About dumplings
I was recently sitting in the library (usually
wrote Exler, then raised his eyes to
ceiling and tried to remember - and when he
really the last time was in
library, but never remembered) how
suddenly came across
fundamental-mental incredible scientific
work dedicated to the Best Friend
Humanity - Dumplings. I'll take a chance ("Take a chance,
take a chance, said the kosher pterodactyl
Vasyatka. - Don’t forget to add vermicelli)
bring this work here so that later,
custom, beat him to smithereens and
feather
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ALEXEY CHEBOTAREV AND THE PUBLISHING HOUSE "Marazm and
Grew strong"
Represent
Dumplings
(results of scientific research)
idea: Alexey Chebotarev (Ronin) and
Yuri Orlov (Glaur)
text: Yuri Stepchenko (Afftorr)
The life of a person and dumplings are connected
inseparably. In fact, if
representatives of the species "homo, so to speak,
sapiens" can still be found separately from
dumplings, then the last ones away from the person
not found. So why modern
science pays attention to these amazing and
so little attention to the most useful creatures?Tell me, is it known to the common man, not
specialist dumpling specialist, from where at least
are these wonderful creatures taken? You ask
ask! They will answer you: “From the store!”
while the true origin
dumplings still remain under the veil
secrets. Isn't it time, we ask,
lift this veil and open your eyes
the general public, spilling a little
sour cream on these companions of man in his
difficult evolutionary path? It's time! -
we answer ourselves, moving closer
plate and a glass of vodka. So let's get started.
Dumplings have been known to people since ancient times.
times Determine the exact time of the first
human contact with dumpling
difficult, but it is certain that
when Ermak brought his hungry people
Cossacks beyond the Urals, the local population has already
full of dumplings. Therefore
The birthplace of dumplings is considered to be Siberia and
Quite Central Asia. However, very
it soon became clear that dumplings
extremely resistant to impacts
external environment and are able to live practically
anywhere. Currently the area
the habitat of these animals has a complex
geoid shape, although the largest
population size is observed at
territory of a fifth of the land, or more simply
speaking - Russia. Only here, if not
countrare exceptions, you can
it’s almost impossible to meet a real dumpling
have undergone changes since ancient times
times Although some are mutant
specimens have even adapted to life in
America, where, as is known, it is rare
species survive, the composition of whose organisms
includes cholesterol.
Dumplings are 100% predators.
Special mentions about Pelmeni,
passed in the process of evolution to
vegetable diet, are more likely
in total, to their close neighbors on
phylogenetic tree - dumplings.
Dumplings eat mainly
beef, pork, less often chicken.
There are known cases of moose eating dumplings.
and deer. Dumplings for meat diet
usually add onion, sometimes a little
bread In poor natural food
regions, dumplings are often eaten in addition to
meat with rice, buckwheat, potatoes or
cabbage, which quickly leads to degeneration
populations. In very unfavorable
areas, dumplings adapt to
feeding dogs and other small animals
animals.
The life cycle of dumplings is divided into
two clearly distinguishable phases - active and
passive. In the passive phase of development
dumplings are looking for food, and having found it,
eat. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist
reliable information about externalform and
behavior of dumplings during this period,
because during the hunt they are extremely
skillfully camouflaged.
Having eaten to your fill, dumpling
takes on the appearance we are accustomed to and
goes into hibernation. Digestion process in
in this state the dumplings are very slow,
practically indistinguishable, therefore
theoretically the passive phase can
continue indefinitely. However,
are in a passive phase of development
dumplings are caught by people, frozen and
then eaten, after
boiled You all probably know that
dumplings are highly nutritious and
excellent taste (with
condition of proper nutrition in active
phase).
Dumpling is a social animal.
Previously, especially in Siberia, dumplings
met in huge flocks - the so-called.
"bags" or "poods". Currently
as a result of predatory extermination
people, the number of dumpling flocks
decreased significantly - the largest
are only 1.2 - 1.5 kg.
The most common are flocks of 0.5 kg.
However, the total number of the species, as we know
does not seem to have decreased, but perhaps
and increased slightly, so
the reduction of flocks should be considered
adaptive mechanism.
As you can see, modern science has
negligibleinformation about dumplings.
The current situation can no longer
be considered acceptable. It's time, a long time ago
It's time to get serious about studying these
the most interesting creatures, which is why we
let's get started now....
(further speech of the group
researchers are illegible due to
filling their mouths with objects
research).
Note: heroism should be noted
researchers who are in the most complex
conducted their research on the situation! What
worth at least the fact of catastrophic
lack of experimental subjects, as well as
periodic disappearance without a trace
available. Research team is ready
accept any help in your difficult and
dangerous work from interested parties.
Note 2: Help is our preference
in flocks of 1 kg.
Thank you for your attention, Yuri.
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Here it is, if I may say so,
scientific article. Very pretty, by the way
other things. There are just a number of inaccuracies and
obvious philosophical failures. In short
speaking, the question is posed correctly, but not
on that shelf. Firstly, the authors strongly
are mistaken in considering the birthplace of Pelmeni -
Siberia and the near East. Professor
Galushkin at the beginning of the century was
proven permafrost origin
these valuablepets. So no
dumplings were born in Siberia. Their ancestral
the nest was Alaska and the foreskin
north. It was there, among the eternal snows and
life-giving permafrost dumplings freely
lay on the Eisenbergs, lazily surveying
surroundings. And this would continue
endlessly, if not for eternal enemies
dumplings - polar bears and fur seals
Barsiki. Blonde beasts (like dumplings
called polar bears) do not consume
dumplings for food, but they love to play
they play hockey, and this game brings out dumplings
out of order just in batches, like bears
they often miss and the dumplings roll off
into a very icy ocean. And the water is like
known to have a very bad effect on the condition
dumplings: they become something
boiled and immediately lose their taste for life. A
fur seals and badgers are known to
have a very funny and humorous
character, so when they see a dumpling they
start doing funny tricks and
tricks, thus bringing the dumplings to
nervous hiccups. By the way, for the first time hiccupping
dumplings were observed and described by the famous
traveler Mick Luho McClay. He
claimed that hiccuping dumpling during
its famous "Ik" bounces on
several meters into the air, crashes
coastal cliffs and dies in terrible
torment. All thesefactors, of course,
had a very adverse effect on
population of dumplings, which forced these
ancient animals emigrate to less
cold, but safer countries.
Individual organisms in the process of difficult
travels split off from the dumpling shop
flocks and settled in various regions of our
vast homeland, creating their own diasporas.
The most powerful and authoritative by right
considered to be the Siberian diaspora. Strong and
elastic dumplings guys found local
the climate is quite suitable for itself and
multiplied in terrible numbers, so
more than what was achieved with the aborigines
rental agreement.
In the treatise I also came across the phrase,
which simply screams about its
anti-science:
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Separate mentions of Pelmeni,
passed in the process of evolution to
plant-based diet are more likely
in total, to their close neighbors on
phylogenetic tree - dumplings.
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My friends! Such blunders in a respectable
Scientific work should not be allowed! How
you can call varenik - a dumpling's neighbor
on the phylogenetic tree? It's that simple
some kind of nonsense, hitting with a bucket
pillow! Learn the materiel and rummage throughprimary sources. Because he's still a professor
Enotovidov in his work “Dumpling as
product of civilization" (1966,
Malyutka Publishing House) proved that
a certain portion of dumplings in progress
of his victorious anabasis to the south
settled in Ukraine, accepted faith in Salo,
leaving the bosom of the holy church of the Divine
Broth and switched to something completely different
food: sour cream, cabbage, cherries. At the same time
dumplings decided to take new names:
dumplings, dumplings, completely disowning
from its origin. Of course these
the renegades have changed a lot under
influence of the surrounding nature and new
faith, but it would be an unforgivable mistake
consider this to be a different branch
gynecological tree.
That's how things are. Of course, along with
I can't help but make critical comments
celebrate the dedication of the researchers
in the difficult task of mastering dumplings. But on
The dissertation work is not yet enough. Report -
I agree. Maybe even a toast. But for
not enough real scientific work
material. Why do researchers
for example, cases were not noted
selfless behavior of dumplings in
during the Great Patriotic War? Really
young people do not know about the facts of self-welding
dumplings so as not to get to the invaders?
A famous case whenUnknown
The dumpling got stuck in the throat and choked like that
image of a Nazi occupier? Him
for this he was posthumously awarded the title
"Twice Dumpling of the Soviet Union." Also
It would be nice to include links to the work
famous works dedicated to these
valuable pets: picture
artist Mazyulkin "Young Dumpling,
lying thoughtfully on the slope of an iceberg"
canvas by artist Pivovatykh "Unequal"
marriage: old dumpling and young dumpling" and
etc.
So for this work I give
to the team of authors a four. However,
for a couple of flocks of research objects I'm ready
transfer her in the diaries to the top five.
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