Humor - A TALE ABOUT A PROGRAMMER.

TALE ABOUT THE PROGRAMMER


        It will be a scary, VERY SCARY fairy tale!  Once upon a time
programmer... (about the same as everyone else
programmers).   One day he went to his grandmother (for pies,
probably).  And his grandmother was just connected with the Sicilian
The mafia sold pies at exorbitant prices. I must tell you that
in the country where he lived, worked and studied (as the great one bequeathed...)
our programmer, the pies were something like heroin
for people, valerian drops for cats and new, just
software for programmers stolen from abroad. So get them
it was difficult and sometimes impossible. Therefore, those programmers
who had grandmothers were considered lucky.
    [End of the first part, to be continued]
    [Credits]
    [The lights are turned on in the hall]
        Let’s start the second chapter like this: “Once upon a time there lived
programmer.."
    "Once upon a time there was a non-programmer..."
    Does this really happen?
    It doesn't happen like that...
        So, the programmer is still alive. Now hi deside to go to
the black market and buy PC. (Hi was a Soviet programmer.)
        It didn't take long, it didn't take long, but he finally reached the market. Looked
around and it’s already spinning - evil cooperators are standing around, holding
computers - but they just don’t give it... And they don’t give it for rubles. But only
for different currencies. And he went to look for that currency. He walked and walked and looked
there is an old stump. AGrandfather lies near the tree stump...
        Staaaaary. Old horseradish. Old grandfather?
        Hmmm.  So, kids, there was that old coat lying in
I snorted two holes.  And on the side of this chmypya there is a sheepskin coat
was lying around.  And from under his sheepskin coat there’s something like that with the English ones
inscriptions were given out... Our programmer looked at all four
on both sides - little people busy themselves with their own affairs, who to buy, who
sell it, don’t look around at anyone... Yes, and
a secluded place - a shed stuck to the side, on the other -
the bushes are impenetrable, there is an untrodden garbage dump in front, and a wasteland behind
no one.  Well, the programmer scratched his turnip, looked around - and
go to the sheepskin coat... He lifted it and looked - she was a beauty! From the face -
VGA is solid, with a wide-width signet on the side for 25 needles
stuck, it’s impossible to count inside the megabytes... Lepota,
and only 1! And the chukhalnik kept snoring... Well, he shuddered
our programmer is so indescribably beautiful - and to be sure
the machine is in an armful! And put your feet in!
        That's it, kids... You look and say,
This programmer of yours is bad, stealing, they say, is not good... Yes, yes,
kids, but what should we do? That old man's loss is a piece of cake,
he sells computers for hundreds a day, and the poor programmer
For fun and work, where can I get a car? And nowhere...
        Okay, let's move on... I installed the leg programmer,I ran into the deepest forest and got tired. Sat on
stump, put the computer (and as soon as he rested it! The thing didn’t
how heavy, how many boxes stuffed and through that
very uncomfortable)... Sits, wipes himself, thinks - what
do?  Who's to blame? And then, as luck would have it, the Wolf came into the clearing
I'm sick of it, it's an infection!  Yes, not just a Wolf, but in ranks and with
shoulder straps, a talker on a belt, and a gun on his side... From behind,
Our programmer sits there, puffing away, and doesn’t even notice the Wolf...
The Wolf looked - the programmer was sitting there! And the computer, a valuable thing,
when eating  And what, the Wolf thinks, he’s in the wilderness with such valuables
sitting there, tempting people to commit murder? Otherwise - let's go
programmer machine and hide soap!!! Well, the Wolf thinks, now I
I’ll kill him, damn it, so that the people don’t tempt him! And a car for yourself
I'll take it for moral damages.  The Wolf decided so, and gave himself
belly over the bumps - get closer.
        Meanwhile, the programmer caught his breath - and so he wanted
him to try the computer!  Just for this socket
required.  He looked around - the wilderness, no sockets in sight... And
The wolf has really gotten close here, just stretch out his paw, he’s sitting under
bush, right now he’ll jump... And the programmer is still looking for an outlet - well
he can't stand it!  And then he looked under the bush - hacha! - two holes!
The programmer was delighted and how to stab the Wolf in the nostrilsfork
power... The wolf was already bewitched, the fork is no match for cobkobckum, according to
made to European standards... A wolf rushed out from under a bush with a muzzle
scary, the cleaver pulled out - and on the programmer.  And stay
programmer in a dark forest, lifeless, the Wolf would have killed him, but
his happiness in those seconds from the typewriter is terribly malicious
The diskkiller virus came out to get some fresh air. Got out, that means
Look - a wolf with a programmer is trampling next to him. I looked closer - and
The wolf's network cable is sticking out of its nostrils! Oh you bastard, I thought
disckiller, are you using device?  And he smacked the Wolf heartily
Damn, that's a hell of a lot.  After all, what is Volkov's head in front of?
diskkiller, when it resonates gigabyte disks at once
delivered.   Well, the disckiller started working closely on the Wolf, and
the programmer, don’t be a fool, grabbed the typewriter in his arms and
Well, put your feet in! Fortunately, this is a familiar matter...
        Wow, I wove it under three screens... It's time to go have a beer
drink...
        So, we drank beer, we can continue to interpret...
        So, our programmer rushed through the forest/thicket to where
watching staring contests... He ran and ran, exhausted himself with all his strength,
the bushes have fallen and are resting, which means...
        He took his breath away, stuck his muzzle out of the bushes - around
looks around, afraid.  Look - the hut on kyphorax is visible, from
smoke pipes, television antenna and cables on the roof
laid...Well, the programmer thinks, since there is a TV in
On the farm, it will still be possible to help the computer. I looked again
once on the sides - and headed towards the hut with the enta. Rolled up, go for it
doorknob - and Izba told him in a human voice: tell me,
darling, is your user name?  And she grabbed it with her left paw. Well,
the programmer thinks, he’s completely lost, he’s heard about such huts,
Private BBS are called forest and villainous, from honest
inns they originate from where the owners are involved in robbery
hit... People said a lot of things about them. They said -
name will ask if you answer the same three times, which in it
It’s not on the list - at that moment he unscrews his head! What if
If you guess the name, she, the infection, will demand the pass word.
Three times too. If you don't guess, it will trample. Well, if you guess, then
He will let you in, and there, they say, is a pure paradise for a programmer, software
There are various things piled up in the corners - I don’t want to take them!
        I remembered all this, our poor programmer, and BBSba
tumepom clicks and scrapes with its claws... The programmer thought, thought,
I was all sweaty - I remembered the magic/secret name in the tavern
heard from a visiting system programmer from distant countries!
Sysop, he says, I, your master, you blind-eyed brute! BBSba on
the other side twisted, turned it over in her paw and asked -
and if you, so to speak, are my beloved master, then pleasepassword otbetctbobatb, for three attempts, if you don’t answer, you won’t
Damn me, there are a lot of people hanging around here...
        The programmer got wet all at once - what to do? Looked at
a sign on top of BBSby - it says, they say, Alan BBSby, the number is there,
location address - city and house number... And I thought
to the programmer - what if I was actually a sycop? Yes from big
beer drinking returned to itself? Yes, like me BBS with your paw
grabbed it, but I remember my little name ishsho - and the entrance word
completely forgotten?  And I will die a cruel death here,
on the very threshold? No, the programmer decided, in such a case the password is
You have to look with your nose, you can’t catch someone else’s, but pour it in the face
the drunk will remember!  I looked once at the sign - Alan says,
Zelenograd supposedly, building 1205... Well, Alan Zelenograd thinks it’s been a long time
he will reprimand when drunk, but Alan1205 is simple, and 5021nala - in
just right! He sighed, closed his eyes - 5021nala, he said!!!
        A BBSba to him - come in, dear master, no more beer
deigned to have a bite, everyone remembered the password, tossed their heads, and
Come and have a drink of some pickle, and I’ve already prepared the speaker -
who was there and what did he do, and here’s another funny new echo, not by you
read came, already nocmeetecb, having rested... And at the door
The programmer gently promotes it this way.  And at the entrance there is a chair
moved it, sat it down, carefully placed the computer to the side
cno new thing, grit, the owner has arrived, the owner is in the house
dragging - the chair to the table with the main remote control rolled up to the side
I immediately gathered another table - eat there, drink coffee, cigarettes
the foreigners dragged... Command, grit, you are my sysop
precious, I’m ready... And the programmer to her, emboldened -
shut up, old man! I will relax/have fun! And the same for the remote control
the moment dragged on... (They, the programmers, are all like that, their bread is not
feed me - let me push the buttons on the new machine...)
        And then we’ll stop there - no matter how much rest we’ll have
trembling!
        Ugh... I'm tired of grinding my tongue with you without breathing... Right now
I'll have a beer and a smoke...
        Okay - I sat down, which means our programmer is the most
main BBS remote control.   Doc secret reads at the remote control
getting used to it - it's fun and expensive to watch... And suddenly hit yourself in the forehead
how it moves - but the computer is new, new / not in use
tested, why is it sitting idle in vain!? You have to write software! Well, that's it
familiar, the computer was assembled/set up and the command for it was the best
there is a global task - write, grit, everything in a row while there is space
Enough!   And everyone knows that a computer is a thing in capable hands.
obedient/dutiful and very hard-working, so he went
describe all the software in a row that was placed on the corner of the BBS...
He rustles with all his might, winks with a lamp, saying, here I am,I'm working/working my butt off...
        And the programmer began to study BBSbu from the inside, business
something new and interesting for him... Slowly he began to get used to it, so
time and computer the last crumbs of software by cyceka scrape
began, when suddenly the programmer looked through the screen window, and there was a man
steep straight path to the entrance!  Well, he thinks
programmer, now BBSba will break him between the blinkers for his impudence
annoying!  And Man, the pest, comes up to the BBS and starts talking
unexpected - I, grit, sysop, my password is 5021nala, open
come on, old hag!  The programmer realized that it was time
wrap the gear around the greyhound and the bushes and let's gait three crosses
Pack your computer, gorged on software, and pack it back!
        Meanwhile, BBSba already choked on the words of the sysop
newly-minted and let's scream - BUZY-BUZY, they say, go away, unclean
some kind of strength, sysop-sysop, he’s been at home for a long time, working on business,
Come on, get out, the uninvited guest has come! Otherwise I'll break in
If you're so arrogant, you'll know how to pretend! And sysop from
I got confused and said these words - what are you, a brute?
uncompiled, have you eaten enough baleen?! How-so BUZY-BUZY?! Somehow
at home?!  Did I tell you the password and name, bastard? Open
gate, otherwise I’ll quickly pack it into the archives! And BBSba let the sysop in
closer and heartily broke in with a crooked HANG UP between the horns! That one
androlled aside... Our programmer saw it all
cunning, and I thought of a hole - but maybe not dump it for now
from here?  Sysop is very evil, wandering around in the bushes, God forbid
intercepts - the computer will take it with all the software, there you go
what a big guy... Wouldn’t it be best to sit here while he
If you don’t lather for help, then you’ll have to pull your claws? But for now
the programmer was thinking like that, sysop, infection, to the netmail window
sneaked from the side and through the crack / FDServer whispered to his dogs
chain, del'am and their leader Xdel'u, so that at this moment they
Everyone from the BBS was purged... And how they got out of all the cracks here
these cursed dels, and in front is Xdel himself, his brutal face, with
a black, witchcraft parameter (*.* - not to be remembered by nightfall)!
Our fleet-footed programmer had a hard time here. Barely managed
grab the computer and pass by the villainous pack
slip through... I ran away from the porch - and there the sysop is waiting/waiting...
But our guy’s programmer is no slouch, he didn’t spare the friend, he warmed him up
hit the head and sent a chirp into the bushes!
        He hid himself in the bushes, caught his breath a little, and looked at what
more to follow... Sysop, near the porch, toiled and tossed,
began to move away... I finally woke up, said the pass word - and
let his BBSba inside... Our programmer realized
farther from here, when suddenly a loud cry was heardall the way
district!  This means while the little head at the porch was suffering,
a bunch of them, with a black parameter, not finding the whole programmer
The software was completely devoured!  Oh, and the sysop screamed like your pig
uncut, I lamented everything about my beloved software... And
Serves him right, the damned greedy! There was nothing on the archive floppy disks
save!
        It is truly said - do not dig a hole for others!
        Our cunning programmer thought so and picked up a computer
and he set off on the journey/road to his home...
        Ugh... And what happened to him next, we’ll talk about that later
Let's go, I need to smoke...
        Hmmm, I’ve been chatting with you, it’s already dark, there’s an event coming soon
it will come to drive the messages out into the field... Well, okay, I’ll tell you about it
a little...
        Well, our programmer went out onto the road, to the house
to the presenter, then the moon appeared (I must say, while he
I was in the BBS, night had already fallen), the area became brighter...
It’s a well-known fact that when there’s a moonlight at night along the main road, you’ll go somewhere
as it’s more beneficial for health, otherwise it’s a night thing, the road
thorny, the hour of death has already come, the messages are coming like a catechumen,
your eyes are bulging out, you want to run to everything as quickly as possible... They will kick you...
Crash is finally going over their heads... Otherwise it happens - the owner
the unreasonable attache in his stall will feed the size
indecent, he will also put a crash on his neck - and release him... And
here he is rushingsuch a beast, fattened along the road, everything on its own
strives to trample the paths... And how the traffic distorts,
there is only one murder... No, to act wisely and break
attach to a smaller group and skip during quiet times... Yes, and
Why does it take a long time to sort it out, you come across different owners...
        So, our programmer took the wrong road,
the computer is dragging and everything is trying to get along the side of the road - well, they’ll knock you down and not
will they notice?  And they will trample on the computer and break its very sides... And then
a stray skinny message creeps out onto the road from the path,
frail, at first glance and without status at all... But only on
first, because it had that message status, the status of secret and robbery,
kill is called.  Such a goner is settling in for
with a fatter attachment, picks a hole in the package - and even pokes at
I'll get all the luggage on the way!  The attacher has only one thought in his head - to run
quickly, before he realizes that the cargo has been stolen, kill
it will be too far...
        This one was one of those.
        Wow, my tongue is completely falling off, wait a minute...
        Okay, I’ll continue to say...
        Chose it says kill the filthy attachment, fatter, from behind
began to settle down... To commit his villainous robbery... Yes,
his trouble was noticed by the programmer, our little eyes and maneuvers
and I understood what was happening... And I fell in line with him. And then
kill your nasty pawstretched out the shriveled one for someone else's goods
how the programmer hit him on the paw with his friend in battle
tested!  The paw squealed... The filthy kill squealed,
rushed away, and out of fright flew into the oncoming lane,
That's where the end came for him... And the attachment, saved by the programmer, is on
pulled over to the side of the road, braked and let's go in front of the programmer in
express my gratitude... For overnight stay and dinner at the point
called his destination, they say the owner there is very hospitable, on
He sat down on his little hump and ran as fast as he could...
        This is how it happens - don’t get caught by this evil kill,
It would take a long time for the programmer to paddle his feet home
would... It seems so, but not so, because the incident turned out not to be
near, and further along the road...
        Oh!!!  Did the mail event happen?! This is true! Got shabby
with you - the messages are roaring, you can hear them from here!  I'll let you out to run -
I'll come back and tell you!
        Phew, I barely made it!   Let the beer sip, in my throat
dried up... Oh, good beer, overseas, called Tuborg,
The other day a message got lost with three boxes...
        Well, I got the programmer’s attachment and told the owner about
heroic feat expressed everything - the owner marveled at the inn
called the yard, sat him down at the table, began to treat him, and
ask... The programmer told the owner without hiding everything
his own incidents - the owner was terribly amazed!So full of myself
amazed and took the programmer to bed. And bad
the master's affection served the programmer well
forgetfulness!  For, thoughtfully, he put the programmer to bed in
OUT-directories, and, as soon as the programmer fell asleep soundly,
the works of the righteous, how he got stuck in the very directory
the mail robot is a bit dull and packed all the contents (because
he was told - *.*) in a durable ZIP and sent the entire package
on a strong attachment to alien lands...
        Truly I tell you, be afraid *.*!
        That's it. Our programmer woke up, look at the place
and completely unfamiliar, hold messages are lying around, a mess, no
a single living soul... Somehow I got out of the ZIP, stood up, computer
I picked up mine, rummaged around - I found a strong bag with straps,
it's called a rucksack, I stuffed a computer into it - and off I go
outside... Coming out onto the road, I saw a milestone/signpost,
looked at the inscriptions - and began to spin... For he was carried into the edges
distant, unknown, and yesterday evening he was just a stone's throw from
at home... But there is nothing to do, there are no bytes under the lying file
flow, he set off on a difficult journey...
        And his path was hard and full of exploits and accomplishments, but
It is necessary to talk about this in a separate story... Here I will say something small.
On the way he once met a small message, an orphan,
roadlost.  And he picked him up, warmed him/fed him, and
That message became his most faithful servant.  Because there was a message
samurai/kamikaze and knew how to serve without sparing his belly... And he was
the small message has a secret cargo - a terrible/destructive bomb,
evil enemy Kova Leo versus Vladimir the Red Sun
sent that message under the guise of friendly greetings. And became
message small is devoted soul and body to our programmer
the long-suffering one, and revealed to him the secret of his burden. And he said
programmer, seeing this bomb - this is a terrible thing! And it will be better
throw it in a remote corner and blow it up - because it will cause a lot of harm
maybe... And they decided so, and walked away from the road to
the corner is remote.  But it so happened that their path lay near
the lair of Ukh Olkin, a well-known and bloodthirsty bandit. And
he heard their careless speeches in the darkness of the night, and he thought maliciously
a villainous attack on peaceful travelers. Uh Olkin jumped out from behind
corner in the middle of the path, his evil mouth gaped... Standing with his flail
play, curl/develop your hair and make speeches
disgusting, terrifying... They say, come on, traveler, here is a bag with
good - maybe you'll stay alive... The programmer was in a hurry here
ours from such a fearful spectacle, but the message is faithful to the sleeve
He pulled him and slipped a bomb.  Our programmer grinned
undaunted, he waved his white little hand- yes, and he screwed up the enta
bomb straight into Ooh Olkin's gaping mouth! Wow Olkin, bastard/roach,
His mouth snapped shut out of greed - then there was a bomb and @#$&la!!! Eh,
your turn to the left blew Okh Olkin to pieces through the back streets! And
Since then, no one has heard about this robber... And the travelers
Having collected our things, we set off back on the road/road...
        So, you bastards!  Such heroes lived in the past
times! And you are only too good at twisting the tails of messages!