Novels - The end of the great Russification.

THE END OF THE GREAT RUSIFICATION
               ═════════════════════════════════

                                 - Is this yours?
                                 - Mm... Almost.
                                 - What does this mean: “almost”?
                                 - So this is a poem
                                   Tolstoy, but I misinterpreted it.

                                      N.A. Teffi. "The Forgotten Path"


        Sticking out his tongue in zeal, the Emperor of the Entire Galaxy,
Adjacent Nebulae, Comets, Asteroids, and Planets
Raksla, If She Still Shows Up, was finishing his decree.
The light pen squeaked obnoxiously across the holographic display.
        "236.12.7. And lastly, I hereby announce to everyone
planets, asteroids, space stations under my control,
stars and comets, the beginning of the GREAT RUSSIFICATION. From now on everything is mine
subjects are obliged..."
        Having finished writing, Emperor of Everything, etc. gloatingly rubbed the top one
anterior pair of tentacles:
        - Well, gentlemen, rebels, let's see how you are now.
will you get out?

                            * * *

        And at this time, lost in space, very, very,
A VERY secret Azaar rebel base, at the moment
located at the coordinates [crossed out for reasons
secrecy], a secret headquarters meeting was in full swing
rebels.- Comrades!  The most unpleasant news has reached me! -
A fat speaker was sitting on the podium. - It concerns our
vile enemy, this vile despot!  I mean Him
Imperial Majesty. (The speaker bowed towards the staff
Imperial informant. He raised his head from his notepad and answered
with a casual nod.) He has conceived a new insidious plan! I know
it's hard to believe it, but... he decided to start a GREAT
RUSIFICATION!
        -  No!!!  - the listeners gasped in unison. Even an informant
He took his feet off the table and listened.
        - Alas, yes!  Needless to say, how terrible
this can lead to consequences. The economy of the entire Galaxy will come
into decline!  All factories producing furs, ellois,
drugs, finally!.. We'll have to reorient everything
production!  And no one will ever buy a ton of Helena from you again.
items!..
        The speaker took a noisy sip from his glass.
        - But Russification will deal the main blow to us,
rebels!   Unfortunately, I won't be able to convey everything to you.
the tragedy of the situation. But such is the will of the Authors.
        - Or maybe there are no Authors?.. - timidly
suggested a certain materialist skeptic.  In space-time
something blinked and he disappeared.
        “So,” after pausing for significance, he continued
speaker   - The authors, in all their ineffable wisdomand
justice, for some reasons inscrutable to us, they considered
it is necessary that we all speak Russian here. That's why I don't
I can fully clarify the situation. I'll say one thing - in Russian
the whole problem and even the very concept of Klumpwists is lost by everyone
meaning!  Thus, we automatically cease to be rebels,
for in the Klumwists lies all our divergence from the vile
policy of the Honorable Emperor! (Another bow to the side
informant.) Therefore, if the Great Russification comes true,
we will be forced to become law-abiding citizens!  And
the next game will be written about someone else! About wizards
some! Can we really allow this to happen?
        - No!!! - the audience roared in unison again.
        - Fortunately, we managed to take some measures. Corporal
Dzhonlan, I ask you to come to the podium.
        A short, frail man rose to the dais. He
nervously adjusted his glasses and sighed into the microphone. It was obvious that he
I would like to start with the command “Attention!”;  and if it’s impossible, then he won’t
knows how to be.
        “Uh...,” Dzhonlan said and fell silent.  In the hall
applauded.
        - We... That is, I... well, yes... in general, I was patrolling
one sector in the upper left corner of the Galaxy... Yes, you know, there
The liquor is also cheap!  And I came across one planet... Nosovoy
the fairing, of course, is a cake, but that’s not what we’re talking about. And on that onethere's a whole brood of clones on the planet - no, it's not Blood, I'm already
asked - translates data on planets! And all Russification
will flow from there!  So... I think... in
In general, this matter should be stopped. Otherwise it’s somehow not good.
        - Thank you, corporal. So, there is one volunteer. Corporal,
shut your mouth!.. More volunteers?

                            * * *

        - Why do we need this android? - Dzhonlan fought back.
        - Don't argue, corporal! For the price it's quite decent
android.
        - Yes, just touch it up a little - it won’t wear out! -
the quartermaster was excited. He had already suffered a major defeat in a dispute with
paratroopers when I tried to convince them how great it was to go through
mission with only knives and no body armor.  Now he was taking
revenge
        - Well, tin, what do you say? - asked in a sour tone
Dzhonlan on android. -Have you even served somewhere?
        - Deputy Commander for Science on a cargo ship
“Nostromo,” the android creaked.  - Subsequently - participant
Space Crusade. Personally destroyed the squad leader
"Blood Angels" and was awarded a personalized claw halberd
himself... mmda... well, you don’t know him.
        - Not bad, not bad.  OK.  Let's take it.  Such - uh -
We need androids.  Only then throw us another rocket launcher,
for him to drag her.
        And the dispute flared up with renewed vigor.* * *

        "Jihad", the only rebel landing ship,
converted from a captured Targon garbage truck, under
controlled by two pilots and with a team of paratroopers on board,
was approaching the hypertransition point.
        The first pilot, Rosenkrantz, was lubricating the jammed steering wheel and
tried not to listen to the contradictory instructions of the Monitoring Service,
Flight Safety Service, Long Range Coordination Center
Transitions and flute exercises for co-pilot Guildenstern.
The paratroopers, having nothing better to do, looked out the window
a Viper overtaking them with the proud inscription “Ace of Base” on its side.
        Hypertransition has long become just as common
reality, just like ordinary quark sublimation. But disputes about
the nature of subspace did not subside from the very moment of its
discoveries, and especially intensified when it was strictly proven
impossibility.     However, there was a hypothesis that
subspace is quite possible and even necessary if
consider the whole world as an information array of 40-50
thousand bytes.  But such monstrous volumes seemed absurd, and
the hypothesis was not very popular.
        Be that as it may, subspace was quickly mastered,
cramming continuum diggers and vacuum pumps there for laying
tunnels and maintaining them in working order. True, at first
oftenaccidents happened, but with the advent of the concept of canals and
flows everything returned to normal.
        Finally, the tunnel to subspace opened, and "Jihad"
slid there, touching the edge of the continuum with the casing.  Stars
merged into circles, jumped on the pilots and disappeared astern. Atoms
turned inside out, electrons changed sign, gravitons
huddled together on the starboard side, and one, the most impudent one,
stuck his tongue out at Dzhonlan. Dzhonlan pretended not to notice.
        From all this mess suddenly a little man in chain mail emerged and
with a two-handed axe. "La-a-adril! Si-i-igmar! Where the hell are you
take it!" - he shouted mournfully and wandered away. On the port side
the huge dragon was licking his lips satiatedly, and to the right he was jumping
a hefty egg with boxing gloves trying to look into
porthole.
        - What is this? - newcomer Stone asked in surprise.
        “Virtual worlds,” Rosencrantz explained incomprehensibly.
        - Isn’t this dangerous?
        -   Of course not!  - answered in a very honest voice
Guildenstern, trying not to look at the dragon picking at
teeth with a strangely familiar piece of metal with the words “of Base”.
        Suddenly the screen went black;   it blinked and disappeared
vertical red stripes.  Then the screen lit up
white light. The red light on the remote control came on, blinked and went out.
The siren blared. Overriding her, a rusty voice muttered:"Everything
the systems are working fine... they're working fine... they're working fine
okay..."
        - Has something gone wrong?! - the paratroopers shouted vying with each other.
        “Don’t worry...” Rosencrantz began, jumping up from
pilot's seat.
        “...everything is complete...” Guildenstern continued,
rising from his seat.
        - ...okay! - Rosencrantz finished, putting Guildenstern
trip.  He fell onto the filthy floor. Rosencrantz with a fish
jumped into the only escape capsule. With a quiet rustling
the capsule departed from the ship, and its further fate is unknown
even the Authors.
        Rubbing his knee and muttering something obviously obscene about
someone's mother, Rakxlu and the power supply, Guildenstern took
pilot's seat, rummaged in the glove compartment, pulled out a huge nut
key and hit the speaker with it. The muttering stopped.
        - Are you sure that nothing is broken? - asked again
persistent Anderson.
        - Well, how can you! - Guildenstern answered, and that’s all
fell silent.
        A couple of hours passed.  The paratroopers were dozing.  Guildenstern
swore under his breath, typed something on the ship's computer and
From time to time he tossed a coin.  It's already minutes behind the ship
twenty white rabbit ran, looking at the huge pocket
watch. Suddenly the viewing screens were covered in circles again, rabbit
fell behind, and "Jihad" again found itself in the good oldfamiliar
Space, a few light bytes... excuse me, minutes away
destination planets.
        - Ugh! - Guildenstern wiped the sweat from his forehead.
        - Arrived! And then it seemed to me...
        - It seemed like WHAT?  - Dzhonlan asked, as if
accidentally pushing the clip into his marsec.
        “It doesn’t matter,” Guildenstern waved him off. - Just when everything
the worlds are mixed up... Glory to the Authors that all this is already behind us.
        But he was mistaken...

                            * * *

        Next to the imperial base stood a huge, literally
a robot of monstrous size, frozen in an absurd pose with a raised
left foot.
        - What is this? - asked Stone.
        “Assassin,” Dzhonlan explained.  - Robot Invader
unknown race. Their fastest robot. They say a hundred years ago
he was w-he was there.
        “Wow,” Turner said. - But he won’t capture this base.
wants?
        “He wants to,” Dzhonlan answered, and they moved on.
        “Well, tin,” Dzhonlan announced when they approached
gateway - it's time for you to show your talents. You can do it silently
open this gateway?
        “A couple of trifles, Cap,” the android creaked cheerfully and
hobbled towards the door.
        - Just make sure not to make a sound! - Dzhonlan never
trusted robots.
        To everyone's surprise, the android completed the task quickly and
clearly.  In just a couple of minutes he figured out the lock mechanism,
still fortook half a minute to open it, lubricate the hinges so they wouldn’t creak,
slowly, slowly, so as not to hiss the air, he opened the airlock and threw
a grenade there.
        There was a deafening explosion. Dzhonlan rose from the ground and
spat out sand. He tried not to look at the android.
        “I’m just wondering,” he said quietly and sincerely, “
what kind of bastard gave him this grenade? I won't beat him, I'll give him
I just want to look into your eyes.
        - It's him! - Stone and Anderson shouted in unison, pointing
at each other, and Turner suggested:
        - Quartermaster, perhaps?

                            * * *

        Oddly enough, no one was waiting for them in the airlock compartment.
Only a river flowed out of a barrel that was cracked by a grenade explosion.
hot lava.   The paratroopers carefully walked around the lava and
We went deeper into the corridor of the base.  Forward with almost general consent
They let the android in.
        At first glance, there was nothing in the corridor
suspicious.  Only a fat and slimy artang with a gravity gun
over his shoulder heatedly arguing about something with Arksin. Paratroopers immediately
guessed that it was the arcsin, based on the shape of the second joint
middle pair of legs, although we saw him for the first time and had never even seen him before
suspected their existence.
        Passing by the heated debaters, Dzhonlan deftly
pulled the gravimetall off the artang's shoulder and couldn't resist
don't try it.
        He pointed the gunstraight at the artang and pulled the trigger.
Nothing happened.  He shook the gravity gun and clicked some
levers and pressed again. Again nothing happened.
        “I always suspected they were bluffing,” he sighed.
Dzhonlan, hanging the gravimet in place.
        Screams were heard around the bend. Throwing up the marsec, Dzhonlan
hurried there.  But the alarm turned out to be false. Just Anderson
opening the next door, I found behind it a huge mossy
chest.  Having knocked down the lock, he put his hand into the chest and proudly
showed the others a handful of diamonds...
        Unfortunately for him, there was a woman in the paratrooper squad - Harris.
With bright eyes, Harris rushed to the chest. Anderson,
Of course, he knew how unwise it is to stand between a woman and someone
what she wants, but relied on body armor. When I ran up
Corporal, Harris had already shoved Anderson's head into the chest and
measuredly processed it with the handle of a pistol.  The rest
they stared in fascination, and the android muttered something about laws
Azimova.
        With all possible gallantry, Dzhonlan assigned her to
the back of the head with a Marsec barrel, convinced him to let Anderson go, and the diamonds
took it "for the needs of the rebels."
        - We know your needs!  - Harris muttered and gave
Anderson is slapped on the head.

                            * * *

        - If I were a clone and carried out the Great Russification, I
I would store data banks herehere,” Anderson said, throwing open
door to a small room. There were no banks there, but
there was only a small box sparkling with multi-colored lights.
        Anderson kicked the box angrily and the lights went out.
Suddenly, a powerful bass sound came from the paratroopers’ headsets:
        - Crenon!  Crenon! Can you hear me? This is Kurt Lewin speaking.
They all stopped! Can you hear? All robots are up!
        The paratroopers looked at each other in surprise.
        - Well, there certainly must be data banks here! -
Anderson announced, throwing open the next door. Right there in his stomach
the muzzle of a heavy laser rested in the hands of Nelson, a clone officer.
        The two clones standing on either side simultaneously shuddered
the bolts of the marsecs, and another one behind pulled the pin from a grenade.
        - Ambush! - Anderson yelled, throwing the rifle and raising
hands.  Stone, muttering: “We need to get around them from the rear,” quietly ducked into
the nearest corridor. The rest of the paratroopers unanimously dropped their weapons.
        Only the android was not at a loss. He creaked boringly
voice:
        - You are surrounded, resistance is useless, drop your weapons
and come out one by one with your hands raised,” and phlegmatically raised
rocket launcher
        One clone hastily dropped his rifle and raised his hands.
Dzhonlan shouted in horror:
        - Don't shoot, idiot!
        The Android also phlegmatically lowered the rocket launcher.  All
looked at the clone,frozen with his hands raised.  That one
blushed and bent over his M-4000. That's where it all started.
        A wild screech that paralyzed everything living and dead in a radius
ten miles, filled the room.  "Assassin", robot invader
unknown race, ran away from the base (although this was noticed
only after fifty years).  The paratroopers were thrown back into
corridor, and the more sensitive clones fell to the floor, covering their ears
hands.
        Harris, still screaming, backed away, throwing her
purse and without taking his eyes off it.  Frozen in her eyes
unspeakable horror.  A shabby and extremely
dissatisfied rat face.
        Dzhonlan was the first to come to his senses.  "Let's run!"  - he yelled,
picking up his marsec. No one heard him over the squeal, but she
the same thought visited all the paratroopers at the same time. All is brave
ran away. The last to escape was Dzhonlan, dragging everything with him.
still squealing Harris. Anderson, running first, grinned disgustingly
and rubbed his hands contentedly. The rat was his joke.

                             * * *

        Turning around again, they found themselves at a dead end,
ending with a door.  Anderson opened the door, but immediately
slammed it again and leaned back on her. There was a Murderer behind the door
a hefty predatory monster in the strongest chitinous armor. U
Murderers have had their own scores to settle with humanity since the timesSpace Crusade.
        - Oh God, how did this guy end up here?! - puffed
Anderson, leaning on the door with all his might. Behind the door is the Murderer
moaned:
        - Oh God, why do I have such glitches...
        In surprise, Harris stopped screaming, and the paratroopers
finally caught our breath.
        - I guess the question is settled? - asked Dzhonlan. - Let
Russified, huh?
        - Actually, the Laser Platoon paratroopers are fearless and
never retreat,” remarked Stone, who had again joined
squad.
        -Who is talking about retreat? - Dzhonlan was indignant. - But
if Deus ex Machina doesn't appear now...
        The ceiling of the corridor above them caved in like a huge bubble.
They jumped back and, with their mouths open, watched the bubble burst,
leaving a melted hole in the ceiling, and as if straight through this hole
A space boat of a very unusual shape descends into the corridor.
        “Deus ex Makhina...” Turner whispered reverently. -
They scribbled...
        The hatch of the strange boat swung open, and out fell...
the mermaid is not a mermaid, but rather a half-woman, half-snake, and both
Half of them cannot be called thin.
        Wriggling quickly, she crawled along the corridor past
paratroopers.  But Dzhonlan always stood out at critical moments
quick response.  In less than a second he placed the marsec on
fuse and delicately held the mermaid snake for the place
where, judgingat the waist, she assumed her waist.
        “Excuse me, madam,” the corporal said politely but firmly, “
but you can't go there. It could be dangerous there.
        - My name is Trauma! - the mermaid hissed and with one deft
movement twisted out of Dzhonlan's half-embraces.  I looked at him
looked from head to toe and snapped: “Squishy!” Turned my gaze
at the others and sighed: “And these are no better...”
        Then the android pushed forward.  Directed towards Trauma
with an outstretched finger, he inquired, “Sarah Connor?” Without paying attention
without attention, Trauma crawled along the corridor.
        - A thousand apologies, madam!   - shouted after her
the corporal who came to his senses.  - But there are clones! They, you know, first
They shoot, and only then look...
        “Oh, clones...” Trauma said dreamily and
licked herself with a half-meter long forked tongue.  - They are like that
strong!.. Beautiful!.. Brave!.. Not like you!
        - But, dear Trauma! These are not clones of Captain Blood! I
I specifically asked!
        - Oh, what a difference! - Trauma waved her tail and
disappeared around the bend.
        An android approached Dzhonlan.
        - Sarah Connor?  - he asked again, pointing his finger at
the direction in which Trauma disappeared.
        - Listen, tinny, you haven’t hidden anything from your
biographies? - asked the corporal.
        - Sarah Connor? - the android insisted.
        - No, this is Trauma. Shefrom the Ondonite race. They have it there
only women. I remember once...
        From the side where Trauma crawled away, a scream was heard,
several shots and a roar from the fall of something heavy.
        “Poor Trauma,” Anderson sighed.
        “Poor clones,” Dzhonlan corrected him.  - Let's go
Let's see?..

                             * * *

        The room where the clones had ambushed them a little earlier looked
like the lair of a dragon awakened by an earthquake. Two clones
flattened into rugs, lying on the floor.  Trauma diligently
drove the third into a narrow gap between the data bank and
washbasin, and the rest of the clones looked at it in horror.
cabinets  In the corner, tied to a chair, the long-bearded man was bored
old man.
        - And why? - Dzhonlan asked the nearest clone.
        “Sabotaged the Great Russification,” the clone responded with
tops of the cabinet. - Wrote “Old man was here” on the wall.
        - Save me! - the clone yelled, dodging Trauma. -
Remove this fool!  I will never be anything else in my life
Russify!
        “That’s for sure!..” Harris grinned bloodthirstyly.
        - A robot cannot harm a person or its own
by inaction allowing harm to be caused to a person, -
muttered the android, lifted the rocket launcher onto his shoulder and fired at
Traum.
        The data banks in the corner turned into a piletrash.
The unfortunate clone was smeared across the wall. Trauma looked somewhat
dumbfounded, but not at all upset, especially since
shaking, two more clones fell from the cabinets.
        Harris looked at the android with respect.
        “Don’t try,” said Dzhonlan. - Its planetary
You can’t take it as an annihilator.
        Meanwhile, Stone approached the wreckage of the data banks,
I rummaged through a pile of electronic offal and fished out a long tape. He
looked it up to the light.
        -  Wow!  Wow!.. I wonder how they translated...
Ugh, vulgar people!
        He threw the tape on the floor and fired a burst at the wreckage.
        - I think the clones won’t bother us for a while,
Dzhonlan said. - Let's go, let's look where there are still data banks here.
        They moved, carefully avoiding Trauma. Following
they heard a cry from the closet:
        - Just don’t shoot in a room with a lot of barrels! They are
two hours will explode!

                             * * *

        - What editor did you use to make this labyrinth?! - indignantly
Turner asked when the corridor they were walking along came to a stop.
edge of the screen. - We'll have to go back again...
        - Stop, stop! - Anderson suddenly shouted. - Look,
there's a button!
        Before anyone could stop him, Anderson pressed
button. The camouflaged hatch swung open.
        “What horror!” the paratroopers exhaled.  in front of themtowered a huge skimmer, hung with a mountain of weapons,
immortalized and Russified to the point of indecency. On board
the company mark "CRL" could still be seen. On top
"THD" was hastily scrawled on it in bold red letters.
        - Or maybe we’ll take it instead of our saucepan? - timidly
Stone asked. - Maybe you can turn off immortality there...
        Dzhonlan threw a grenade into the skimmer hatch.
        -Have you heard about the Fifth Galaxy? - he asked. - There's one there
like this too - “let’s take it, let’s take it!” And now
There are half the Supernova galaxy!   Better let's check, no
did we miss which bank?

                             * * *

        Guildenstern sat in the open hatch of the Jihad, hanging
legs out.  He looked thoughtfully at the sun setting on
east, and hummed to himself the old programmer song:
"STEP and STEP all around...".
        - Already? - he asked.
        “Already,” Dzhonlan nodded.
        - Then climb in.
        The last thing the paratroopers saw on this strange
planet, when "Jihad" was already rising, it turned out to be huge
a worm crawling quickly below.  The worm was being chased by a man with
a half-eaten apple in his hands, and behind the man is a gigantic
a monster that looks like a hippopotamus masquerading as
armored personnel carrier.

                             * * *

        Emperortook his eyes off the crystal ball and
He straightened out his tentacles with a crunch.
        “Well done,” he said. - Mission completed. Load next
mission?