Let's relax - jokes

Jokes
Alone Coder

   Gorbachev and Bush once argued,
the best pilots. The day has come
years - the Americans have everything ready, ours -
there is not a single pilot. Caught on the street
drunkard Vasya and say: “Sit in this
airplane, press all the pedals, pull all the growls -
gi, but only on this red button
don't press>. Vasya flies, makes dead
loops, etc., but he became bored. Let me think -
Yes, I'll press the red button. Pressed - katapa-
lionized. Somehow got caught on the outside
chassis and hanging. Below, the Americans ask:
   - What is he doing?
   - Yes, the wheel is being repaired, getting ready for landing...
   - Why is he screaming and waving his hand?
   - He asks for the key.
   - Why are the eyes square???
   - The nut size shows!

   Gorbachev and Bush once argued,
Which country has better thieves - theirs or ours?
Gorbachev comes to the states, gets into the car
beads in a suit, with a tie and a hat, faded
says - he is wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a cap. Bush
walks along Red Square: 

   Gorbachev and Bush once argued about where
better than a horror room. Gorbachev went to the am-
Rican horror room, walking. Suddenly from behind -
tiger.Gorbachev ran.Tiger is not far behind.Gor-
Bachev is even faster - the tiger is not far behind. When
Gorbachev was completely exhausted, in front of him
a door appears with the inscription: . Went out, locked the door,
 -speaks.
   Bush has come to our room of horror, he's coming.
Suddenly, out of nowhere - a tiger. Bush won
stings and thinks: “This is our idea!” The tiger doesn’t
lagging behind. Bush ran even faster - the tiger did not
lagging behind. Finally he sees a door. Jerks and
it doesn't open. He looks, and over her -
letter: .

   Two drunks met. One says:
Dru-
he objects: “Not two, but three!” The first one
Rit:  A policeman approaches:  -  - 

   One of our leaders is flying on the plane
together with his closest colleagues.Outside
suddenly the bottom of the plane falls out and
years begins to fall. People are blown away by the wind, and
they somehow hold on to the seats. He says
Rit: 
Stormy applause.

   A drunk man stuck to a lamppost:  A policeman came up and
says: “Why are you being a hooligan, citizen?”
-  -


   Brezhnev fell into an ice drift onto an ice floe. His
carried away by the current. He stands there and doesn’t know what
do. They shout from the shore: “Leonid Ilyich, in
right pocket!!!> He takes it out and reads:
.

   Brezhnev speaks at the congress: 

   Drunkwalks around the barrel. Asking him -
yut: “What are you doing?” He replies: “That’s how it is.”
As soon as the fence ends, I should immediately turn right..>

   Pioneer sneezes:
   - A-a-apchhi!!!
   - Be healthy!
   - Always healthy!

   A man goes home drunk (late). He came up
to one house:  Everyone stood up
from the windows. Him:  Him: <3 hours
night!> - 

   The man returns home late again
drunk. Shouts:  People will stick out-
poured out of the windows. Drunk: 

   A boy with a tin can approaches
to the policeman: 
He takes the can and knocks: “Open it, police!”

   Two old friends met. One spoke
Rit: 
Second: .
   A year has passed.
■And they meet again.Second asking-
■No first: 
■B -  -  -  -  - 

   The husband shouts to his wife out the window: “Mash, Mash!” Kinh
sixty twopennies!>- - 

   A man sells a rooster at the market. Suitable
buyer and asks:  -  Po-
the bather left, another came up:  - 
The buyer explains to him. The man says  -  -  ■And......
                                  ■Y......
   Vovochka was forced to paint the windows■K......
on the third floor. He takes the paint and■L......
goes upstairs. After a while■M......
from above you can hear: “Ivan Stepanych!” A■N......
should I paint the frames?> ■Oh......
                                  ■P......
   A boy comes into the store and asks:
 -  -  The man intervenes: .

   Shop .
   - Hello, I need whatman paper.
   - Whatman is on a business trip.
   - You misunderstood me. I want that Whatman paper,
which is for the drawing board.
   - Kuhlman is in the hospital with a heart attack.
   - You don’t understand again. You see, I’m a designer -
ner...
   - I can see for myself that it’s not Ivanov.

   At the doctor.  -