Buzz #13 12 февраля 1998

Юмор

Jokes - 20 jokes ...

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  New Russian decided to show off knowledge of English. Comes in
Restaurant:

  - Vodka And lobster. Nothing that I have in English?


                           *


   Son of a New Russian picks in the sandbox. Suddenly, he
broken plastic spatula. He calmly takes out a cell
phone and starts to dig sand them.

   - Broken because, - said his friend, also a son of the new
Russian.

   - Yes, spit in the folder a lot of money, he would buy more 
tomorrow. 

   - Well, yes, but you at this time, as the last Loch, with a 
pager 'll go?



                           *


  Russian found a box of vodka, sold and the money was cut.


                           *

· - Karkusha, and where our Piggy?

  - He has mumps, Phil.

  - And what, Piggy is in bed?

  - No, Phil, they have just met.


                           *


   Three o'clock in the morning. Someone knocks on the door of 
the bakery. After a while the owner opens the door, on the 
verge of - man. 

  - Do you have a bun?

  - Yes.

  - Just eat?

  - Exactly.

  - With Mac?

  - Yes, with poppy seeds.

  - Similarly, with a poppy?

  - Exactly.

  - Apply for Christ's sake ...


                           *


   In the robber broke into the apartment and threatened with a 
knife young a woman yelled:


  - Now, tell me where the money!

  - What if I tell you I did not touch? - Trembling with fear,
the woman asked.

  - Do not Touch!

  - I swear!

  - Shit I will!

  - Money in the savings bank ...


                           *


  There are two new Russian:

  - And who are you working on now?

  - Street vendors.

  - Well you're cool! And how many are now facing one street?


                           *


   Once the new Russian skidded to the Hermitage. Goes from 
picture to painting and admires:

 - Oh, wonderful! .. Just great! .. Phenomenal talent! ..
A masterpiece! .. Fascinating! .. Well, shit! You can fuck up! 
.. 


                           *


   New Russian sitting in a restaurant, he and she. Table 
covered at least five thousand dollars. In general, sit and 
eat. Suddenly she cough:


  - Excuse, - he says - the wrong way anyhow.

  - You're Th, bitch, in nature! You Th, two throat zhresh?


                           *


   Attending a presentation of the new bank. Invited the British
partners who were very surprised that many of
present drinking champagne bottles, eating at the same time
herring, then drank brandy and whiskey, vodka and beer. Someone 
has already clearly overeaten and the census, some danced, some 
with girls retreated.


   To the Englishman, looking at all this with horror, came the 
new Russian, and asked:


  - What are you are do not eat?

  - Yes, I do not want.

  - Listen, yes it is a freebie! Free! Eat!

  - I eat only when hungry.

  - Well, you're just like an animal!


                           *


  What is Tee-Tee tu-tu-tu?

  This new Russian order two of tea in the 222-th issue of 
London hotel.



                           *


   On a cruise ship met a Frenchwoman and a new
Russian. Liked each other, sat at the bar, and how to 
communicate - do not know. He took a napkin and drew a bottle 
of champagne, she nodded. Drank, he painted another bottle, it

nodded. Drank more, she took a pen and drew
bed. He thought: "That bitch, how she knew I
Factory owner of bed? "


                           *


  In the bus:

  - Who smokes? - Asks the policeman.
All are silent.

  - Who smokes? - Repeats the policeman.
Silence. Finally, hear a male voice:

  - J.

  - Leave a smoke.


                           *


  In the student canteen:

  - Two sausages.
The whole place:

  - Shikuesh!

  - And eighteen forks, please.


                           *


  - Waiter, why do you have fatty tissue?

  - And you would not wipe his face with pancakes.


                           *


  - Waiter! Take this wine back - it is murky.

  - In our trendy restaurant and suddenly - the wine cloudy?
It can not be! It's just a glass of dirty ...


                           *


  - If I jump into the water, you save me, dear?

  - And when I say "yes" - do you jump?


                           *


  The doctor draws a square and asks the patient:

  - What is it?

  - Bed. If a woman put in such a way as to lie very well.
The doctor draws a circle:

  - And what is this?

  - Bed. If a woman put in such a way as to lie very well.
The doctor draws a triangle.

  - And this?
A patient with suspected looks at the doctor and says:

  - Doctor, and you are sexually preoccupied.


                           *


  The patient asks the doctor:

  - Tell me, are any known to science, why some people are bald?

  - Reason is set accurately - responsible physician .- Some 
people bald because their hair falls out and is no longer 
growing. 


                           *


  And lastly, a very brutal anecdote ...


  Which is easier to unload: a wagon with television or with 
dead babies? 

  Konechmo, with babies, because they can be on the forks to 
impale.