMMami not trade;
- The popularity of the program is inversely proportional to 
the number of its functions were - The program is completed 
when the customer paid the bill; - These programs have never 
written for money.



   All real programmers are divided into
three categories: those who wrote the program,
terminated by pressing F10, Alt-F4, Alt-X.
All other principles of division are far-fetched.


   Are two programmer on the beach.
One another:
- Look what the clouds.
Other:
- Yes, it is they know how!


   Programer comes home at night all in
blood and without arms. The wife asks:
- What happened dear??
Programer:
- Yes, so in the cooler was sucked ...


   Sits a programmer, you know, programs. Behind suitable wife 
(mistress girl-friend - optional) and says:

- Honey, I'm pregnant!
He is not looking up from klavmatury:
- Abort, Retry, Ignore?


   In the audience peeks his head (in appearance not covcem 
sober) and proiznocit: - Ick! It tect! I have seen!



   Sit two (II) rogrammera office.
Bang - a phone call, on the wire (W) effect:
(R) - Well, guys, what do you do?
(II) - Goat hammered!
(R) - The domino playing?
(R) - Yes neeeee - in DOOM!


   One programmer comes to another:
- Listen, you have a random number generator
numbers?
He is not turning:
- 179


   Talking two programmers.
- What programmer differs from the usual
death?
- And that, in a position to answer the question, which has 
already concluded the answer. - How is that?

- Well, for example, answer the question: how many
will be 2x2 = 4?
- Naturally - TRUE!


   Stand the old and the young prostitute
line of duty. Old explains it all - who come to the wrong 
people ... At dawn, suddenly, out of office doors unsteadily 
leaves a man, his hair disheveled, eyes red ...

Young:
- Oh, what is it with him?
Old:
- Do not pay attention. This is his, the programmer. ALSO ALL 
NIGHT FUCK! 


   Hence it was like. Comes one programmer to another to work 
at night and sees a picture. His friend in the empty office is 
near the computer and keeps all ten fingers on keyborde on 
screen naked a woman, a friend of his foot, incredibly 
izvernuvshis trying to pull the power cord computer from the 
outlet. Then he saw another yes as zaoret wild voice:

- Pull the damn cord!
Well, he pulled the cord, asked what happened then? He says:
- Bring me today some new antivirus software I run it, he 
checked all the and says that you are all normal and then:

"Want to see a naked woman or?" Well
I told him: "Of course!" He writes: "Click
ten keys. "So I clicked.
Then leaves the screen naked woman, and below
inscription: "Let at least one - Format
hard drive ". Well, I tried to nose Reset
press - has not turned a button small
however, caught ....


   Two programmers go to a crowded
bus.
One - to another:
- What I've got to pisyukom! (Crowd fades)
- And what happened to him?
- Yes often arises ...
- Can a virus?
- Yes checked all sterile ...
- A well-hung?
- Sturdy, three fingers will not help ...


   There comes a plumber (C) to the programmer (P)
fix clogged sink.
(C) starts poking around in the sump ...
P-Do you then from the network all the screw falls.
That zabilo ...
U-bolt should put more?
C-Net, the screw must be cut down at all to hell
mother.


   The programmer went to buy a sweater, but
sweaters were inappropriate colors.
- Nothing - thought programmer. - Attending
home, just change the palette!


   Sochi. Beach. Lie on it two stunned
beautiful girls. Going by the guy I saw
such beauties, he stopped and asked:
- Girls, What's your name?
Silence.
- Girls, and where you come from?
Silence.
- Girls, what are you doing tonight?
One turns to him and says:
- Young man, where do you work?
- Programmer.
- Imagine a young man, that's
you come to rest, came to the beach and
are solid computers!
- Y-y, kicks!