Shadow - I sat and waited. The wait, I must admit, had been going on for a long time. my last cigarette flew down like a red light.

Psychoz #05
                                                                
(с) Steelzer^triumph                                            
                                                                
                                                                
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    I sat and waited. The wait, I must admit, had been going on for a long time. mine
The last cigarette flew down like a red light. I released
several smoky rings, moved closer to the edge and began
test your patience.                                       
                                                                
                                                                
 Multi-colored city lights flashed in front of me. neon advertising,
headlights of lonely cars, light from rare windows... the sky was amazing
cloudless and starry.  The even crescent of the moon cast yellow
light, illuminating the narrow parapet on which I sat with my legs dangling.
Everything around me seemed so small and insignificant. Since then
since I came here, enough time had passed and deep
the darkness will soon begin its daily struggle with the rays of light oneast.  thirteenth floor, top of this corner of the world, ecstasy
life, one step to death... somewhere outside the city, in the depths of the night
hidden mountains covered with forests and a lake whose mirror
should be visible from here.  small working town, long
a ribbon of reinforced concrete, glass, plastic and people crashed into
green bosom of nature... Clean mountain air, crystal rivers,
green foliage and the sting of exhaust gases, pipes oozing slop
cities, gray, faceless boxes... u stand above it all
a person who considers it his duty to cut further and deeper
with a scalpel of the achievements of civilization, the true values of this world,
cutting off everything that was connected with it...                      
                                                                
                                                                
    Dawn was approaching.  fog appeared, descending from the mountains.
the first uncertain light began to dawn.  Soon the fog hid its
the whole city was gray, its former colors faded with iridescent blurs
the brightness of the city at night... and then I realized that I was not sitting alone. Left
the outlines of a man sitting, like me, with his legs hanging down.
It was not possible to really see him, just a blurry dark
silhouette and outline of wings folded behind my back... as soon as I
I saw him, all my doubts and fears instantlydisappeared. I knew that
this is exactly how everything should have happened - right here and now.
Something new and terribly familiar with his appearance became
absorb into me.  I kept quiet, waiting for him to be the first
phrases, and savoring a new, unprecedentedly familiar and strong state....
                                                                
    It was as if I met a painfully familiar face in the crowd and this
man, in a suit and tie, with a briefcase in his right hand too
looks at me.  He recognized me, but I didn’t recognize him. Stylish glasses,
fashionable hairstyle, expensive watch hiding behind the sleeve of a jacket -
definitely, I know him well, but I don’t really remember anything
I can.  He looks straight into my eyes with a searching gaze, that's it.
understanding, and smiles slyly. u here he stretches his strong hand
for a handshake, the cufflinks sparkle and I remember...              
                                                                
    - hello.                                                   
                                                                
    minute of silence.                                            
                                                                
    - I’ll see, you wanted to meet again. is yours exhausted?
request?- It’s still hard for me to talk to you. can't you
put the last piece of the puzzle in its place, returning
memory...                                                   
                                                                
                                                                
    Suddenly a cigarette appeared, clutched at the corner of his lips.  I
lit a cigarette, throwing the last match after the empty box.
The aroma of finely crushed tobacco leaves that have absorbed heat
the sun, the moisture of the dew and the freshness of the breeze penetrated into the lungs. nothing
changed.                                                      
                                                                
                                                                
    - Tell me how it was this time? - my silence was broken
interlocutor.  The cigarette crunched, flashing red for a second
light and everything fell into place. I am me.                    
                                                                
    - as usual.  Children's dreams, fantasies. Mother's sweetness
hugs, kindness and care that I was surrounded by. there wasn't
questions.  I lived.  then the world suddenly squeezed me with its
forged vice, destroying dreams, clampingthroat and spitting at me.
Sweetness turned into quiet sobs, fantasies shattered sharp
fragments of the realities of life, kindness smiled with a wolfish grin
hatred and anger.  Love has become a momentary passion. appeared
questions.  then madness, which threatened to resign itself to order
life... cherished answers, the desire for life and complete
indifference to everything... My eyes opened, and they were
full of sea salt... life has become like tea without tea leaves,
like dreams without dreams, like a song without words. warmth of feelings
was replaced by a coldness of reason to which everything was revealed. ALL... and here it is
I'm here.                                                        
                                                                
                                                                
    The light flew down. we sat and greeted the dawn with silence.
The East turned pink.                                               
                                                                
                                                                
 - Where, I wonder, is my soul?                               
                                                                
    - you see her quite often - I thought you would guess.I smiled at my guess. the sky is almost clear of stars,
even the moon was hidden behind a lonely cloud, but the only one
a star like a tear sparkled over the last diamond
head.  it was to her that I turned my hopes, I looked for her in moments
despair, I always recognized it... the star to which I was
chained by sleepless days... the one I called my own
name. It couldn’t be otherwise.                                  
                                                                
    -Have you decided this time?                                  
                                                                
                                                                
    I was in no hurry to answer.  silently I experienced everything again
inside, weighing your principles of life and the values of this world. u
realized that this time I definitely know the right answer.               
                                                                
                                                                
    - Tell me about me. Now I have the right to know this.          
                                                                
    the last star sparkled with a sad flash and
drowned in the rays of the sun. the fog began to thin, driven away by the cold
the breeze.  onpeople appeared in the streets, jumping out like ants
warm beds, breaking away from the comfort of home, rushing to nowhere. He
began to tell, and I, catching every word, remembered, hearing
a quiet rustling behind you.                                  
                                                                
    - you were one of the Legion. when the Forces moved the Battle to
land, you were one of the first to come here. You have your word
He turned to people and their hearts were open to him. you ruled
shared, confessed and blessed. Your gaze was directed
forward, seeing the truth.  your hand was strong, inexorable and
the swing of your sword over the heads of the infidels was inevitable. you
surrounded the creativity of people with a halo of inspiration, breathed kindness,
cleansed the dirt of vices and the growth of sins from the face of the earth. prophet and
warrior, monk and king, wanderer and martyr... but one day you
met her and the temptation of the forbidden fruit took possession of you. Passion
inflamed feelings unknown to you before, clouding your clear mind. you
tasted what was forbidden to you with her, despite any ties and
prohibitions.  And when she rejected you, you stained your sword with hers
blood... that's how I saw you for the first time. so it burned in the sky
a new star, dousing you with cold from the inside. you asked for time - I
gave it to you.  u began to come, waiting for hope
will break beforereality of life...                             
                                                                
    - when will you pick me up?                                   
                                                                
    “Today’s sunset will be especially beautiful...” and he took off
up, spreading its blue-black wings.                     
                                                                
    The sun has already left the horizon, the light has triumphed over
darkness, giving birth to a shadow. but the struggle continued and victory lived only
one day until darkness began to grow from long shadows, enveloping
a patchwork quilt of a quiet sleepy city...                       

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