C O M I C S
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Cool scenario of the coolest
Hollywood action movie
"The fucking Andromede"
(Damn Andromeda)
Characters:
John Fucking Shit -
commander of the ship "Big Cock"
duh")
Jack Shitfucking (Jack Shitfucking) -
his assistant
Bob Toughseat (Bob Tough Ass) - black
Nasal - voiceover translator
* * * *
Scene one
Against the backdrop of stars, a whistling
tossed phallic spaceship
forms.
Nasal: Two thousand nine hundred and ninety-
then the ninth year. Big Bear State.
Crew cabin. In the chairs they sit
members.
John: Wow-wow...
Nasal: We'll beat some tough money,
when we return to Earth.
Jack: Wow-wow...
Nasal: I can imagine what kind of eyes
Bim will have it when he sees from what
we made a fortune of shit.
Bob: Go-rvow...
Nasal: And first of all, I’ll stick mine
and I’ll say: “This is how we made them all...”
John: How-now...
Nasal: And I will buy all the real estate in
state of Kassiopeia. I beat her five more times
many years ago!..
Jack: Go-home...
Nasal: I stopped buying real estate
stars, I only buy planets...
John: Ba-ab!..
Nasal: Bob! Give me the globe Connected-
New States of the Galaxy!..
Bob: Fuck...
Nasal: He’s right under your nose, com-
dir!John: Wow...
Nasal: Why in the Andromeda State?
is this a white spot?
Bob: E maza...
Nasal: When I asked your mother,
she said those damn Andromedans
do not allow you to make a globe of your Galaxy
ki...
John: Fuck you shit...
Nasal: They will pay for this! Revo-
Let's look at this damn Andromeda.
John turns the helm abruptly,
The ship turns sharply and, with a whistle,
cutting through airless space
space, rushing towards the galaxy Nebula An-
Dromedae.
Scene two
A cool ship with a whistle
flies towards the Androme Nebula galaxy
yes. In front of the galaxy hangs a huge shield with
texts in local Andromedan and English
Liy languages.
Nasal: Caption: "Welcome to
straight to the center of the Galaxy."
Jack: Ke-ap...
Nasal: Captain, how do they know an-
English language?
John: Je-ak...Nasal: I flew here last year
Bill Hard Balls. He showed them how to
Yes, and they quickly started talking.
On the screen twelve rows rush in
both sides are spaceships. Poster on
whole screen:
"TO CAPITAL OF GALAXY"
Nasal: To the capital of the Galaxy.
John makes a sharp turn, and co-
The rocket flies into the planet's atmosphere.
Scene three
Surface of the planet. Rocky, without
a single blade of grass. In the distance the building is quaint
howl form. Then in the foreground appears
there is a landing spaceship. Door from-
covers, and John and Jack appear from there
and Bob in cool pants and vests, hung
machine guns, pistols, bazookas, fire
non-metals and grenades. Beautifully laid out
hair. Playing with my bare biceps
heading towards the nearest passerby-andro-
copperhead He is small in stature, with a short
mi legs, barrel-shaped body, long
neck and arms and a nasty face with big
eyes.
John(addressing the Andromedan): Fak e
maza, fakins shit...
Nasal: Hey you, where is the boss sitting here?
We'll straighten his brains out now!..
The Andromedan shrugs.
Jack: Shit fucking...
Nasal: This damn native seems to
doesn't want to understand normal English
language.
John: Ba-ab...
Nasal: Bob, clear this guy's mind
brat!
Bob gives the Andromedan a burst of
explosive bullets. One hits the head
knocking out all the brains that spread across
stones.
Bob: Fuck off!!!
Nasal: When I return to Earth, I
First of all, I'll stick mine and say: "You don't
can you imagine what kind of crap I come with?
I wanted to meet!"
Jack: Wow!..
Nasal: Commander, look, come to us
There's a whole bunch of these bastards coming!
Bob: Just ay'l fak...
Nasal: I'll show them in a minute!
Bob takes the flamethrower off his shoulder and turns it on
him, takes a step forward, slips on
brains of the murdered Andromedan, falls, you-
launches a flamethrower and instantly fries
in the flame. Close up of him roasting
body and a disgusting grimace on his face.John: Oh fucking hell!..
Nasal: Oh, God! These bastards now
bear full responsibility for the fact that we
Let's do it with them now!
John and Jack start throwing grenades,
shoot from pistols, machine guns, bazookas and
flamethrowers. Suddenly, in the background, there is an explosion
A building of a bizarre shape is being erected.
Female voice: Etension, Etension!
Nasal: Attention, attention! Time for everyone
leave the galaxy immediately! The galaxy will explode-
in one minute!
John: Wow?..
Nasal: Why so fast?
Female voice: Meow-meow-meow...
Nasal: Instructions!
John: Je-ak!..
Nasal: Jack, let's retreat! Quickly in co-
rabble!
John and Jack run into the ship and sit down
into the chairs, turn on all the necessary toggle switches and
start. The stopwatch shows 05 seconds. Co-
The slave is shaking. 04, 03, 02, 01. Ship
takes off. 00. The ship flies away from the planet.
Behind there is a giant flash - a flame explodes
nope. The ship takes off again, but it flies away -
it goes further and further. Finally, he recovered
melts out of the galaxy, and is immediately bright and beautiful
The entire galaxy explodes.
Jack: Oh the fucking Endromidi!..
Nasal (silent, probably asleep). Scene four
Ship's cabin. An alarming music sounds
ka.
John: Je-ak...
Nasal: That's it, Jack, we won!
John and Jack joyfully congratulate each other
friend, shake hands, hit him on the shoulders. Sound-
cheat disturbing music.
Suddenly, completely unexpectedly, from behind the chair,
la the surviving Andromedan jumps out with
disgusting slimy mug.
John: Je-ak!..
Nasal: Jack!
Jack: Ja-an!
Nasal: John!
Finally, John manages to grab Androme-
Dyanina has one hand on her throat. Other hand
he begins to frantically “wet” him
same. Soon the eyes pop out of their sockets,
terrible mucus creeps into the ears and nose, and androma
The gentleman is dying. John opens the window and
throws the lifeless body into an open heap
smos.
John (making a "fucking" hand gesture): Aw
Did it! Ay did it!
Nasal: I made them! Well, that's it now!
It's a pity Bob won't be able to put his and
say something!...
John & Jack (together): Ga-ha-ha-ha!(смеются)...
Длинные нудные титры под тупую музыку.
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