Humor - Hacker.

(C) Sergey Patsyuk, Sergey Simonovich, 1996


                             HACKER


        - Well, what do we have there today?
        - Yes, everything is still the same.  Infoenergy complex in
ok, crystallographers no questions asked.  As always, difficulties in
group of primary information processing.
        - What problems?
        - Carmo scanners are overloaded. The flow is big.
        - Where do the arrays come from?
        - All the same - “hot spots”... Nothing can be done
we can.
        - Process it with a list. There was a canonical instruction
military personnel to process the list.
        - Yes, there are conflicts with religious content. It's like that with them
it is impossible. How many complaints were there from Valhalla when the Palestinians came to them
the partisans were in charge.
        - What's on the scanners?
        - Different things. Some remember their home, some remember their childhood, but
I'm thinking more and more about the last clip.
        - So they don’t have enough cartridges?  Okay, give them
array in the Arcade-Dynamic sector, there the religion of the role
doesn't play, and the clips are fine, just release them
more like equipment.
        - Okay, I’m switching the flow to the AD sector... By the way, here
here is another interesting case. The impulse is of incredible strength,
but not classified. There were no precedents.
        - What else?
        - Called "Hacker", hacks into computers, sent
a lot of people come to us, but not out of malice, but out of love for art.
Links to ita lot, throughout the entire database...
        - You say a new guy? So this is wonderful, it will be oh
than to report. Let's take it, just be careful...

        - Angela, honey!  How are you?.. I’m doing well too...
Listen, I’ll be late today, we have important work here... What?..
No, not the President or the Pope.  More interesting!  Hacker today
We will virtual... Yes, of course an important event, one might say
first case in history... Naturally young, where did he come from?
an elderly hacker to take it on?   Why are you talking about age?
you ask?.. You say you need an assistant?.. I'll show you
referent.  We'll rewrite you as a cobblestone, and you'll live for a million years
lie at the base of a Tibetan temple... Well, okay, I'm just kidding.

        - Hello! Purgatory is listening!
        - Hello colleague, this is from the Security Service.
disturbed.
        - How can I serve you?
        - We serve, and you work, colleague, and work
better.  As we learned, you have a Hacker on your contact today?
What, are you pushing the assortment plan?! Have you forgotten about safety?! Yes
Now, I must inform you that we will not sign your proposal.
        - How can you not sign? There’s also no show?
        - But we won’t sign anything.
        - But this is a historical case. If you have any questions,
let's sit down and discuss it together, but we can't break the plan
work.  Competentlyscan it, record it securely, virtualize it as
it should be, we will determine it where it is needed, and let it be stored in
energy clot before reincarnation.
        - Excuse me, colleague, did you find something online?
Do you understand communications?
        - Don't be sarcastic.  You know my file better than I do.
You know that I have been at my post for three thousand years and I understand
only in communications on clay tablets. What does it have to do with it
this?
        - And despite the fact that your Hacker has so much in his head
viruses, what kind of work our systems do after its virtualization
no one can give you even a broken clay tablet. In general, scanning
we prohibit!
        - I will complain to the Chief.  I just got from him
they called, he needs an assistant...
        - The boss is aware and has ordered not to accept hackers until
you won’t find a good virologist.  This is what you should do. A
see you soon...

        Vovka, for as long as he could remember, thought only in
hexadecimal code. Will see somewhere a foreign car with the letters AF
on the license plate and immediately understands that on the zero data bus
it should be one.
        This obsession began when he learned that everything was
The computer is built on an interrupt system.  "Interrupt and
rule" - he developed a motto for himself, and began to "interrupt".
        It turned out to be a simple matter to interrupt the work of any task, and
if Vovka had been woken up at threeo'clock in the morning, he would immediately call
forty surefire ways to fail the program.  But all this was in
past... Gradually getting accustomed to the world of computer networks, Vovka
found romance not in breaking the poor unprotected
program, but to merge with it, get used to it, become its
partly, breathe the same air.  That is, it began, of course,
exactly like that, but it ended differently.  Vovka was no longer part of
program, and she was part of himself and for a long time after that
wandered around the world, not realizing that the “alimony dad” was talking about her
I haven’t forgotten and am ready to remind myself at any moment.
        To think that he could become triple dollar
billionaire, Vovka was especially pleased while standing in line for
bread. Nearby in a warm store they sold bread without a queue, but
here in a tent in the cold it was two hundred rubles cheaper.
        With stiff fingers, Vovka thrust it into the plastic
package two white loaves and half a black one, crossing the road in
slippery quiet alley. The last thing he saw was the AF number
43690 CB on the sparkling face of the rapidly approaching
foreign cars, but still managed to think about the imperfection
decimal digits.  In a split second, a nondescript number enters his brain
43690 was converted to hexadecimal code #AAAA, and Vovka
admired this beauty...
        ...The inspiration was strong, the impulse was heard where needed andcorrectly identified...
        ...The truck that flew out of the gateway could not
brake on the ice and mercilessly rammed the side of a foreign car into
five steps from the frozen Vovka.  Everything happened as in
slow motion cinema.  Here is a silvery stream of metal, already ready
overwhelm the hacker, abruptly changed direction and began
transformation.  The hood opened and glass splashed. Heavy things have flown by
wheel, taking a bad breath of hot rubber and touching the fur sleeve
jackets.  Vovka froze, watching the shapeless pile of metal
flows around the concrete pillar opposite.
        Taking a breath, Vovka realized that he had simply escaped death
miraculously.  My legs immediately became wobbly and my back was damp. He's slow
walked home past the growing crowd surrounding the lifeless
the body of a gentleman in a gray coat and who knows how preserved
gold glasses recovered from the wreckage of a foreign car.

        (From the evening news.)
        "Associated Press" with reference to "Interfax"
reports that today in Moscow (the capital of Russia) in the automobile
accident tragically killed the famous American professor, doctor
philosophy of W. J. Smith. He worked in computer virology and
arrived in Moscow the day before to get acquainted with the latest samples
Russian viruses and consultations with colleagues. The case is ongoing
investigation..."

        - Hello! Purgatory is listening!
        - Colleague, it’s happening againSecurity Service. Virologist
the boss was pleased and allocated a special sector for him.  You can
open a massive reception of hackers. There are no more objections.