ZX Club #06 31 декабря 1997

Юмор

Enjoy - How to Marry a programmer.

  How to Marry a programmer.


       Leaflet Company

        "J. Socha 'Amour LTD.

    Translated from English by V. Choporova.


                CHAPTER 1.


      WHY IS YOUR CHOICE - BEST.
 Dear girls and women, you decide
marry a programmer? You made the right choice, indicating the
there you have a sharp mind and a thin
taste. Try to justify this obvious idea with several examples.


   1.Programmist combines the best
features of a person with Down syndrome and
captain. Every evening
(Except for nights when he intelligently to communicate with 
other programmers), it houses the computer, but in the same 
time, his thoughts far away. 


   2.If he came home at the time,
how you communicate with your (or somebody else,
no difference) lover, rather
say: "Honey, this is my colleague. He
knows nothing about computers. "
 The only inconvenience you
experience, is that the lover will offer
next time to meet with him.


   3.If you suddenly want to smoke
or drink, he will not be you this
prohibit, as he does so
constantly.


   4.On will never irritate
You that when you are tired,
cook dinner, he lay on the couch
staring at a newspaper or TV.
 Programmer knows the place better
Any trained dogs. It is for
computer.


   5.Vam never have to wonder what to give him a holiday. In
any event it would be insanely happy
a simple box of diskettes of his favorite
firm.


   6.Vam not have tormented at night
what to cook him for dinner.
 Programmers are omnivorous.


              CHAPTER 2.


   HOW TO MAKE YOUR DREAM If your
elect withstood all of your checks
 usefulness (some audit
given in the next chapter), then get him to be easy. But
dare to give you some advice.


   1. Arriving at his house ask
him to show you his archive. If he
less than 128 floppy disks, it is still too young
for marriage. If the disk had a
512, then it is either married or already divorced. (The rule 
is valid in the geometric progression. Owner of 1024 disks can

be divorced twice, and the owner 2048trizhdy.) If he will show 
you your streamer device (a), then in principle it is possible 
to hunt, but know that he - Major. Well, if he will

mumble that his archives have devoured viruses
gophers or moles, or say that
his archive to work, then very carefully
Read the following items chap.


   2. Find out when the mail-time on his
Loved bibieskah. Then you will not be
tormented on why he did not call
time. You will always know when
He will call you (usually at five o'clock
am). And it will not take offense at you
for your children's resentment.


   3.Nochyu before the wedding, unplug
his estate. Nothing serious in
that if he at the wedding will be grim.
 The main thing - it will be at the wedding.


   4.Postaraytes honeymoon
in a place where there is no power.
And then Try to not be sad all the
life, remembering that month.


                CHAPTER 3.


         HOW TO DISTINGUISH fake.

   In recent years, the Chinese underground pirate companies 
produce a lot of imitations of our products. Some

of these fakes are not even visible
external defects and have a normal shape of the eyes and quite 
systematic red eyes and nose. Without revealing all the secrets

 Our company will describe a few tests
allow to distinguish our product from the
fakes.


   1.Devushki without complexes can take a test for rejection 
of the most serious counterfeiting. Ask the person who claims 
that he programmer to show you your pisyuk. If He will show you 
something different from PC, can give him podschechinu and drive

out.


   2.Buduchi alone with verifiable uttered the phrase: "Mother 
dear!" or "Native Mama! ". This programmer immediately say:" 
Where? ".." and start to look around in search board.



   3.Priglasite his chosen kudanibud, where a computer, and put
next to a computer diskette. If the disk
will not appear immediately in the drive or a pocket for your 
partner, or if he even do not ask that on this floppy, it is

fake.


   4.In the worst possible time, set
him a question like: "Yesterday, while Hai floppy - good or 
bad?" or "My dear, what would you do if you

given by Frech?. "This programmer
answers to such questions in any state.


   5.If in response to your sentence: "My dear,
I want you to remember me at all
Life! "he dragged you are not in bed, and to
scanner - a real programmer.


   6.How ever being alone with him,
ask him where something scrawled on the
memory word of three letters - "INT." If
He writes INT - it systems analyst, if write int - an applied, 
and if asked: "Do you have those initials?" - Chase

out.

              CHAPTER 4.

   INSTRUCTIONS.
Recent study from scientists, the fact that programmers - 
creative nature. Therefore, they are tender, thin-skinned, and 
treat them to a large caution. Otherwise, you can ruin our

product, or be beaten herself, or
decay can occur Union (family,
rather than the republics).


   1.Nikogda do not put their own interests
ahead of his interests. If you want to
mink fur coat, and he's going to these
money to buy expensive peripherals, it is not
ustaivayte scandals - he will not succumb.
 It is better to say: "Honey, let's buy
my coat, and then I'll put on this coat and
have you done to me SIFCO wonderful! "


   2.Perepivshemu programmer to show
Dendy, but the hands do not let us. He just gets better, but do 
not let him break Dendy - it still is useful

next time.


   3.Postaraytes learn its language.
 For example, in programming the phrase: "You
that ohrenel at your computer? How long can you wait in bed? 
"Sounds as: "Are you not react to interrupts?

I'm now in bed IRQ0 whole system
hang! "


   4.If it works, try not to
include both an outlet
iron, electric kettle, plates, tongs, TV, washing machine and
etc.. Programmer, his unpreserved
program is _STRASHEN_!


   5.Postaraytes memorize sound
konnekta (or, if your husband sysop, then
Call sysop for spruce). This can be useful to you in many 
situations.  For example, the husband comes into the kitchen 
and needs are, and dinner is ready. Whistler this magical 
musical phrase, and you 'll be pleasantly surprised at how 
quickly it will disappear from the kitchen, rushing to your 
computer. 



   Company and the translator did not have
against an increase in the prospectus in
to enhance the attractiveness
OUR PRODUCT

Epigraph: Computers as widely included

          into our lives just because

          our relationship with them remarkably
          to the natural ...


    Definition: Programming - this
then what the programmer alone
with a computer program in an effort to conceive.


    Note: to conceive - best of all,
cultivate - is quite another. Protect
computer! (Del *. c)


    Statistics: Programmers love
computers with hard drives of large volume, with larger 
screens, but for some reason with filters. Programmers irritate

computers with little memory, such
computers running Windows is very slow
and strife.


    Pattern: When every single computer programmer, it is 
considered normal. If the computer belongs to

whole team, this leads to conflicts between programmers and 
unhealthy  state hard drive, programs on

that computer developed painful
and often poor suffer from viruses.


    Note: If the programmer visits
several computers, it is dear to him
costs - always have to support them like the state of the 
system, copy back and forth newest program and generally 
monitor the state of multiple machines, it's hard. Not God 
forbid progress will unite all the computers on the network and 
they will be jealous. 


    Paradox: When computers networked and one of them runs
 others, joining a network, it is not
is gone!


    Warning: Programmers can
admit that computers have learned to samoprogrammirovatsya, 
then what will happen to us?



    Consolation: So far, not received
information about any case, whenever
programmers have programmed each other!


    Censure: Many programmers like to work with the local 
network, Programming such a group should

criticized.


    Achievement: Due to technical
progress of computer time has ceased to be
 rare and no longer meet
programmer who meets with the computer once a week, and in other
days of the program the piece of paper.