Nicron #116 29 января 2000

Юмор

Humor - the history of life.

          Wrong floor

Eugene Lisovy
2:4635 / 73 @ Fidonet


   Elevator opens. Tolia raised his pistol and confidently 
strode toward the appeared on the floor man. The next moment he 
pulled the trigger - once, twice, three ... And then, leaning 
already over the body, Tolia bummed for the fourth time. In my 
head, check. 

   In his ears was still rumbling shots, and his nose tickled
from the acidic smell of gunpowder, when he realized: man-it 
was not the same. Definitely not one! The one in the photo, so 
much younger, dark-haired ... AND not bald!


   In the bare skull of the murdered gaping hole from which to 
spit-covered tile thick stream of blood trickled down, like a 
ketchup. 

   Top slammed the door and heard a woman's heart-rending cry:
- Again, you bastards, something not to share! But when will it 
end? 

   Tolia bullet popped out of the house and ran into the alley, 
where in the "Lada" waiting Petrovich.

- Well? - Briefly and clearly asked the mate.
- Error out, Petrovich, - he hissed through clenched teeth 
Tolia. - Not that I shmalnul ...


   P. annoyed grunt.


   In a park


   The next morning, Tolia and Petrovich sat on a bench in the 
park. Petrovic, finishing his beer, angrily tossed the bottle 
into the next bush. Tolia sighed: the situation was worse.

- What should I do something, Petrovich?
- Customer search. Let him retroactively our work pay.
- What the customer? Where did we find him? - Tolia confused.
- Teach you, teach ... - Petrovich muttered irritably, pulling
from his pocket a crumpled morning newspaper. - Here, read it! 
- Thick Petrovic buried his finger in the title: "The war 
continues mafias." Tolia, wrinkling her forehead, began to read 
the note: - Yesterday morning in her apartment building was 
shot by Mr. Chavkin, president of the Estacada bank. Murder is 
clearly ordered and carried out at a high professional level. - 
Tolia raised his head from the newspaper. - Hey, Petrovitch, 
they write: "a high, professional! - But then broke off and 
continued: - According to information from our sources, the 
deceased was holding negotiations on mutual jointing arrears 
with the chairman of the bank's "Sphinx" Mr. Panayev, but an 
agreement was not reached them. - Enough - said Petrovic, 
picking up a newspaper in Tolik. - Next there is nonsense ... 
We need to pay a visit to this gentleman Panayev - he said 
thoughtfully, - pobazarit with him about this yesterday a small 
business ... Seest matter: solid bank their problems on a 
freebie decide! 


   Observation

... The bank went to Panayev Petrovich. Fraction was ordered to 
sit in a car parked two blocks from the bank, and wait. But 
Petrovitch detained, and nerves of his young colleagues began 
pass. Tolia left on the pavement to stretch our legs and did 
not notice found himself in front of pompous entrance of the 
bank. At the door walked strong guys from the Security Service 
- Tolia moved to the other side of the street and stood behind 
the newsstands. Log in to the bank was seen here as on a palm. 
After twenty minutes of the doors Bank came Petrovich. His face 
shone. "Success!" - Understand Tolia.


   Petrovic, waving his hand guards turned the corner. Tolia
has already been stepped behind him - and froze ...

   At the door, "Svinksa" appeared a tall, thick man of average
years, with thick dark hair. It was he, a man with pictures, 
which Tolik yesterday was to drive in that terrible porch!


   Tolia recoiled at the kiosk. Feverishly turning out the 
lining, dragged from the side pocket pistol, pressed the muzzle 
to the corner kiosk He caught a fly person as a banker and, 
holding his breath, slowly pulled the trigger ... 


   Shot


   Cotton on the background of street noise nobody heard. 
Nobody noticed as the banker slowly and heavily collapsed on 
the pavement. Red spray fountain gushed out of my head man ... 
The guards it separates the great gray Mercedes.


   Turning the corner, Tolia in minutes was near
his car. On the seat Zhiguli flopped and Petrovich. Slamming 
his partner's shoulder, cried gaily: - All right, roofing, 
drive! 

   Along the way Petrovich told how courteous gentleman took 
his dad. As a word to it going into the heart of the problem 
and immediately solved it with confidence now a businessman.

- The money he promised tomorrow, cash! - Gleefully said 
Petrovich. - So grateful that even an award for our successful 
"Oshibochka" promised ... Asked to come tomorrow afternoon. And 
the most interesting, roofing, as I saw him in his office ... 
so just do not laugh! It is he! Which we had to clean! But I 
mean not filed! Do you know who ordered it to us? - P. softly 
chuckled. - The same type, which you rang at the entrance. 
Chavkin the same! Pope in the same house lives only one floor 
above ... - Petrovich, glancing at his partner suddenly 
stopped. - What are you doing, roofing? .. 

            - -