╔──────────── ──────────────────────────╗
╚╗ ┌ Some advice for those who ┐ ╔╝
│╠═┼ wants to send programs via ┼═╣│
╔╝ └ mail to your foreign friends ┘ ╚╗
╚─────────────────── ───────────────────╝
I want to present this story
in the form of a feuilleton, where I will tell you how I
I learned from personal experience how to better
send programs abroad by mail
with minimal expenditure of nerves and time.
Part one
It was a nasty rainy October
day 1993. To get out of the house completely
I really didn’t want to and I whiled away the time,
watching Polish demos that I don't like
They were brought from Moscow a long time ago. Technical
the quality of their execution left much to be desired, but
To this end, I mainly listened to music.
But in the midst of this fascinating
classes, the doorbell rang. On the
standing on the horn was a wet SHRSOFT - apparently he
I forgot my umbrella at home. While I was closing the door
Roma sneaked into my computer insidiously
and took the presidency.
- What are you doing here? Ah, demos
look... - concluded SHRSOFT.
- It’s boring, I’m sitting here, wandering around. -
I answered.
- Maybe we’ll rivetsomething of your own?
I take charge of the codes.
- Yes, your hands are under Microprotector
imprisoned, but what are we going to do with the music?
It’s not a thrill to insert a torn one. - bet-
I dug.
- What, are you going to be a composer, huh?
No matter how you come in, you’re always at the piano
You are playing "Dog Waltz".
- Fuck you! - I was offended, - U
I have several of my own tunes.
True, it will be viewed on Music Box 128
the scrabbling is very clumsy.
- But we have Soundtracker and
ASM v 0.12.
- Yes, they are. Just like on
I can't imagine writing them.
- Yes. It's rubbish. - Roma scratched his behind-
tylk, - Oh, although, wait, ASM, it seems,
made in Ukraine, it will probably be so
It’s easier to call the author and clarify any confusion
clear moments.
No sooner said than done. Call
Dnepropetrovsk was a matter of several mi-
chickpeas After negotiations with the author, we found out
found that he had recently completed his
the latest version - ASM 1.11 and quite agree-
send sen for some reward
we have our own editor and, moreover, with detailed
description. We were required to send
disks (Andrey asked to send him fresh
demos) and the ruble equivalent of five dollars
ditch
Then the fun begins.
Arriving at the main post office, we went to the window
accepting postal items and holding out
they asked me to send my floppy disks there
them to Ukraine.
- What is this? - inquired -
lassedlady on the other side of the counter.
We started explaining that these things
designed for recording various information
mation, and in particular - programs. Here she is
took out a thick Talmud and began in it
dig with concentration. After a while
time she said: “You can’t!”
- What can’t be done? - naively inquired -
we fell.
- You can’t send these disks of yours. -
she enlightened us.
- Why ? - we were sincerely surprised.
- What if there are recordings on your floppy disks?
for information that may cause
damage to Russian interests.
- Do we look like James Bonds? -
Roma joked sarcastically.
- Actually, no, but still here
it is written that "you cannot send audio vi-
visual medium on which it can be
information has been recorded that may
cause damage to Russia's interests." So
I can't help you. - stated
she.
- Do I need my own record already?
Shouldn't I send it to a foreign friend? - again
joked SHRSOFT.
- It’s impossible, without the appropriate ex-
pertises.
- And who conducts this very examination?
zu?
- You need to go to customs.
There is a special department there that deals with
toils with these questions. Only after them
permission we can send your disks.
Having found out the customs address, we next
day we went there. I had to trudge
the other side of the city. Having found the appropriate
department, we outlined our problem.
- Are you fromwhat organization? - by-
the man was interested.
- Yes, actually, we have an informal
association. - we said.
“Then I can’t help you.” We
We are exclusively engaged in checking
shipments from organizations. Do you need
go straight to the post office.
- Here you go ! Some send here, others
gie - back. - having broken off abruptly, and -
passing bad words to both offices, we
trudged back.
Passengers entering the bus felt
felt uncomfortable if they encountered
with the ominous gaze of Roma, who at that
the moment was somewhat reminiscent of Arnie Cher-
nonegrova in the movie Terminator.
- Well, that's it - they all - khan! - through
announced SHRSOFT for a while. - At least I
I’ll get to the Minister of Communications, but that’s how it is
I won't leave!
Soon we arrived at the building again
mail. The door was kicked open.
The gazes of all those present were riveted
we meet two people who are leisurely walking
who came up to the counter (we were watching "Mad People"
dogs"? Something like that).
- How to get to the most important thing here
to the boss? - without further ado, sra-
Roma ran into him.
- Across the hall, up the stairs to the third
floor.
- I see, and warn him by telephone
Lefon, what are we going to do now? - through the teeth-
I would strain SHRSOFT.
We found the office door quickly. Di-
the rector of the post office greeted us with a smile.
- Come on in, sit down in the chair.
lah. - he kindly suggested, - Whatyours
problem?
- Problem ? We don't have any pro-
problems. We have shitty PROBLEMS -
plural. Firstly, in your
our establishment refused to accept ban-
derol without examination at customs. On ta-
perhaps, in turn, we were denied
conducting an examination, citing the fact that
that we do not represent any organization
tion. So think about how you get out of this
situation to get out because we are doing this
Let's not leave it like that. - concluded Roma.
- Yes, the situation is complicated. - thoughtfully
said the chief. For a few seconds he
thought, and then pressed the selector button
ra, - Lenochka, come to me for a minute,
and take the shipment catalog with you.
Soon the secretary entered the office,
very sexy swaying her hips in
stretchy dress.
- Helen, look at the paragraph about
what is allowed for shipment. - quite
the boss asked gallantly.
The secretary delved into studying the
Talog and after some time found the need
point for us.
- Can be sent as a gift
any items, no more than five
pieces, if they are not prohibited for shipment
(it was written there or maybe something
close to this). - she quoted.
- Well, your floppy disks are a bomb
not alike, so I think we can
It’s okay to send them. Lenochka, warn
those people below that the guys are now going to
will suit them. - kindlyordered the
headman
Saying goodbye and wishing each other
all the best, SHRSOFT and I send
fell down. They were already waiting for us there. By filling out
relevant papers, we have no problem
sent our discs to Dnepropetrovsk.
After a month, we are safely half-
chili discs with ASM. Thus, all
Russia was provided with v1.11 of this edition
torus with a complete description.
Part two
It was the summer of 1996. Once upon a time
ELF was sitting at home and thinking about what he should do
so bad. And in the most interesting month -
he was interrupted from his thoughts
phone ringing. The caller turned out to be JO-
KER from the now famous team MAFIA.
As it turned out, he became interested in our
publication and would like to establish an exchange of pro-
frame support between Kharkov and
Rybinsk. Having agreed that we will...
send for the first time, Kostya decided to let
thread to me, since I’ve heard a lot about the story,
described above.
Chronology of subsequent events:
Day one
Thinking that everything will be chick-pokey, like
for the first time, without thinking twice, we went
straight to the post office. But there we were immediately surrounded by
miles.
- No ! Without a customs visa, we cannot-
Let's send nothing to another country. Yes
that you will have to visit anyway
this is an establishment. - straightawaysent us off work-
post office.
- Where is the customs office, everything is there
or at the old address?
- Not now. It is located in
feather in Marievka (Rybinsk district - approx.
author).
- Oh, I know! - I said, - This is not true -
close to my house.
- Here are the postal customs declarations -
walkie-talkies. Fill them out and let in the section
"Notes" you will be given a stamp with the corresponding
corresponding inscription.
- It's clear. - we answered, taking from
consists of three forms.
Finding customs was not difficult,
fortunately she was two hundred meters from mine
at home. Having found the customs inspection department,
we knocked politely on the door and, entering,
stated their problem.
- Yes, yes, yes. Enough. And now
again, all over again and more slowly. - say-
hall, scratching the back of his head, the customs officer.
- We wrote a program, and we want to...
send it on these magnetic disks, for
border - to Ukraine. At the post office they told us-
Is it possible that without your visa they will not be able to travel?
rip disks.
- What do we have to do with it?
- You must conduct an examination on
the subject of the absence of information on our disks
mation that could cause harm to Russia
this in case of sending it to another country
well. - we explained innocently.
- Yeah, I see. Fill out the postal
declarations, and here are a couple more of ours,
In the meantime, let's get your disks here. - self-
The customs officer said confidently.
- Yes, by the way, these discs are recorded
sana in anotheroperating system. you
on your pussies, check them just like that
you can't.
- Don’t touch our pussies, nah
You should look at yours. - he retorted.
- I don’t know what you were thinking, but we
We're talking about IBMs.
- It doesn’t matter, we have our own specialists here -
There are sheets - they'll figure it out. - smugly
answered the man and disappeared behind the upholstered door
iron.
After steaming for some time,
filling out customs declarations, incidentally
making fun of some points of these
papers, we sat down on a rather hard di-
van and began to wait for the results of the experiment
Tees.
After some time, armored
the door opens and he runs out
a steamy officer who selflessly
took up the examination of our disks, in which
panic with another guy, no less steamed
new type.
“Ah... Sorry,” he turned to us.
second man, - your discs are recorded in ca-
some other system other than MS-
DOS?
- Yes, in TR-DOS. - suppressing laughter from-
Vetil ELF.
- And they are not compatible? - everything is not
the local computer expert calmed down.
- As you may have noticed -
absolutely not! - I joked.
- Well, that means, Sanya, we don’t have anything.
it will work out. - the computer scientist turned to
"our" officer.
Walking back to the office, we all
sat down on the chairs. There was a ti-
tire The officer, with a gloomy look, turned his hand
kah our disks.
- Okay, comeTomorrow. To me this-
no time. - he said, returning to us
disks. - I will transfer your case to another specialist
to cialist.
Taking the disks and silently sending everything
this establishment, where no one else has come from
the erased file was not returned, we sent
went home.
Day two
The next day ELF had no time
yes, and I went to customs, taking with me
by NEVER. Taking the CDs and everything with me
papers, we were there early in the morning.
Knocking on the office door, where
I was with ELF the day before, we entered. For co-
sitting at the next table was another man who
and invited us to sit down.
- I am aware of your affairs, and only
what can be done in your case, in mine
look, is to send these disks to Yaroslav-
vl. This will take approximately a week.
- Why do this? - I was scared.
- You just need to arrange everything
paper. Because we could, in principle
send your files via modem. And you wouldn't
which they didn’t know about. True, with the disgusting
nom quality of our telephone networks, this
it would cost us 70-100 thousand, but by mail
no more than five.
After listening to my long tirade, officer
thought for a while.
- No. I still can't do this. Need-
but give a conclusion, draw up all the papers.
So if we're here it's okay with yours
We can’t make discs, they don’t have Yaroslavl
pass.
- Stop! I haveI have an idea. - I re-
was about to go on a counteroffensive, - And you
can conduct an examination if we pre-
we will deliver a computer on which you can
check the programs recorded on our
disks?
“We can probably do it,” he answered after thinking.
officer, but come back tomorrow, because
I won't be here after lunch.
Day three
I slowly made my way through the dark
tunnel. The barrel of the shotgun felt pleasantly cold
hand. I couldn't remember how I got here -
I had a severe headache - and I felt that
Only a bottle of beer could save me.
Suddenly, from around a bend, a
the man with the face of a brutal psycho was screaming.
Mechanically raising the shotgun, I fired
charge from both barrels - the man's gaze -
The stomach collapsed and intestines flew out.
- Received ! - only managed to scream -
Well, I thought a second one appeared around the corner.
Having run back a little, I pressed
trigger The only answer was the clicking of the shutter.
ra. "This is the end!" - I thought frantically
looking for a gun. There was no pistol.
There was only one thing left - unfastening the
I carried a rusty chainsaw, I pretended to be
nauseated and tried not to show any light. Because of
corner the growl of a brutal psycho-
hopata. Pulling the starter, I jumped out to him
towards - with a squeal and crunch "Friendship"
bit into the freak's chest. He screamed heart-rendingly
and I kept raising and raising the saw. Whenhis blood began to flood my eyes, I...
pulled the saw out of the lifeless body, which
collapsed at my feet.
- Thank you! - said happily
I kill the corpse by kicking it.
Having robbed both of them for ammunition
corpse, I went in search of beer. Each
every step felt like a blow in my head,
lot. Suffering, I trudged along the endless
corridor. After a while I
bumped into two corpses, the chest of one of them
they were ripped open with a saw.
- It looks like I've been here before. -
I thought, “So this is ring measles-
dor. And if so, then we need to look for the door.
No sooner said than done - the nearest door
appeared around the third turn. From-
covering it with my feet, I burst into the room.
The room, more like a small en-
gar, the headquarters was in disarray
boxes. Opening the nearest one, I find
lived in it for twenty bottles of Martovsky.
- Wow, my favorite! - admired
I.
With trembling hands, I opened the bottle and
kissed the neck, but was torn away from
this pleasant activity in that you feel
acted like some nit pushed me
in the back. I fell forward, knocking over several
boxes.
- Dog, what a beer you ruined! -
I shouted, fighting off the impudent man.
He did not lag behind, trying to pull off
me a bulletproof vest.
- Go away, you bastard! I'll tear you into pieces and
I won't give away the beer! - I yelled.
- What are you doing, Vovka? - I recognized the voice
NEVER.
I openedeyes and saw NEVER,
pulling the blanket off me. Having raised his
caught and saw a poster on the door of the room
Warlock, I realized that I'm at NE's house
VER's.
Memory slowly returned to
me. True, my head both hurt and
remained in the same condition. I remembered
that after customs NEVER and I sent
went to Lekha from PROTECVISION to play
in DOOM, fortunately he lives close to customs.
Then we headed to the city center, where
met ELF, ANTIHACKER and MORBID
VISIONS. Immediately the idea arose to take
something internally warming for 9200.
MORBID VISIONS was in a hurry somewhere, so
The battle was drunk for four. As you drink
Vania had an idea for a new game (maybe
maybe we will implement it someday). Then
we all went together to my place, where it’s cool
had a blast listening to SEPULTURA (very
loud) and playing FORMULA ONE MANAGER.
The time was approaching evening, and already ANTI-
HACKER was in a hurry somewhere. Left
the three of us thought it would be a good idea to
continue the evening in the same spirit. Said-with-
lano: we take another battle and go to the embankment -
naya Volga. But then a thunderstorm begins and we
We are looking for salvation in an amusement park. Pre-
put yourself a picture: thunderstorm, thunder, thunder
lightning strikes, and we stand among it all
and drink vodka! Romance!!! Slamming and
this bottle, we decide to go home.
NEVER and I were able to go from the embankment -
it's a bit lame, so westopped by on the way home
to a mutual friend in a summer cafe. Just like that
it was cold to sit... Well, you probably do-
were guessing. Yes, yes! Appears on stage
the third battle, but for two. I'm on my way home
haven't gotten there yet...
- Did you say something about beer? - ask
strength me NEVER.
- I had a crazy dream, but
the main thing is that there was beer there, and I gave it to him
an hour is not enough. - answered sadly
I.
- Here I can make you happy - at me-
I have some money and we can apply
morning visit to the brewery. - joyfully
Lech told me.
The beer was cold, and we
but I felt better.
- Well, shall we go to customs? -
asked Lech.
- Let's grab my computer first. -
Remembering the previous day, I reminded.
After packing my SCORPION and monitor with
power supply in two large bags and
hoisting them on our shoulders, we went to
ill-fated establishment. They were already waiting for us there.
- Go ahead, install yours
computer, now I’ll call our expert
ta. - said the officer with whom we spoke -
get out the day before.
Taking out the computer, monitor and connecting everything
this is between ourselves, we began to wait. Long
We didn’t have to sit - he came into the room
a man who was interested in what op-
Our discs are written to the rational system.
- Is this computer your design?
- he asked.
- Well, you can say that. - cool-
I was wondering, - Board, keyboard andfloppy drive -
purchased, and everything else is homemade.
And really - look at mine
computer is possible. Everyone who sees him is very
kidding. Imagine: body
minitower made from two-millimeter
steel, air conditioner on power supply with diameter
seven centimeters, and fifteen in height.
I show everyone one joke - I click you -
power switch - and the program as ra-
Botala, and continues to do so. Housing
all covered in stickers from Terminator,
Star Trek and Star Wars. Under the switch
nutrition flaunts life-affirming nak-
watering can "I voted" (I don’t know about you, but I
I hate communards). Also on the front
There are three buttons on the panel - Reset,
Magic, and the third is for show! Here's the one
me Speccy.
- Well, show me your programs -
we. - said the man, having had enough of admiring it
a creation of artisanal creativity.
“This is our magazine,” I explained,
loading "ADVENTURER".
- What buttons do you need to press here?
press? - the man asked.
- Point your finger at the keyboard, mo-
maybe you'll get there, but actually the managers
the keys were described in the intro.
After selective viewing several times,
business, the man gave the go-ahead. After a while
all the relevant papers were
decorated.
- Yes, yes. Where is the fourth form?
postal customs declaration? - ask
forces officer who handled the paperwork.
- They gave it to us at the post officeonly three. -
I answered discouraged.
- Well then you will have to visit
there again before I finish the registration
tion, since one of the four must be
hang out with us.
On the way to the post office, I no longer felt
restrained both the unprintable words of the Russian and
of English origin erupted from
me in an endless stream. Sitting on the troll-
leibus, which turned up along the way, I will soon
came back.
There is no further paperwork required.
there's a lot of time, and in an hour our drives
were already waiting for their turn to be sent to
main post office.
───────────────────────
And so this fascinating
history, and so that it does not repeat with you -
I'm glad if you would like to send programs
abroad, remember a few things:
1. First of all, go to the post office (from
division where international
departures. In our city this is the main
post office). If you can't get it for hala-
wu send discs (without customs
examination), then take FOUR there
postal customs declaration form
(on them on the back there is still
inscriptions in French).
2. Stock up on a good emulator Speccy
to IBM PC or take it with you to the
I can have my own computer (although if it isyou
connected to the TV, this will be done
barking is problematic).
3. If the disk contains files with obscene
mi expressions or porn images
try to provide graphic content
so that they do not come into the eye of the expert.
Well, that seems to be all. Best wishes to you
wishes and see you again.
Chasm from Infosoft.
───────────────────────
From the editor: among the letters sent to us
come, quite a few electronic ones (on disk-
tah). And these letters come from all over
citizens of the former USSR, in particular, and from the Ukrainian
us. We ask our foreign readers
share your experience of sending floppy disks to Russia
this by mail on the pages of our magazine-
la. And if you know any others
methods, we think everyone will find them useful
study.
* * *
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