UNIFIED THEORY
sports and recreational glue
(Essay on Applied Sociology)
"...But I love them so much,
these sharp tits and smooth butts."
K. Zvezdochetov
PART 1
Introduction
Mikhail and I are buffer workers. Buffers are a certain social
ny category of men. “It’s no secret,” Mikhail once formulated,
that the cultural level of women is on average higher than that of men in the
lu of traditional drunkenness of the latter. Thus there is a de-
there is a shortage of decent men, since a fairly large number
women cannot find a partner according to their cultural
requests. But at the same time there are people who are enoughintelligent,
and serving all this mass of unfortunate people at once, i.e. creating
like a buffer between the women themselves and their search for a husband. This and
there we are - buffer workers. To the joy of highly moral individuals, you can
It’s safe to say - there are very few of us, but we are creative people."
In particular, the goal of my research with Mikhail was street
glue (i.e. meeting women on the street) and developing basic
provisions of the theory. Street glue - unlike other types of glue
allows you to achieve the greatest freedom in choosing the contingent, because in
In other places, selection takes place based on interests. For example, in the world
The situation in rock music is generally catastrophic. As a rule, women
the women there are vile, smoky party girls, stupid and unsympathetic
tic, and there are clearly not enough of them for everyone. But there is enough everything there -
some venereal infection. Another thing is the street. The complexity of the
only affects the deep-rooted taboo on street dating, especially in
Moscow and especially at the monument to Pushkin. This is due to current
misconception that “you can’t meet a decent person on the street”
"You can do it." But for some reason you can do it in the theater. What, one might ask, is the difference?
tsa? The simple fact is that according to our statistical research
There are two prevailing methods of street glue:
The first one is for morons: “Girl, won’t you let me smoke?” or
"Girl, can you tell me what time it is?" - this is in 80% of allattempts.
Second - they sit at the other end of the bench and, having started a conversation,
say, about the weather or commenting on passers-by, or with joy:
"Girl, I saw you somewhere!" slowly begin to move the lower one
part of the body along the bench - "drift method" - 15%.
Both methods are equally doomed and equally discredit the entire
idea. In fact, street glue breaks down into a series solution
tasks, each of which implements one of the following con-
concepts.
PART 2
Basic Concepts
1. The concept of places is one of the main ones in the unified theory of sports
but - healing glue.
“You know,” Mikhail once said with a lustful gleam in his
eyes - that there are places where picking up a girl is ten times easier,
than anywhere else?"
"Surely, but where are they? Taverns are different, there are majors and a limit,
which we cannot stand."
"Do you want one thing off the top of your head? This is a movie poster at the exit from Kadashevs-
"Kih banh!"
"?" "Imagine the psychological state of a person after a bath.
The mood is great! There is time! For men, the first thought is that
Kanu! What about girls? The first step is to the poster. That's where the glue is. Check
Renault!"
The concept of places realizes the precise absence of a target setting.
These are places where people do not have a specific task, there is free
time and a little boring. These are squares, parks, boulevards, beaches, coffee
information, posters, etc. The pace of human behavior in these places varies from
the presence of the target installation is determined with a 100% guarantee.
2. General selection - based on external characteristics. According to the generally accepted five-
point system - approach girls at least 3+, based on clothing,
by manners, by the absence of a goal setting. Availability of target device
Tanki serves as a barrier to communication. People, especially girls, don't
can, as a rule, communicate normally and think about buying tights
current at the same time.
3. It is suggested that one person approach two girls. If they
two, then most likely there is no target setting, they are more
liberated. Statistics have shown that it works for singles
protective complex, because you pester one (dirty,of course-
xia), and two, by definition, cannot be pestered. There is, however,
one underwater pebble - remove the second, but this is a matter of technology. By
collected statistics, the “one to two” option is the most effective
tive. The two-for-two approach is not recommended. Beware of couples
with the ratio: 1 - 4 points, 2 - 2 points and below. Number two is wild
gets angry and prevents you from working, rightly understanding that they have approached
you are not for her sake.
4. The initial glue phase is one of the most difficult. The approach should
make natural selection - bullshit aside - show that
you have nothing in common with street thugs, definitely
to make you laugh (which means relax), you need to present yourself gently, and that’s all
this is supposedly only for her, i.e. you need to look moderately amateurish
Tski. There are two options:
a) linking the first phrase to the external situation, showing
the ability to show extraordinary optimism in everyday life,
but, alas, there may not be external events, or it may come upon you
stupa debilii;
b) preliminary preparation is more reliable, but it is necessary to issue
exemplary homework for improvisation, albeit
unrelated to the phenomena occurring around. However, it is advisable
maximumconnection to the terrain, the illusion of improvisation camouflage
This is the core of homemade preparation.
5. Communication should be natural and easy - not show off
go ahead!
b. When presenting yourself, you need to get as much information as possible about
object without betraying your professionalism.
7. Upon receipt of information, the prospects for further
th communication - the presence of a roof, social status, social circle,
moral character, intellectual level, presence of complexes.
The communication process is built from three phases: contact, control
meeting, test. There may be several control meetings - due to
necessity. Basic Rule: Never Try to Do Everything
right the first time. The control meeting is purely spiritual in nature.
ter, attempts at rapprochement in this phase are permissible only in particular
case. The test ends with sexual intercourse. If the object deserves it
lives, you need to get the maximum number of leads -
telephone, home and work, place of work (study), end time
work (study) - i.e. rigid circles in which an object walks
This is necessary in case of a breakdown on one of the circles - for example,
error (intentional orrandom) in the phone number. At the same time
meeting after work (study) - not before! - produces positive -
real impression. In particularly difficult cases, you can use
The rule is that the process is easier the longer it is extended over time. Mo-
It’s important to start to become familiar, to sit on the tail. If it's everlasting
oncoming - ride nearby without attempting contact.
For this purpose, strict circles “from work”, “to work” are needed. B
in case of failure (object failure, complexity of the situation), note the time
and place, often this is a point on a rigid circle, so you can
use these points again, the approach in this case is significantly
facilitated - the illusion of an old acquaintance, or definitely a break-
is, at least it becomes clear immediately, saving time, your
and someone else's.
8. Contrast media has very high performance
tod, built on the basis of the potential difference of individual
sta. The method has been tested several times (mainly on Tverskoy and
Gogolevsky Boulevards) and is as follows: selected
boorish, sexually horny drunk or just a bastard
male nickname. The drunk moves along the boulevard, sitting down next to
to everyone and everyone, on average, after 5 minutes it is sewn off, creating
Vaya background for you. Next, in the case of a worthy object, immediately
slowlysit in his place. In our opinion, the same results
There are two formulas:
a) admiration for the moral character of the object is expressed. Next
there follows a conversation about the low culture of individuals and the ensuing
the resulting difficulties for everyone;
b) "...was going to help you send him off, but you yourself are wonderful-
but we managed. Apparently, experience takes its toll? Further conversation as in
point "a".
The effectiveness of the contrast method is 90-95%. Taking into account his
simplicity - the figure is very high.
9. The concept of original kindness. The relationship to the object should
always be friendly. And why communicate with those to whom
do you have a bad attitude? Therefore, one should never provoke
ect. In the process of research on the southern coast of Crimea to the authors
joined by someone L. - associate professor of one of the Moscow universities, 4b
years, to exchange experiences. L.’s interesting discovery was the method of “pop-
river section". Upon arrival at the place, L. parked his car on
leaving the beach from 12.00 to 14.00, i.e. at a time when everyone is
The village goes for lunch. Thus, within 2 hours he
cursed the entire contingent and declared with a calm soul: “We’re going from -
there's nothing to do here guys!"Cross section in Moscow
gave good results when controlling foreign language, pedagogical institute and a number of
medical schools The very method of L.’s approach was based on provocation, and
we were clearly convinced of its low effectiveness, although all
L. fulfilled the indicated concepts, except for point 5, in full. Here
some typical situations:
a) if two girls were playing cards on the beach, L. came up behind
di, pulled off the elastic of one of the girls' top beachwear
and, hitting the girl on the back with it, delicately inquired: “So,
What's in our deck?"
b) if one girl sunbathed with her nose in the sand - the case is complicated
- L. took a stone of 30-40 kg. weight and put it on her ass, and then,
giggling, he watched as she crawled out from under him;
c) if there was a group of girls nearby, L. began with
throw stones in their direction with obscene smiles - at first small -
first, then larger ones, then very large ones, causing physical
damage.
Alas, there is a violation of the concept of naturalness, and
There is also a significant decrease in the success rate. "Transverse se-
reading" was later developed into the "fast scanning" method
The fact is that the glue process on the boulevards was hampered by the idea thatthere may be more worthy objects somewhere nearby. Therefore
It was decided to carry out a preliminary review. For this use
trolleybus No.15 was called, running parallel to Tverskoy and Gogolev-
sky boulevard. When traveling there and back it was possible within 10
minutes to evaluate the entire contingent in the current time interval. On
At this point, the quick scan ended and the detailed scan began.
development.
PART 3
Our competitors
During our research to develop working models of adhesive
a number of personalities competing with us were discovered:
1. "Watermelon Head" - real name unknown. Works
on Tverskoy Boulevard and near the Rossiya cinema. Suitable with the question
catfish "Girl, don't you recognize me?" He provided an invaluable service, because
served as a background for the contrast method. Calculated "glue after".
2. “Beard” - a man 45-50 years old, extremely cautious. Works
drift method. It was not possible to obtain additional information about him
due to extremethe latter's caution.
3. “Prof” is a 45-year-old man who speaks Russian well. Summer
lives in Moscow, in winter - in Austria. Sometimes he walks with a dog. On the
yase - a bag with groceries, specially made clothes. Maybe check
remain autonomous for up to 4 days. Communicates primarily with hair
you. It was calculated through them.
4. "Khokhmachi" - two scumbags who only peck for fun
ugly old women. Our guys!
5. Works on Tverskoy Boulevard, where, having sat down next to the object, he must
he talks tediously and tediously about symphonic music. Appearance is not
metallic
All of the above, as well as other unidentified professionals,
ly or amateurs can be used as a background (see part 2,
item 8).
PART 4
Working models
According tobased on the developed concepts, a number of working opportunities were created
spread the glue. Here are some of them that showed the greatest results:
activity:
1. "Souvenir" - the method is based on the idea of simplicity of the approach. Yes-
a simple, cheerful object will appear - a Cheburashka icon, a flower,
cover, etc. The author used a simple plot drawing. Su-
Veneer is given under a pretext or “just because.” N3 200 souvenirs
refusal was received only in two cases, i.e. Efficiency - 99%. Side-
significant positive effect as statistics on reaction to
one and the same souvenir you can get information about the object.
2. “Trait” - maximally realizes the idea of artificial selection
upon contact. They work together. The sidewalk is chalked
trait. Having moved 200 meters away from the line, number 1 approaches the object.
she explains that he is a street pester, works from the corner to
traits, etc. When approaching the line with an object, it is necessary to explain
that your zone ends here, another person is working further,
Yes, here he is. Number two approaches the object and explains the words
living situation. The "Trait" method produces the most severe natural
genic selection and, as a result, has a low overall efficiency. By-
allows you to highlight objects with unconventional thinking.3. “Note” - the method is characterized by minimal costs. Ncno-
Used in crowded public transport. The object is not
A note with the text: “Call urgently” is tucked into his pocket.
by phone number..." and your phone number. Oddly enough,
but this stupid move gave an unexpectedly high efficiency - 50%. Analysis
showed that such a high result is due to a sharp change
psychological state of the object. The thing is, when you come home
and having found a note in their pocket, the subjects were frightened and thought that it was
there was some kind of misfortune, and they completely forgot to call
or something like that. So they call to find out what
happened. Your stupid, simple-minded explanation that nothing
it didn’t happen, causes a feeling of relief, and, as a result,
an influx of positive emotions. Against this background, further explanation,
that the transport was crowded, but I wanted to get to know each other, but
I couldn’t even get close, and it’s not very convenient to talk in a crowd,
so I had to, barely reaching with my hand, slip a note, etc. -
everything is received very favorably. The object is satisfied that neither
what bad didn’t happen and takes a liking to you (you
undeserved, but in our case necessary). Disadvantage of the method
is the absence of direct natural selection, but telephone
conversation allows you to makepartial diagnosis.
4. Contrast method - discussed in detail in part 2, paragraph 8.
5. The method of “chain dating” is categorically rejected -
cutting someone, unfortunately, is now the most widespread. Method of oppression
melts the psyche with its lack of freedom, because its central idea is "be-
Please, otherwise this won’t happen soon” or “take what they give you.”
CONCLUSION
The results of statistical studies conducted in 1983-
85 brilliantly confirmed the theoretical positions. To costs
production can be attributed to illness and further hasty
treatment with vibramycin of one of the members of the team of authors
active, and, as a result, 12 subjects. But - art requires
victims. With the advent of the SPN era, we definitely recommend switching
to the “all in rubber” style. The problem we considered is no longer
How many years has the newspaper "Moskovsky Komsomolets" been exaggerating? Judging by
publications, the newspaper was choked by a stream of contradictory letters,
received by the editor. And in general, regular publication of countries
distant letters on this topic can hardly be considered as
path tosolving the problem. Our example shows that creative
young people are able to solve a problem better and faster, especially since
Moreover, according to tradition, the leading position in these matters belongs to
to a man. As proof of this, the Unified Theory we have built
sports and recreational glue successfully passed the tests and
introduced into production. Note that the approach of the editors of "MK" is generally
is still fundamentally wrong, and without developing common principles and knowledge
laws of applied sociology, the matter will not move forward.
There is little hope for the so-called “Communication Clubs”. They carry
bear the mark of inferiority and develop a complex of incompleteness in a person.
values. They hope that people’s attitude towards such
clubs will soon change, so far they don’t have to. In addition, clubs
do not give enough freedom of choice.
After the first publication of this article, some unbridled
young men have repeatedly remarked to the authors that “taking off a woman” is a very
to simpler. We would like to note that the entire sports and fitness
glue is not aimed at solving the problem of “taking off a woman” (chick, girl,
toad, etc.) to satisfy physiological needs.
The main task was to identify, get to know and further
neck spiritual communication with decent girls, potentially
to go into high, lightfeeling, but with minimal effort
there energy and costs. In this we wish everyone success.
R.S.The editors thanksVelfor the material provided.
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