ZX Pilot #13 12 августа 1997

Самиздат

COMICS - Proverbs about computer inhabitants.

Parable of the computer inhabitants.


   Presented below, the reader of the Chronicle, reflects two
critical period of life in Silicon - The crisis of dos and Great
Russification.

   Life is peaceful Digger, Norton Commander and comrade. 
Command Coma destroyed with the advent of the new character's 
father Vyndouza. Hence tragedy and grief of many subtle scenes.




   When Digger broke both his legs, he began to move around on 
wheels. 



   Recovered Comrade Command Com - Digger said, considering a 
passing comrade coma. - At 2.7 pounds - defined Norton 
Commander .- So what song we will sing today, Norton? - Asked 
Digger. - Duc - Norton said the commander, - Yankee Doodle. 



   Comrade Command Com lived on a floppy disk system and led a 
disorderly life, why, and he suffered. Bitten, he went to the 
doctor Aidstetstu. Planted a doctor friend Aidstest coma in a 
high chair, took him by the jaw: "And now, says," Say:

Format ah-ah-ah-ah. "



   Do you think that Norton, who we'll be in my next life? - So
asked Digger Norton Commander. - Duc, - said the commander
Norton, pressing Control-Alt-Del ...



   Do not you remember you first version of DOS, comrade whom? 
- Ask Digger comrade 'command of Com. - No, - he cried, - from 
her the song remains - and sang: "operating system, DOS, Ver. 
Doce, and his grandmother healthy ... "




   Sit as a Digger, Norton Commander and comrade Command Com, 
and going by his father Vyndouz. "Sit down, - he says. - Well, 
well. Soon all 'll sit beneath me. "No one so he did not reply.

One comrade Command Com spat and cursed dirty. "Come in,
Advance, - said - the shell is cheap. "



   Once asked fellow Digger 'command coma: "Why did you
Comrade Command Combe, the father Vyndouza do not like? "." 
Mice from He stinks, he answered quickly, but, on reflection, 
added to the shell from the cheap ".




   "Gentlemen," said Norton Commander Digger and fellow Commando
Who, yesterday, there was a great Russification. Instructed to 
assign all Russian names. "They began to think. Well, Norton 
commander immediately lieutenant named North, so Digger Digger 
and left. A Comrade Commando whom no Russian name was not 
pleasant. Like it was Ivan Komovi name, but he was angry:

"Shells, - he cried, - cheap! Mice were kindled!".



   Where money matters? - Snapped komndir Norton Diggera.Dyk, 
ate ... 



   All day, Comrade Command Com went enlightened. A met
sad father Vyndouza even asked sympathetically: - Or
happened, sir? - All the icons were stolen, - the father said
Vyndouz and wept. - Oh, they are heathen, - happily sympathetic
Comrade Command Com, - Oh, they shell cheap! And his mustache 
fun stir.




   Only met Digger, Comrade Command and commander of Combe 
Norton Pivtsov drink, like a window to his knock. - There isn't 
enouth room! - Shouted the commander Norton saw in the window 
hateful cockle father Vyndouza.




   (From the biography of the great traveler's companion 
'command Com.) Went once comrade Command Com in Africa, and 
there it bitten by a fly format Tse-Tse.




   - It is true that Ventura had given herself to his father 
Vyndouzu? - Ask Norton Commander Comrade 'command of Com. - 
Duc, - he replied, - Publisher Publisher it is.




   From the life of silicon addicts.
- Bad, Norton? - Tusknyak, Comrade Command Kom.-Come to the 
diggers. It even has wheels.




   Went as a Gold Digger to steal, but fell asleep.



   When the commander of Norton left alone, he fell ill star
disease.



   Digger rolled to the commander of Norton with the question: 
"What music do you like more, Norton? "." Chopin "- replied the 
commander Norton, discharging your hard drive.




   Digger drove up to the commander of Norton and said: "Wilt
roasted corn kernels, Norton? "



   Norton recorded the album and the commander gave his friends 
to listen. - Cool in your drive - said his companion Command 
Com. - So I've got three: A, C and D.




   And how is your cousin in the pits? asked Comrade
Command Combe Norton Commander. Duc - posted Norton - as a:
Boot - Send, Boot - Send ...


° ° ° ° °



   When a wealthy businessman jumped out the window of his 
Office in 23-th floor, police interviewed his beautiful young 
secretary, is known whether the cause of her suicide boss what 
she responded: 

   -How do I know? We do not even have my very blizki.Hotya
sorry for him: for two months, he twice raised my salary, gave
diamond necklace, a mink coat, and yesterday - the ring with
emeralds and said he wanted me. And I said: once he said to me
so generous, then I'll take him only five dollars, although in
our office to pay me ten. After that, he threw
out the window.



   In a zoo in a cage with a lion a little boy asks
father: - Dad, but if the lion will run out and eat you, me on 
what the bus ride home? 



   Man sows. It starts with a flood, and crops washed away in a 
river. man crying:


   - Lord, for that attack this?
Sow a second time. On the crops they shower.

   - Lord, - weeping man - what did I do?
Sows the third time. Raid bird and peck seeds.

   - Good Lord, what is being done? - Crying people.
In the skies reopened the window, vysovyvatsya God and says:

   - Well, not like you I do not like you!



   With phone contact is very simple. Ringing bell shooting
up and ask: "Who's there?".



   The lawyer asked his client:

   - Why, after his release from prison you beaten Editor
the local newspaper?

   - Why, I have assumed a total of five tyyach, and he wrote 
in a newspaper there are seven. Imagine what trouble I had from 
my wife? 


   Family consisting of spouses and young son, lives in one
crowded room. On Saturday morning, the mother gives the child 
the ruble and says:


   - Come, walk, buy a ice cream.

   - I do not want - the kid refuses.

   - Then you three rubles - become generous father - went to 
the movies or the circus!


   - Do not want! - Naughty little boy.

   - So what do you want? - Angrily asking parents to
one vote.

   - Look ...



   - Well, how is your exam?

   - Excellent! I responded positively to the first question, 
and this agreed to all!


   - And what kind of question you got?

   - Can we now have dinner together?



   - What is your elegant dress!

   - France! Present for the wife. And, interestingly, without 
any reason: returns from a trip a day early, late, and I find 
it on a chair near the bed. That joy it was! 



   - Are you stupid woman like?

   - If you say too! Of course not!

   - And those who can not even cook breakfast?

   - No, but what is it?

   - I can not understand what you always stick to my wife?



   The couple came to an annual medical examination.
The first went to the doctor's husband:

   - I'm all right - he said - except for one
problem: when I do my wife and I love it the first time all
runs fine, but the second time I was sweating.

   Having completed the inspection of her husband, the doctor 
asked his wife. 

   - According to your husband, the first act of love for you is
fine, but during the second he strongly poteet.Vy do not know 
why it?


   - Of course I do! - Cried the wife. - For the first time this
happens in February, and again in August!



   Deaf-mute comes to nachalinku vokzala.Kivnuv head in
greetings, he picked up two fingers, then touched his chest
secretary, and waved his arms like a bird.

   In response, the officer picked up one finger, knuckles 
rapped on the table and pointed his finger below the belt ...


   When the dumb left the secretary asked what they
explain?

   - He asked me two soft to the Eagle, and I replied that I
offer only one hard to the Lower ...



   - Hello, I listen, speak!

   - What are you yelling, it's a iron?

   - That's right, I looked, no one answers, but it turns out, 
of outlet is turned off.




   Talk to two friends:

   - Listen, why Zinka her husband was offended?

   - She requested from him a hundred bucks at a beauty salon, 
and he gave her thousand.




   His grandfather was snoring at night and interfered with his 
grandmother to sleep. That appealed to doctors and healers, but 
nobody does not help. Finally neighbor stove advised:


   - As my grandfather zahrapit, push the his legs.
She did so, and my grandfather stopped snoring. Time passed, 
and went grandmother back to the stove:


   - As it so happened that my grandfather no longer snore?
Stovemaker replied:

   - Scientifically I do not know, but in our opinion there is 
no traction. 



   A man wakes up after a drunken night in a cage with a 
giraffe. Slowly raises his head and muttered:


   - Nich-which currently dolchiki ...



   - Do you know what happens to girls who do not eats porridge?

   - I know. They become models.



   A woman looks at a parrot:

   - Oh, yak ptychka! Yaqui feathers! Yaqui eyes!
Parrot:

   - Leave me alone, you fool!

   - Oh, Uncle, sorry. I thought you sho ptytsya!



   Announcement: "Hire a villa, cottage, penhauz. The quality 
of images guaranteed. "




   Talk to three women. The first says:

   - Today I bought here are the tomatoes - and adds two
fist together.
The second says:

   - I bought here are cucumbers - and cuts his hand above the 
elbow. A third deaf and asks:


   - And where does he live?



   Director of recruiting a new secretary. Asks:

   - How Mrs. earned in the same place of work?

   - Two million.

   - So I'll be happy to Pani two and a half million.

   - Hey there, Mr. Director, "with pleasure" I'm on the same
place to get four.



   General arrived to inspect the part, which is when - then
commanded. The most disgusting part was. Looks - everything 
shines soldiers are smart, uniform otglazheno ... We went to 
the office commander, fever, general unbuttoned uniform, 
sprawled in a chair: 

   - How do you manage?
Commander:

   - Yes this is my sergeant, Comrade General.

   - Call.
Rushes sergeant, saluted:

   - Comrade generation ... zastebnis!
General:

   -?
Petty Officer:

   - Over-astebnis!
Commander jumps to the general:

   - Comrade General, button, please, it is the third time is 
not repeats.




   Deaf-mute comes in factory management, outlines his hands
huge belly on the ground of his sunken stomach. Secretary:

   - Director's not.
He knocks on her forehead. Secretary:

   - Chief Engineer either.
A visitor begins to something meaningless muttering and waving
hands. Secretary:

   - And no party organizer.
Deaf-mute collapses in his chair and stares at the ceiling, 
spinning in idle thumbs linked hands. Secretary: 

   - And the chairman of the trade union are not.



   In rainy weather, student - a freshman came to his
buddy chat. After talking with her for half an hour, he asked:

   - Well, what shall we do with this weather?

   - I have an idea - she says .- Let's throw a coin. If
fall eagle will do what I want, and if tails you
want. Start throwing, but I still make out the bed.



   On the board announcement of one of London's medical 
colleges have been posted sledueshschee notice: "I bring to 
your notice that Her Majesty the Queen has appointed me as his 
court physician. Rector. "


   The next morning, someone from the student added: "Lord, save
The queen! "



   The husband comes from a business trip, his wife's lover. 
Male outraged. A wife and says:


   - Honey, you know what I'm afraid to sleep alone. You came, 
he leave.




   Invites another man to visit and serve tea. Gives him
cup after cup.
Guest:

   - Are you invited me to tea? The fuck he gave me!
Host:

   - Are you a tea bushuesh and want me to vodka you 
entertained? 



   The patient comes to the doctor. Doctor:

   - What complaint?

   - Severe pain in the stomach.

   - And what did you eat for breakfast?

   - "Bounty".

   - A-ah, well, a paradise in paradise!



   Japanese radio announced:

   - Now Honored Artist of Japan Yasuko perform Japanese
folk song "Oh, ta-da-la Muli" in Russian translation
"Doubt."



   Sitting in the saloon animals. Suddenly the hare opens the 
door a kick, suited to a lion, and says:


   - Come on out ...

   - Come on.
After some time the lion returns with wounding and scratched 
face. Surprised by the beasts ask: 

   - Well, what?

   - Well, who knew that he would run for gooseberries ...



   Queue for a beer. The last is a Negro. Suitable alcoholic.

   - Gypsy, you're extreme?

   - I do not Gypsies - I'm black.

   Huckster scratching their heads:

   - Imagine what you have then the Gypsies!



   - I'm fed up with your jealousy - in the hearts of my wife 
says husband. - Do you think if I did not know you put a to

I Detectives - Tall Blond with green eyes, very
nice, though slightly shy at first?