Review - INTERCESSION HEIR, KARNOV, PYRACURSE, AFTER THE WAR PART-I, FRIGНTMARE, STAR FORCE, COВRA, ВLOСК ВUSTERS, GUNSНIP, ВURROWS.

  Today's traditional review will be
 consist not of new games, but of games that have been around for a long time
 done. Why?  - you ask. Then -
 we will answer.
  Usually when in computer humor
 ical magazine we are talking about a review
 new games, the parody begins immediately -
 a comprehensive review of non-existent games (see
 for example, the April issue of Spectrofon).
  We decided to be a little more original and
 don’t invent a bicycle, but take it already
 commercial jokes from game descriptions. And so that
 Don’t dig through the archives for too long, we took on
 review of collections of descriptions of games from the company "VA-
 PRINT", which has long become famous not only
 ko in Moscow and its environs, but also a little
 further.
  Collections of games from this company are characterized by
 which looks like it was done in haste, but
 quite reasonable. The publishers decided that there would be




 it’s easier to reprint a description from some
 some Western magazine than to invent
 ourselves, but more on that a little later...
  But I think enough of the ranting, and
 It's time to move on to reviewing games from "VA-
 PRINT" with my comments.

  It is impossible not to note the resourcefulness of their re-
 translators who translated into Russian
 everything, even the names of the heroes, is not re-
 leading what should be translated into
 first of all.
             
 INTERCESSION HEIR
 ----------------------------------------
 (manufacturer, of course, does not indicate
  zana.)

 In this one you will play the role of Ivan the Tsar
 vicha.You will need to get to your




bride of Vasilisa the Beautiful (yes, translation-
The guys did their best. From where in England
Should Vasilisa take it?  A in Russia omi
yes!   So everything is correct...),
having gone through many difficulties.
 ........................
(the following is a brief description, ending with
like this :)
...Thanks to your reaction and your up-
To rule as a hero, you will still get to
his bride. (Attention!)
             MANAGEMENT



(Understood? Let me explain. The translation seems to be exhausted-
beautifully translated, and the menu is written...
correctly, in English. Fortunately,
Sinclairist speaks at least some English
PRESS ANY KEY level, otherwise...)




                  KARNOV 
 ----------------------------------------

 (Surely many played. Did you know who
 was the main character?)

  TravelTaras Bulba in a fairytale
 kingdom...
 (So that's it! That's what I'm looking at - someone
 then the hero reminds me! But on the other hand,
 Ron, it is immediately clear that those who wrote that
 description at least I saw the game
 in itself is good. )

  A short digression from the "descriptions" (I
 I put quotation marks because my comments
 There are more descriptions of Tarii, but
 that's right.).Another joke in life
 There are a huge number of descriptions of "VA-PRINT"
 typos. I understand there is little time to type




 a lot, no proofreader, but sometimes such things
 cabbage soup skips...

                 PYRACURSE 
 ----------------------------------------

  I have set the codes of eternal lives in this
 game: the trick is done through rock
 562789.0 ( poor lovers of immortality
 game. For a long time they could not understand the wrong
 Why is ROKE written with a small letter, and
 why such a strange number, and, most importantly
 It's offensive, the computer swears at him
 In Integer Out Of Range ,10:1.)
 Here are some highlights of the game:
 1...
 2... (this way I save space)
 W...
 4...
 5...




 (and brilliant ending)
 Ugh! I had no idea that this game is so...
 what kind. (That's right, no need to play with it -
 fight and in general it’s better not to play, but to write
 BASIC programs are more useful for organiza-low...)

           AFTER TNE WAR PART-I
 ----------------------------------------

  This is an interesting "karazhem" game. (Here
 here I always tried to understand what it meant -
 loves this word. Perhaps it was a word
 "karateshny", but then it turns out that in
 one fairly simple word allowed
 two gross mistakes at once. Strange.)
 You are walking through a city destroyed after the war.
 kind, (original link to the name)
 where you are constantly attacked by dozens
 jocks. They throw grenades at you from the windows of houses.




 Nats with delayed fuses. Choice
 the blows are very wide. You have to use your legs
 act more often than with your hands, but your
 strength would be the envy of Arnold Schwarze-
 nneger (although as far as I remember, his last name is
 lia is spelled a little differently, but maybe
 Am I wrong?) - one blow is enough,
 to kill the enemy, but from grenades
 need to run away.
  In the second part of the game (well, it’s always like this
 - it is written in the title that this is the first
 part, and here also as free
 applications-second) you have a super-
 the machine gun you use to shoot
 up, because the survivors are jocks with
 the first part got into flying saucers and
 they bombard you from the air.(interesting
 connection with the first part - isn't it? I
 I suspect it'ssomeone wrote the description
 from Warprintovites, since it’s like this abroad
 It’s unlikely that anyone will come up with...)



 Management... (nothing further interesting
 not in this description.)

  Here's another interesting example.

                FRIGHTMARE 
 ----------------------------------------

 You have been thrown onto another planet! On it
 there are a lot of scary creatures that you...
 crawl out of the ground, walk and fly and everything
 time is trying to kill you!
  Your task is to find out the secret code! For
 this requires collecting vases and other
 items!  In the lower room you will find a writing
 gun, and cartridges for it are everywhere! When re-
 in the Lost and Found the hero should be to the right of
 items. Found "golden" rings
 prolong life!
 CONTROLS:STANDARD SET.




 (Do you understand? I’ll explain. Count how much
 sentences do not end with an exclamation
 body sign. Have you calculated? That's the same!)

  Another category of jokes in the description-
 it is the absence of description as such. I
 without any comments I will give you two
 descriptions, and think about whether you understand how
 play this game.

                STAR FORCE 
 ----------------------------------------

  The situation with thisthe game is something like this
 the same as with TASK FORCE, and since it is
 launched by MASTERTRONIC, further
 The course of our thoughts is obviously clear to you.
 assign keys in the game to TRONIC and
 get an additional bonus.





                  COBRA
 ----------------------------------------

 The game has not yet been mentioned in our reviews
 Ziyah, that's why this review represents
 interest for those who have this game. When
 You started the game (tossed a coin),
 try to press the keys at the same time
 viature "M" and "N". Now with your free hand
 (if one hand is not occupied) press
 "space". Having done this successfully, you will have
 there was an opportunity to “cheat” the game,
 since this slows down the game and you have
 there is an opportunity to do something. What
 touches "S", you will find that this function-
 tion only works if connected
 motion of your joystick.



  What to do in these games according to the description -
 it’s not clear. But on the other hand, given
 some tips on immortalization
 (is this true???) games. And finally, two
 the biggest jokes reprinted from
 some English magazine, where, judging by
 cheerful people are sitting everywhere, and our
 the drivers, not understanding them, translate everything into
 series, while maintaining all the vocabulary.BLOCK BUSTERS (excerpts) 
 ----------------------------------------

  I had a problem with Block Busters.
 This problem - Bob Holness, TV presenter
 vision show. He... how would this be more precise
 say? He made me yiiiiiiygggggg-
 hahahahahahhh!!!
 ...This is the game. Just like in the television
 option, you answer the presenter’s questions




 go Bob'a Holness'a.Each correct from-
 vet lights a regular hexagon in
 matrix 5*5. If you have lit a whole
 line of hexagons, then you win-
 tel. When you answer, you put his code
 (one character) in the center of the hexagon.
 This is how the current year begins modestly
 majestic Blockbuster, which served
 told us the legendary phrase 'Can I
 make a pee-pee. Bob?'(Can I Have a P
 please Bob?)...
 ...As the game progresses, many questions are asked,
 and it really contains
 "animated" Bob. Well, what else is there.
 Personally, I think its duration is
 about three minutes (if you do not take into account the pe-
 times when you have to see how
 excited Bob goes crazy).




             GUNSHIP (excerpts) 
 -----------------------------------------

  This game that madeowners
 Commodore (ugh, what disgusting!) is happy -
 grunting a lot for the last year
 or so has finally been moved to
 Spectrum.And now we can feel the ra-
 to achieve a real Commie attack...
 ...In fact, takeoff is another
 obstacle.You will need to walk over
 explaining the principles of flight and describing
 equipment before you turn
 into the chop, immediately after turning on the engine -
 body.Then with the joystick between the legs (which
 obscenity! -translator) and a cigar between
 teeth, turn on the rotors, chat with the equipment
 page, and you're already flying...





  By the way, my comments are here
 it wasn’t, so think for yourself. That’s it for me,
 I'll probably say goodbye to you for dessert
 I will offer a short description - a record holder,
 the shortest description I've ever seen
 me.
                   
 BURROWS
 ----------------------------------------
 A rabbit is digging a hole. He is being chased by spiders.
 He can only kill them by crushing them with a stone.
 lump to the ground.Additional points for
 early diamonds.
 ----------------------------------------

 Review by: OLEG FRYAZINOV.

  All descriptions are taken from the books "500 Games"
 (publisher"VA-PRINT") with saving
 vocabulary and spelling of the original.