Echo #04 31 января 1997

Юмор

satire and humor - Dialogue or because of what SysOp'y ruin oneself by drink.

             Satire and humor



               Cork in 3 acts


                  Dialogue

     or "Because of what ruin oneself by drink SysOry"


                Preface


   Dear reader! Imagine

    correspondence SysOp-a and user (Chat).


                   Akt1

 Time 22:35
 Venue: Flat SysOp-a.
 Actors: SysOp, Computer,

                             Cat (black).


   Night. SysOp finishing his seventh cup of tea
browse svezhezalitoe file. Suddenly
he opens his mouth and his eyes climb
across the bald patch on his head. Mouth can hear the words in 
print do not give a recommended. After the shock caused by the 
image on the screen, he notes with satisfaction that zalivshy 
More IT user is on the line. Immediately pressed ALT + C. 


   SysOp: "This is what, # $ # $% ^ mother, you
I filled in? "


   User: "Norton Commander 3.0 - svezhak!


   SysOp: "You Th boar, I have long been the fifth
yuzayu! And why live like that? "


   User: "And what kind of line?"


   SysOp: "Archive must, that's it! AND
Remember - TWIT is not a wild beast, and the sort of thing that 
you do nothing more and merge "



   User: "Understood. And how to archive?


   SysOp: "You what else can teach crap? Descriptions of Honor!"


   User: "Where you find them?"


   SysOp: "Where, where - on the board!"


   User: "By the way, you windose 3.1 need?"


   SysOp: "Just not in the direct form!"


   User: "Ok, Bye."


   SysOp: "Bue!"


   Can be heard grunting and cursing the hard drive SysOp-NC 
3.0 and removed from the disk. After this operation he was taken

per cup, and othlebnuv from it with loathing
discovers in her tea.


                   Akt2

 Situation: That the same.
 Time 23:02
 Actors: Te same.


   SysOp sits in a chair and read the description
"Maximus" in English. Since c
English him tight, he often wrinkled
forehead, and depicts the hard work of thought.
Nearby stands an empty cup from a tea. On
warm modem "ZyXEL" asleep, curled up
Kalachik black cat. Suddenly there
Connect-the sound of a cat and not changing position
flies at half a meter up and hangs
on the curtain. SysOp looks at the screen
and sees that the same user tries to
typing its name. On the third attempt is
he manages. In a short time distributed
foul call SysOp-sound and the spruce.
SysOp presses Alt + C.


   User: "Wow!"


   SysOp: "healthy, long time no see ..."


   User: "What, you still need windows?" I
it packed "


   SysOp: "Twenty-five minutes ago you
I asked about it. What do you think? "


   User: "Well then I fill in"


   SysOp: "Pour"


   User: "And you tell me the level of put it?"


   SysOp: "When zalesh - put"


   User: "Then let me go


   SysOp: "And I will not hold"


   SysOp presses ESC and go to the kitchen. On
You can see at the other end of the line
user tries unsuccessfully to get into the right
button. Finally he succeeds and there is a picture transfer 
protocol. Topics time SysOp thoughtfully looking into the 
refrigerator and talking to himself more than once utters the 
phrase "Not if I want to beer? ", but without waiting for an 
answer to this question produces a bottle from the refrigerator 
and sent her to the computer.



   View on screen: picture transfer protocol. The inscription 
in the box: 


           Transfer rate: 104

        Butes to receive: 15678600

            Time elapset: 653 min


   SysOp (dropping a bottle of beer on his bare feet): #$%^! 
Cote, who by that time set up on a modem, as described above 
moves the curtain with a hiss, napominayushim hissing snake 
spectacle in the mating season. SysOp looks big, eyes 
ofigevshimi then the cat is on the screen, and the cat - for 
SysOp-a. Going dumb. Terminates the transfer, you press ALT + 
C. 


   SysOp: "You Th ohrenel it all in one
file shove? You do it will be 5:00
transmit at this speed. What have you
for the modem? "


   User (proudly): "2400" Built! "


   SysOp: "Built to know where you are, I for
this time he will write his windows! "


   User: "And Corel Drava you do not need?"


   SysOp (frightened): "NO!" I have already
there !!!!!!"


   User: "And maybe a set of icons for vinovs? It is small and 
upakovnny! 


   SysOp: "Well it's come"


   User: A level lift "


   SysOp (keeping in your pocket fig): "And how
same "


   User: "All right, let me go"


   SysOp: "And I will not hold"


   Presses Esc, raised from the floor miraculously
surviving a beer bottle, opens it with his teeth and drink from 
the bottle at one go. On the face of its expression appears the 
finder finally public toilet, after four hours of unsuccessful

searches. Cat cautiously jump through the monitor and carefully 
arranged on modem.



                   Akt3


   Furnishing: Ta and + on the floor are five

                       bottles of beer.

   Time 23: 45

   Actors: Te same.


   In a chair, fairly ispiv beer and letting
gaze at the ceiling, sits SysOp. In his eyes
You can read that the sharpness and contrast
already disappeared, but the color is preserved.
You hear the sound of the call and the SysOp-fir. Cat
unable to bear this anguish finally moves to the closet. SysOp 
remembering yuzaera on mother and his relatives to the seventh

knee, takes the eye to the screen and clicks
ALT + C.


   User: "I am filled !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


   SysOp: (sipping vodka from a glass)
"Well, what is the file name?"


   User: "ICONCI.ZPA"


   SysOp: (spilling vodka on the keyboard)
"This is what, your mother, for the expansion?"


   User: "This is the latest archive! Compacts
even stronger than the PAK! "


   SysOp: "And you have it | - [?"


   User: "No way, I have it and copied it."


   SysOp: "How do you unpack it will ??!!!"


   User: "And I will not! Me these will not
needed. So you level put it? "


   SysOp: (C carnivorous grin) "Always!"


   Clicks (with difficulty getting into the keyboard) ESC, S, 
and marks the level of Twit. Then he finishes his glass of 
vodka and falling under the table. Cat jumps down from the 
shelf and finds a warm back SysOp-a. Appears on the screen 
frame with the message: 


            "For what you Twit?".


                 Curtain