Nicron #115 04 декабря 1999

Miscellaneous - a hooligan calls.

        Hooligan call


(C) Rostislav Krivitsky, Moscow



   (Moderator) This program tells about all the terrible
cases. Call of salvation, and you will be impressed by the 
courageous masculinity, unlike other phones where you will be 
impressed by the feminine femininity. Unfortunately, there are 
more rowdy calls. One such call came yesterday. 


   (Manager) I did not know that this call is tough, but all
also picked up the phone.


   (Bully) I decided to make a joke and said that the pumping 
station burst pipe repairman climbed its repair, has come under 
stress, out of spark kindled fire and everything burns.



   (Manager), I called to rescue and began to feel sorry for a 
man got under stress. To relieve stress, I bought vodka and 
went to the scene. 


   (Smith) When John and I arrived at the scene, all
around it was quiet. We saw that all around, quiet and scared
that all have died. I rushed down to the basement, leaving John
top.


   (John) and I rushed to chew "Orbit" to recover
acid-base balance, when I heard the first cry of Smith.


   (Smith), I quickly descended the slippery steps, and suddenly
something slipped ...


   (Bum) I live in the basement of the pumping station and my 
laziness each just take out the garbage on the street.



   (Smith) to keep from falling, I grabbed something over his 
head and pursing his bruised leg, issued the first cry.



   (John) We had agreed with Smith: When it emits
first cry, I must hasten to the aid of what I did.


   (Sister) I was on duty in the maternity ward hospital, St.
Valerie, when from the pumping station was heard the first cry.
I realized that there is again a foundling. This place is very 
rich in foundlings.



   (Woman) pumping station in our city - it is almost sacred
place. Those women who can not get pregnant, go to
station in the basement, and they all turns out.


   (Bum) I'm a very low opinion of women in this city.


   (John) I ran to the door to the basement and saw Smith, who
stood on the stairs and held hands for a high-voltage wire
his foot was already unnaturally bent, and he was twitching all.
I realized that Smith had come under stress, and decided to 
pull his hands from the wire. 


   (Smith) Noga has already begun to take place, and I wanted 
to let go of his hands, as something hit me on the hands, and I 
gave up the second and last cry that day, flying in the 
basement. 


   (Sister) When I heard the second and last cry, I grabbed the 
diaper tool and rushed to the pumping station. 


   (Bum) I heard a noise on the stairs, terrified that I was 
again raped. I tore up his arms steel pipe and sent a stream of

water in the direction of the noise.


   (Smith), falling to the basement stairs, I made a noise and 
wanted to make the third cry, but choked with water.



   (Sister) When I heard the third scream, I realized that
I can not catch.


   (John) Once I hit with a crowbar on the hands of Smith and
separated him from the wire, I lit a match to see what
I did. But from around the spark kindled the flame, and all
around the flared. I ran up to Smith and, despite its
resistance started to do CPR on him, but chewing gum "Orbit" 
fell out of my mouth and hit in the throat Smith. 


   (Homeless) In light of the fire, I saw two lifeguards. They
kissing, and I lost consciousness.


   (Manager), I finally arrived at the scene and saw Smith 
lying motionless and John. Nearby lay an unknown man, 
apparently the one that came under stress. The best way relieve 
tension has always been a vodka, and I poured out for four, 
despite a raging fire and slashing the water. 


   (Homeless) for a short time waking up, I saw that I drink 
vodka, and again lost consciousness because I'm old.



   (Sister) There appeared in time and I saw what I saw. I
was disgusting, and I called the police.


   (Police) When we arrived, we found a party in the
swing. We took all of the site, put out the fire and on the way
closing the water tap. Two of the participants were in need of 
booze medical care, and we drove to the hospital St. Valerie.



   (Sister) have lifeguards were glued their mouths, and we had
amputate the cud (shows). Both have been hopelessly
restored the acid-alkaline balance.


   (Moderator) So we see that, despite the fact that rescuers
arrived on the scene before the accident, all
ended well.


   (Bully) And I will not vandalize over the phone, I'm now 
going to vandalize the streets and go to church.