a rest - "How to break down half?".

"How to breed hedgehogs, I still brought it somewhere in 1989, 
is printed on typewritten form bellow we're working on it for 
very long, then she went hard on my hands friends, then on the 
arms of their friends, while at an unknown circuit, it is not 
entirely been read (Although I still have a copy), slightly

Later, a book in the normal edition, even the mud three-or 
four-volume. Just recently, our friends from Taganrog (Chip Co) 
drove a pair of floppy disks with text files. And in his spare 
time, browsing, I stumbled upon this incomparable thing (which 
you can read below). Thanks to unknown author, it came out 
pretty funny. 



  Music by Phantom Lord



                 *



          How to break axis.



                Chapter 1.



     Through the windows came the rain and the process of 
installation. Bill Gates has turned from the window of 
Microsoft Excel and asked Norton - Commander:  - Petya devices?

 - 486DX2/66/1/40/kosye/EGAmono!
 - What EGAmono?
 - And that the "instruments"?
 Ten minutes later the Excel window is finally
Gates were closed and asked:
 - How are things with fellow ISAeva?
 - It is difficult.
 - This is Good. Ai keV for him new
TASK invariant systems. But the windows came the rain and
installation process.


                  *



     Low smoky ceiling restore_run'a Three megabytes was almost 
black from soot. Fed there is not very good - as

Typically, it was 4 Mb azu salad and Olivetti. Fed there is 
even worse - usually beer "Ostankino", which everyone called

"Trupovskim. But this is not to scare away the regulars. Scared 
away their friend. More recently, in restore_run began to look 
Advertising Manager OS / 2 Stirlitz. That Now he sat at the 
table farthest from the my laptop with the resources at seven 
and programs at eight, a T-shirt that says "Do not Microsoft, 
and small programs in Russian!". Sometimes he felt boring and 
he pulled from his pocket a floppy disk with the words "manager 
ISAevu of BG for liberation of the market from CP / M "with the 
dexterity and true hackers launched a network of a couple -

three new viruses.
 - What heinous program of this
Microsoft - all of a sudden said,
programmistik young - I have them all
recorded by one and wash in the queue!

     The room was silent. All
looked at Shtirlitsa. Stirlitz took
floppy disk, although the light still
not extinguished, and, overturning the three monitors,
moon walk came to a high-handed
programmistiku.
 - KOBOLtus nedoinstallirovanny! - He hissed and pulled 
 on a laptop computer programmer.  - Sorry, I 
do not quite understand - faltered fluttered programmistik. 
Stirlitz out of yourself and not giving time to recover, scored 
Format c: and hit Enter.  - I am manager of Microsoft ISAev and 
not allow every user to offend maykrosoftovskih programmers! 

     The audience rushed to separate
disputants. Merry Shtirlitsa dragged from moaning 
programmistika and to calm, proposed a toast to Microsoft for 
Bill Gates. Stirlitz drank and programmer was not interested in 
him.  - Well as you can - if Stirlitz say such things about 
Microsoft, so even in such terms, - said one of presence.

 - Stirlitz - good soul - another sigh - I remember three days 
ago, then washed a pirated copy of Solaris, so all used 
low-level formatting, and Stirlitz - Quick Format.  A Stirlitz 
already asleep. Dreamed sappers tapeworms and printers. Now he 
sleeps, but exactly half an hour later woke up to continue 
their difficult but a necessary work for Microsoft.



                Chapter 2.



     Stirlitz childhood fond of computers. His favorite stories 
were "Trehdyuymovochka" and "OLE Lukkoye. To five years he is 
using the carrot and the stick has mastered the art of 
programming. In ten years commissioned by the Russian Academy 
of Sciences, he wrote the Forth, which is known as Fortran. In 
twelve years he had two drives Toshiba for laser printers and 
three - to the police. In fifteen years of Maxim for the first 
time tried the beer "Porter Centronics" and in the morning 
invented language Alcola. He loved music - especially the group 
of DOORS and the album "The Wall ", so it was difficult to 
switch to Platform Windows. Now in his hit - parade leading 
group "Acer of Baser", S. VEGA, Suzi Quattro Pro and the old 
song, "I met the VAX and the past ...". 

     In the first year at college Stirlitz
proved the law of sines ver. 5.0. Theme
his thesis was to write a full multi-tasking and multi-
operating system's processor 8088,
which he called a "wicket." It was noticed and, at the end of 
the Institute, was invited the group of developers Windows. 
Some time later he was transferred to a group of industrial 
espionage. 

     Stirlitz was the best resident. His
could interrupt, but can not be unloaded.
In its track list is such
case as a "professional friend" - the Lotus Ami Pro, "Cool 
outfit - a Lotus SmartSuit, "Hand lewd" - about Aldus

FreeHand, "local bus" - the Local Bus
and much more.

     Now he is out the most important task - trying to get a 
list of undocumented features OS / 2. "I'll call her report on 
"sex" - with his usual penchant for bad puns Stirlitz thought, 
absently watching for one of terminals in his office a couple 
ol broke password.

 - Buttons tight at the buttons - as always
in the subject blurted Stirlitz.

     ISAev picked with a screwdriver in DeskJet'e,
thinking, "Do not fig to itself the jet streams are not
not so long, when he was on the modem ZyXEL
came from encryption Diskdoktora Pleischner.
 - ZyXEL - moksel! - Swore Stirlitz
read that Diskdoktoru never managed to get the necessary 
documents. Remained the last hope. Stirlitz stood up and went 
out, whistling through his teeth tune "Come on, Jora, and hold 
my Macintosh". 


                Chapter 3.



     Chief of Security
EF One, named HELP, a small dirty dog. He collected viruses 
written Stirlitz, and sent them as freeware on the BBS for the 
Air Force, VMS, Navy and DOSAAF. Once, as a result of this was 
semi-destroyed work of collective developers. Head of Software 
von T. de Zayner instructed to investigate the matter itself EF 
Odin. Two months, all creeping things to HELP, and Stirlitz to 
withdraw from suspicion, even done a version

it made a Chinese spy NEC DEC. In
eventually suffered SK Rolling, Head of an intimate 
relationship with the public, which inadvertently won HELP 
Tetris. 

     Now EF One send to BBS message Stirlitz use in programs
operator GOTO ". Before he could press Enter,
as the door opened and entered the room itself
ISAev.
 - One - said Stirlitz - Give PageMaker.
 - And why you? - Asked HELP.
 - Changes to do - without batting an eye
countered Stirlitz.

     "This is his words do not climb"
- Thought HELP - "there is felt a hand
Microserfs.

     While EF One rummaging through boxes of pirated distros 
Stirlitz its moon walk quietly walked to the safe

and using a handheld cracker hacked
128 - bit security code. It was easy, because cracker 
Shtirlitsa scrap and √ 2-bit, and №-bit, and even e-bit

code. Taking the folder with the documents
Stirlitz slammed the door and said:
 - By the way, One, did you try sometime
plug the cord into the socket with a jam?

     ISAev knew that he always remembered
the last sentence, so HELP, remembering
Shtirlitsa's visit will think that he
came to show off their next wacky
pun.

     Two days later Stirlitz received a message: "Unix - 
apex'u. Date error. Kanto Reed Drive tse. "

 - Excel-moksel! - Said Stirlitz.

     He alone knew that he had raised
salary. ISAev went and bought for a fee Ethernet box favorite, 
"Porter Centronics", slowly drinking, playing along to your 
favorite Minesweeper. 

     After a while he lay in
rick at the junction of two drains, looking
a stack of his memory, tapping a stack of
Knock on top of his boot, waving banners and
streaming with happy tears.

     But the windows came the rain and the process
installation.

__________________________________________