SEVENTEEN MOMENTS OF DOOM.
Memoirs of Standartenführer Max-Otto
Stirlitz background. Monologue of a brave intelligence officer
ka in 13 parts.
The first moment.
The Duma doesn't need fools! That's why I
here!" - Stirlitz said and carefully
looked into the sewer-radiation room
collector... "No one! Strange..." - surprise
I was freaking out because I remembered the half-
Comrade's warning from the Center
Muller that the enemies here are visible and invisible
mo. Nothing like that - quiet, smoothness and God-
I am grace. "Okay!" - philosophically
I said to myself and turned off the squealing account -
Geiger's chik, - "Don't drift, Maxik, the beginning
- half the battle, the end - the whole head! ". Then
took off his scuba gear, buried it in something that smelled...
which is why he waded. Ahead, in the foggy haze,
mana feces of former daredevils of May-
The mysterious "Doom" was an inviting advertisement.
“We perform in the evening, at dawn. Signal
to attack - three green whistles up...".
I repeated these words of Mueller because I did not
managed to learn them at the base: I remember I came
parteigenosseBorman with the girls, we are from-
ate salami, washed it down with cognac, and
Tom... then I passed out.
Just before the entrance to Doom I placed
rifle on the knee of his left hand, took a sip from
flasks of cucumber pickle (I was wildly sick
head! Bormann was, as always, right: me-
nengitis is a terrible disease!) and scratched his
rear "Here, Max-Otto!" - I reasoned -
"Now you have to do one more
a feat, perhaps it will be the last,
maybe you'll have to do it
kill. Be courageous, clean your boots
gi, button up (all your troubles are only from
because you always have one unbuttoned
button) and... They didn’t let me speculate further.
Someone behind the door screamed that he should
tired of waiting for this damn Stirlitz and
he leaves. "It's time!" - I told myself and gave
three green whistles up...
Second moment.
Stirlitz pushed the door. The blue door did not
has opened. Stirlitz pushed harder. Blue
the door didn't even budge. Stirlitz kicked
her foot. No reaction. "Probably well-
wife red key" - poDOOMal standarten-
Fuhrer Stirlitz and just in case, dis-
huddling, rushed to the bluethe door to everyone
crowbar... At this moment, one of the law-
ours voted in the Duma were heard by my
secret knock and suddenly opened the door
from inside... "Nothing!" - I thought - "Couple
broken ribs, wearing breeches inside out
and a slight concussion of two (no more!!!)
convolutions Nonsense! I'll get some treatment after I win.
yes..." I quickly stood up with all my skin
I felt that someone was behind me
desperately desires my blood. That's right: in
the far end of the room in which I find myself
barked, whispered impudently, uncivilly showed
calling at me with unwashed paws, two demo-
on-ghoul. I quickly distributed the anti-
vogaz along the plane of the head (suddenly they are empty
are you having farts?) and made a noise at the whisperers from the wine-
ta. Once and again. The guys wrinkled their faces, pok-
wrinkled, then went red
stained and fell to the floor with a crash. "That's it
same!" - I thought - “Look at me: I
when it’s normal, and when it’s merciless.”
But my fire attracted the attention of others
bastards... Here, however, something happened
incomprehensible: thousands of ma-
lazy needles that began to pump up
drain my trained body in liters
pain neutralizers and gallons of antivi-
Rusov. Looks like someone upstairs (probably
but in the Center) was concerned about my condition
after falling at the entrance. "Beer would be better"
downloaded" - I thoughtand fired quickly
for luck than consciously, into the ceiling. Bullet
rebounded from the ceiling, under the desired
bounced off the floor at an angle and caught me
taken aback by just entering the room
that next monster. The boy recoiled -
Xia, whispered something like: “What a bastard
you, Stirlitz!" and fell to the ground. "Silence!" -
I thought to myself. - "Or I will now
commit atrocities!"
And I was right in thinking. Guys with lych-
Kami sergeants "Dumovo" armed
They rushed the school down the corridor, tried
walking past my room. I jumped out at the op-
rational space, simultaneously reaching
because of the bosom, beloved, given by oneself
Reichsführer six-barrel (in the near
an irreplaceable thing in battle!) and thrust into their backs
We have a delicious turn. Corpses found inside
strength to turn around and look reproachfully
in my eyes and only then smudge
red slime on the walls, floor and ceiling.
I threatened them not yet torn off in battles
index finger, I thought that maybe
maybe it was an advance detachment and sent
yourself forward at a distance of visual pa-
wrinkle.
By the way, it turned out VERY successfully, so
how some scoundrels started the real
artillery preparation on my rear. "Withdrawwould
put you in an open field, facing
wall and put a bullet in the forehead!" - I thought
in their hearts and returned fire from the ben-
saws... that is... sorry, I misspoke-
Xia, from the original screw (oh, I respect you!). After
five minutes of firefight, death reigned
silence: either they died, or I took them all
I went away... I lit a cigarette and looked around: nearby
yellowed some suspiciously red
wall...
The third moment.
Stirlitz approached a suspicious wall
and pressed Spacebar. The wall has risen.
Stirlitz pressed Spacebar again. wall
sank. Stirlitz pressed Spacebar again.
The wall has risen again. "Door!" -
Stirlitz finally got around to it.
Yes, it was a real door. Moreover
not simple: a complete
Chenno outrageous libelous note,
defaming my honor and dignity. Sa-
we were the softest of all that was said there
the expression "Stirlitz - DOOrak!". "Stirlitz -
DOOrak... Stirlitz - DOOrak..." - became
I think feverishly. Something is familiar
mine... I heard this somewhere... or saw it?
The idea that "Stirlitz-DOOrac" is not you
went tome out of my head, and as long as I don’t-
for new enemies I allowed myself to analyze
describe the current situation. "Stirlitz,
Of course, DOOrac, but why isn't this phrase
gives me peace?" - intensely, to the point of screaming
In my head I thought - “Stirlitz DOOrak...”
Allow me! What did he say about this?
Parteigenosse Bormann? He said... Exactly
but, I remembered! He said: "Standartenfu-
rer, don’t make such a smart face, don’t
maybe you're a scout..." No, that's
not that... "Team "Alle!", Stirlitz, you-
is filled with running..." And this is not it... "Shtir-
persons! Boots are your face!" Again we-
mo... Damn it! Okay, I'll think about it later...
Moment four.
Stirlitz forgot that this tormenting him
phrase from a note left by the former re-
resident, was key and meant:
"Maksim Maksimych dot dear dot congratulations-
We sincerely thank you for being awarded
with an even letter of employment they threw another stripe
zpt now you are a junior sergeant dot yes dot
I almost forgot the point behind this door lies
VFG-9000 zpt take it well
clean the spare parts, lubricate the spare parts with grease, apply
as needed dot Buttercup (that’s the name)
whether the resident) period". If it weren't for the phrases -
Well, this would indicate that
ВFGgot to the enemies...
Still a little freaked out by the weirdness
text, I stepped over the threshold and saw a couple
half-decomposed corpses dressed in "Doom" -
form. "This is not the place for you!" - whispered evil-
I turned in their direction and smeared my finger on
a pool of blood spreading around the villains.
The blood was old, almost clotted, and
tastes sweet. "Our people don't sleep!" -
I thought cheerfully - “Ours are everywhere! Ours
- these are ours!
Taking a quick look around the room,
pushed up to the ceiling by some huge
boxes, I noticed several abandoned
zinc with cartridges from your favorite three-line
and a couple of car first aid kits. "This is it
business!" - I exclaimed, scooping it all up
one heap and stuffed it into his pockets. All in
Still a little freaked out by the weirdness
text, I stepped over the threshold and saw a couple
half-decomposed corpses dressed in "Doom" -
form. "This is not the place for you!" - whispered evil-
I turned in their direction and smeared my finger on
a pool of blood spreading around the villains.
The blood was old, almost clotted, and
tastes sweet. "Our people don't sleep!" -
I thought cheerfully - “Ours are everywhere! Ours
- these are ours!Taking a quick look around the room,
pushed up to the ceiling by some huge
boxes, I noticed several abandoned
zinc with cartridges from your favorite three-line
and a couple of car first aid kits. "This is it
business!" - I exclaimed, scooping it all up
one heap and stuffed it into his pockets. All in
ok! The ammunition is replenished, the head is intact,
you can move on. I quickly cut
"warehouse" and found himself at the next door with
large rectangular button. I remember
Party Genosse said: “You, Stirlitz, press-
"If you look at it, the door will open." So exactly
but, Comrade Bormann! Did as you asked -
and the door swung open. Magnetic ladder
Tom beckoned me upstairs somewhere and I didn’t
began to resist...
Moment five.
Stirlitz walked up the stairs. "But this is
“Stirlitz is coming,” said Sacodemon-bot.
“Yes, I’m coming,” said Stirlitz. Pass-
After a few flights I found myself in a huge
nom hall with columns. "Something is wrong here
yes!" - I decided to myself - “It’s too painful -
ho..."To be continued...
Share your thoughts about the article