╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ 25 tips... ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Alexander V. Shkolnikov presents: 25 tips on how to succeed in Russian show business. (for beginning pop producers and more) 1.The first golden rule: Always remember that in the domestic language no worse than in African or, for example, Chinese Thai (African is gloomy, but Chinese is cramped!) 2.Ear-nose-throat rule: Never pay attention to the smell. Men will perceive your work with their eyes, and women ears. More dust for some and more noodles for others! 3.Addition to the ear-nose-throat rule: In addition to men and women, in Another biological species lives in nature: Musical Cree- tics. Oooh, these people love to “stir up the pile”! But you already know what to do: create, not paying attention to the smell! 4.Rule of four bedside tables: Arrange indoors 4 bedside tables and explain to them,what do you want from them (not from the tumbo- check, pervert, but from your musicians!). If the bedside tables sing- mut - you can try to explain it to the musicians. 5.Keep an eye on your producer image: Always appear on people in a checkered jacket and with the same idiotic smile-uh- with a soapy grin. Checks on the jacket are a must! (Otherwise In case you may be mistaken for a young reformer and it will hurt beat). 6.Releasing a CD of your group (CD is pronounced “si-di”, not "es-de" - otherwise you will be misunderstood!), so, releasing a CD the most important thing is a beautiful drawing on the cover. Now the most more popular is some product like egg (chicken, perverted) puppy!) or heart-shaped bulbs. I propose to place a I cut a flat cake in the shape of a heart (!). What? You ask where find such a sophisticated cow? I explain: take (not that I mean, pervert!) an ordinary cow, and entrust the modeling to Tsereteli. 7.I’ll explain another piquant question about the cow: How make a cow make cakes? In your case there is nothing more elementary: ask your guys to perform something. 8.Never go where you are readytomatoes... 9.Marry the youngest guy in your group to the most beautiful woman a mature Soviet pop star. It's gone awry, but it's obligatory Really! Even if he doesn't want it! Even if the star is too OH!! Even if one of them is YOU!!! 10.Find a good old song, give it a cheesy, urky feel holding and in a hoarse voice: “I drink to the dregs for those who are in MOORE-eeee!" The main thing is not to fall into falsetto. 11.Are you asking what falsetto is? Let me explain: in application to on our stage this is about the same as a quadruple drawl the cry of an African elephant during her wedding night, but on half an octave higher. 12.You ask what is an octave? I’ll explain it clearly: spread it all fingers and bend three (I meant EXCLUSIVELY on the hands, pervert!). Now stick out your lips and quickly run over them protruding fingers. Bdrynnnn!!! Got that every finger does it sound different? The octave is the same, but only with notes mi! 13.You ask (what, a thirst for knowledge?), so you ask: Is it possible to use the lips of a cow from paragraph instead of your own? 6? Perverted... wellok, you can, but it will already be a bass octave! 14.Oh, no!!! Just don't ask me what the bass octave is! You you don't want to have nightmares at night?... 15. Film your group in some TV commercial! Like, "Shut up-" those ears with Tampex and come to our concert!!! Ask tickets in all pharmacies in the city." 16. Get fans of your group. You ask: “How is this done? bark?" It's very simple: make your boys a little bare, and the fans will be SO TURNED-a-a-a-a...!!! 17. Sleep with a correspondent who will come to take information from you tervy. You won’t say anything smart to her anyway, but she’ll be impressed. You’ll still give up laziness! 18. Sleep with the TV presenter of the program in which you will perform your group. Then, in an interview with some radio station, he compared neither the TV presenter with the correspondent... Then in an interview for magazine compare those two with a radio announcer. Then... No, pervert, no need to compare anyone to a cow!!! Cow You need it ONLY FOR THE COVER!!! 19. Use la-la widely in your songsgroups. Let me explain: in Russian folk songs, in addition to logically meaningful words, use they also used different “oh-lyuli-lyuli”... Nowadays we use There are expressions that are more understandable for the common man, such as "tire-naida-oppa." By the way, the recent leader of the charts comprehended lilted the phrase “hitting the clouds” with the following dialogue: “smart-smart Hu, smart, smart Ha." Learn, child! 20.What? Did you like the "getting laid" theme? You ask: "Isn't it Should I sleep with that sex symbol over there?” NO!!!, pos- Since the phrase “Don’t sleep, you’ll freeze!” is appropriate here. 21.Do you still want to sleep with her? Do you have guarantees? what is SHE? 22.Push your group into Old songs about the main thing 1-2-3. How is it do? To be honest, I don't know. But try to practice on Lotus 1-2-3. 23. The principle of the great philosopher Kya-fri: absorb everything that flows out of our stage... 24.Never whine. (I wanted to say that you should not take away bread from their performers). 25.And in conclusion I want to say: Learn from professionals, names whom you,of course they are known.
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