IzhNews #07 27 июля 2000

Юмор

RSSS1 - a day in the life of the group "Power of Sound".

           PCCC1



Information is provided exclusively for the newspaper IzH-NeWs

  organizer of Power of Sound, Kudryavtsev IV
__________________________________________


        ITAR-TASS reports:


  Today, at 10 hours and 15 minutes occurred
World Events!

  The most popular company in Izhevsk and
its regions has begun to decline! Products
Company POWER OF SOUND repeatedly
surprised us with its quality and idea
creation. Repeatedly we have received from her
something that seemed impossible to create even
the best programmers in Russia. But
Today we want to let bad news: that same company, which we
heard so much, started to do downhill
production and wants to sell all of the rights
SPECCY famous firm IBM. Summary
interviews with company founder and
from the president of the club PROFI CODE COMPUTERS
CLUB, will help you all understand.
Thus, we include a report of our
correspondent in Izhevsk.


  Hello, dear viewers. K
Unfortunately, I was not able to interview
nor a single member of the club, but the net
chance I came upon a self-made
book titled "How long can
Wait? ". In the book there is a signature" That's all
I was able to collect on the life of this group ...
Sincerely, Givi Nemsadze.

  With our modern
computer technology, we can
recompile it, in my opinion,
an amazing story on your screens
televisions. Thus, we begin our story ...


       

          WHAT GETS YOU CAN EXPECT



      P R E D & C L O V I E


  By PCCC approached a chemist and, as usual,
knocked on the door with his foot:


  - Hey, you, your mother! "MADE FUCK OF",
open the door, "ALL LIVE IS THE FULL
SHIT ", - and after these words, he knocked on the
door again 70 for the full
satisfaction.

  PHANTOM Ltd turned away from the monitor and
said:

  - Listen, thank you! Not orite like cattle, you
prevents me think to catch, and vosche
open the door of this woodpecker, in kind, and
then because of his knock my program is buggy
like a herd of hippos, but on
that the floor was shaking, shaking my desk, and
with him and my komputer,
respectively, with shaking machine
some rushka sneakers wraps, and
my black and white color monitor
missing, the program is buggy, music
disappears, and the four-something pops into beeper ...

  Paul decided to open the door, so that
to prevent the angry actions chemist
to all those who have been in this
time at the club.

  Entering the room the computer center
PCCC, and to be modest, the
company headquarters POWER OF SOUND, he
looked around and decided to start
conversation ......


  - Well, Che, PHANTOM, as usual sit mulyu
checker?

  - To keep quiet would ya bastard, you know that you
Now his knock did?

  - Not hard to guess: as usual, you
asleep, and I wake you.

  - And here's absolute value in his ugly face, I realized, yes?

  - I then just wrote DIZZY-2 and not
managed to keep the text as suddenly - bang,
fuck - and the monitor goes off. Well, I mean in
blind, I think, now pimpochku zhamknu, and he
save to disk, so no, pancake,
shake-shake, and it does not work! Here I
guessed press "MAGIC", but
Only after I clicked it, I
remembered that put the protection of
"Monkey" that you told me, and she
zapoganila my scratch disk, which
were all developed.

  Now people do not see the new geymu.

  - Oh, PHANTOM, mudilo you, and all the hell
me your game, when my doctor did not
start a new search algorithm for all
garbage on the disk.

  - Okay, chemical, fuck you in the ass with his
doctors, the best to restore my drive to its
physician, and then manually then arises dofiga.

  Chemist quietly sighed, pulled out
right pocket with his left hand a packet of cigarettes
~ BOND STREET ~ and lit ....

  - Hey, I'm starting to like what
My gynecologist is able to do as a floppy disk
Restaurant, is looking for, extracts, and many
still makes all sorts of rubbish.

  Ten minutes after the break, he
asked:

  - And how are things in our market?

  - Auction - simply said Pasha.

  - And how it feels to Comrade Nikita?

  - It is hard, - said happily ANDY
MAN.

  - It's good, - said the chemist. - I
for it is a new message.

  Meanwhile, Dr. formatted
floppy PHANTOMA ...


          CHAPTER A 1


        FLASH GUEST


  All things were not so bad
Work lasted whole day, and sometimes
even days, even though I wanted to say
vice versa, but what a difference to you that I
I write here? In fact, in the club business
did not fare so well. Sometimes came to
pay us a visit and asked the district:

  - Guys! What do you have for equipment
so powerful? You know, the neighbors are beginning to
you complain, they say that at night the music
loud turn, what's his name? Well, damn,
forgot! Heck, just the language
spun, well about it, damn it, SHIT ASS MY
MEMORY, disco, or what? No, I do not like it
techno or pop? And, okay, we will not
arrange guess melody better themselves to me
tell me what you've heard?

  Paul replied:

  - Now, one minute, I'll
including ...

  Paul took one of our favorite
cassettes and ... turning the knob of the amplifier in
the "MAX" (ie 350 watts), pressed
a small button "Start" OR "PLAY"
(Or for those who are in an armored train, the button
"Play"). Some time in the
room was quiet, but ...

  Glass in the windows rattled, curtains,
which covered the columns, flew to
edrene hair dryer, computer PHANTOMA folded
immediately and stopped working, it became
ok ....

  I think, dear readers, that
description of the environment at the moment
listen to our magazine, you
guessed that the group we sluhali.

  THE BEST GROUP OF PCCC! THIS IS ....
METALLICA!

  While we enjoyed the music, Phantom of
corner of torment in his car. He is her
mother for what she is not working and we
along with it because we so Mouzon
drove. Unfortunately, he did not understand that
His car also baldeet from METALL and
currently enjoy with
us ...


  After a while we recovered from
Binging and looked around: Cops do not
was, and then he said to us is no longer
dropped.

  That's so began the next day in our
club, the computers were a chemist and
Phantom, as usual, four-then diligently wrote.
Phantom ever smoked, and sent all his
life to the devil, but it bitch, no
want to go. Chemist wrote a program ...
Pasha silently read his own writing in a notebook.
So would continue for some time,
if not for one event ...


          CHAPTER A 2


         CONTINUOUS bummer


  The clock has been for some time, I remember
only that local, rather than Chukchi. For
windows was a normal summer day, there was
The weather is fine. The sun shone on
parties, and all said that the day
expected to honor successful. As we all
know that all the best, alas not for
all, and that this day was for
atmosphere in our club.

  Everyone sat quietly, would have been silence,
if the Phantom did not write the program.
Why? Yes it is very easy, when he
running on a machine, it is very often
doing all sorts of nasty things, such as:

  "In the ceiling and opened the door, do not worry,
this is a bug "- but in Russian it sounds and
looks like this: "there is every
rubbish on the screen (the hatch), and it resets
(Glitch). "Therefore, the chemist had often
yell at him because he was drowned
sounds of our favorite music. As usual,
Work was in full swing, we are sometimes
disruptions to the public
the break, but more often in order to
zavarganit chefirchik and his pohlebat
freshly brewed. Our only
full employment - a funky drink
quality tea, which is brewed
Paul normally, so we drink his
branded tea, from which the ears
pipe wrap. Of course, if
brew is always the way he does
it is possible for only one case out of money
stay. Well, in general,
with tea, we had no problems. Saher
bring every little by little. Live normally.

  At the dinner, as usual, bought spaghetti
prepared them with a sharp tomato sauce.
Then it all fried on a griddle,
which were placed on plates, which
had a habit of overheating, from which
peregarali suddenly all the tubes, and
Naturally, all programs on computers
dropped. Typically, programs are still
were unable to ship to the disk, but
Later when they write new
become many times shorter and steeper.
Clear horseradish, if your program to destroy
five times per day, with a new writing
to it are worse and try to
as little as possible to write all the commands in
Phantom finally after the third write
their new demo, recorded the original
text to disk, and with space left over
disk slightly more than half, and before that
he had to use two, and
sometimes even three diskettes. You see,
What are the benefits of his club Khimik
drop dead tiles, which took up to 1
liter, when I worked in a stall vendor.


          CHAPTER A 3


       And as always - LUNCH


  After the complete satisfaction of our
dinner. By the way, people had no one
as soon as we sat down calmly to eat, so
bang and the lights went out. Broken off about
eat light had to do. After the repair, but we sat down, knock 
on the door, we no luck: it was opened. Flies

SYSOP and SLEEPING MAN, grabbed our
frying pan and knocked out of the club to their eyes
look. After twenty minutes they
back and begin to make excuses.
 - Why, we do not like without you drink to us
had to go buy booze. Today
y Kostyan birthday, and we decided to
you note.

  - Okay, I understand you, - said the Chemist. -
But why the pan rested?

  - Yes, then, that you snack before
has not eaten!

  - Yes, you understand everything, and how to you
people looked when you bought the booze,
standing at the stall with a frying pan in hand?
I guess it was very funny?

  - Yes you, Chemist, if only
shame, we have saved you booze and you ...

  - Okay, do not drive a snowstorm ....

  - Pouring ....


          CHAPTER A 4


       REVIVAL OF MEMBERS


  The next morning, as usual,
awoke to the fact that someone is digging in
door with such force that the poor DED
SMIRNOFF fell off their chairs and do not even
woke up. The noise of a falling body
Phantom awoke and decided to open the door.
Approaching the door and opened it, he saw
standing on the threshold of counterfeit a fly, ie FIRE
DRAGON.

  Phantom opened his eyes wide and hands
only able to accept that someone
it faces, but particularly those who, it is not
knew. A few minutes later, when the filter
cigarette he was smoking had already begun
burn your fingers, saw Phantom
standing and yelled.

  - What the fuck are you, son of a pterodactyl,
pinned here?

  - Huh?

  - I slept so well in nature, all
goats!

  - Mraz, again came to whip us
anything?

  - Went to the ass, we fall asleep, and none at all
someone is not home.

  With these words he fucking force
hit the door, and thus roused all
other members sleeping in club after
booze.

  Someone was yelling from their seats, while others do not
too lazy to get up for this business ...

  So began another day of our lives.

  Chemist, grumbling and muttering something obscene
under his breath, staggered to his
recorder to turn it on.

  Phantom crept barely contain his
coffin, to continue yesterday's lesson.

  DED wanted to run the car to
to continue writing music, but then ....

  Paul woke up, and on-nashenski OWL.

  His first word was: "Kostya, put
kettle. "After that it's about something and thought
said the chemist.

  - Chemist, zapuschay Mouzon, today I want to
listen to "Europe" to a head with the order
bring.

  The whole club got up and met the new
day on which there has been as much as 15
minutes.

  Suddenly, before you turn the music,
we heard someone snoring.

  In the corner near the window sill, was in
unknown pose SLEEPING MAN. It was
something! Head on the windowsill, covered
casing of the monitor, the leg - the one that with
right side - on the table before
which can only get a true
gymnast, on the left leg he sat his
backwards, which fit on 1 / 4 of
stool, his hands he held in his pockets.

  To wake him, we barely
increased the volume on the amps up to 100
Watt, he jumped in terror, which he
fancied at that moment, when joined
soulful melody of "Europe" under the
called "reference point". He rubbed his
eyes lying next to a cloth, which
we use to clean their
equipment mokaya it into alcohol. The odor
coming from the cloth, he felt good.

  - Well, Th, bitch! What for so doing,
do not sleep and I can not give.

  - It's time, our dear, to work a little bit.


  After 20 minutes the situation at the club
improved, and all dispersed to their
jobs. Someone on everything, and spat
went home.

  And someone went for a walk down the street,
because the weather was just a rush, lil
oherenny rain, and sometimes the thunder rolled.


  Suddenly, a chemist stood up and ....


          CHAPTER A 5


          PLANS FOR CHEMIST


  In a head start to mature a Chemist
interesting idea.

  - Listen, Andrei - he said DEDu -
you need recompiler music from ASM?

  - What is it, rekompilya like it?

  - This return is compiled
music back into the text editor.

  - Ie?

  - You take any Mouzon, and rekompiliruesh
loaded into the editor, then you can
do with it whatever.

  - It would be nice to have such a thing
come on.

  - Hmm, come on, it still must write,
Some types of Moscow say it is
do not!

  - Well, Che then I suggest?

  - I wanted to know, or should not, and if
must then try to write.

  - Of course, it is necessary - and answered Andryukha
buried in your monitor.


  Thus spawned the creation of Chemist
program PUSHER, about which even he did not
knew.


  As usual, the Phantom in the search for complex
I sat on the tail.

  - Chemist, to help you do not need to create?

  At that the chemist replied: "Of course, we need
your help, because we are a company that
I have such plans are relatively mature
the idea that one I can not cope. "

  And boiled rough work ....


  For a start, we took Mouzon and steel
learn how and what is stored. On the table
began to appear over time, more and
more papers with different calculations and
records. We sat, not moving away from
Computer ...

  Two days later was ready first
recompiler option, which
convert music, but with some
errors.

  Then we threw this thing, and again
who are engaged in nothing.
__________________________________________