Nicron #116 29 января 2000

Юмор

Humor - RAM.

            RAM

Vladislav Kashirin
2:5015 / 79.1 @ Fidonet


... Something I'm the head of Cardiology department can not 
see. Again with the heart a bad thing? Interesting! As RAM, so 
he immediately heart! Okay, let's begin.


   Week passed quietly, deaths
only two, both of no fault of ours, so that experience is not 
necessary. One patient instead of liver spleen removed - during 
operation the lights went out - will meet the electricians. The 
second cold in the House over the weekend, when heating turned 
off, will meet the public utilities. 


   Surgeons are generally operated. Successfully conducted
operations intern Pirozhkov, remove the four
appendix. However, all in one patient, but he did not notice 
anything, the extract was without complications. Today 
Pyrozhkov sews the boy's ear. 


   Question senior nurse: where the ear? .. What do you mean 
fridge patients use could confuse? Tatiana! Not find - sew 
yours! Never mind that women and Earring! Nothing! With a month 
is like, until he again otorvut. 


   By the way, smoking in the operating forbid! All sorts of 
things: Operation Heavy! Work with the break! Cut the 
pericardium, a smoke! Myocardium was cut again, a smoke! .. 
Laboratory constantly swears, why in the blood of tobacco 
crumbs float! 


   Head Nurse same bandages three times uses!
Tatiana! How many times have prevented? Bandages can be used 
only twice! Two! On the third - to take the laundry! A closed 
for repairs? Wash yourself! Where, where ... In a. ..! ... 
Odvale the house next door has a pool.



   Anaesthetists to look? File Gazizovich! Poppy
into two operations left! What does it mean provider have? Ride 
into the valley itself, the money I gave you. Malo - shake 
relatives! Surgeons are working without a buzz! I'm not talking 
about patients, those all without anesthesia! ..



   Ophthalmology, ten days ago, you went to the sick
Waddle with two eyes. A discharged with three! Noticed his 
wife's lover's house, looked the man in the eye - in fact a 
heart attack! "The new word, new word ... But do not be a third 
eye not to put your nose? What does it mean forehead was not? 
Every man has his forehead. And no, so do it! Are we in vain 
beautician hold? 


   Vladimir is also good! Patient Vshivkovoy removed
wrinkles, brought luster ... Ninety-two old woman, was walking 
home at night, to meet the southerners ... They are in the 
morning in her passport for coming! Now all we have, too. In 
psychiatry ... 


   Infectious block! I warn you, for you in the Sanitary and 
Epidemiological tooth! In the city there was a flock of 
ciliates-shoes. Shoes are thrown at dogs, cats.



   Neurologist where? Shaking under the chair? Rightly so. Y
him on Wednesday from a window ordinatorskoy patient dropped 
out. Right on patients, which her husband on a sledge to the 
nearby hospital was carrying. Barely had time to take ... How 
much? Seven, all the girls. Do you think that someone over 
fence at night, howling? Vitaly Tikhonovich, windows must be 
closed! "How to ventilate, ventilate as" ... To ventilate the 
crack in the wall of a bathroom! 


   Maternity ward. Why do you have the third month in some 
girls are born? And who knows? Men? Yeah man its the same in 
our hospital for a long time do not pass! To-morrow gave birth 
to a boy! Can make your own, it's your business. But the boy 
was born! And then on the twenty beds a woman in labor! And 
that mother bear will not allow it. When agree with my mother? 
Six months passed. A child in the womb already learned to read! 
That night, pulled Handbook gynecologist! Between Incidentally, 
the only copy. As further work be? How do I know how I know ... 
X-ray showed! 


   Speaking of X-rays. Peter Prokop'evich! Your machine shines 
the whole floor. You walk down the hall - some skeletons to 
meet! Toilets through ... Protective shield was stolen? Hence, 
the thieves must be sought, not sit at the meeting! A 
gastroenterologists where? Enema put? Clear. Again the food in 
the patients fed naprobovalis. 


   Resuscitation. Why yesterday passed a
substandard morgue dead? Pathologists took aback, as
He jumped when they started to work! What's that ... Our 
strengths were. Have done everything we need, today issued the 
relatives. Those however, are unhappy that the deceased

black eye and torn shirt ... So Simeon Anatol'evichu
had to give his coat.

   A. Simon, look at you cold! Go to the housekeeper, she will 
give you his jacket ... When the heat is? Now is only in the 
summer! At night all the heating pipes had burst! By the way, 
wake up there on the last chair fireman until he froze to 
death! Wants to sleep, let him go out into the street! There's 
warmer ... 


   Everything! Meeting over! Now everyone gets Tatiana
Yurievna in a beaker of alcohol - and get to work! ..