Pen - Andrzej Ikonnikov-Galitsky.

                                          
   ─────────═════════════════─────────    
                                          
                                          
 Anzhey Ikonnikov-Galitsky                 
 ------------------------                 
                                          
   ════════════════════════════════════   
                G A M L E T               
   ════════════════════════════════════   
                                          
                Action 1.               
               ─────────────              
   Denmark. Elsinore Castle. Hamlet enters.  
                                          
 Hamlet: I am Hamlet! The blood runs cold.      
         What a nightmare! That means I am Hamlet! 
         I am Hamlet! Can you hear?       
         Oh, I know: I am Prince Hamlet of Denmark! 
         Oh, Hamlet! And the argument is ridiculous.      
         No, you can't fool me!      
 I am Hamlet. This is an axiom.           
         There's no use arguing here,      
         Because Hamlet is me!         
         In vain do the magicians promise me     
         What the magicians promise me     
         to the prince.                          
         They promise without knowing what,     
         And so, they promise something and that’s it.
         So it’s in vain that they promise me.  
         I say they promise in vain.    
         It would be betterand they didn’t promise it at all.   
         Otherwise they promise who knows what.        
         They make promises, but I, you see, take the rap. 
         I am Hamlet, Hamlet, the Danish prince
         Danes.                          
                                          
             (A shadow appears.)           
                                          
 Shadow: Ku-ku!                           
                                          
 Hamlet: Who's there?                       
 (Looks around.)               
 Shadow: Here? Nobody!                   
                                          
 Hamlet: Not true. There's someone here!     
                                          
 Shadow: There's not a soul here.              
                                          
 Hamlet: It can't be! I don't believe it!           
         Impossible!                      
                                          
 Shadow: So make sure if you don’t believe it.     
                                          
   (Hamlet carefully searches the stage.)   
                                          
 Hamlet: Strange.              
         Indeed, it's as if       
         not a soul.                         
         So let's continue. I am the Prince of Denmark
         Hamlet.                          
         I am Hamlet!!! To be or not to be?  
                                          
 Shadow: Peek-a-boo!                           
                                          
 Hamlet: Aha!  There's someone here! Oh who 
         are you a demon?                       
         Open up to me, I want to know who 
         you,                              
         Whose voice is this, I want to understand 
         I want to find out whose voice it is   
         Twice he gave me an arrogant “kuckoo”.
                                          
 Shadow: Don't you want anything else?         
                                          
               (Fails.)           
                                          
 Hamlet: Oh, wait.            
         Disappeared... Oh, mystery, fatal mystery
         Like a secret fate haunts me,  
         The dog is chasing him so that he can       
         die                        
         Mysterious, like some secret    
         rock,                             
 Me, and I, by the way,    
         Hamlet.                          
         By the way, I am Hamlet, Danish 
         prince                           
         Yes, Hamlet, Hamlet, it’s pointless to argue 
         useful.                         
         I am a prince! And rock haunts me!
         My secret fate, like a fatal secret
         He's chasing me, and I'm a prince! 
         Alas!  Well, let's go kill
         uncle.Maybe at least this will entertain me.   
                                          
                     (Leaves.)            
                                          
                     Action 2.          
                    -------------         
          Denmark. Elsinore Castle.          
   The king kneels in front of the basin.   
              Hamlet enters.              
                                          
 Hamlet: He is soaping himself. Irony of fate.       
         She haunts me all the time.    
         Haunts me all my life, like someone
         rock                             
         Suppose I kill him now.    
         What's the use of that? He's clean.      
         What a blow!                      
         It's just doing a favor
         Kill him when he is clean. Well no! 
         I will not do him any favors.       
         I won't kill him while washing his face,      
         When it is clean and ready to open.
         I'll find another moment for revenge. 
         And let it be as dirty as
         pig.                          
         Tremble, villain!                   
                                          
                     (Leaves.)            
                                          
 King (raising his head): No, this is    
         impossible.                      
I've been washing my face for almost an hour now,     
         And the dirt is still the same: ears are like two
         stoves, mourning on the neck, nails       
         in black soil.                     
         Oh, happy is he who washes
         daily palms, neck, ears       
         and face!                          
         oh how there is a single spot on them,       
         One thing, it started up by accident -      
         Then goodbye peace, and hands in
         soap.                            
         Yes, you are pathetic if your neck is not clean. 
         Hey someone soap me up
         neck!                             
                     (Leaves.)            
                                          
                                          
                     Action 3.          
                    -------------         
          Denmark. Elsinore Castle.          
  Hamlet enters with a chamber pot in his hands. 
                                          
 Hamlet: To be or not to be, that's the point 
         question.                          
         Yes, that's the question, the question     
         insoluble,                    
         Which is so difficult to resolve   
         And it’s so difficult to solve.
         Oh, I see - I can’t figure it out,  
         And he will torture me to death,
         Until he tortures you to death.    
         And only then will he stoptorment
         Me, when I go down into the darkness of the grave,
         Into the grave darkness of the darkest of
         graves,                           
         I'm dug into the top layer
         soil,                           
         Which consists of humus,     
         Sand, salts, vegetable
         leftovers,                        
         Microbes, clay and groundwater. 
                                          
 (Looks closely at the pot.)    
                                          
         When I look at our generation,   
         Just like any other,    
         I look at the vain human race,  
         Who keeps scurrying and fussing     
         Among the vanities and other bustle,       
         I think about the frailty of earthly things,     
         As well as the fact that all our
         flame                          
         And all the products of our metabolism 
         This single vessel will contain it. 
                                          
               (Ophelia enters.)           
                                          
 Ophelia: What's sucking here?               
                                          
 Hamlet: Huh?                               
                                          
 Ophelia: You just said               
         that this one sucks...                 
Hamlet: No, I said "vessel".           
                                          
 Ophelia: Yes, yes, and I'm wondering, what? 
                                          
 Hamlet (with a proud grin): Why do you 
         know? After all, you are still a child.         
         You will shudder when you discover the truth
         terrible...                       
                                          
 Ophelia (not listening): Prince, what do you have?   
         in your hands?                         
                                          
 Hamlet (proudly): Chamber pot!           
                                          
 Ophelia (with anxiety): Why do you need him?      
                                          
 Hamlet (sternly): For blood! For tears!  
         Yes, the tears that I will shed!      
                                          
 Ophelia: Ah!                              
                                          
       (Goes crazy and runs away.)      
                                          
 Hamlet (after him): Ophelia, oh nymph,     
         remember Me (me!) in your   
         prayers, nymph.                 
                                          
                Action 4.               
               -------------              
          Denmark. Elsinore Castle.          
    The Queen hastily lays outsolitaire. Hamlet enters.         
                                          
 Hamlet: Mother!                            
                                          
 Queen: What about my son?                 
                                          
 Hamlet: I have come to kill you.           
                                          
 Queen: Seven of spades,                   
           what a bad game of solitaire.          
 (to Hamlet)              
           Sorry, but I listened.    
           So what?                   
                                          
 Hamlet: Mother, I say, I have come to kill you!
                                          
 Queen: Kill?                         
                                          
 Hamlet: Aha.                             
                                          
 Queen: Yes, yes, one minute.           
           Now I’ll just lay it out
         last one. And I will be all yours    
         services.                         
                                          
 Hamlet: I'm waiting.                             
     (Someone moves behind the curtain.)    
         Ay! Rat! Ay!                   
                 (Jumps up on the table.)    
         to the rescue! Help!             
 (Shouts piercingly. Standing behind
 Polonium curtainfalls dead.)     
                                          
 Hamlet: Polonius!  What the hell! I thought
         that it's a rat.                   
         Ugh, let me take a breath.
         Some kind of nightmare.                 
         No living conditions
                                          
 Queen: How, did you kill him?              
                                          
             (The king enters.)             
                                          
 King: What's all this noise?                  
         My Elsinore is all alarmed, like
         beehive                            
         What happened here?           
                                          
 Hamlet: Well, I killed him...              
         He, here, stood behind this, here,
         curtain...                     
                                          
 Queen: I can’t imagine how he         
         ended up here.                  
                                          
 King: Strange indeed.          
         Hamlet, my boy,             
         please hold the soap and
         towel                       
         Gertrude, we need to talk
         about something.                       
                                          
  (Takes the queen by the arm and leaves.)Hamlet: Business, business.                     
         Let's go too, poor fellow.             
         They say there is no truth to
         earth.                           
                                          
         (He leaves with soap and a towel,    
          dragging Polonius by the leg.)        
                                          
                     Action 5.          
 -------------         
         Denmark.  Elsinore Castle.         
     The king and queen are sitting on the throne.    
    Laertes sits nearby with a large nose   
             handkerchief in hand.             
          Mad Ophelia enters.         
                                          
 Ophelia (singing): Hamlet, little bebe,   
                I asked for some coffee.      
                His old mother      
                He says - where is the mug?
                She says and so,        
                Boiling water pours insidiously      
                Right on the prince's head.  
                Everyone is taken to prison.
                                          
 Hamlet: She's gone mad. Alas, what a nightmare. 
         That's why you are all young girls.  
         If you look, you won't be of much use.   
         You just need something
         go crazy                      
 Get off something,and the point is
         hat.                           
         But what is the matter - I’m ashamed to say. 
         And I don’t understand at all what it has to do with it
         hat.                           
         Moreover, to be honest,   
         And even if completely frankly,    
         In truth and without any fools,  
         That's not the point here at all.
         hat,                           
         Which has nothing to do with it at all    
         And besides, it’s absolutely unnecessary  
         Like any unnecessary detail,      
         And the fact is that you are all girls
         young,                         
         And the fact that you are all young -
         girls,                           
         Which, however, I am partly not
         I'm sure                           
         And sometimes I even doubt it.        
         However, Ophelia has gone crazy,     
 But my uncle is alive, and my mother is still alive.     
         And this is an obvious mess.       
         Both I and I alone are to blame for everything.       
         Oh, it's hard to live with a heavy consciousness
         unfulfilled purpose.   
         It's so hard, wow!  Get off
         crazy!                             
         Go crazy? And what? But it's an idea. 
                                          
        (Goes crazy and starts     
         squat around Ophelia.)Hamlet (sings): Like our river        
                The planks were floating.          
                Oh, fuck, ramble!        
                The planks were floating.        
                                          
 Laertes: E-e-e-e!                         
                                          
 Hamlet (menacingly): And you dared,            
         open your mouth here?              
                                          
 Laertes: Hmmm! Hm!                      
                                          
 Hamlet: Oh, yes! Yes, I'll kill you.        
                                          
 Laertes: Ooh!                             
                                          
 Hamlet (stabbing Laertes):              
         Die pig!                     
         Laertes: Oink! Oink! Hr...           
                                          
                 (Dies.)               
                                          
 King: Come to your senses, Hamlet!                
         Laertes! My nose!                
         My handkerchief!             
                                          
 Hamlet: Your nose?                    
         Oh, you won't need it.        
         Die you too!                       
                                          
 (hits below the waist.)King: Killed! Killed! To me...            
                                          
                   (Dies.)             
                                          
 Hamlet: Well, mother.  Queue for
          by you.                           
 Queen: Yes, my dear boy.  I'm to 
          at your service.                  
 Hamlet (tearing): How noble with  
          your side.                  
                                          
  (Stabs. Looks long and intently
 to Ophelia.)                              
                                          
         Don't leave her here alone.   
                                          
             (Stabs.)                
                                          
         Die. Die. that's good.      
 The debt bequeathed from
         God.                            
         However, something doesn't feel right to me.   
         Should I stab myself?                
                                          
              (Stabs himself.)             
                                          
         What a blessing.                 
                                          
          (Fortinbras enters.)            
                                          
         And let me, my brotherFortinbras, used for soap    
         and for lard.                     
                                          
 Fortinbras: What a lamp of reason has gone out!
            What heart has stopped beating!
                                          
            ───────────────────           
                  CURTAIN