Humor Park - Bedtime stories, KVN, army jokes...

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Возрожденная  из  пепла  столетий  рубрика
газеты  WeekEnd  с  улучшениями и дэбелыми
  исправлениями. Специально для Jam'а!!!
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         SKAZKI NA NOCH:

             * * *

  Schoolgirl Lyubasha's mother forbade her to travel with
strangers in the elevator. And Lyubasha to the button
didn't get it, so in the end...
She's tired of walking on the fifteenth
floor. Moreover, on the 6th and 9th there are some
the men corrupted her - they treated her to sweets.

  And the schoolgirl Lyubasha could not stand it, she went
in an elevator with an unfamiliar unshaven man. That
when I found out that the girl was on a high floor, so
and blossomed into a smile.

  So I walked around for a week with this little girl, that’s why
that the girl Lyubasha after nervously
paralytic gas and also varnish for
I flooded my hair.

 * * *

  The young businessman Mamuykin woke up, and
The circle is dark. The main thing is that my head hurts terribly.
Maybe because they tortured me. Maybe because I was drunk.
Mamuykin shouted, shouted, then his eyes
I opened it and saw the bars on the window. Not a fool
he was a businessman, he immediately realized that he had been kidnapped
recruiters.

  Mamuykin crawled to the window with bars and yes
wai shout: "Police! Police!" Three o'clock
shouted, but they apparently hid, and never
came running.

  Only in the morning it turned out that Mamuykin
spent the night in the sobering-up station.

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(There is an opinion that Lenin is alive. Eyewitnesses
They say that they saw him in the Odessa metro.
Although most likely they confused Lenin with
the ghost of communism.Nevertheless, the light
the image of a leader is an inexhaustible source
com for many generations of comedians.)

 * * *

“If only I knew earlier...” said the Shushenskys
men, thoughtfully stroking their guns.

 * * *

-Lenin did not know how to say the letter "r". Therefore
he married Nadezhda Konstantinovna.

 * * *

-Lenin simply looked at things. He would take it...
Shall, one or two, bring it to his eyes and
looks. His comrades really appreciated him for this.

 * * *

-Once little Ilyich crashed at a party
vase. And not only was he not afraid of this prize -
to be honest, but he swore at the hostess and her daughter
gave me a bruise.

 * * *

-Once a man came to Lenin.
       “Ask for what you want!” says Lenin,he liked the way that beard
       tugging.
       -You don’t need anything. - says the man and
       stands, does not go away.
 -Why did you come? - asks Lenin.
       -I don’t know myself. - the man answers,
       I forgot my revolver at home.

 * * *

-Lenin was involved in sports. Especially weights.
I loved it, although I couldn’t lift it.

 * * *

-When Lenin fell ill and could not speak at all-
Rit, he showed with signs what and how to do
what to do to quickly build a bright
future.
--------------------------------
 IN HER GARDEN, IN THE VEGETABLE GARDEN...
      SILENCE, LIKE A PLANT.

 ROAR AND CENTURY DNIPPER WIDE
  WHEN PROCESS FLOWS INTO IT.
--------------------------------

 From the KVN archive

√ Flying carpets are now on sale.
  in appearance they are no different from
  ordinary carpets, and the price is from airplanes.

√ Economic exchange is expanding! French
  sent us perfumes that we can
  drink, and we give them vodka, which makes you feel like
  eyes.

√ In the coming year, in addition to the passive ku-
  rhenia, passive food intake will also appear.

√ Ona new one was launched into orbit around the Earth
  the Lunokhod-3 satellite, capable of selecting
  Americans have lunar soil.

√ Yesterday I looked out the window - and there were men
  are coming. I think, well, the men have gone.

√ A man is good when he sleeps. And he sleeps when
  good.
--------------------------------
 WITH INESSA, EORA, HATAEU-
  IN MOSCOW HA CKEADE, 3A RUBEI!

---news---news---news---news---news---news
SPIRITUAL ZUSYLLYAM OF UKRAINIAN PHILOLOGISTS
   TA POLITICAL SCIENTIST SLOVNYK RIDNOI MOVY
RICH NEW WORD - "MASTURBATTOR" - LYUDYNA,
    YAKA TURNING ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF THE MASSES.
---news---news---news---news---news---news


 ARMY COUNTS.

 * * *

Tell your commander: let him find
me alive or by phone.

 * * *

Sleep is not a personal matter, sleep is a retreat.

 * * *

Stop expressing yourself! Here you have an army, not
Notre Dame Cathedral of Paris.

 * * *

With your laughter you showed your horizons.

 * * *

If you don't like this army, we'll arrange it for you
more different.

 * * *

Why are you making such a smart face - you’re an official
cer!

 * * *

I will lay hands on you.

 * * *

Comrade cadet, why are you such an uneven qua-
did you draw the drat? What are you, colorblind?

 * * *

Well, I understand, you can drink a little, well, a liter,
Well, two, well...three, but why get drunk like
pig.

 * * *

Don't you have the tongue to knock on the door?

 * * *

You behave too much.
GLUk-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k !