ZX Pilot #14 28 августа 1997

Юмор

COMICS - Jokes and Humor.

     COMICS



   Gray morning tedious work Monday. Studio
bachelor apartment, which resembles the interior city of Kiev 
after taking his Mongols. On a crumpled bed stale

wakes up after yesterday's grand "bemsa" organism
landlord Benedict Dazdrapermovicha Kolupaeva.


   HEAD: Oh, the nearest-and-and-ah-ah-ya-ya ...


   STOMACH: Shut up, fool, without you sick. Quickly made a 
step, or I'll run amuck! Oh, Go-SPO-di ... Listen, you're my 
everything here you know. You know, I sho on any work not 
refuse. When Kolupaev a child swallowed a nut - I have yet to 
digest and it! But Schaub me an ulcer samples, if you can 
safely handle those amount of the stuff, sho yesterday he 
drank. This is also a nightmare - I still ache now, everything! 
No, well, you say, except can a normal person eat so much 
alcohol, I already Schaub burst? I do yesterday, three times a 
sudorgi fell and sho? Do not have time throw this stuff back, 
as he pours new! I'm on the Throat just wondering - do you sho 
idiot, could not choke? Eating and eating, Prorva, and although 
I'm quite Must Die! 


   SIP: A Th I Th I? I have something, forcing Kolupaeva drink?
Soobrazhalka on it there, probably! And she was what she 
thought-ass! 


   ASS: Why are you out there about me?


   All internal: You would not really blather! Is here the most
healthier and more blather!


   ASS: It's something I'm healthy? When the last of the guests 
Kolupaeva thrown out, I'm such a Pendel vpendyurili - my 
compliments! I bruise now on the left hemisphere, you know what!



   BLADDER: I need the toilet urgently. I've been silent, but
may in fact occur and misery ...


   STOMACH: Yes, I'd still know, too, refused. She is trash
this one - in my opinion, generally inorganic. I have all the 
juices perevelne digest. Throw it should be, that's it! 


   HEAD: Oh, the nearest-and-i-n ... Analgia-and-Inu ...


   All internal: Kolupaev, get up, come on! Feet, well you che,
in nature, can not hear!


   LEGS: we will not go anywhere. Well, you have shown in FIG. 
We have all the knees skinned. And in general we rasslabuha. Be 
patient, damn it, not the bar. 


   HANDS: Knees they peeled! Most unhappy, you see! A
we have all the fingers ottoptanye - it's like, okay? Kolupaev,
asshole yesterday thought that four points more reliable than 
the two - and the bus, the cattle, on all fours crawled! No, 
well Soobrazhalka in After all, we have or not?



   SOOBRAZHALKA: Che, I do not vrublyus way ... Garbage some ...
Memory Th yesterday was something finally can, eh?


   MEMORY: Birthday celebrated. In this ... as it is ... I do 
not remember right now.



   HEAD: Oh, oh ... Yes, let there Analgin me, you bastards, I 
detonate the same I! Oh, and the nearest-and-a-ah-ah-ya-ya ...



   BLADDER: Legs, go! How long to wait for another?


   LEGS: Go to hell. The order no.


   All internal: Soobrazhalka!


   SOOBRAZHALKA: Che those that finally can not ... Memory, and 
I, that is, Svetka something byaknul yesterday, huh?



   MEMORY: What Svetka?


   SOOBRAZHALKA: Well, this ... Well there you should know!


   MEMORY: I do not remember a fig.


   Easily: if this moment did not like nicotine - schA a cough
uchudim that everything will be all bummer!


   HEART: You are only drug addicts were not enough. I'm all
warn the official - if immediate measures are not taken
to exit the body of the crisis, to cease work. And then all
you, the masses, as you put it comes tryndets. I'm not kidding!


   All internal: Soobrazhalka you heard? Come on, think at last!


   Genitals: Guys, I con - it so well - finally can. I'm right
Horny such - at least right now, straight to work!


   MEMORY: A-ah! I remembered! So are you, kid, now you want to 
work, huh?! But even if you worked yesterday, Kolupaev would 
zhist do not get drunk! Yet it was a pencil with this Svetka, 
and only you, the balance of slack, led! 


   Genitals: I could not yesterday. Vehicle safety
prohibits. And what conception would have happened? Scary fruit?


   SOOBRAZHALKA: Memory and Sveta - who is she?


   MEMORY: Yes, I do not remember, fuck off! The main thing is 
that this monster yesterday refused to work - that's happened 
all the way! 


   STOMACH: Listen, you can here their disassembly at least 
until the night arrange, but we bladder urgently need the 
toilet. AND Head over there really bad. Maybe you did, finally, 
shut up and Feet give the order?



   CONSCIENCE: Lord, Svetochka ... How could I ... And the 
people that think ... And Ivan Sergeevich ... Oops! So the 
service you ought to! Oops ... oh! What a shame, oh Lord ...



   SOOBRAZHALKA: Silence all! Right now the decision will be 
taken. Whom there where required? In the toilet? We go to the 
toilet. Feet, Wake up, damn it, commander has come! Go ... Do, 
like Che ... O ka - ayf! Oh-oh-oh ...



   Conscience and Memory: Obezyantsevu debt today must pay - 
seven tysch. And my grandfather promised at the garage to help 
... 


   SOOBRAZHALKA: ... Service Svetochka, duty, Grandpa ... In 
short, ass all together. Spit and forget. Conscience, yet the 
word say - finally can weed it out, okay? Ma lchat!



   Kolupaev pulls on his pants and smiles smugly mirror: -
Let those who think what you want, and soobrazhalka something 
there yet! Ponimaet, infection, unmistakably ...



° ° ° ° °



   Drunk man comes home late. His wife, mother than
light stands and sends to milk a cow. Enters the barn, the cow
him and said: "Well, getting drunk?" - "Uh-huh," "My wife 
milked me sent? "-" Uh-huh, "" Well, you hold on for the boobs, 
I jump I will "




   Fell from the roof of a brick on the passer. People are 
outraged: - Already bricks were falling from the roof! People 
to walk in fear! Who - what leans over the injured and said: - 
Yes this member! 

   - It should be there, how many of these deputies are 
divorced, brick nowhere fall!




   Vovochka:-Uncle, eat this candy! -Thank you, boy.

   - Tasty? - .- Very strange, why is the cat and the dog it
spat out all the time??



   The couple quarreled, and his wife moved into the living 
room. After 2 weeks, the husband knocks on the door.


   - Leave me alone! - She cries. - Look at first,
What I knock! - He answers.



   In the monastery on a secluded Scottish island inhabited by 
120 monk. In addition to them on the island were three 
brothers. In one day the youngest brother was drafted into the 
army. Returning home, he noticed that many nuns are pregnant.


   - How could this happen? - He was surprised .- But you 
picked up a our condom! 



   Psychiatrist - patient: - I can tell you the good news: I
fully managed to save you from homosexuality.

   - Oh, dear doctor, that's fine, I'm so happy
kiss you now! - Oh, would not relapsed! You
Strictly speaking, on his knees before me sit up is not 
recommended. 



   - Why is my sister called Rising Sun? - Asks
small Indian mother.

   - She was conceived when the sun rises. - And why the younger
Blue flower name? - She was conceived in the cornflower. Well 
enough ask questions, Ripped gum!




   Confusion in the nursing home. Newborn - black
blond with slanted eyes. Midwife - mother:

   - I was certainly not concerned, but in your place I would 
have been circumspect in group sex!


   - What are you, and I'm glad that the kid does not bark!



   - Look, - said the bartender to the visitor. - You that bad?

   - Yes - meets a man sad - I feel bad, because my
wife is sleeping with me once a week. - You're lucky - the 
bartender notices - with other visitors she sleeps only once a 
month. 



   Elephant sees a naked man on the beach and asks: - Listen
how can you have such little things?