Nicron #106 13 января 1999

Юмор

Humor - Chilling story of a head of department and is accountable to his computer.

span class = 'RGB6'> Chilling story
      of Head
                and
          accountable to it
            PC


(C) Alexey Sviridov
(R) Merlin



   This history has occurred on so long, we can say, recently,
but we can say that and does not yet occurred, and is expected 
to next week. In a department whose name I will not tell you,

that the CB name of one famous friend, whom, and so everyone 
knows, there was a computer. Not "Made Institute Minsk", a 
cross between an adding machine with KVN-TV, besides 
tarahtyaschaya like a tractor "Belarus", and not the 
"Zelenograd Productions DVK-kill-me-better-at once. Machine 
design white, yellow building, the keys are gray, and the 
screen ... Needless to say, what screen - MEMBERS picture on it 
looked nicer than in "Playboy." With porn all started. 

   Watching her kids at night, when women are no longer 
available for home shopping yes, and the time workers are 
officially over, so that from this side of the authorities 
could not find fault. Looked and went, everything seems as 
normal. But bosses He was a man educated, on the one hand, and 
on the other hand aware that the formation of two decades ago 
now not around to help. And so the head and read a lot of 
different, but including magazines Intercomputer "," PC World 
"," Kompyuterlend "," ComputerPress "," 
Computer-god-knows-what-else, good, salary allowed. And one of 
them read of it about a program that, until the picture shows 
the erasure of the car valuable information, and then another, 
and mocks the screen. In the evening, fortunately, no 
suspicious messages did not jump out, but on the condition the 
head wound. 

   Came in the morning and primarily made porn erase, and
two engineers, melenko in this case volokuschih, sat writing
programa, catching all sorts of prestupmye actions without the 
knowledge user. Engineers were strange people - normal

people would say at once that such programs and because two 
hundred pieces on zabesplatno, and rewrote to his neighbors. 
And these two, which communicate with the machine even in the C 
language managed to beysikovskim accent, sat down and three 
months have made such things, that any attempt something 
rewrite or erase fed to the alarm and holding everything, 
including the clock. 

   But not for long rejoiced bosses. Soon the firm announced
nasty virus, a computer course, which was distributed worse 
than AIDS, the existing traps can not be reached, showed itself 
only once, but fatal, and most despicable, but at the moment 
off the machine, using the remnants of energy and inertia of 
rotation of the disk, when nothing has been done can not be 
manually or software. Panic reigned complete, and the older the 
head, the more uncomfortable he was - for any of the problem 
with personalkami was solely the result of games of 
subordinates coupled with the connivance of superiors, and on 
this occasion was has two major call. Someone dials Lozinski,

someone just seal the drive to floppies is strange owl,
and we acted differently.

   Now, without knowing three passwords and not having a 
specially formatted floppy disk, which was kept at the head of 
the table, it was impossible not only his floppy phnut, but the 
power is off, and who tried to do it, received serious electric 
shock from the body or from the wire with a fork. Did all this 
in turn invited three of the cooperative, but how much and what 
kind of funds that has gone, knew only the educated and the 
head of one of his old friend, comrade, now a modest 
zamgeneralnogo on the economy. 

   True, then again had all the same two engineers to strain to 
their previous creations with the current protected dock, but 
it was already done in respect of salary, and once again 
disturbed friend friend was not required. Employees at first 
almost daily received electric shocks, but it used to, and 
worked almost as before.


   The next threat came from the telephone jack: the department 
to install the modem, and about pirates of computer networks in 
our time, only deaf did not hear and the blind do not read. 
Modem, of course, Pretty thing, I thought the chief, turning 
over the instruction manual, the style is more like a cheap 
advertising, but dangerous. One thing to simply erase the 
information, and more - on the side of her release, it's a 
shame. 

   And he went into the ministry, which had long been turned 
into a concern, of concern to the department, from the 
department into a joint stock company, and so on, but actually 
in the same building are the same people sat at the usual 
tables and doing something he is familiar dela.Tam someone to 
talk to, some who sat in the canteen, and as a result of 
ministerial koekto traveled with a delegation from the Bureau 
in a rather nice trip, and the Division stated grim bearded 
personality dlioy two meters with a box of diskettes, got to 
start the discharge of his fingers and stuck the car, proshipev 
that yuzerovchaynikov current hit, though cruel, but, in 
general, correct. 

   Broke away from the screen that a hacker only late at night, 
took box and disappeared, but since divisional modem was 
impregnable strength for all attempts to connect, even without 
cause, at least in the case. Head decided that it quieter, and 
bearded longer cause.


   A six-month lull, and then in the department occurred 
additions: a young man with a diploma, short-sighted and 
well-developed sense of self-esteem, and even appeared plotter, 
a scanner and a television arm, which after mining whether the 
satellite was supposed to supply, then whether to suspend the 
submarine, but it is possible that both inside Chernobyl 
sarcophagus of his stuff. For space modifications and then 
again and a solar panel added, having pressed for this on the 
window box with evergreen tomatoes. 

   All of this is again working under computer control, and the 
young man talking to two strange engineers in their spare-time 
taught one of the patrol programs manipulator is not pleasing 
to pull out floppy disks, and then drive away from the keyboard 
undesirable. This caused a healthy laughter gathered on 
performance, particularly comical look with narrowed eyes as if 
in anger camera and flapping a la butterfly wings solar panels, 
and trying not to fall under the arm, and optimum angle of 
inclination to save. 

   And then disaster struck. Floor above the toilet tank leaks,
and who came on Monday, the first young man had the horrifying 
picture - the deep puddles on the floor, inflated paper on the 
tables, and swollen particle board tables. And amidst this 
flood was the computer and himself played in the "Starkontrol 
"(*), forgot to turn off on Friday. Young man was not stupid, 
and remembered the teachings of senior colleagues, one of which 
makes sense about this: if something happened, better if it's 
something the first to discover the head and he will take the 
same action. He is the person responsible, he and the cards. In 
According to this young man closed the door and went into the 
smoking room. 

   When he returned half an hour later, he found a picture of 
the same flood but now the door was a small crowd. A second 
engineer category, who played on Friday last, at times 
struggled to come up and turn off the car, but the sparkling 
bits of arm casually grabbed him by the first available part of 
the body and dragged through puddles at a safe distance. 

   Tried together, but the vertical rack plotter
dealt a blow to one of the brave and the arm began to work
twice as fast. The same misfortune befell a boss who
pulled from the table soaked password floppy and tried to shove 
her into the drive. Employees of the department were afraid to 
go - squinting camera did not seem funny. Then the chief of the 
next room to get through to the electricians, and all over body 
Turn off the power but the wings of solar batteries and 
accumulators "Damn piece of iron" made it useless.


   By lunchtime, the tank was repaired, the floor of the 
department began to dry out, but to go there, you can still 
only had a risk - any approach to the switch or outlet computer 
perceived as an attack and act accordingly. Six-foot bearded 
man came and tried to bring the car to life via a modem, but it 
turned out that his program, too, have adapted and are abutted 
improvised, and as a result he himself was unable to penetrate 
through his own defense, but only got to the screen insulting 
professional pride messages. 

   Stating that "users-dummies generally need to kill," the 
bearded left. A suggestion was made to break anything car or 
even a television camera, but the chief recalled from memory, 
how much each component of the complex and offers had subsided. 

   And now has to be the following situation: staff
seated in another room; they pose a health risk having produced
necessary documents, continue to implement the plan and make 
quarterly premium. 

   Head of the same almost from the police is looking for one 
of the strangest retired engineers and traces of at least one 
of the cooperators, to bring it to the hacker from the 
ministry, a young man which is also on leave for child care, 
while his wife in the commercial department at the bread and 
butter, earns, and a strange engineer who quit have not yet 
thought up, maybe with something so think of. A computer still 
costs in the department, menacingly waving at each incoming 
manipulator and plays with himself is a "Starkontrol.


_______________________________________________________________

   * For those who do not know. "Starkontrol" - this is nice 
game which the spacecraft can operate, fight or two

rights against each other, or a person against the machine, and 
can be for the sake of the car itself with a bleed - this is 
not a game of course, but the spectacle Neskuchnoye. There is 
also at the Spectrum. 



            *