Humor - Some tips for communicating with your superiors.

Some tips for communicating with your superiors

     Coming to this classic theme, I
I am fully aware that the international community
has already made a significant contribution to
research of this problem.  We are all in
aware that “the boss is not late, but
delayed" that "the boss always
right" and so on. However, I wanted
I would like to give those interested a few
advice that may be of some help to you
will help. So...
     Any boss is divided into several
temporary and situational categories:

 1) Morning boss.
     2) Afternoon boss.
     3) Evening boss.
     4) Holiday boss.

Methods of communicating with these categories
are quite different from each other.
Of course, there are several general rules
behaviors that apply to everyone
categories, but they are widely known,
so we won’t dwell on them, but
Let's look at the problem deeper.


 Morning boss

     Sometimes it happens that the boss
shows up at the office before lunch. Some
I was told about very egregious
cases when the boss showed up even early
in the morning.  What are the reasons for this strange
boss behavior?
     1) Boss is tightdrank in the evening
the previous day, came home in a state of
such blue crocodiles that my wife had to
postpone military operations until the morning. Early
in the morning a heavy
artillery, and the chief had to shamefully
retreat to work.
     2) The boss spent the night with his mistress, but
in the morning the legal husband showed up, and the boss
had to panic run across the balcony to
work (because it was announced at home that he
I'll be on a business trip for two more days.)
     3) He didn’t go home at all, but the whole
night drinking in the office with one of the businessmen
partners.
     In any of these cases, the condition and
the boss's mood is characterized as
"cloudy, with occasional thunderstorms,
tsunamis and typhoons."
     How to behave in this situation?
Of course, the best thing to do is just not to get caught
in his eyes.  If this is for some reason
reasons it is not possible,
then you should learn some simple
rules:
     1) Do not stomp or slam the door. B
office is best to slip into
felt slippers.
     2) Do not speak in any way
full voice.  Only in a whisper.  None
brave shouts: “That’s right, Peter
Sergeich!  Boo done in five seconds!" On
any question from the boss who
breaks through his suffering mask
persons should respond or be politebow, or nod, or very quietly
"Okay ssss."
     3) If necessary, be
close to the boss should not be allowed
expressions: “Semyon Dionisovich! Breathe in
side!" He definitely won't like this. What to do? Tolerate! Or offer to run for
beer.
 4) Any orders from the boss,
related to the afternoon period,
should be ignored. He's still talking about them
will forget.


Afternoon Chief

     The afternoon chief consists of
three subcategories.
     1) The boss who appeared in
office after lunch.
     2) The boss who
materialized in the office before lunch and
I dined tastefully.
     3) The morning boss, who with
over time smoothly flowed into
lunch boss category.
     Oddly enough, all these subcategories
differ little from each other, so
the behavior method is very similar.
     The afternoon boss is relaxed,
dull, benevolent and lethargic. Condition
characterized as "clear and calm".
The illusion of busy activity
should not be created because it
will interfere with his digestion.  This period
especially suitable for requests for promotion
salaries, transfer to a higher one
position.  You can alsobring any
papers for signature. The boss has absolutely no
there will be no desire to read the papers before
how to sign.


Evening boss

     The most difficult category. Before the end
working day, the boss is already looking forward to going to
casino, preference with business partners,
restaurant or meeting with your mistress.  But
since there is still time left before these events
a couple of hours, he just needs
keep yourself busy with something.  He rushes around
office, asks idiotic questions,
for example, “what problem are you working on right now?
are you working?"  and generally behaves extremely
indecent.
     What to do about it? There is only one way out.
With terrible force to portray tense
activity.  Moreover, it should be remembered that
It's not enough just to sit with
looking smart at the computer and looking at
payroll.      Required
physical effort.  Personally I recommend
take a pack of paper with some
drafts and quickly rush around with her
around the office, periodically losing leaves.
     From communicating with your boss you should
avoid by any means.  If he
call, tell him interrupted from
running around in a voice: “Gazanfar Mamedovich!
I urgently need to transfer data to
accounting and supply department! Maybe
I'll see you laterShall I come?" I guarantee that the boss
will not insist on immediate
conversation, so he will let you go in peace, about
noticing your vigorous activity.
     It is also necessary to check
the moment the boss leaves work, to once again
rush past him with a worried look,
looking at his watch and muttering loudly under
nose: “Damn, a lot of work has happened again.
We'll have to stay another hour today
three or four". I note that this is very
significant moment.  All day boss
usually remembers only the last two or three
the faces that came his way in front of
care.  So this is very important. But not in
under no circumstances share this secret with
the whole office, because there is a crowd of people,
mumbling about her desire to work more
a few hours, which is "random"
gets caught by the boss before leaving the office,
may raise some suspicions.


Holiday boss

     From the context it is clear that we are talking about
the boss, who together with the employees
participates in some party. Some
for some reason they think that at a party with
bosses can relax and lead
yourself as you please. Nothing
similar.  Party is one way
attract attention.  And they can
be completely different ways that
should in the futurecombine with
the above.
 1) Method one called "Glory
Herostratus."
     Based on what is needed
draw the boss's attention to your person
at any cost.  That is, to produce some
an act that everyone will pay attention to,
including the boss. Why is this being done?
So that the boss will simply remember you
in the face. This will always come in handy.
     Of course you shouldn't do something
something that would embarrass the boss
position.   He's your face at the same time
will probably remember, but already with complete
other purposes.  Therefore not recommended
don't care about his jacket, cut off his tie
or fall on him with a glass of beer in his hands.
     For example, try dancing
tap dance on the table, beat the waiter out of
hands a tray or suddenly a rooster crows.
But you only need to do this once at a time.
evening. Otherwise, you risk blurring the impression.
     In the following days, strictly follow
tips for communicating with superiors in the office,
and he will think with emotion: “Well, it’s necessary
what a nice employee. And
knows how to have fun, and works with scary
force."
     2) Method two called "Nanny"
Arina Rodionovna + enthusiastic listener"
     Become the boss during the holiday
mother, nurse, friend and
confidant.   Try to take
placeto the right or left of it. Constantly
(but unobtrusively!) ask: what would
Grigory Andreevich would like to eat,
Should I take his jacket to the dressing room?
Should I add more to the salad, should I splash it?
into a glass of vodka and so on.
     Every phrase of the boss is necessary
greet with loud and prolonged
laughter, sometimes starting with delight
applaud.  When the boss becomes everything
tell those present what he is like
good boss and how to take care of
employees, carefully insert it into it
speech their additions characterizing
him from an even more remarkable side.
     At some point the boss already
bites hard and attacks you personally
talk about your personal problems. At the same time
make a sympathetic face, nod
head, raise and lower your eyebrows,
in a word, express the extreme degree
interest.    But don't you dare
load the boss with some of yours
personal problems.  It's not his at all
interested.
     Some people mistakenly believe that
a pretty drunk boss is necessary
put him in a taxi and take him home. Nothing
like that!  If he's nothing at all
understands, he won’t even remember who he is
drove.  So there's no point in trying. A
if he even understands something in the morning
your memory will come to mindhelpful face,
present during the kissing scene
boss of a taxi driver, no twelve attempts
falling to get to the elevator, as well as during the stage
your meeting with your hotly hated wife,
assume that you will be fired within
two minutes. Because there are no such witnesses
It is customary to remove human weakness.
If not from life, then at least from the office.


 That's probably all. Hardly the author
discovered America in this article, but note and
does not claim to be fundamental
research.