Humor - Advertising.

AY-Track:  Rain.                                              
By: DDT, Remixed by Macros, 09/22/2000                     
________________________________________________________________
                                                              
               I exchange a box of gum for   
               proposed.             
                             (Man)     
                                                              
                                                              
 Hello, dear ladies and gentlemen!
Today we present you products
Kotlas sand-lime brick plant and
expanded clay concrete products - multifunctional
digital household appliance DRL-01K.          
                                                              
 Multifunctional household appliance
DRL-01K is a successful combination
military technology, high strength
ness, reliability and irreplaceability in everyday life.
Today, every progressive family already has
there is our device with which they actively
enjoy.                              
                                                              
 Let's tell you more about DRL-01K:        
The device is manufactured on the basis of serially produced
DRL lamp with the addition of 8 bits
new processor KPS8bVMO1. Basic program
The firmware is located in the BIOS, which
The latter is assembled on 255 K155PEЗ microcircuits.
Additional software support
installed on the hard drive from the EC computer
up to 512 bytes. The device RAM may
be hardware expandable up to 32 megabytes
using a memory card from any computer
tera or video consoles.                 
                                                              
 How can you use our device?
To do this, we will briefly introduce you to the internal
using the DRL-01K device.                 
                                                              
 The device consists of a discharge chamber,
filled with a mixture of argon, nitrogen and vapors
mercury Also soldered into the chamber are two tungsten
electrodes with the addition of catalytic
ditch When voltage is applied to the electrodes
motion, electricity occurs inside the chamber
ical discharge and as it warms up
lamps, the chamber heats up to a temperature
700 degrees Celsius and can successfully
used for metal melting or roasting
tree.  By the way, the camera itself is made of
glass, so you can hand it in at any
reception point. Although the use of the device
as a heat emitter it seems to us
least promising due to the presence of vok-
ru cameraprotective glass container,
the inside is coated with a layer of phosphor. Inside
the cylinder is filled with poisonous gas, so
Don't crawl there unless absolutely necessary.
This suggests the use
device as a kinescope with nonlinear
geometric development. Refinement of su-
existing scan blocks is reduced to
replacing the DC component of the signal
la, supplied to the personnel deflection pipes
carcasses, on sinusoidal-trapezoidal
digital code that is decoded by the built-in
processor and is transferred control
our program.                           
                                                              
 The lamp cylinder heats up to a temperature
200 degrees Celsius, so lowered into
cold water, it will boil it in less than
in two minutes. And the egg broken on the lamp,
will fry in a few seconds, which is not -
no doubt very convenient.                   
                                                              
 The user interface is implemented on
using a Kempston joystick (necessary
exciting improvements to the implementation of port #1F
see in ZX-Review magazines) or remote cla-
viatura with control from q,a,o,p. Button
reset is not provided by the design, so
that you can perform a hard reset
by briefly unscrewing the lamp
from the cartridge.Due to the characteristics of gas discharge,
yes, the device should not be connected to the network
direct without ballast resistor. In ka-
For the latter, we recommend using
install one of the electric motor windings,
the shaft of which is mechanically connected to the shaft
voltage generator. Generator windings
plugged into a nearby outlet and thus
at once the energy spent on work
lamps, returns back to the network. Ak-
active and reactive power of the device so far
which could not be determined, because our am-
permeters always show 80A, even when
they are not included in the circuit.                  
                                                              
 What peripheral devices have been developed
us for our device? Oh, there are many of them.
This is a multicard controller with an isa slot.
You can plug a video card into this slot, and
then the work process can be observed
give directly on the video monitor (bit
camera as unnecessary at the time of connection
neniya is blocked), i.e. light will be emitted
directly to the video monitor. True
some cheap Chinese monitors do not
withstand and already upon reaching 50% half-
rated lamp power (approximately 2000
watt) burn out.  You can also use the slot
insert a sound card, just for us for now
I came across cards with speakers at maximum
three watts, which, you see, is clearly not satisfactory
satisfies technicalapplication requirements
ra. When connecting external or internal
of the modem device via the neutral wire
connects to the all-Russian drlnet network
and carries out upload and modernization of non-
which components of the software
readings.  The printer is connected to the serial
body port (one of the pump pins) and
prints obscene words in random order
new curse words embedded in the bios
workers.  When the printer data buffer
overflows, copyrights are printed and
a hot restart occurs without initialization
system and memory clearing.         
                                                              
 Programming the device is reduced to re-
editing code #AA via rs-232 channel with ampli-
there at least 220 volts and a frequency of 50
hertz  If one of the above is not observed,
the listed requirements, the lamp does not work
will be due to absolute inability
ty device power supply to foreign
standards.                              
                                                              
 What else can I say? All your comments,
wishes and suggestions we will definitely
will be taken into account during the development and creation process
next versions of bios, especially that one
part that provides data exchange with
printer.  Planned to be built into ROM
a special program that, when generated,
tions of especially ruleousmessages will be in co-
In other words, add “:)” to the lines, and on the surface
ty of the outer bulb will be projected ru-
ka with two protruding fingers.       
                                                              
 Especially for residents of Kazan keyboards -
nal driver upon detection of the entered
thong "rulez" will produce cold-
device reset and reinitialization
system takes approximately time to install
Windows'98 versions.                      
                                                              
                                                              
                * * *                  
                                                              
                                                              
 And now we will answer one letter, which
which came to our editorial office:           
                                                              
 "Dear editors! In the twelfth issue -
Your magazine advertised a new
th devices Retiafnag.  I bought it
at first everything was fine, but then he
broke.  Cleaning "gan" and your other
I followed the recommendations. Tell me I can
expect compensation?           
                                                              
 In this case, we advise you to
contact the device manufacturer, Joker
Systems, with a claim forabout the low
product quality.  How did we become
known, the last (and only) game
these devices were completely rejected
and was not originally intended for the day
sales. So it turns out that you
purchased not the original, but a Chinese sub-
deal.  Now the manufacturer produces new
second generation of branded devices
Rotpmeder, which differ from the prototype
pas improved bios and wide angle
grip crowbar. Here's what they say about it:
bore manufacturers:                       
                                                              
-In standby mode, the device is in
vertical position and does not consume
electrical energy.  As soon as past
a cockroach will run around,
there are vortex magnetic fluxes, as a result
those for which self-induction emf appears and
the device performs uniformly accelerated motion
parallel to the insect's movement path
th.  Mechanical energy of movement is transferred
is given to the built-in generator, which
starts.  When using the device in
in the northern regions of the country, the launch should proceed
Execute using the included pen.
After starting the diesel installation,
there is a quick test of the device and
In case of an error, the corresponding
corresponding curse word.  Here are some
errors that were found:1. Holy shit! - means malfunction
device motherboard.               
 2. I don’t remember anything!  - failure of one or
several RAM chips.                
 3. Who are you? - ROM replacement required.     
 4. How your head is cracking! - spark times-
rows between the contacts of the process socket
ra.                                      
 5. What should I do? - reboot required
system breakdown.                           
 6. The tower has moved down! - mini case defect
tower.                                   
                                                              
 If an error occurs, turn off
Clean the device using the supplied release
cutting a pipe with a valve. Nickel plated
awl included with previous devices
models, had no effect.                
 Instrument maintenance is now
performed by the device itself with uninstalled
regular periodicity. It was only possible to find out
thread that the period is directly related to
holidays and weekends.    
 Artificial intelligence wrote to us
accomplished professional MOA programmer.
There are rumors that it was he and not Bill
Gates, wrote windows'2000. Based on in-
intellectual structure lies in self-development
changing algorithm. For example, the device can
can remember where you hide your booze
and use it in your absence.If
you hide the booze, the program itself
will calculate the most probable new coor-
dinata and enter them into the data bank.       
 Due to popular demand, we have built in
CD player device
based on a converted player
gramophone records.  The whole alteration came down to
replacing the transformer and installing opto-
nematics.  For an additional fee the device
can be equipped with a gas cylinder
for recording on any CD
disks.                                   
 Attention! Some devices have mixed
for phasing of decoupling windings
transformer, which, first of all, from-
affects the orientation of the device and arises
new sex selectivity was discovered
nogo insect. Troubleshooting
This boils down to soldering the second
transformer or installation of additional
body negative gain stage
half waves.