Adventurer #06 28 февраля 1997

Юмор

Ottyag - Terminology of the user or the modern spoken language. Marazminki: 10 reasons why the dinosaurs became extinct. 10 contenders for the Ninja Turtles. 10 things you could do V. Van Gogh. 10 things you can cry, stealing back to my Granddaddy. 10 things that would gluppo say what who came to buy your house. 10 things you can give a deaf-rodst ots. That you should not say or do, if you nazh- ralsya. Chinese poslivitsy. The Gospel of Mitkov. Tests: "Are you cool demomayker?" "Do you have friends?" "Russian Folk Chernushka" (scanned images of SERGA)

     (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir

           (C) Music D.J. Music


     Hi everyone! Well, that time has come
cool delay. At this time you again
waiting for new tests and a lot of different jokes.
By the way, you, our dear readers,
ambiguous attitude to my section -
someone like him to madness, but someone
from him sick. In the course of Condor soft'om little 
sociological research about our magazine

section Ottyag "hit the Top Five
sections, as well as the five worst. Yes ...
But I will not be upset if on my
working people have their opinions, then they
Still reading this section, so no
suspensory go to the jokes.

     To begin to present to your attention an article on 
computer slang.



         (C), Vladislav Voschenikin



          TERMINOLOGY UZER

                 or

     Modern Spoken language



      The modern Russian language, rather
its computerized version, a little
resemblance to the very great and powerful, sung by Nekrasov, 
Tolstoy, Yesenin. Now it resembles more Russified English: 
user, Din (play) softer. Any nekompyuterizirovanny myeon,

that is, ugh, people are unlikely to understand
the first five times the phrase: "obeschitit din.
This is reminiscent of the term, which I saw
in a textbook on economics: "Limit ammorti
tion for renovation "(?!!)

      But even the native Russian word for
use their acquired computer scientists, I would say, even 
sinister meaning. For example, I drove in Yaroslavl in the bus 
with a university friend who sold his 386-th for parts. He 
said: "I have three rubles for parts otfutbolil and home mom 
and still buggy dead Claudia ... " Standing next to the 
policeman demanded to show a certificate of exemption, and 
asked Where is the house ... Can you imagine? But they talked 
about is completely harmless and keyboard motherboard, for 
which, in my opinion, has not put ...


ADV: A transport can be in the Rybinsk
hear pohlesche. For example, a conversation
two PC-Schnick:

      -Do you now what a wheelbarrow?

      Four-, three recently apgreydnul. The other day got out 
of the air vents, so the axis I fell and in Down's syndrome.


      -And my mother was a curve. I

with her last night fucked - no way
did not want to get up, and the morning has died.
Will now have the brains to sell.

      Hearing such bazaars surrounding
retirees begin to throw strange
views and depart away ...


      ... As the saying goes, necessity is the mother fudge
cunning, and alcohol beggars even trickier. Trying
veil, such as: planning of the upcoming ... uh-uh ... 
introduction of alcohol-containing liquids inside, three 
gentlemen from Rybinsk (names not specify, so not compromise 
the honest people) invented a system of encrypted transmission 
of information through computer terms. Here's a sample of their 
dialogue: 

      -Take the two files and run from the address 12500.

      A two is not enough to be?

      -Yes you that, overflow input
Boobs need?

      -And what will protect?

      Broad, chizom and epylami ...


      -Similarly, a drink, "Invite" ...

      Yes, you're quiet, and then I will format ...

      Hopefully, the meaning of the above transfer is not 
necessary. I'd add that the files then were not considered due 
to lack of money, that is, ugh, the source ... 

      In general, all this reminds me of the story of the 
Norwegian language: before the Norwegians spoke Old Norse, 
which understood as the Danes and Swedes. Norwegians

it's not like they invented the language,
that the Danes and Swedes do not understand ... All the
the complexity of this language is that
do not understand it themselves Norwegians ...

      In general, many expressions have entered a
our brains are so strong that any
times when, for example, pronounce the word
"Amigo" from the depths of the subconscious crawls
the light of day, of course, "RULEZ". A favorite of all who 
have at least some relation to the computer, the word "bug"? On

personal experience I can confidently say that
the word is used in the fields and very

far removed from the computer (for example,
I personally unpalatable soup call the "buggy").
And anyway, does anyone know exactly how it appears in our 
everyday life? Someone said that it comes from the English 
kakogoto reduction, although I personally it seems more likely 
as derived from the word "hallucination" ...


      But we digress. If the word "glitch"
It took a non-computer areas, it is really "buggy" things are 
called "rotten", "rag", "square" and "wood"! 

      And where did you see that some
self-respecting programmer called the program the program, and 
computer - a computer? Yes, no life! He will say "prog" and 
"Comp" (for example, now serving in the Kantemirovskaya 
division FLEX SOFTWARE ...). Even the fruit of an ingenious 
mind of Mr. Zonova, well-known "SCORPION" referred to simply as

"Scorpio", apparently by analogy with the known
rock band (by the way, rulez) ...

      So we, the people speak

novoyuzerskom, and let us do not realize the police, will 
introduce the language to the masses, and I I hope that it will 
take its place with Russian, English, Latin and Esperanto.



         On this positive note, let

         tell you "Goodbye", that is,

         ugh, "Gama Overy ... Oh, that is

         again, ugh, do swidania



     Hey! And this again, I - Chasm! We continue to have a good 
time ... 


     WARNING! WARNING! ATTENTION!

Mostly used profanity


ADV: The rest of the "Ottyaga" is not recommended reading for 
women, children under 16 and sober in order to avoid 
misunderstanding of some jokes. 


           (C) Bogie of Extacy 3


               Marazmiki


      Taken from the book "Stupid Lists"



  10 reasons why the dinosaurs became extinct


 1. They are all caught AIDS.
 2. Ancestors Viktor Chernomyrdin arrived in

    head "brilliant" idea to hunt

    them for sport.
 3. They were all blue.
 4. Their food was too much cholesterol
    width.
 5. They suffered from narcissism and not replaced
    chali each other.
 6. In this blame the Tories.
 7. In this blame the Japanese.
 8. They too worked hard, ate a lot

    fatty food and too much time

    spent watching television.

 9. They smoked 60 cigarettes a day.
10. They lived near a primitive nuclear

    stations and all their cubs caught

    blood cancer.



  10 contenders for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


 1. Seniors radioactive ocelots
    kungfuisty.
 2. Have not reached sexual maturity irradiation
    obtained wild animals, a great interest

    Jiu-Jitsu.
 3. Mutilated teenagers sony-taybok
    sulfur.
 4. Karate-badgers marked isotope
    PAMI at menopause.
 5. Hot retired wrestlers kangaroo.
 6. Mature sheep nuclear origami.
 7. Toxic Guinean pigs with black
    mi belt, which has over thirty.
 8. Lame idiotic lice-samurai.

 9. Prematurely aged half-dead

    Shrews bombers.
10. Underdeveloped plutonium bison-HITACHI.



   6 Alternative names for Friday,

   If Robinson Crusoe met

          its another day



   Monday Saturday

   Thursday Sunday

   Tuesday Wednesday


 10 things you could do

           Vincent Van Gogh


 1. Count to two, using his ears.
 2. Fully make use of player.
 3. Keep more than one brush for their

    ears.

 4. Dress up sunglasses, and so that

    They sat up straight.
 5. Wear earrings in both ears.
 6. Impersonation of a man with two

    ears.
 7. To earn the nickname "Cheburashka".
 8. Hand on heart, say that

    He never his head injury.
 9. Smiling from ear to ear.
10. Discuss quality stereo recording.



   10 things you can shout,

     quietly crept up behind

           my Granddaddy


 1. Wow! (Depicting a ghost)
 2. You're dying, russish zoldaten.
 3. Goni his grandmother, old man!
 4. Grandfather! Hurry! You ass is on fire!
 5. Rhinos! Rhinos!
 6. Air-raid warning! Down, boys!

    Get down!

 7. Granddaddy! Call from the hospital, they want to

    pick up your pacemaker.
 8. Granddaddy! You have a catheter is flowing!
 9. They have found you! Run!
10. Grandma died!



     10 things that would be stupid

   talk to someone who came to buy

              Your Home


 1. Sorry for the confusion: here only

    I was psychic.
 2. How we laughed when they learned that

    lived here before the guys from the Na-Na.
 3. I heard that the land rent

    will soon increase by 12%.
 4. I'll give it to you a hundred pieces.
 5. Rats? Here for them too wet!
 6. After the fifth robbery, we decided

    that we have enough.
 7. It? Ah! We think that this bloody

    stain.

 8. Near here Chechens live band. They

    occasionally the shooting, and so pretty

    cute guys.
 9. Get out!
10. Try not to lean out on that

    wall - it could collapse.



   10 things you can donate

        deaf cousin


 1. Issue of the magazine "What Hi-Fi".
 2. Most of the auditory tube with a beautiful

    ornament.
 3. Talking parrot.
 4. Sting's new album.
 5. Cell phone.
 6. Door bell with a pleasant sound.
 7. Audiocassettes staging

    Frederick Forsyth's novel Day of the Jackal
    la. "
 8. Guide dog.

 9. Alarm clock.
10. Balloon, which should be adj
    should lead to the ass, so that the ball alarm
    synthesized to him when he farts!



    10 most frequently occurring

    items that are removed from the

   natural openings of the human

         body travmopunkte


 1. Zucchini, grease lubricated.
 2. Flashlight with rubber handles.
 3. Souvenir model of the Eiffel Tower.
 4. Tubes of shaving cream (napolovi
    Well, let).
 5. Umbrellas (half open).
 6. Cop baton.
 7. Rolling pin.
 8. Rolled in a tube TV program
    transmission. (Oh I, das ist fantastishen!)
 9. Bulbs.

10. Arm (still attached to his

    embarrassed by the owners).



     Dass ... As they say - insanity was intense. And now 
indulge testikom. By the way, I invented it myself. 



       (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir



       Steep if you demomeyker?



     Certainly, every one of you tried
write demoshku or, in any case,
tempted to write as the judges. Test
which will be offered to you below, will evaluate themselves as 
potential demomeykera. 

01 Why did you decide to write DeMouy?

 a) I just give all my demomeykingu

    spare time.
 b)'ll take it to the Enlight, and let all the bonds
    nayut as I cool!
 c) I never spend my free

    time for such a futile exercise,

    as demomeyking.

02 What kind of music do you use in your

   Deme?

 a) Use the music written for me

    my friend.
 b) I am writing it himself.
 c) tore her from any demos or

    toys.


03 What kind of graphics you use in your

   Deme?

 a) The use of graphics drawn for

    me, my friend.
 b) Use the converted graphics

    other platforms or tore it out

    some toys.
 a) I draw it myself.

04 What effects do you use in your

   Deme?

 a) I take ideas from AMIGA, PC or other IP
    sources, and then try to implement

    them SPECCY.
 b) create and encode them entirely himself.
 c) tore them out of toys and other dem.


05 Are you are using a clean animation

   its effects?

 a) Is not possible to make a nice effect

    some other way?
 b) It is very rare. Usually, all my effects
    realtime calculating defects or, in

    extreme case, the sprites are displayed on

    tables.
 c) use, but mostly only

    in very difficult places, requiring

    great performance.

06 What do you do if you new Deme

   caught the eye of effect similar to

   one that you've finished only yester
   ra?

 a) All the same, include this effect in DeMouy.
 b) With the words "SHIT HAPPENS!", erase

    its effect from the disk.
 c) For some reason all my effects are similar to

    strangers.

07 If you can see in some Deme or

   Toy interesting effect, then ...

 a) a little thought, I can guess how

    it works.
 b) climb inside and dig there, until all

    I do not understand.
 c) immediately tore it and insert in

    its DeMouy.

08 How does your scroll?

 a) Usually it is flying, wriggling, by

    across the screen and sometimes tries to got
    Tee up on the curb.
 b) He's displayed on the symbol and it
    Nogo twitching.
 a) This is a normal, smooth popiksel
    LIMITED scroll without unnecessary frills.


09 How often do you use english in the free
   their texts.

 a) Usually a mixture of English and

    Russian, with a clear predominance of the village
    glaciers.
 b) Almost all the texts in my demah

    written in English.
 c) What is English? I and in Russian, then

    I write with mistakes.

10 How often do the texts of your use scroll'ov
   uses the word fuck in a foreign address?


  a) For what else to write scroll?

  b) Almost never.

  c) Sometimes. Especially when someone

     much reach.


11 On which machine you orientirueshsya?

 a) Pentagon - RULEZ!
 b) I try to look my deme

    steeply on all machines.
 c) For some reason all my effects inhibit

    even Pentagon'e.

12 How dem was written with your

   participation?

 a) More than ten.
 b) From one to ten.
 c) None, but I think that soon something

    write.

13 Have you participated in demoparty?

 a) What is it?
 b) Yes, of course!
 a) No, but I think it'll be there in this

    year.

14 How to assess your contribution demomeyking

   around?


  a) To me occasionally receives letters from

     request to write some new

     demoshku.

  b) All my friends think that I have

     pretty well.

  c) How much we shall do, no one has

     did not understand what I am cool demomeyker.



                Rating


 1. A) 5 pts 8. A) 5 - "-
    B) 3 --"-- B) 0 - -
    B) -100 --"-- B) 2 - "-
 2. A) 2 --"-- 9. A) 2 - "-
    B) 5 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 0 - -
 3. A) 2 --"-- 10. A) 0 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 5 --"-- B) 2 - "-
 4. A) 3 --"-- 11. A) 3 - "-
    B) 5 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 0 - -
 5. A) 0 --"-- 12. A) 5 - "-
    B) 5 --"-- B) 3 - -
    B) 3 --"-- B) 0 - -
 6. A) 2 --"-- 13. A) 0 - -
    B) 5 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 1 --"-- B) 2 - "-
 7. A) 5 --"-- 14. A) 5 - "-
    B) 3 --"-- B) 3 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 0 - -

               Your Points



                  70


     You - the steepest demomeyker in the world,
completely screwed on demomeykinge.
Besides, doing everything himself, from the codes
and ending with music and graphics. From your dem
drags the whole People. In them the most unprecedented
and breathtaking effects, though they manage to work on all 
types of SPECCY. You always a welcome guest at the demoparty, 
where Your demos, music and graphics occupy

prizes, etc. etc. In general,
COOL and utter RULEZZZ!!!

     Or maybe you just screwed up somewhere
in scoring?


                50-69


     You're pretty cool demomeyker. Of course, you're not a 
master of all trades (people are equally well-written music,


draw graphics and code effects are very
small), but in his field, you certainly
master. You work out good effects
and you pay the lion's share demomeykingu
their free time. In your demos often can be seen that before
you never been done before. Keep it up!


                30-49


     Along the way, you're still a beginner demomeyker, but if 
you do not throw a fascinating thing - you'll get a universal 
acceptance. Learn from the masters of this case and all comes 
to you. 


                10-29


     Or do you utter lamer or very
Big bummer, megalomaniac. Stop peredirat strange effects and
devote more time raising their
professional level otherwise you
necessarily waiting for the glory of THD.


                 0-9


     I wonder why you started to answer
questions that test? In my opinion, you
better not teach an assembler, a little
practice BASIC'e. He has several
easier to understand.


                => -100


     Or you are not interested demomeyking
in the root or one of two things.



     Well, as you do with ratings? I hope that bad.

     Recently I have delved into their old
discs, simultaneously blowing the dust from them and found one 
of them a few curious small screen. As I recall, I downloaded 
them D.J. DENS in 1994 and they have me lay abandoned, so

as seemingly had nowhere to put them.
They were taken from the "Russian folk Chernushkas" that crawl 
SERG. 

     Although once one of the small screen,
we SURGEONOM used in a demo, but it is not widespread
received, so you can see all the screens.
To start a couple.



     Do not you think carbon monoxide? Attach frenzy
portion of gags.



           (C) Gwi Of Extacy-3

       (C) Fedorov, "Chasm" Vladimir -

           perevod and additions



      That we should not speak or

      do if you get drunk



     Sometimes it happens that you wake up
morning with a hangover and an awesome start
slowly and painfully, because your
poor head just breaks, remember last night. Here below, you
find a few things that would not
worth to say or do in the alcoholic
stupor.

01. Never carry a box

    discs recorded with the outcome
    nye texts of your programs.

    (I recently (Chasm) in a state that
    orbital intoxication had neudobnyak sweat
    ryat box with discs on which

    texts of this section. True,

    I have everything as you can see,

    restored, but the box sorry - this fight
    curve was. Even in Dnepropetrovsk

    mail to Sendetsky went. So,

    if you find it, please zvyaknite

    me on the background of 26-59-68 in Rybinsk.)
02. Needless to say: "I would fuck your

    my sister! "
03. Funny like: "It was your mother,

    whom I saw you yesterday in town? "-

    also not rolls.
04. And for the words: "The more I drink, the more

    better you look! "- can be obtained
    chit by Faith.
05. Do not start chasing empty type:

    "I wonder if your brain can memorize
    thread of an infinite number of things


    or is there a limit? "

    Since it may be too large
    PWM load for the ears of your stock
    drank his interlocutor, and instead continue
    tion talks, he is likely to Zakho
    even slapped you in the neck.
06. Not very cool idea to put five
    ten-coin condom and

    sly enclose it in a mug of beer

    his friend, and then make fun of,

    waited until he had her dopet.
07. Barf.
08. Zablevat dance floor with a balcony clubs
    ba.
09. Fuck podsnyatoy Chicksaw in toilets
    those of the club, as the finish is very pya
    nomu man is always hard to

    as anyone can be impatient about
    Lime N where para 07.
10. Once you came out of the club, not

    standing chest beating display nearby
    Cove and require sellers free
    LIMITED Battle of vodka.
11. Should not be seen by the cops,


    as they may desire
    of send you to trezvyak or

    day. (Brrr!)
12. If you have decided to swell without leaving

    machine, it is not too good idea

    will send a loud obscenities passers-by,

    through the open car window. Because

    that you have a real chance to obtain
    chit by Faith right through this thing

    window (and then most likely you Zakho
    chetsya deal with the impudent, but it

    can lead to a point N 11).
13. If you are still swollen in the car, then

    better in it and sleep - in the morning

    will be less golovnyakov as

    in pyanom a chance to get into

    an accident much greater.


     Of course, I did not commit all of the above, but I can 
say that if after all the legends and tailor in a state of 
intoxication, you woke up in the its entrance on the stairs - 
it's not too bad the end the night! 


     If you have ever drunk in
smoke, then surely one of the
items have on your conscience (or rather
Total points N 07). And if the alcoholic
fumes while you are not familiar, then please
note all the above.

     But do not be too loaded to
about it and now I will offer you more
a testik.



              (C) Extacy 3



        Do you have friends?



     Once we have gathered together and
decided to come up to you testik. Order
drinchnuv, we sat down at my computer Brainer'a and mastered 
this nonsense. Stock up on a handle with paper and start ...



01 How do you greet your so-called "friends" when you met?

 a) If you think that we are your friends

    something you deeply oshibaeshsya.
 b) Hey, dude! How are you?
 c) Hello! We are out of service "Friends for

    hire. "
 d) FUCK OFF!!!

02 If you have "stood up" while swimming

   in the pool that will tell your "friends"?

 a) I've always been waiting for this moment! And those
    Now stronger upris in the wall of the basin
    at and slightly Drop.
 b) Fu ... Yes, you dirty fag!
 c) And for what crumbs you today laid

    eye?
 d) FUCK OFF!!!


03 You know that party is planned and

   you want to get there. You sprashi
   vaesh from their "friends" whether you

   come back. What do they answer?

 a) Of course! Without you there would be boring.
 b) So be it, come on.
 c) It is you talking about? You probably have

    a couple of unlearned lessons.
 d) FUCK OFF!!!

04 to the party your "friends" thumps wine.

   You also want to drink, but you Tonight
   AE on the "grounded" and you do not have with a bat
   la. You ask for a sip of wine. What do you

   they say?

 a) For the other does not feel sorry for - for, Drin
    tea!
 b) Buy your own booze, failures
    nick!
 a) No! You also are no 21'go year.
 d) FUCK OFF!!!

05 Your "friends" are on the street and suddenly

   notice you on the other side. That

   they cry out to you?

 a) How are you? (And keep going)
 b) Hey! Want to nip a beer? We like

    again gathered at the pub.
 a) They do not say anything and continue to

    to go further (faster).
 d) FUCK OFF!!!

06 You decided to go to visit "friends" and

   calling at the door. What will the reaction be?

 a) They open the door and invite you

    see new demos.
 b) We are now ready to go, but if

    want to - go.
 a) They pretend that they are not at home.
 d) FUCK OFF!!! (Shout to them through

    door)

At 07 you drove drunk Gopnik. Have you tried
   eshsya cry for help. Your "friends"

   hang out nearby. What will they do?

 a) Will you cry: "Embedding him!"
 b) help you cool kick ass

    this freak.
 a) Will scream Gopnik: "Embedding him!"
 d) They will say "FUCK OFF!!!" and walk by,

    until you knock the tower.

08 You're in the pub with his "friends."

   Suddenly, you're loud farts. How are you

   Friends comment on this?

 a) They pretend that nothing about
    emanated.
 b) They do not say anything and pretend

    that you do not know.
 c) Well, you cool! I think so loudly at the

    I did not succeed!
 d) FUCK OFF!!! You - asshole!

09 Do you get drunk so that you can not stand

   on their feet. What would your "friends"?

 a) They'll put in a taxi and go somewhere for
    farther away.
 b) They'll put in a taxi and sent home.
 c) carry you home.
 d) scream "FUCK OFF!!!" You - Drunk

    freak.

10 Thou in the hospital (see item N 07). Your

   "Friends" knew about it. That they will

   do?

 a) see you, bring Hawk and then
    nozhurnaly. Entertain you with fresh

    tales and zastebayut sex honey
    his sister, who came to make you

    injection.
 b) see you, chatted and

    leave.
 a) They do not go to the hospital and will VTI
    mug laugh behind your back, remembering

    the case.

 d) send an anonymous note that says

    "FUCK OFF!!!"



                Rating


 1. A) 0 pts 6. A) 10 - "-
    B) 10 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 5 --"-- B) 0 - -
    F) -100 --"-- T) -100 - -
 2. A) 5 --"-- 7. A) 5 - "-
    B) 0 --"-- B) 10 - "-
    B) 10 --"-- B) 0 - -
    F) -100 --"-- T) -100 - -
 3. A) 10 --"-- 8. A) 5 - "-
    B) 5 --"-- B) 0 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 10 - "-
    F) -100 --"-- T) -100 - -

 4. A) 10 --"-- 9. A) 0 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 5 --"-- B) 10 - "-
    F) -100 --"-- T) -100 - -
 5. A) 5 --"-- 10. A) 10 - "-
    B) 10 --"-- B) 5 - -
    B) 0 --"-- B) 0 - -
    F) -100 --"-- T) -100 - -

              Your Points



                 90 +


     Do you have any real friends. Hey!
Can somehow Will you come to us to drink?


                40-90


     Do you have a few friends, but
speaking to them on you do not care. We think that you should 
not come to us at drinch ... You are not welcome.



                 0-40


     You - the brake! You have no friends! We
will never communicate with that ugly,
like you.

               less than 0


     You are the brake of # $ SC, which
ever lived on earth FUCK OFF!!!
(Three times)

              more than 100


     Fuck you trying to cheat here? Who do you want to punch
brains? You do not have a place in the world SPECCY!


             less than -1000


     Holy shit! You're so the brakes, that could not even 
properly count the points. 

     I hope you scored at least 90 points. Extend 
razvlekushechki several screens.




     Fallen hat! Fell on x (pi) d!
I hate the "Na-Na!

     But SEPULTURA - that's good. You
heard their track "CHAOS B.C." ? Cool!
COOL 'absolutely RULEZZ!!! Yeah, nice
talk about beautiful! Ndass ... Well
continue.



      (C) Bogie 'L.A. of Extacy 2.9 +0.1

            (Ha, ha, ha!!!)



          Chinese proverbs



     Baseball very funny game. It is not easy
drive on the field just four goals.

     The boy who goes to bed with
sexual problems, can wake up
with the solution in hand.


     The man who runs the machine,
may be very tired.

     Protein, which climbs through the female
leg not find nuts.

     Those who overeat prunes not come out of the toilet many 
moons. 

     The man who put a woman on
land will be part of the Earth.

     The man who walks into the airport door sideways, flying 
to Bangkok. 

     Dwarfs in the elevator smells different.

     Woman with skirt raised to run
easier than a man with his pants down.

     A man who invites a girl
in outings, has only one
goal.

     If a man rides a horse, he can not finish.

     The man who blows his nose without
tissue, can detect the snot in his
hand.

     Live bad - of this sooner or later die.


     If the night long fuck, then we can
do not sleep.

     If the night to sit at the computer, you can not get 
enough sleep. 

     If a long night drinking vodka, then we can
not only does not sleep, but do not go with
am learning.

     Oh, and as you have with the religious? Those who deeply 
believes in the following, I am deeply sorry, but it is thought 
not I, but was simply skacheno with screw SHRSOFT'skoy AMMY, 
before it had been burned, and he brought her from St. 
Petersburg to ANTONY of TMG. And dovolno cool.




          EVANGELIE FROM Mitkov



     Life of a Great mitka Iisusa klikuhe of Christ and about 
HOW he taschilsya and HOW it soaked vragi.


Glava 1
1. Vnachale was all give a damn about.
2. And give a damn about was God.
3. And give a damn about was all God.

Glava 2.
1. Hipoval togda chuvak Joseph plotnichal and

   napryagalsya.

2. A kogda time has come to him itch

   marry nA Tusov Girl Marii.
3. Yes and sestrenka byla do not mind.
4. And he took her to his nA hatu but sam

   okazalsya slab.
5. Belonged to it for several paz a day

   left with nothing.
6. And poteryala nadezhdu Mariya poymat kayf.

Glava 3
1. And truncating God that Joseph did not kanaet any

   borscht, no Krasnuyu Armiyu.
2. A Mariya, zhena it pomiraet, soup requests.
3. And he decided to arrange Marii nishtyak.
4. At night, went into her house, but Mariya not dryh
   la.
5. Zametila logged on and says: "And not
   came to you, chuvak? "
6. The Lord to her: "I'm the one you

   waiting for. "
7. Obradovalas Mariya and zakrichala: "Slava

   God dozhdalas, Ides syuda!
8. But the Lord was steep and otvechal: Raska
   tila you lip sestrenka. "

9. Mariya the answer: "Duc, Lord!" And hears

   angela's voice:
10. Mariya, screw the wick, bloat.
11. And prikrutila ona wick, and came to

    her Lord.
12. A morning he faded, skazav: "born in

    you sestrenka, steep chuvak and will

    He nastoyaschim Mitiok. "
13. But Mariya davila massu in Luleå, and not mustache
    lyhala nothing.
14. And soon she was born offspring, and

    nazvali him Jesus, that Jewish nA

    Mitya.

Glava 4
1. Jesus was walking by the sea and Galileyskogo

   saw two chuvakov pashuschih.
2. And skazal them: "Ayda with me, will nas
   toyaschimi mitkami. "
3. And they zavyazali gorbatitsya and went za

   Him.
4. Dalshe they saw more chuvakov and those

   too prizvali nA seyshn.
5. And stalo bratushek five.

6. And they went on selam, daby zabodat

   those who have no idea.
7. And dostali many.
8. Taschilis them to People and went after him, Lo
   VYa unearthly kayf in ozhidanii eternal

   ottyaga.
9. For this they promised Christ.

Glava 5
1. And uslyhal Jesus in the wilderness of gonorrhea
   shitsya devil.
2. And I decided to overcome it.
3. But he was not zhravshi forty days and up to
   walked up to the handle.
4. A supostat was cunning and evil zamyslil.
5. Hapryagis - he says - prevrati kamni

   in havku, because there is nothing you zhrat.
6. Jesus answered him: "It is a sin Mitka use
   tinnomu napryagatsya padi bryuha his "
7. Togda started it again and vrag

   says: "Sigani with skaly, because like

   nothing you will not. "
8. Otvechaet Jesus: "You see where I am, a

   where skala! Balovstvo it all. "

9. In the third paz zadvigaet devil: "The prize
   nay, that the son in front of me and I'll

   the whole world podaryu. "
10. Jesus to him: "And he zachem me? I have no

    CAREERS so, yes, and mold me. "
11. And I realized vrag that fucked him on the floor
    growth of.

Glava 6
1. Coming from the desert, Jesus sobral seyshn

   of bratushek and chuvakov.
2. And taught the sons, saying:
3. Not napryagaytes nor in his life, nor in

   pomyslah because only ottyanuvshiesya kay
   fuyut.
4. Not odevaytes kitsch, because only those

   schastlivy who give a damn about.
5. Not vodites with lohami and mazhorami because

   they are fussy.
6. Not prenebregayte pitiem but znayte

   measure.
7. Do not peck unnecessarily, but for ottyaga.
8. Let unto you all nastolko will ca
   payu to levaya ruka not znala that


   delaet pravaya.
9. Zabottes not about food and shelter, because only

   without napryazheniya a fallen unto you.
10. Do not ask - and be unto you dano, no

    looking for - and naydete. A man who delaet

    - To opanki.

Glava 7
1. Duc say unto you, who do not let all of
   side, the full-length did not draw it out.
2. Someone came closer, he asked: "What

   same delat everything to give a damn about? "
3. Jesus skazal: "The full-length revel

   I can only, a napryazheny all will. "
4. A all-taki - fulfilled that zapovedano,

   and you will receive.
5. Voposhavshy otvechaet: "I tak it all

   znayu. "
6. A Jesus to him: "Do not pritorgovyvay, and all

   bummer. "
7. But after that broke some voproshavshy and

   otvalil.

Glava 8
1. And nado was dvigat dalshe them, and led

   He bratushek to the lake.
2. And they iskali boat and could not nady
   bat.
3. When Jesus saw this, vydal: "Coley itch
   Lo did not get it! "
4. No kerf bratushki, have asked.
5. A He voznegodoval: Kakoe word unto you not

   okay? "
6. Sipanulis those and otvechayut: "Boats something
   No, HOW dalshe dvigat? "
7. Jesus answered them: "But tak!"
8. And poyavilas lodka, entered it bratush
   ki and set sail.
9. A He was walking on water.
10. Prosekli they takoy atas and sprashivayut:

    "HOW is it?"
11. Jesus replied: "Vesma pazvitaya on
    surface, and that's without soobschayus naprya
    ha. "
12. And understand the demand that their za padlo

    derzhat and decided sami poprobovat, but

    fraernulis.

13. And they decided among themselves: cool, a ne we
    ed his sons.

Glava 9
1. So he went to another city with bratushka
   mi.
2. A kogda podvalili them to vorotam, shall see
   Delhi chuhu, horonyaschuyu its unique
   Nogo syna.
3. I saw it was Jesus and skazal: "Wipe your nurse,

   podruga. "
4. And touched flung skates.
5. Dead rose and carried a steep delirium.
6. And everyone who saw it sygralo point nA

   minus and they skazali: "Cool, a us before

   his sons. "
7. A kogda they came to the city, encountered
   tilas Jesus gerla, kotoraya pritorgo
   vyvala themselves.
8. A za bezhali fuckers her and her pytalis za
   watering.
9. And skazal togda Jesus: "Who's samy

   gramotny? "
10. A molchali all, did not respond.

11. Togda obratilsya it to Girl: "Duc, from
    are drawn, and they're gone. "
12. A fuckers pazoshlis, otsosav.

Glava 10
1. And soon skazal Jesus bratushkam: "Height
   tupaem in Ierusalim!
2. And they nachali soobschatsya.
3. A kogda walked along the road, their vstrechayuschie

   chuvaki lomali twigs and brosali below but
   gi.
4. A few skidyvali your outfit and

   postilali nA road.
5. Tak they came in and made Ierusalim

   tam srazu same pazdachu.
6. Loham malo no pokazalos and they decided

   zamochit come.
7. But there is nothing to be ponachalu pristebat
   Xia.
8. Zadumali to arrange a rotten bazar

   steep pazvorotom.
9. But those who are smarter, understand that it is not

   tema.
10. And decided deystvovat gone.

11. Came to him fuckers ierusalimskie

    and decided his napryach, sprashivaya:
12. Platit whether babki kesaryu or poslat?
13. Jesus answered them: "Za bitch me der
    residents, People, for it is clear: kesaryu - kesa
    revolution, a ostalnoe nA ottyag. "
14. A minuscule taschites you on and catch kayf

    nA foreign napryage.
15. Ida syuda - say chuvakam and gov
    Mr. kushayte them.
16. And Jesus went away because he did not

    loved the suckers.

Glava 11
1. Sobralis they all Caudle noted

   Pashu in Ierusalime, revel in the floor
   growth of.
2. And they brought nA hatu zhratvy and fuel

   and the last pinned Jesus.
3. And skazal He: "Take it, havayte!
4. Halil their wines: "Take it, buhayte!
5. For havchik - my body, and booze - my

   blood!
6. A who did not znaet this - the slab.

7. And proceeded to the table and bratushki uzhra
   were.
8. Jesus nedavno zavyazal and sat flow
   Therefore HOW glass.
9. A kogda ukvashennye stali padat under

   table skazal Jesus to them:
10. Soon one of the vas me zastuchit.
11. And stali all up to him and spra
    shivat whom za padlo hold.
12. And they asked, all but Petra, which

    was able to gotovalni.
13. A Iuda Iskariot approached and skazal:

    "Durilka kartonnaya, not I the one?"
14. Jesus to him: "Duc, bratushka!
15. And from ispuga obstrugal Iuda samogo ce
    BOJ.

Glava 12
1. I saw Jesus, that does not bind narod lyka

   and picked up everyone and took a sober sad.
2. But coming to sad, popadali everything from drunk
   mi krikami and poka catching massu not za
   labeled, HOW Jesus stepped aside.

3. Pochuvstvoval himself shitty and HOMO
   poured.
4. Elah-paly, yes blowjob I chasha Sia.
5. At the time, went on sadu storozha and
   labeled krichaschego Iisusa.
6. And zamochili him, and led to the court.
7. A bratushki woke up and saw that

   it is not, and decided to catch othodnyak without

   him.
8. And before three paza had Procrit
   chat cock zanovo zakvasili.

Glava 13
1. Uznav that zamochili fuckers Iisusa,

   begun to Judas and krichali:
2. A because it's you Miron Iisusa killed!
3. And told them Iuda received babki,

   a sam rushed to skaly and nakrylsya.
4. In otchayanii decided bratushki ohranyayuschih

   povyazannogo Hrista fuck.
5. Come tuda where his derzhali and ask:

   "Nashemu here one lapti weave."
6. But they came to him samye tear and Ota
   aground nA paz them all.

7. And came to the sober, that opanki

   Jesus.

Glava 14
1. Pontius was not a chode, but was chuvakom

   rotten and mazhornym.
2. Led to it Iisusa.
3. Pontius srazu same and said: "Otryvalsya,

   chado, and you'll tak vkushat. "
4. Jesus answered him: "Do you Znaesh son
   ku, which is difficult to fight with me? "
5. Then decided to Pontius, the speaker simply

   oborzel and he decided to break-taki.
6. Brought Hrista nA ploschad where shla that
   sovka, suckers, and asked: "Zamochim it?"
7. And fuckers krichali: "Urine him! Pee!"
8. And poslushalsya their Pontius.

Glava 15
1. And zamochili fuckers Iisusa.
2. He hung nA cross and pochuvstvoval that

   opanki him.
3. And begged Elah-paly, Lord vty
   kayu!

4. However, I realized that shary will not, and skates

   glued.
5. A kogda hanging nachal shtynyat, bra
   carcass steal him and prikopali nedale
   Th.
6. Three days later okazalos that oklemalsya

   he faded from groba.
7. And there appeared bratushkam in its radiance,

   bezzabotny and ukvashenny.
8. After that, ascended to his father, chu
   vaku even more steep.
9. And met his God, and skazal: Zdrav
   ings by applying, Mitya. Do not worry, nobody else

   You would not hurt. "
10. And pulled in bozheski together, in

    Full-length, nA paz, bezzabotno and

    nesuetlivo, pazdeliv kayf and krutnyak

    in hristianski.


     Finally, the last portion of images.

     At present there are no more jokes, so far! Until next 
OTTYAGA!