Short stories heard at MIREA in
buffet "At the dead programmer" ( cor-
Pus G)
1. Transcript of the entry in the record book:
OTL - Deceived Fellow Lecturer
CHORUS - Wanted to Deceive - Saw through
UD - Left Satisfied
UNUD - Appointed E... At the Dean
2. If you are accused of lack of morality -
Or, state that you even have two of them...
Z. Don’t pull the tail if you don’t know
what's on the other end!
4. If the balance does not come right away, it means
there is a bug in it. Consequence: if ba-
Lance got it right - two mistakes.
5. Expression: went into a subroutine...
6. Who is an intelligent person?
An intelligent person is one who can
can distinguish Gogol from Hegel, Hegel from
Bebel, Bebel from Babel, Babel from Ka-
white, cable from a dog, dog from a bitch,
and a bitch from the bag. Consequence: intelligence
we call everyone a genteel person,
who distinguishes Gogol from a bag.
7. Peoples,scroll through your tickets! Not
proklotsennoy ticket - this is dumb, people:
he reduces your price by ten yuks and
leads to a rotten bazaar. And the damned one
a ticket is a cool excuse from the cops,
counters and other banter.
8. Expression: steep as the front is straight
angular pulse...
9. During the exam at MIREA, the lecturer says: -
Comrade students, listen to what
criteria will evaluate your knowledge
on this exam: a question for three - ka-
what subject did you come to take, the question is
four - what color is the cover of yours?
textbook, well, a question for the top five - who
of the teachers present here
your lecturer...
Scream from the audience: - They are cutting, godlessly
they cut!!!
1O. The hen Ryaba laid eggs for grandfather Matvey.
ko... Completely demolished, you damned one!
11. Little son came to his father
And the little one said:
- Now it would be good, grandma...
- Yes, son, not bad!
12. I issue a severe reprimand
thrust into the chest...
1Z. - And we have a tele-eye, andat yours?
- And we have a microphone: there, there and
there...
- And from our window - Red Square
visible
I'm in the optical sight
Gorbachev spotted!
14. Exam. Approaches the examiner
student who can barely stand on his feet
excessively large dose of alcohol taken
th.
- Comrade teacher, accept ek-
replacements for a drunk student!
- What are you talking about!!!
- Well, comrade teacher, perhaps-
hundred, the session is on fire!
- Young man, go home and how
you should get some sleep...
- Well, I beg you very much!
- Okay, sit down.
- Just a second. Hey r-r-guys, s-
bring it in!!!
15. Stirlitz, when things are bad
mood, hits only for sure. Bad-
ny For sure!!!
16. Questions in the questionnaire for the first department:
- Were you Jewish as a child?
- have you traveled abroad, and if
yes, then why did you come back?
17. How alivethe creature changes its
weight during the day from ZOO kg to 3 grams
?
Answer: husband In the morning his wife wakes him up: -
Get up, hippopotamus!
During the day, throwing a plate of soup on the table
pom: - Eat, dog!
In the evening, going to bed: - Go to
me, little mouse!
18. Question: what is a cyner?
Answer: tzioner is a standard, denoting
calculating the amount of intelligence concluded-
in one platium-iridium stool-
ke, stored in the Chamber of Weights and Measures in
France.
And now by analogy: what is
policeman??? (remember: milligram,
millimeter...)
19. What should an ideal wife be like?
The ideal wife must be good
b., have a large g. and hold x tightly.
Notes:
b. - grandmother
g. - living space
x. - farming
P.S. And if she also has that
what were you thinking -...
2O. Several new values are good because
words you know...
KOTOMKA - a device for measuringsop-
cat's resistance to direct current;
POTENTIOMETER - a device for measuring
the magnitude of love in men;
SPEEDOMETER (medical) - express analysis
on AIDS;
SPEEDWAY (colloquial) - woman,
sick with AIDS;
KABALDASHNIK (generally known) - hat;
BOAR is the pig's dad. His mom
although we are not pleased to offend a child -
pig!
SCREWDRIVER (student) - the answer is not relevant
society;
ZUBROVKA (student) - preparation for
exams;
CREMATED (feminine) - to smear the face
cream (at night);
SLUT (general) - loader in
store;
21. Dialogue at the airport:
- Young man, would you like a stewardess?
su" ?
- No, thank you, I’m “opal”!
- Sorry, that's not what I'm talking about...
- Me too.
22. From lectures by Grigory Olegovich Krylov
... you need to develop a program
just likestart building a house - with co-
forest...
... the red vector is green
traffic light on the road to the test... (R.S.
evil tongues claim that next
the day after this statement he drove to
red light and smashed his ma-
tire )
It's raining. A group of students led by
everything with Krylov must go to another
building of the institute. Krylov says: - What-
If you don't urinate, you and I will get through the measles
Dorami...
2Z. From the life of the AP-Z-88 group
- Felikson, don’t be silly, it’s already cold -
but!
24. A MIREA student is walking towards him
The guy is also completely drunk...
25. What is MIREA? This is Moscow
Institute for Epidemic Propagation
Alcoholism.
26. Excerpts from course projects, successful
but handed over to teachers of the department of CA and
ACS software (head of department Krylov G.O.):
- printing device (hereinafter referred to as PU)
can display information on sheet and
roll paper, heat-sensitive paper
magu, boards, rotten stumps and othercellulose points (Nikolaev I.V. Assessment
coursework: 5)
- Ronya, don’t interfere with work, otherwise I’ll
I'm about to hit you on the head with a hammer drill -
well... (Nikolaev I.V. Grade for the course -
howl: 5 )
- to anyone who reads this far,
I put a bottle of cognac... ( Author's name
lost, but some claim that
after several years of archival storage,
some meticulous teacher finished reading
still to this place, but not required
shaft his honestly earned cognac, and
created a big scandal. )
27. The inscription on the table in the audience:
- I'm getting dumber from you, matan!
Student
- You make me dumb, student!
Matan
- And I - from both of you!!!
Dean
28. What is the difference between a mat and a diamat? All
pretend that they know the diameter, but no one
doesn’t use it, and no one knows swear words, but
how popular he is!
29. Stirlitz beat for sure. Surely a dream-
started yelling loudly, but then relaxed and
fell backwards. I writhed on my back for a long time,
but soon he lost consciousness.
“This is the end,” thought Stirlitz, thrusting
right hand in pocketpants - but where
pistol? "How did he know it was me?"
- The End was surprised. "None of your damn business
" - thought the valiant Soviet intelligence officer -
chick. Suddenly he heard a piercing screech
lead Stirlitz took a step to the side.
The lead rushed by with a squeal and grunt
by. "Why are they all so alarmed-
“flies,” Isaev became interested. After
after an hour's reflection, he realized that they,
probably guessed that he was Soviet
scout. "I wonder why you-"
gave" - thought Stirlitz and corrected it to
chest recently received the Order of "Hero"
Soviet Union" headed to the Reichscan-
clerk's buffet. On the way there he looked
collapsed: the parachute was still dragging behind
his back. “Sadists,” thought Isaev,
"make agents follow me
the second day without lunch and a woman - this is us -
sinking sadism!"
ZO. Murphy's Rule: If nothing else
helps, finally read the instructions
tion. Consequence: If the test fails,
Finally, read the summary!
Z1. They say that MS-DOS is an operating system
system!!!
Z2. Do not grab with wet hands
stranded wires - they can rust!
ЗЗ. Stirlitz andMuller fired in succession
di. The line thinned, but did not disperse.
Z4. Your clock speed is lower than
processor...
Z5. In a dark park, a repeat offender
attacked a little girl. - Live - ho -
are you scratching? - he asked threateningly. - With that-
battle, or something, old goat, - contempt -
but the girl answered.
Z6. A girl is like a parachute, always better
have a spare.
Z7. Announcement: "I am compiling programs and
I move the cursor. Contact us about vector
21h after 23332 tick from the moment of loading
ki."
Share your thoughts about the article