IzhNews #07 27 июля 2000

Юмор

Happy 1 - extract text from scrolling to the 'Happy Demo 2' to ZX Sspectrum, written for the new year brings joy to people.

           HAPPY-1



Information is provided exclusively for the newspaper IzH-NeWs

  organizer of Power of Sound, Kudryavtsev IV
__________________________________________


  Imagine your court statement text
of the scroll in the 'HAPPY DEMO PART TWO' for
ZX-SPECTRUM, written for the new year and
brings joy to people.

  This text was not written by
the influence of hard drugs and even
not intoxicated, he
written by ordinary programmers of the city
Izhevsk, from a computer company
'POWER OF SOUND'. The essence of the text is ...
Although read and understand everything that we
wanted to do this story. Just do not
Remember to take into account that the text was written by
new in 1996!


                      21.11.97 HIMIK'S ZxZ


     IN TO THE HAPPY DEMO FOR YOU!!!


     HELLO GUYZ!

  YOU HAVE ARE LOOK TO SEE NEW AMAZING
EFFECT'S!

  - ULTRACOLOR (FROM UNREALIZE MEGADEMO -
'AMAZE').

  BUT NOW I (ANDY MAN) JUMP ON BEST FOR
ME LANGUAGE!

  - DOUTCHE!!!

  - O O SHIT!!!

  - I Know IT!!

  - So what?

  - Then we'll imitate ACCENT,
(Ie, Activities MULEPESTRIEM).

  - KAK VI UZHE DOGADALYS, ETO ENTI
MEN AND I BE BOILER SKAZAT words on this
CUTS OF LIGHT NEMNOGO .72 F OTNOM ATRIPUTE
ETO Khoros HOTYA And PROSTO.

  STOP, YOU do not think that something has
SOMEONE to go somewhere? RIGHT, I'M
ROOF (Gone AWOL!).

  NOTICE: IF YOU ITS SOMEWHERE WILL SEE, OR
SHE Runs NEAR YOUR BODIES
Monitoring the environment,
Do not forget to CALL the owner.


              REMUNERATION:


  1. In a 1 liter of vodka ANTARCTIC
SPILL (Pickup FROM THE NEAREST
Reservoir);

  2. A PUD SAHERNOGO SAND (SI 2002
Pickup From closest beach);

  3. MOST VALUABLE CHEMICAL PRODUCTS
(20.95 O 2 +78.18 N 2 + .87 SHIT) - 1 liter
(YOUR PACKAGE).


  FOR THOSE WHO IS INTERESTED
Truly generous offer REQUEST
CALL 03.


                  PASSWORD:

- I want to marry the Przewalski horse.


                   Rating:


  - WELL, WE NOW HAVE COME FOR YOU
Wedding coach.


  THEN CALL YOUR ADDRESS AND PEACEFUL
WAITING FOR THE CALL.


  Hey, what's this? This is what knocks ME
The window?

  Wow! My roof, schA wicket Uncorking
(WHERE IS MY DUTY Corkscrew?), Oh, MY
POOR WHO IS THIS YOU AND SO mat
WASTE ANY BIRD
LIFE OF overlaid? OK, IF YOU
GATHERED run to the phone, SORRY
FOR bummer, but all the PRIZES chop off my roof
(And it's true).

  Okay, maybe ENOUGH PINA INSIDE
Intestine? A move from HOMO
EREKTUS (for those who are unfamiliar with
LATIN RADARCHIK
(Beacon (FOCUSING (TIP))):

  - Homo erectus (NUMBER
Brains 1) Features: Embedded
In everything that gets in his way)
STRAIGHT TO THE STAGE

  - HOMO HACKERUS (MAN STRAIGHT SMOKING
(Number of Brains 2 (1 RESPONSIBLE FOR
Appearance of Right Thought, 2 - FOR
DISTORTION Right Thought)
Features: SCRAP ALL THAT
GET HIM ON THE WAY) OR TO Step down
STAGE

  - HOMO FUCKERUS (NUMBER gyri 0
(Features: We throw on EVERYTHING
You will fall in his way) or can be

  - HOMO GLUKUS (NUMBER Brains 3 (1
- Watch for Right Thought
, 2 - to defend the rightness THOUGHT OF
PROPER USE, 3 - forgets
Unprotect) Features -
BEHAVIOR OF FULLY MEETS
Conduct of this text).

  Unfortunately, I have NOT BEEN POINT
PROOF OF HOMO LOGICUS (2 gyrus (1SLEDIT for the emergence of 
Right Thought, 2 Forget to protect it from the RIGHT

Use) and HOMO GENIUS (a gyrus (Watch for the RIGHT
THOUGHTS)), because MY Brains NOT
Able to predict their behavior!.


              NOW ADVERTISING:

  ACCIDENTS ADS (Published on
FREE STUFF):


  - KEDOZAVARACHIVATELI of all stripes and
Colors;

  - MULEPESTRITELI Tel: 752553;

  - BRAKE FLUID FOR USE
Inside;

  - Gons TEL.244693;

  - KRUTOVARKA, KRYSHEEZDKA, GLYUKOGENERATOR,
TREPLOGLOTKA, MOZGOKAPALKA (not the
MOZGOKOPALKOY) TEL.392777;

  - FIGOLOZHITEL, BLOCK POFIGIZMA
TEL.368914;

  - B.I.L. And Charles (BLOCK Ignoring Lokhov
And CHUHOV) TEL.245381;

  - SPIRTOPRIEMNIK, ZANYUHIVATEL, BLEVOBLOT
TEL. 251341;


  You have not yet tired to read this Lajoie?
NO? THEN ON PERSECUTED, as my
Great-grandson: "IF THERE IS WHERE Gnat, THEN WHY
WOULD NOT whipped? "So -


       JOKE HELLO FROM MANDY WOMAN TO:


  - CRIME TEAM;

  - DREAM MARKER SOFT;

  - NA (-N) A;

  - HARDSTAR;

  - MAGIC BUTTON SOFT;

  - PRESEVATIGE CLOP;

  - GLOBE BUSTER'S, RST # 0, MIN KLENAVTO,
KEYBRD, TWIX'S, SUNLIGHT;

  - MORTAL COMMENT CRACKER'S GROB, KLANO,
CYAN LTD;

  - GOLDEN DISK * IZOTOV *, NICK'A, G'LOB'A

  - FLASH DRINK, FIKUS-KAKTUS, BAKSON,
ALEX GREYDER;

  - PROFI CORE, PHANTOM L.T.P.,


    In the meantime, HAPPY ADVERTISING CHANNEL 2:

             MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENT:


  - FOR SALE PC. "KOMPANON-1" (NOT
EXIT TO MS-DOS);

  - Tapes 'SONY' (NOT IN FORMAT
1.2 M);

  - Satellite dish (under the first (FOR
Second, it will not do));

  - Screw on 1 GB (NUT Do not drive);


  And NOW I have passed the Special
'KORY'SPONDENTU a computer club
'PROFI CODE' - HIMIKU ZXZ ->

  YES! My joy gave their word, now I will not give it! Thus, (B 
Snout), I again I'm sitting in our club (more precisely, FIRST

PART), WHERE AS ALWAYS OUR boils
Useless work!

  JOKE!

  HEY! SYSOP!

  Your Mother!

  LAUNCH YOU HEATER!

  WHAT?

  YES AND HORSERADISH WITH IT, Connect again.

  YES do not care that she had Blending
Ninth place, Connect again.

  I TE right now in the ear DAME!

  That's the way it is better ...

  TYAPLO!

  It is quite another, and that his hands to KEY
PRIMERZLI.

  SYSOP, put the kettle!

  SAM GO!

  Gad! Seagull spoil right now, overflow
From the glass into a glass.

  COOL busy, I will tell you!

  Helps get rid of your roof, TA
WHAT DO YOU under the hair.

  NO, NOT THERE, AND AT THE METER ABOVE!

  Oh! Cockroach ON MAGNOFONU Crawls!

  PROBABLY LIKE MUSIC?

  I'm not going to kill him!

  Suddenly he FUTURE DED SMIRNOFF!

  Okay!

  BEFORE THE DEAL FOR THIS PROGRAM ITS
AUTHOR ...


  This was a direct VGLYUCHENIE FROM 'PROFI
CORE COMPUTER'S CLUB '.


          And while the turn ADVERTISEMENT:


  PHARMACY N.14 (IZHEVSK
APTEKOUPRAVLENIYA) offers:


  - The grass (WORMWOOD, George Kudrya,
Shah-i-MATIHU);

  - Kosyachki (leeches);


   PREPORATY FIRMS 'Cursed AS A CAMEL'


  - PESTROMULIN (10 pcs on .025 grams);

  - GLYUKON (100 DRAZHZHE ON GRAM .005);

  - MULEPESTRON ETC.


                    So, it was an advertisement!


  Chu, the doorbell rang ...

  - Who's there?

  - Chug Abramov!

  - But seriously?

  - Well, then 100 grams!?

  - OU and went on to FIG!

  - Andryukha! That's me! Nick! (-= RANGER =-)!!

  - Okay, RANGERYUGA HELD! Come on now,
KOLIS, SFIGA pinned!

  - YES, Andrei, I have heard that you make
TEKSTIK YOU IN DEMO ...

  - YES, WRITE, AND WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

  - YES, at least a couple BYTES YOU GAVE ME schA
Pee.

  - Well, Val!

  - AT ..

  Another person did not meet the
Specified number of bytes, THE WORLD NOW
MORE.

  Okay, RANGERYUGA with resentment Rewind
CONDUCTING Quiz ON: "HOW DO YOU
APPLY TO INTRUHAM, DEMUHAM, 128K
VERSIONS ?'... PROMISED ALL Recall
(That with his dynamic RAM is not possible!).


        In the meantime, I Push ADVERTISEMENT:


  IF YOU WANT TO EXAMINE RUSSIAN 'Slang'
As well as new FUN, Clip Available, jokes
(As little as 25.000 per month) For this you
TOTAL-something and need to become a member 'PROS
BARK '. Here is an example STORY (HEAR
ME FROM ONE PROFIKORYSTA (in the sense
KORISTA! UGH!? Well, in general you understand):

  DEPENDS I somehow under the roof,
ZRACHKANUL - BA! YES a cuckoo TEN TIMES
Cap move out, TIME Sneakers From the shelf
Get, and that HORNED PASTA
Stop, well, I OTPARKOVALSYA FROM ROOF AND
SEND TO STOPARIKU sneakers, depends on
Half an hour, and, as in Padley, no
CATTLE AND OVERBOARD North Pole
Was nearly AWOL shoes are gone, BUT
HERE ON MY HAPPY 5 horned
Mooring, and I went to him parked, suddenly I see: Moving 
companies dissect, EARS Grow, YES AND CABBAGE mow (3 PIECES

The ear), well I have them and loading "...

  FU! ... In My own little bonnet NOT
Moved out (actually, it was HIMIK, And
WITHOUT ANY IMPACT PESTRITELNYH
Preparation). Okay, something I CHEVOY
ZARAPORTAVALSYA and a little bit wrong ADVERTISEMENT
Pushed right schA recover ...


                 ADVERTISE!:

             Dating Service:

      Girl, do not miss your chance to:


  - DIMA 19/181/181 (Dragon TELKODAV)
LOOKING FOR TELECOM FOR BEAUTY Pastime TEL.229557;

  - DIMA 19/175/75 (Dragon MULEGON) VERY
LIKE GIRLS, BUT FROM THEIR STRADET
NON TEL.257043;

  - Ilya 17/168/68 (SNAKE / Podkolodny)
LOOKING FOR THAT, THAT WILL BE HIS
Inspiration in his 'worthless'
WORK TEL.752553;

  - ANDREW 19/174/55 (CAT / ZHABOGLOT)
INNOCENT VICTIM Herbalife! IF YOU
DO YOU WANT TO EXAMINE better human skeleton
CALL TO TEL.392777
(BLUE, GREEN, YELLOW, red-brown
PLEASE - DO NOT DISTURB! ");

  - Nikita 12/170/60
(PIG / NEDOREZANNAYA) (if the student
BRAKE - it's LONG TIME!) TEL.244693


       NOW, GUYS, Prepare:


  STOOOPP!

  SHITASS DAY!!!

  WHERE TO ADVERTISE?

  SHIT!

  EE SUPER CHEMIST!

  Ah! OK IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS TO SOLVE
THEIR OWN!

  In the meantime, I reported that recently
IZHEVSK to form a new ASSOCIATION
- 'DREAM FACTORY', featuring:
-= RANGER =- (CODE), GRAPHMAN (GFX), TDA
SOFT (CODE), ANDY MAN (CODE) ... AND YET
SERIOUS IS MUSIC
BECAUSE we are all different, but we have
One thing in common: Our ears BEAR
Lezginka studied DANCE!.

  Incidentally, in the near future will
RANGER DEMO.

  Oh shit!

  HEAD breaks, and, as in Padley,
'PESTROMULIN' Concha.

  Ok, getting late and that I am HERE
DO?

  SAME TO ME TOMORROW POINTS ON TCI give up!

  STOP, END!

  Tomorrow FIRST!

  WELL ALL I have something Zouch!

  Okay, schA UNTIL TIME IS FREE,
Take and read RESULTS Quiz
ANALYSIS KOLYANOM.

  - LIP *****

  - STOP HERE The solid MAT! Okay,
Have to undergo censorship.

  - So the first question: 'AS YOU
APPLY TO INTRUHAM? "

  - YES ME ALL ON * AND YOU COME IN #! -
90% YES they went ALL IN *, and their authors
# CI, "CI, 'Ny! - 5%;

  - Cool, buy and # thuja thuja GAME AND #
DEMUHU simultaneously - 5%;

  - And only one person said:
'Honk-Honk-Honk', suggesting that at
UPDF NEW YEAR! And the result is 90%
'm Not talking only about the fact that he asks
All in a row, but about that yesterday
CELEBRATE FOR TOMORROW!. And what about the
Others replied? CENSORSHIP
USE NO HUNTING, suddenly someone from the
Responded - FUTURE 'Pushkin' OR
'LERMONTOV' And I NAPUSCHU His Word
CENSORSHIP, how do I then people in the eye
'LL SEE? Okay, do not care ZAMNEM FOR
CLARITY (in the sense, the poll).

  Okay, but so far TELL ABOUT THE COMPETITION
'HACKER'OV:

 Ok, the first nomination - 'WOODY SOFT 95'.


  ON HER were nominated the following people:


  1. - NIK BEAST (FOR ALL THAT HE FOR
WE DID);

  2. - KSA 'OLDMAN (FOR THEIR' OUTRUN 3 '
THAT I HAVE AND NOT ONLY MY 'PROFI'
GEORGIA 15 minutes);

  3. - MAX IWAMOTO (FOR HIS INFINITE
Oblomov with new toys).

SO, VSKROYU ENVELOPE ---> NIIIK BEAAAST!!


   The following nominations 'HACKEROV WAR':


   1. - MKHG - SOFTSTAR;

   2. - GDC - KDF SOFT;

   3. - POS, PCCC-NIKE LTD 'NIK BEAST ...


  SO ---> MKHG - SOFTSTAR!!!
 With what I THEM AND CONGRATULATIONS!
 To be honest, I SIDE SOFTSTARA ...


     The following nominations 'BEST CODER':


     1. - RST # 7;

     2. - ALEX RAIDER;

     3. - NICK;

     4. - TITOV ALEXEY;

     5. - KSA SOFT;

     6. - MEDNONOGOV ...


  So, who of them? SchA KNOW --->
MEDNONOGOV!

  That's really WHAT a surprise! Okay, went
NEXT:


             'BEST GAME'


     1. - UFO (MEDNONOGOV);

     2. - MAGIC / COLOR LINES (P.O.S.);

     3. - DIZZY Y (SPEED CODE);

     4. - Star Heritage.


    OPEN ---> UFO (MEDNONOGOV) ...


       WHAT WE HAVE THERE MORE? -


           'BEST DEMO':


     1. - INSULT (CB);

     2. - UNREAL (KSA'AIG);

     3. - DOUBLE GIFT (FLASH INC);

     4. - PRINCE DEMO (--???--).


   SO LOOK -> PRINCE DEMO!!! AUTHOR
NOT KNOWN!


       'BEST SYSTEM PROGRAM':


     1. - STS 3.3 (STALKER);

     2. - TASM 3.0 + (RST # 7);

     3. - PRO TRACKER (GDC);

     4. - PUSHER 4 (HIMIK'S ZXZ) ...


  SO LOOK -> STS 3.3 (STALKER) ...

This Is It! ALL OVER THE NOMINATION!


  WARNING! OPINION OF THE AUTHOR OF MISMATCH
In view of those interviewed!

  Oh, what's The floor was littered?

  Bah! YES IT IS THE SAME PESTROMULIN schA SHAVAYU (B
SENSE SOZHRU).

  Y! FAX earn, and what's write? SchA
Read:

  Heil! UGH! .. HELLO! Andryukha! On HAPPY
NEW YEAR FOR YOU! I'm sitting here and as does not
CAN MY NAGLYUCHIT EFFECT.

  Count up! YESTERDAY I SAW THIS Baba! AF
In your TASTE! HOW DO YOU LOVE, B
Own juice!

  Lantz DRYNTSA GOP-CA-CA! YOU Listen-
SPICES, I am to you now come and POZHRU
TVAVO LUNCH!

  Andryukha! Move over YOU nafig with windows, A
THAT on the ninth floor FALL QUITE
SLIGHTLY.

  SO YOU THERE STILL A LOT OF PAPER? YES
I LinkBacks! TOILET PAPER EVERYWHERE
Missing.

  Now I will tell you that nose? NO
NOT A NEW YEAR, AND IS NOT READY HAPPY DEMO,
NO! BARADAVKA on the nose! From firms' TRIP
INC. ' THIS IS A DOG! NO, NOT YOU, AND MY
DOG, get drunk properdin, and Purdue
Padley, in my room, so badly
Drawing, FU! HERE I told her on the head right now, Dame
BOOTS, WAIT ...

  HERAS! Truncated! Svali! PANCAKES STILL
PAHER I am, Oh and FIGS WITH HIM,
Survive.

  WOOW! What's that bug? YEAH! THIS IS MY
EFFECT earned! NOW I OWN NAGLYUCHU
PART OF THIS DEMO! Andrei, GIVE ME
PESTROMULINU, TE MULESTRINU, and then my
ENDS AND YOU AND I HEARD ONLY
UNIQUE DISTRIBUTORS COMPANY 'GON'
GON '! HOPE for free!

  YOUR MAT! I HAVE BECAUSE YOU KETTLE
BURNT! Gad! NEW WITH YOU! THIS bummer!
NOW DO NOT Treat Seagull, overflows
NOTHING.

  Okay, I WAIT FOR SIMILAR sneakers ...

  IN NOW I them securely!

  Truncated, wrapped ...


  UGH, THAT IS NOT Gon imagined, such as
ON THE CHEMIST seems okay, in the morning
READ, WHEN THE ACTION PESTROMULINA
Concha.

  So, I REMEMBER SOMEONE WITH ME CHIME
Murphy's Law "?

  Okay Public:

  1 - ALL lasts longer than
Planned;

  2 - If something may be messed up, it
Be sure to be messed up;

  3 - All outputs are more expensive than
Planned.

  ADDENDUM TO Murphy's Law, SAID
A clever man: 'MURPHY was an optimist'
But I would like to add that they were both
OPTIMIST! Anyway, OTHER
COMMENTS: "If programmers
Build a house, any woodpecker Fly
Would have destroyed him '...
__________________________________________