Nicron #82 31 марта 1998

Самиздат

Stories - Bortzhurnal.

(R) Konstantin Kosov

            Bortzhurnal



                       B L & H

                   P L Since the B O J



                Evening.

17.00 - final preparations. Radio silence for three days. Zero 
Lop torpedo. Captain customize a file     head under the cap.

17.05 - Strong wind. Blows away the shoulder straps. Have to 
glue stripes     directly on the shoulders. Gasoline frozen. 
Kohl and his ax and     throw into the furnace in pieces.

18.00 - weighed anchor. Was not ours. Picked up the second. Not 
too     ours. Storozhily say that anchors we do not, and

    ship nailed to the bottom with nails. Sailing. Nails 
crossed bottles on the bottom. Will soon become deeper and 
flood the deck. How would     unhook the bottom?

18.15 - passed over the bridge. Where is our upper deck? On
    stern - the tram and traffic cop in the booth.
18.30 - The compass is broken. We go on a weather vane. From 
the captain's new karma is heard crying and moaning. This hands 
yearn for the wheel. 19.30 - Steamboat chatters. Probably stole 
the fish-bolt. At the root IU fight. No sound. Forgot to 
include the soundtrack. Participants read the text of nicks 
fight for a piece of paper. First Mate recaptured     flasks.

20.00 - Strong pitching. The navigator reported results on the 
ground meal.     Doctor gives calm tablets.

20.30 - on the horizon - land. The captain ordered her to hand
    peasants.

                Morning.

 6.00 - The first morning log grandfather arrived Mazai with 
reketirami.     Had to give north-west, bearing from the 
compass and a half ba ka. In the remaining forecastle polukok 
polusup brews. 11.00 - "The hold fire", - reported the 
watchman. "Bullshit!" replied the captain. At that decided to 
do. 12.00 - Preparations for the maritime fun, "Death of the 
Titanic."     The team threw overboard all the refrigerators 
and waits for ice berg. 14.30 - all the morning rain poured 
down. Watchman rotten. Made     act to cancel.

15.30 - At the bottom of the chattering. Probably stole the 
fish-snitch. 15.35 - At the bottom of the scream: "Help'm 
tired!" 15.40 - At the bottom of the shoot from Mauser. Maybe 
it open? 15.45 - opened kingstony.Korabelny air with the noise 
rushed     into the water.

15.46 - air is the last enema. At the door bursting. About 
schayte, comrades, all the places! In, pancake, swim! 



        ... What would happen
        if people are

      buying cars in the same way

  how they buy computers ...

beam first

Specialist: Customer Support Dealer "Antilopa
GNU ". How can I help?
Customer: I got into the car, shut the door and nothing 
happened! Specialist: You put the key in the ignition and 
turned it? Customer: What is Ignition?

Specialist: This is a special system that distributes the 
current from the battery to the spark in the engine cylinders.

Customer: Ignition? Cylinders? Battery Pack? Engine?
I do that, you think, should know all these technical terms,
to drive the car?

ray of second

Specialist:: Customer Support Dealer "Antilopa
GNU ". How can I help?
Client:: A week ago I bought your machine, and it's great
travel all the time, but now it wants.
Specialist:: Is there any fuel in the tank?
Customer: What? How do I know?
Specialist:: The front panel has a special display with
arrow, which shows the level of fuel in your tank. If
Fuel is running low, the arrow moves to the left of the red
Sector ", and starts flashing light, which is located next to
indicator. Where is the indicator needle on your
car?
Customer: I'm on the front panel there is no indicator
Only the headlights and grille!
Specialist:: No, you're talking about the "front end" of your 
car I mean the dashboard, which is

directly behind the steering wheel, and you can see
when driving a car.
Client: The steering wheel - this is a round thing, with the 
help of which I am applying beeps?

Specialist:: Yes, it is for these purposes.
Customer: Oh, I found the light! Indeed, the needle is in
leftmost position in the "red area". What does this mean?
Specialist:: This means that you must visit a petrol
station to buy petrol and pour it into the tank itself.
Client:: What? Yourself? Once I got you
car for 40 thousand dollars, I must buy some other
components in addition? This is unheard of! I want to have
car that will be immediately required all!