Nicron #82 31 марта 1998

Юмор

Humor - anecdotes.

                  ***



      ... Prior to the full "decoupling" ...

            *
"Contusion - is when the head gets shot."
            *
- And we do not oversleep?
- I set the alarm clock.
- How much?
- At x $ #.
            *
- What will sprats in the morning is - sprats or sardines?
            *
Grisha is the tenth time dumped out the window, but it still 
did not open.             *


   Computer Store "Electronics" (st. Energy, 6).
                    <1993>

        There is a different floppy disk:
        And clean and dirty;
        Good and bad
        (Bad even cheaper);
        There are a lot of CDs with games -
        With steep and nasty;
        There are CDs and software
        (Sometimes very odd);
        There are cleaning discs
        And the liquid to them for cleaning ...
        So that was not embarrassing,
        To drive a box
        Most have a box
        And a small box.
        Bought a box of Vova.
        Why only - is unclear ...
        (But that, b **, awkwardly).

        In one corner, covered with darkness,
        The box stands for marriage.
        It "Mini-Disk"-s a lot.
        Them every day Serega
        There sticks fairly.
        (But that, b **, awkwardly).

        And next, in a circle of light,
        Rotates the cassette.
        But the song to sing,
        Because there is a floppy disk;
        It definitely
        There is a file for the "Pentagon"
        And in a file that - the program
        Which stubbornly
        All day tirelessly
        Provides copies on tape!
        (But, b **, awkwardly so).

            *
-... What was it?
- Fridge is turned off.
- Phew, I really thought - someone died ...
            *
"For the first time in the championship goalie comes out of the 
gate foot forward" (From the report of the final match of the 
Brazil-Italy in the Championship World Cup 1994).

            *
The driver announced over a microphone:
- Citizens did not hang on the bandwagon, go back to the 
landing trail   yuschy bus.

A man said:
- Probably, non-flying weather today - the third bus to climb 
not 

  I can not.
            *
Express bus route, passing several unnecessary stops, suddenly 
slipped, and his, the driver braked abruptly meters fifty per 
stop. The woman said: - What he's fallen asleep, or what?

A daughter six years old replied:
- What are you, Mom! He's just not on the wrong bus sat!
            *
Turning back the screw in a remote place of radio, I was
extremely careful, because earlier I had dropped the screw for 
cabinet and then found with difficulty. The result was quick to 
say - on the This time, the screw of the rack, I did not drop. 
Dropped a screwdriver.             *

"... American Currency Instant Lottery! ... Pay Dollars -
get dollars! ... Buy tickets guys! ... Well buy
same! No? Well, if chewing gum is !"...
            *
At the bus stop to the "all fours" was drunk. Misha said:
"Four-wheel drive man. Four for four!".
            *
One high school student, looking at my command "Spektrumistov, 
said: Sinclair-Jugend. " I had to hold an educational talk.

            *
Gaming table. Armchair "experts". Top. Voice leading: "...
Five thousand on the red ...". Image disappears.'s Leading 
voice: "... Ten thousand on white ... Twenty thousand for a 
snack ...".             *

Institute for Advanced Studies healers. Faculty of acute 
Training, Faculty of chronic training.             *

        The front edge of the night was silent severely ...
        In a low voice command sergeant:
        - Petrov and Sidorov, remove the watch! ..
        - There is a lift! Let's take a camera ...
            *
    Take panadolchik inside!
    Although used one tablet ...
    Propose to look at the price tag
    Chemist-brunette ...
            *
            I wake up choking,
            Clutching his nose in silent question.
            That's not a dog barks in the soul -
            Garbage smolders, the wind is ...
            *
    Everything was still on the porch:
    Familiar path garbage bin,
    And I wrote a dog fence
    With a shy smile on his face ...
            *
Tincture of Rowan: "Ryabinovich.
            *
Two girls have seen the announcement: "Training Accounting".
- Let's proceed!
- You're it! I'm also in it, neither will nor hu ...
            *
Cussing two:
- Only a call-back, like you ... !
            *
At the entrance to Izmailovo park, opposite the exit of the 
subway Izmailovsky "is a wooden sculpture of the Olympic bears. 
The young man said in a subway car about his girlfriend: -... A 
Bear right at the entrance is a wooden ... - Wooden Gorbachev 
?!...             *

Mom did not come out for a long time student of the classroom, 
talk with teacher clearly delayed. The boy kicked the door down 
and said: "Come out, sneaking coward."             *

Leading the night program "Russian Radio" declared: "Yuri Music
Saksaulskaya ... "(you:" ... Yuri Saulsky :-)).
            *
Dialogue with the radio audience on "Russian radio":
- Boy, you name?
- OK!
            *
The protracted phone conversation:
-... Damn, floppy flogged ...
- Well Throw it out the window!

   Pause. Then the stream of invectives.
- What happened again?
- Not that threw a floppy!
            *
Prolonged work at a computer in the classroom:
-... Damn, your floppy flogged ...
- Well, format it and write me again!

   Pause. Then the stream of invectives.
- What happened again?
- I formatted your hard disk!
            *
Zhuravel came to school in a "black leather jackets, out of 
which almost up to tribes hanging shirt. I said: "What's your 
skirt!". Zhuravel replied: "Yes, I'm a girl-Ilyushechka ...".

            *
Gamers dream: a computer "PENTIDOOM".
            *
"Poppies, poppies, red poppies ..." - Computers, Mackintosh 
Soviet assembly.

            *
- Hello, this PCC "Computers for the people"?
- Yes.
- Tell me, my son Tolik you?
- Yes.
- And you could not give me his home by fax?
- We do not have a fax.
- And what if I was able to?
            *
"Double room with all facilities for four people"
(From the tour in a sanatorium).
            *
Nihilists - the user, which is the same as "Windows-1995"
that "Doors'96".
            *
The girl asked the cashier station:
- Do you have monthly?

   At the cashier, it seems, these same month of this issue and
begun. After a brief scandal revealed that the girl - from 
Leningrad, and there are so called tickets.                     
    (1984)             *

"The book - the best way to die." (From a serious interview
M. Zhvanetsky at the opening of Book Fair in Odessa on August 10
1996).
            *
"Organization of Disabled Persons invited to join their ranks."
(The newspaper "Eastern District", 7 / 62, 11.97)..
            *
If you have written down the registry office in the warranty 
card to the bride, be prepared for the fact that the only 
document to get her in dowry Mercedes would be a marriage 
certificate.             *

Longest swear word sinklerista:
"Treknolsektordevyat !...".
            *
Entered the office computer, I saw that one of the monitors
hangs somewhere gray sweater, the sleeves hang down - the 
overall impression, it's socks. I decided to make a joke and 
asked: "Who's socks to dry the monitor hung?. "He said, and saw 
that joke for some reason not obtained. Coming closer, looked 
carefully and realized why: it is was not a sweater. On the 
monitor really hung socks ...             *