Deadly disease - How to alleviate the suffering of loved ones who are passing away...

                                                                
(c) Olga Ivleva                                                
                                                                
                                                                
          C M E R T E L b n A I AM SICK b                
                                                                
                                                                
   How to alleviate the suffering of loved ones who pass away...        
                                                                
                                                                
            There is a terminally ill man in the house...              
        These are the doors through which the family              
        real grief comes. Here in Russia for              
        the last ten years growth curve              
        mortality rate has risen sharply. reasons              
        obvious, but this does not diminish the trouble itself.              
        What to do, what to be prepared for and how              
 behave to make it easier for yourself, and              
        most importantly, to the dying person himself, the last              
        months, weeks, perhapsdays of life? These              
        questions according to the sad              
        statistics are relevant today for everyone              
        fifth Russian family...                               
                                                                
                                                                
    It is clear that when a person who believes in God dies,
the problem largely resolves itself: religious people
perceive their last illness as the time given to them by the creator
for the final stage of preparation for meeting him. About whether they are right
they are a separate conversation. it is much more important to discuss the situation of dying
man, neither in God, nor in general in the life of his personality after
who does not believe in death.  In any country in the world today there are such
much more than religious ones.                                
                                                                
                                                                
    Russia is far from being in first place in terms of the number of people living
and, naturally, the atheists dying in it: the leader is here, even if
At first glance, this seems strange, America. Apparently
the intensified worship of scientific and technical
progress, which has proven itself constant and very noticeable
increaselevel of everyday life.  For the sake of fairness
to say that over the last 10-15 years in the States the number of fans
absolute and crude materialism has ceased to grow and even
there has been a tendency towards their reduction. for now - not at the expense of religion,
but rather, due to the American fascination with parapsychology,
occultism, magic. What will this lead to in the coming years?
not clear.  but it is clear why American researchers
doctors and representatives of allied health professions are the first to
world began to study not just the phenomenon of death, but
developed a whole method of behavior of others with deadly
sick person.                                              
                                                                
                                                                
    first of all, they needed to find out and study what exactly
worries the patient so much, what exactly is he afraid of, what
he lacks and wants: after all, every person has worries and
your problems!   in addition, almost everyone who dies
is in a state of emotional loneliness, feels
abandoned.  Relatives or visitors (if he dies in hospital) do not
know how to behave, prefer not to speak 
topic, because they themselves are afraid not only of death, but of anythoughts about
her.   thus, a real
a conspiracy of silence precisely at the moment when it is more acute for him than
whenever in life, you need frank, sincere
sympathy.  in this case, of course, you cannot bury a person
ahead of schedule. If the right words are not found, the best thing is though
I would like to sit next to you silently, because it’s good, dictated
With true love, silence also gives birth to what the patient needs
sympathy and intimacy, and the right words as a result are required
they will come. All this is very difficult, but quite possible.               
                                                                
    Chicago doctors who developed a method of behavior with
terminally ill people, their condition is distinguished into five
stages.                                                         
                                                                
                                                                
                  the first stage is denial...                  
                                                                
                                                                
    The terrible fact is not perceived by consciousness and is denied by it:
  This stage is urgently needed because
softens the shock of what happened, otherwise it would have happened
unbearable for the human psyche. u here the task of loved ones is
understand and share with a person, albeit unfounded, but
the necessary hope for the best, support it.                   
                                                                
    but the shock gradually subsides and is replaced by anger.
                                              
                                                                
                                                                
                  The second stage is protest...                    
                                                                
                                                                
    indignation is often directed against fate, against God,
which turns out to be so unfair... against God? but after all
We are talking about people who do not believe in him!  Yes.  u nevertheless
American scientists for several years of their research have not
found not a single case in which a dying person did not
spoke, albeit with anger and pretensions, specifically about God and with
By God.  Why?  not becausewhether that is at the last stage of life
the religious instinct flares up and becomes obvious in everyone
person?  Including those in whose souls he dozed everything
previous years?  but finally, as you see, it does not disappear in any
whom, which in itself can serve as brilliant proof:
God really exists, our personality, soul is His creation and
always preserves the memory of its Creator.                         
                                                                
    many people close to the dying person have similar outbursts of the patient
can outrage him, force him to condemn him, internally blaming him for
selfishness or "blasphemy". but this is a fundamentally wrong attitude.
you need to know and remember that this stage is for almost anyone
person is inevitable.  It is indeed very difficult, but more often
everything goes by pretty quickly.                                 
                                                                
                                                                
            the third stage is a request for a deferment...              
                                                                
                                                                
    the fact of dying is somehow accepted.  thin thread
hope - the idea that God still exists(or Fate, or
Supreme Intelligence, etc.).  u now the patient is already entering into a mental state
(sometimes out loud) dialogue with him, although never before, perhaps
didn’t even try to pray, without experiencing any
needs.  With childish despair, He promises Him to become better,
it would be kinder if he gets a reprieve, if from Above they give at least more
a little time. the beginnings of faith come, because to become better -
means first of all to begin to live according to religious commandments.
the moment has come when close people, especially if they themselves
believers can finally really help a dying person by calling on
help everything that religion knows about death (and it knows very much
a lot), introducing the patient to this knowledge, reading to him
relevant books.                                          
                                                                
    Well, what if those around you are also atheists, as happens in
most cases? Now is the opportunity to call for help
science is the idol of any modern person. because exactly
scientists - doctors, physicists and biologists - fifteen years ago
proved the fact that death is not the end of a person’s life, but
only its transition to other conditions of existence, that the soul is
eternal substance. Today, in every country in the world there are books by Moody,
Richie and many, many other scientists dedicated to thisproblem.
u nevertheless, even in such a “good situation” the fourth
a stage, far from being as prosperous as the third, is inevitable for
everyone...                                                      
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                                                                
                The fourth stage is depression...                 
                                                                
                                                                
    The patient becomes weaker day by day and sees this. .  protest takes the place of grief and self-pity. but
at the same time regret about his bad deeds, about the fact that
I once offended someone (this especially applies to loved ones).
The dying person tries, if possible, to make amends for the harm he has caused.
And therefore, he is already preparing to accept death. He is increasingly
I wantto be alone, he does not like visitors - idle talkers,
because he doesn’t want to be distracted by anything extraneous:
finished with earthly worries, a person plunges into himself...
Give him this opportunity, be patient, encourage him to
help yourself from God and your own wisdom, the knowledge that this stage
inevitable, it cannot be avoided.                                     
                                                                
                                                                
                  fifth stage - acceptance...                    
                                                                
                                                                
    This stage is the last.  The meaning of what the dying person experiences:
. This is not a state of happiness, but
and there is no obvious, strong unhappiness here either. There is detachment
which means gradually increasing calm.  in fact,
the patient in the final stage overcomes the fear of death and,
perhaps for the first time in his entire life he finds urgently needed
for a person’s communication with God, the quality is humility, about which
inevitably comes up in any great world religion.            
                                                                
    at this last stage it is especially necessaryhelp from loved ones.
A dying person is able to be alone, but it is much easier for him when
someone, especially someone close to you, is nearby.                           
                                                                
                                                                
    of course, the stages of the dying process described by American
by researchers, only a diagram.  They don't always go to
in the specified order. besides, we are not talking here about the victims of a sudden
death - for example, as a result of a disaster or accident
case.  Finally, mention has already been made of people of faith, such as
old peasants in the memoirs of Ephraim from "Cancer Ward"
Solzhenitsyn.  as a rule, they do not go through preliminary
stages of dying.  because long before the discoveries of modern
scientists knew from religion that after death bodies will live on
and probably much better than now. that's why from the very beginning
they are not afraid of a disease whose outcome there is no need to hide from them
death and greet it calmly. in the same way, those who
who have been beyond the boundaries of our world, but returned thanks to the efforts
resuscitators, having experienced the entire process of dying and death. One of
them, for example, said: “If it was death, then it’s completely
not bad!>                                                       
                                                                
    American medical researchers draw from their observations
There is one more, very important conclusion for the dying.  Deadly
illness, they believe, changes a person’s character so much that
so reveals and manifests previously unusual or
hidden qualities of the soul that cannot be misunderstood: it is given from Above
also as the most important stage in personal development.                   
                                                                
    Most people, according to doctors, change
clearly for the better. although some part of those locked in
its resentment and bitterness, increasing both of them, too
yes.  but there are fewer of them.  As a very typical example
is given in the book "Death - the last stage of growth" (Chicago,
1998) the story of a very rich American woman who fell ill
at b5 years old with incurable cancer.                                     
                                                                
                                                                
    tough, dry, demanding and capricious, always to everyone
dissatisfied, she managed in a short time to bring the entire staff
hospitals until complete exhaustion.  They didn't love her, they tried
avoid.but as the disease progressed, she suddenly began
soften, become friendlier and kinder.  the last one for her
It was not at all common before. even the voice changed, becoming
from shrill to deep and soft.  She stopped fighting
For the first time in her life she said she made friends. u shortly before death
one of them that for the last three months she lived better than everyone else
past years, and terribly regrets that only now I realized how
I really should have lived...                                    
                                                                
                                                                
    irony of fate?  Not at all. The consequence of a serious illness is always
also the fact that a person (in most cases for the first time in life)
freed from conventions, which means to a greater extent
becomes himself, getting the opportunity to look into
own soul. This is what is most necessary and sufficient
a condition under which everything that is hidden in it at the very depths, in
very hiding places, became clear, finally defining the path that
chose personality in its development while living on earth.               
                                                                
    the path she has to follow and develop further after
how a step beyond the material world will bedone...