ZX Format #07 05 декабря 1997

Самиздат

It was you - Lord of the teeth - 2. Continuation of the adventures of the brave Hobbits.

 Lord of the teeth.

music by COOPER
_


   Well here again you read Original
Report on the Great Frodo, Lord of the Tooth
Omnipotence. Once there was a first
part of the report (pravda, some stripped-down) Some people ask 
me: "A as they now enjoy? Previously, all

it was difficult. "Explains the popularity:
 1. To become invisible, if and only chew three (3)
pads Orbit winterfresh. And then
LOUD scream - "Minton!"
 2. To get to the omnipotence of
Orodruinu come to a full moon and proiznestisleduyuschee spell: 
{><|, -^/{?#->[}^$#`: ^ - <%'&'({ Morgoth! And

Dirol eat, pre-dig out
It all xylitol. If you still have questions, ask.

  Gil-Gelad with greetings!

 - CHAPTER 1 -

Aragorn is already the fourth day of hard
crawling along the swirl left by the
Frodo's boat. Traces of oil saturation
Anduin delayed badly. Finally, it should
led a daring scout there, where he began his glorious journey. 
- Listen Aragorn - said Gimli dirty Dunadanu. - There was held 
a hobbit. Passed on to you greetings from Baggins. Well before 
then Sam looks like, just horror. Whether their

two, would have accepted them for our fugitives!
 - A Merry or Pipi they have not identified? -
asked the nice descendant of Elendil.
 - These two esche month ago are gone with the orcs
for the bubble.
 - Where?
 - How much, in Orthanc course! Who
us for the orc tugriks in Edoras to sell something? - Legolas 
was surprised someone else's stupidity.  - You, Legolas, not 
arrogant! Quite a fool keeps me going, huh? - Aragorn 
protested.  - That's right - assented toady Gimli. -

Once you're gone, so once the offspring of Valinor went wrong: 
"I - first born, I - the most intelligent.". Gnome pointedly 
looked at Dunadana. What's that, and play off people dwarves 
could.  - Who are you? The lowland race! I - Elf

Firstborn! - Legolas uttered by searching in the second volume 
of "Ring of Darkness."  - Here's what I said. - Said Gimli.

 Such arrogance from everyone there. Aragorn
not knocked down and began to rebuild shattered the foundations 
of human dignity.  After a week and a half, when nonhumans have 
understood his place, and the hobbits have not returned to 
Aragorn realized that something was not so. - And what do we 
stand? We must save them! Forward! - The Aragorn woke hero 
Semenova.  Thus began the great chase.

 Go on the trail of the orcs was not difficult, inasmuch as 
discharge the same completely eat up all the garbage, Arda 
covered the 2-meter layer, and became visible to the pale green 
grass. Gimli and Aragorn was amazed at such a dump. At that 
Legolas is reasonable to advise they recall the duration of the 
existence of elves.  He walked the eighth month of the chase. 
They ran silence, not even stopping for food and

trucking needs (in this connection, the keepers of smelled like 
the last orc), and thanked the Lady Galadriel for the increased 
doses of drugs in lembasah. 

  Finally, on the horizon loomed the peaks
Misty Mountains, and right now have a little
bush. Legolas tkul in his direction with his finger and 
officially stated that this is a great Fangorn Forest.

 At this point, sharp-eyed glasses Aragorn spotted near some 
movement. Squinting in the direction of Ranger of the North (as 
He liked to be called) saw the meters five pieces of a one 
hundred riders.  - Not a hundred, a hundred five. - Gruffly 
corrected him Legolas who has taught for eight thousand years 
of well-regarded.  Rohantsy, despise all the other peoples of 
Middle-and past the keepers of complete silence, when suddenly 
Aragorn rose and loudly shouted after them:

 - What's new in the North, Riders of Rohan?
 You can not insult Rohantsa stronger than
Ask him about other peoples. And therefore
friends quickly found themselves in the ring peak.
 The leader of mounted police detachment Rohirric Yomers 
approached Aragorn and primordial Rohirric dialect required

call. Since none of the keepers
did not differ knowledge of this dialect, the
They were immediately arrested and amazed
of rights.
 In the bullpen Edoras was cold. Gimli chilled at all under a 
single blanket, taken from some orc sitting on the benches 
next. Suddenly, a grated window flashed across the shadow. 
Gimli looked closely and I saw an old man, who trailed for the 
parachute.  - Stirlitz! - Thought Gimli.

 - Sam you Stirlitz - thought the old man disappeared.

 - CHAPTER 2 -

 Recovering, Pipi found that personal
can not remember. Frankly, he himself is not
too clearly remembered. The latest bright
recollection was digging out from under the Orcs
garbage pale grass-marihuanka. Of course, she was far from, 
say, "Leaf Long Valley ", which was cultivated already

fifteen hundred years in Hobbiton, but it
amiss. And then completely flown away
Orcs turned somewhere in the wrong place and resulted in
all in. And that's where - that he did not remember. But 
Breaking the well knew to whom she come. But the experienced 
Hobbit ever since yesterday zanykal kosyachok and quickly 
brought himself into relative order. Not that he could

walk, but creep has turned out. Soon
Pipi crawled to the shadow. As it turned out, it
There was a shadow Ugluka - healthy vennogo orc
having started a campaign for the bubble. Ugluk looked at the 
hobbit with sostradaniem and handed the flask with some 
gadostyu. Gadost Pipi liked and he vybulkal entire capacity. At 
the end of the container he was able to position at 45 degrees 
to the surface geoid. Then revived and Merri

all dragged on.
 Almost the very purpose of the orcs were intercepted
detachment of mounted police Rohan. Through control of language 
were only hobbits. Simply put, they are even about anything and 
did not ask. Well, someone, being of sound mind, will be a 
hobbit a bind. And so, while checking the orcs, hobbits had

withdraw from rohantsev almost all cash.
 Then, heart-bye, hobbits
headed towards the inn "The Fangorn."

 - CHAPTER 3 -

 To everyone's surprise, the owner of the inn
called Fangorn. Who would have thought! But
in his den today was planned a banquet, and therefore the input
There have been some misunderstanding. - Let's see. - Boomed in 
Fangorn response to demand from hobbits to let them.

- How it's there.

 Remember all those invited here!
 Know: People gather four free:
 Elves, propyl ancient rings;
 Gnomes, zasr .. Chiyah all the dungeons;
 Ents, beautiful, intelligent, kind;
 People - about them, but we can not say.

 Hum, um, hum, uh, whatever next? Trump monument, 
tram-Pam-monument, tam-tam. Lengths   LIMITED list, but you do 
not have it!  - A way? - Merry asked, holding out a heavy purse 
of Fangorn.  - Yes, here you are! In the very first line! glad 
the old Ent. - Hobbits generous in cozy burrows. Come in, dear 
guests, welcome.  Chattering incessantly, Fangorn has covered a 
great table, and friends took over a meal.  - You know, the 
venerable master of that Orthanc ter-Sarumyan opened a 
commissary stall and entices your customers? - Asked Pipi, when 
the table is empty.  - Yes! - Angry Fangorn. - I have long

already chtoto such suspected. First, he
all run hither around, inquiring, sniff. And now he's won 
something udumal, snakes Podkolodny wolf shameful! Well, I'll 
show him where Sauron winters! - With these words He pressed 
the red button. 

 - CHAPTER 4 -


  Finally, dawn and three friends were able to
proceed to torture inmates-orcs. K
Unfortunately, they were not allowed to have fun at pleasure,
as the bullpen door creaked opened
and appeared on the threshold Gandalf. Since
none of the keepers did not want to re-
become its prisoners, then cried out:
"Beat Sarumyanov! friends attacked
the old magician. However, Gandalf has been taken
not easy. The air thundered old
spell and before the attackers hooligans
there was strong squad Rohirric guards
with rubber swords, shields and tear.

  Rubbing repulsed the kidneys and collecting their
teeth, Legolas came across a good
thought.
 - Mifrandir - happily he groaned. - You
back! - Hugging his legs and crawled magician.
 Gandalf always loved the toadies and sycophants-elf - twice.
 - Good meeting, Legolas - the magician gently
patted the elf on the cheek and he understood that
forgiven, showed his companions language.
 - Gandalf. - Timidly said Aragorn. - Gandalf! You're back! I 
do not believe his eyes, but it's you! ..

 Gimli silently followed the example of an elf.
Orcs are looking at this scene, contemptuously
spat.
 - Gandalf - the old man said slowly.
- Yes, my name wrong. But now I - Gendalfas. I have appointed 
your attorney. So I advise you to tell everything without 
reserve. 

 They had a long and detailed account of the magician
his adventures. When we are talking about
Lorien, Gimli blushed and zavzdyhal.
 - And now you tell me how you survived. -
timidly asked the fearless ranger.
 - A long time I fell. - Said Gandalf. - And
He fell out with me.
 - Deep and no one to measure the gap under
Durin bridge - puffing on a smart
form, said Gimli.
 - On the road we met good
stalls, not the people of Durin dug. And to
bottom of the Balrog's great otelsya. So that the landing was 
soft. Then I found a pointer and came upon the great stair, on 
which, and went upstairs. On top of Zirak Zigilya. There I 
began a terrible hangover and it almost ended Dagor Dagoratom. 
From the outside it looked chic: hit by lightning on top, 
flashes of fire, smoke, ice melted, rain was hot, blazing fire, 
crumbling rock: (. Finally burned wiring and it was dark, p.

 Here in this darkness I was rescued. - Law
  chill with his story the old magician.
 - Well, now, - he continued. - You
 time on the court of Great Teodenisa.

 - CHAPTER 5 -


  The road led them to the gate.
The guards in flak jackets rusty in the language
Rohan asked to call themselves. Friendliness in their views 
were not observed. Gandalf said to them: - I understand your 
question, but why do not you speak the universal language of 
Re, if you want a reply?  - By the will of Teodenisa, our ruler,

No one should enter the Eddorass except
know our language! - Said one of the guards. - Can you spy 
Ter-Sarumyana?  - Sam you're a spy Morgoth! - Offended Gimli. 
Guard immediately carried off somewhere.  - Vice-governor, 
grimaces Chervoslovus, ordered not to let strangers. - Standing

at its other guard.
 - Spawn Ungoliata - again could not resist the dwarf.
 And the second guard with twisted arms
taken away in an unknown direction. The path was
free.

 The long, paved with asphalt road
they came to the foot of the hill. Hence, a wide stone 
escalator brought them to the terrace of the palace of the 
governor. Repeat here nearly the same dialogue with the 
personal guard King, after which Gandalf and Co. seamlessly 
passed to the throne room of meetings.  The hall was all 
decorated with gold and platinum. Gimli quietly groaned with 
envy. In the farthest corner of fright skukozhilsya Teodenis - 
King of Rohan.  Gandalf spoke first. He flatteringly

welcomed the king and offered his services to the janitor.
 - Hi. - Tersely replied the king. -
No work.
 Gandalf greatly offended. He believed that
work to give him a must on demand.
 - About the courtesy to have forgotten in your
home Teodenis Burbulis son - he yelled.
- Would not you say who I am? Rarely
happened to the rulers of Rohan to take these reviews as I do! 
Itself Regent Loriena.

 - What! So you - spies Lo.
 Grimaces Chervoslonis not had time to utter
the fateful phrase, like something foul-smelling
gagged his mouth. Gimli always aptly metal his dirty socks.
 - So, is all. Understood, understood. - Quickly
Teodenis raised his hands, seeing that dwarf aims at his other 
sock. - Welcome. My house - your house. Your concerns - our 
efforts.  - That's so clever, guys, I removed you

all charges. - Said the magician.
 - King, - he said to the king that
was quite unexpected - but what about
Sarumyana?
 - Today, as I declare war on him. - Alive
rohanets said. - Yomers, alive here! AND
so that I will not go running around looking for! When calling 
you a king, you must stand up and blush! Why should I have it 
all obyyasnyat each ass like you

its not! ! - King clearly suffered. AND
would bear further, if it had not arrived Yomers, who as a 
punishment to change their sex and name. Now it. that is, her 
name was Yovins.  Seeing such a steal, Gimli started to wind 
up, but in time he remembered about the Mirror Galadriel and 
her magical ring.  - Whistling all upstairs. - Disposed

Meanwhile, the king. - Checkers for a fight, trotting
the enemy - the march.
 And all of Rohan rode together throw out his contempt for 
Sarumyana.  A Yovins all looked at Aragorn.


 - CHAPTER 6 -

 Galloped for some time, Rohirric
Merrie Men saw the crowd of retreating soldiers.
Barrage phalanx by volleys
of rapid-bows were trying to stop them. However, they did not 
want to stop, yelling that many children of fathers No country, 
that they - the internationalist and Orcs are the same people. 
In short - the coming revolution. But thanks to the selfless 
actions Rohirric tubular cavalry attempted to resist were

suppressed, all made it up and went to Helm's Deep. On the way 
to the fortress to Gandalf realized that the orcs a lot more 
and he quietly faded into the mist before dawn,

without saying goodbye.
 By morning Rohirric troops arrived to the place
proudly called Fortress Helm. Fortress represent themselves 
completely flat area, enclosed by a fence height the hobbit 
knee. At the heart of places could be seen proudly Bench with 
the inscription: "The Tower".  At Gimli puzzled question: "Where

fortress? "the king replied sadly: -"
When OCCUPIERS-arnortsy leave our
country, they stole our strength! "
 Gimli strongly doubted the mental
abilities of the king. But for a long time to enjoy the 
consciousness of his own genius, he not given. The crowd of 
nasty orcs rushed the attack. Brandishing two-handed boarding 
brooms, they rushed to the king. Someone in the dark hurt a 
gnome's nose and he wept. Around once gathered urukhai and 
began to apologize. This clever maneuver allowed rohantsam 
gather strength and amicably. retreat into inaccessible caves, 
leaving our friends themselves to deal with the orcs. 

 Suddenly, from somewhere on the right shows
hefty figure, and with a scream: - "Oh, you
Tribe rotten "attacked the orcs. As
You already knew it was Ilya of Murom. As
he was here - I do not know. Come probably. Or pages are messed 
up. How would Anyway, the orcs were driven back and ran 
screaming toward the trees that with groaning stuck in the 
ground Gandalf. Between the trees the old dirty dog ​​lay out a 
bear trap. Therefore, none of included in the woods Gvornov (as 
he called it) did not come back. 

 All the winning magician, of course, attributed his
one. All others were intimidated by them and
silent, and Murom, as befits Russian hero, was modest.
 In general, as it were, and Orcs and Gandalf defeated proposed 
to collide with Sarumyana in brazen. All this idea so much that 
they immediately went to Isengard.


 Neighborhood of Isengard were surrounded by thick fog. "I do 
not otherwise have Sarumyana day moonshiner "- talking riders.

Then the fog ended and began hobbits
dressed in costumes of radiation protection. On
Izangarda place was a healthy funnel and
only in the center alone rose to the sky
melted remains invulnerable Orthanc.
 Hobbits apparently did not like that
so watch them carefully (they generally do not like). And there 
is still hampered enjoy sturgeon and cognac from stocks 
Sarumyana. Simply put, they sent King and his retinue to 
Fangorn. By Aragorn Legolas and Gimli was impossible to escape. 
They cursed the hobbits to light than worth, and demanded their 
share in production. After eating, drinking and napyhavshis, 
they are kinder and all went together to inspect Orthanc.

 - So I say - tell Merrikogda, so we said Fangorn that
Sarumyan he entices customers, he
greatly offended, and as the red button
give! Then out of the ground such a hefty
stupid as i-p-p, then u-u and-u, then
dysch-ui. That's the way it was. Well, we went
look for trophies. Wow!
 The last exclamation was found belonged to
Pipi near the charred corpse Sarumyana
Satellite system of espionage type Palau
tir. "I do not have time to enjoy friends, finding, when senile 
sinewy arm slyamzila it. Gandalf, as has always been in the 
middle of it.  - Give! This is mine. - Pipi whimpered.

 Disobedience to the will of the magician was dangerous.
Only family allowed themselves Bagginses
the open rebellion, and sometimes it goes sideways.
 Half an hour later, when the magician tired
work blows on a hobby, he threw
slightly groaning body on the back of his horse
and told others: "See you in Gondor," disappeared behind 
horizon.  _


THE RIGHT NOTE

 Humans and all other! Carefully read this text and send it to 
everyone! Gimli Hakerson acting on this story has no relation 
to real Gimli. And all the other = Overlap with all other real 
persons: Legolas Aragorn and the other hobbits entirely 
accidental and occurred without any intent on my part.