Aspect #02 28 декабря 1997

Юмор

Humor - 1910 New Year's jokes.

         (C) Alexey Guryev, 1997


 On the threshold of New Year, and this is the main
theme. And as you know, the best anecdote,
this anecdote to this topic! ;))) Here, we present
Here are some New Year's
anecdotes. Maybe you've heard them, and
vozozhno not. In any case - you are at least
drop, but the smile! :))) We did not
a goal to create a second <XA-XA FON>,
I just wanted to please you! :)


-----------------------------------------
 At the matinee comes drunken actor to
play Santa Claus. He tells the children:
 - Kids! Guess the mystery! For each
matinee Grandfather Frost receives seventy
thousand ruble. How denezhek gets
Grandfather Frost, if the day of his ten
matinees?
 - Seven hundred thousand ruble! - Screaming children.
 - Fuck you! And taxes?

-----------------------------------------

  Three hunters celebrate the New Year.
Began to brag to each other, who
Just last year, scored on a hunt.
 - I'm in that year went into the forest. So I'm there
as a protein filled - you never dreamed of!
 - Nonsense! I went to Africa - forty lions
flunked!
 - Listen guys, you're talking about the Dead Sea
have you heard? Well I had a duck ...

-----------------------------------------
 In most poor African countries
flies the aircraft. Children happily surrounded
him. Descends the ladder, and the plane leaves
Santa Claus.
 - Hello, children!
 - Hello, Grandfather Frost!
 - Do you live here, children?
 - Bad, Grandfather Frost!
 - How do you eat here, kids?
 - Oh, bad, Grandfather Frost!
Santa Claus turns around and goes back to
aircraft.
 - Where are you, Grandpa Frost? And presents!
 - And we who are not eating, not gifts
Gets!

-----------------------------------------
 On New Year's party.
 - Girl, can you dance with?
 - You can just not smoke in bed!

-----------------------------------------
 After the matinee father tells his son:
 - Vovochka, you're already an adult, and dolzhen
understand that there is no Santa Claus no. This
I was ...
 - Yes, Dad, I know. Because the stork is also a you ..

-----------------------------------------
 Is a policeman on the street and sees a drunk
a woman sitting in a puddle.
 - Citizeness, submit your documents!
 - Yes, what documents ... I Maiden!
 - Why sit in a puddle?
 - Well, you do not see what? I melted!

-----------------------------------------
 Drunken man goes home after
meeting of the New Year with friends. " Comes
in the dark staircase, knocking in the first
that came to the door.
 - Maria! Discover!
From behind the door is heard:
 - Yes, I am not Mary.
 - Oh, Claudia, Klavochka, Open.
 - And I'm not Claudia.
 - Hey, my wife, whoever you are, maybe we are still in
City will play?

-----------------------------------------
 A man got drunk on New Year's, became advertising
on the TV to watch.
 "To feel good, I buy
<Tampax> "
 - Tampax, Tampax, do not be shy, you put it
hurry! - Shouted as loud guy.
 " - Ate, and order!"
 - If "Snigers" ate one, then
think about Natasha! - Shouted gleefully man.
 All the neighbors got sick of it, they caused
police.

             Zvonik at the door.

 - Who's there? - Asks the man.
 - For you granted outfit uk, take away all
in a row!

-----------------------------------------
 First day of January, in the morning, the plane is
Manager.
 - Pulkovo! Board 315 requests permission to
landing!
 - Who says?
 - Yes, what do you care who says?
You told the Russian language - the side of 315
requests permission to land!
 - Call the first pilot!
 - The first pilot can not come - he was drunk
a fiddler!
 - Call the co-pilot!
 - The second pilot, too, can not come - he
drunk as a board! Listen, and let us do you permission
on posyadku!
 - Who says it's something!
 - Someone who ... Autopilot! Uk ...

-----------------------------------------
 The policeman stopped the driver.
 - You are exceeding the speed. Where are you going?
 - Yes here, meeting with friends New Year.
Home food ...
 - What New Year? On the street in April!
 - So I hurry home. The wife is probably
Worried ...

-----------------------------------------
 Well, perhaps that's all. Udachngo you years
Friends! :)))