Humor - horror stories about soldiers.

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 Hello, dear readers of our self-
the biggest, coolest, most int-
local, the most beautiful, the most opera-
tive and finally completely mistaken (German)
A lot of flattery directed at yourself is never harmful to anyone.
dilo).                                    
 The previous paragraph can be considered part
this section.                            
                                          
 Actually, the original plans for this
numbers were not included in this section, but when I
bring another batch of sprites for na-
beginning of the section, I saw the same sprite
(which we had the pleasure of watching on
first (previous) page of this
text), then I decided to release it after all...
let in.  Just then I came across a text with
horror stories (I received it from Volgodonsk
fromIvanishchev family) and decided to divide
BE!                                     
HORROR STORIES.           
 ------------          
                                
The soldiers were chopping cabbage on the remote control,         
Some kind of shield was accidentally broken,        
Laughed for a long time at the joke in OOH          
In the barren desert looking for Washington.       
                                          
A woodcutter's ax was heard in the forest -       
The woodcutter used it to drive away the homosexual,             
But the strength ran out - the woodcutter fell silent -        
The homosexual hugged him with a smile             
                                          
There was a neutron bomb in the field,           
The girl Masha pressed the button,            
No one to scoldthis girl -             
The blue planet sleeps in eternal sleep.         
                                          
La-la-la, shu-shu-shu,                       
I caught a lice on my ass -                    
Dirty, smelly,                         
Now I'll torture her.                        
                                          
                                          
Daddy walked around the whole plane,              
I couldn’t find Ruslan’s son,              
Mom hurries to reassure her husband:            
"It probably fell over Kaluga."        
                                          
I used to give everyone four times,    
And now my pussy has become wider than my basin.   
                                          
The passenger "Moscow-Urengoy" was traveling,        
Towards a commodity with iron ore,      
Thousands of lives, cars back to back!            
The old man on the arrow chuckled sarcastically...       
                                          
A little boy climbed into the refrigerator,    
The switch clicked with an insidious crack -    
The snot in the nose quickly froze,             
No, he won't finish his sausage!            
                                          
The old lady did not suffer for long                 
In high-voltage wires,                
Her charred carcass                       
Hedgehogs were chewing in the bushes.                    
                                          
                                          
A little boy was chopping a piece of ice,          
Floated up to him from behindicebreaker,             
For a long time, little hands clung to the ice floe,        
And I enjoyed this picture.            
                                          
The wire winds through the tree like a snake,            
The boy grabbed the wire with his hand,        
dad bent over a pile of coals            
"Where are these jeans for a hundred rubles?"       
                                          
The hard drive did not flinch in the hands of the pioneer -    
The brains of a poacher are crawling along a birch tree.        
                                          
A little boy rode the elevator,       
Everything is fine, only the cable broke,        
A blue body was found in the mine -           
So he repeated Gastello's feat.          
                                          
Felix Edmundych was walking around the construction site,         
Vladimir Ilyich watched him,           
A brick rang loudly on my head -          
Vladimir Ilyich shoots straight!            
                                          
                                          
A little boy was sitting on a mine,          
The poor boy was sweating from fear!       
The drop rolled down and closed the contacts...     
Use "Karpaty" brand cream!      
                                          
Red Square, green Christmas trees,             
The boy at the Christmas tree cut off the needles,            
Black Volgas rushed by, rustling,         
The mother will not wait for the baby to come home.            
                                          
The girl Anya walked near the cage...            
No need to feed the crocodile again.          
                                          
A little boy was playing with a ball,          
I accidentally got into a black Volga...        
The driver launched a tire iron at the baby -      
He was a good boy named Vovka!       
                                          
A little boy got lost in the forest...     
The bear received a tasty gift.         
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
Grandfather found a grenade in the field,             
I put it in my pocket and came to the district committee,        
I pulled the ring and threw it out the window,           
Grandfather is old, he doesn’t care.            
                                          
Little boysucked a candy,         
A dump truck drove up to him from behind...         
Well, in the morning the newspapers wrote:              
"The boy died after choking on candy."    
                                          
Oktyabrenok Palkin Petya                    
Choked during a blowjob                  
And, probably, our squad                     
Excluded from October.                     
                                          
Grandfather Vasya drove into a ravine,              
I came across a pack of dogs in a ravine,         
The hungry dogs purred for a long time -               
Old man, go ahead, it tastes better than sausage!       
                                          
Poor dad, taking a double-barreled shotgun,             
From around the apartment -                     
I thought my daughter was a Komsomol member                  
And she is a blowjob girl.                         
Sveta Girl found a gun -            
Sveta has no more parents.             
                                          
Partisans are sitting in a dugout,               
Black smoke is billowing from the stove,               
"So let's move the glasses, friends!          
The traitor Nicodemus was burned!"                
                                          
A little boy found a pineapple            
(he didn't know about the German landmine),       
He took out a knife and began to eat -         
The teeth were found six kilometers away.           
                                          
Grandfather Mitrofanich sat down on a tree stump: "Oh, what a tough day it is today!"            
Pants flew over the forest for a long time...           
Here it is, the vile echo of war!!!              
                                          
A little boy found a Pershing 2,      
He pressed the red button first,           
For a long time the Japanese could not understand -            
What kind of fungus grows in the distance?            
                                          
                                          
A little boy found a machine gun -         
There are a lot of guys left in the basement.           
                                          
A little boy sits by the road,         
The tank ran over his legs...              
Good uncle in a Chinese cap       
He calmed the poor thing down with a bullet in the stomach...       
                                          
Dad was fixing a color TV,             
My son turned the plug into the socket -      
Now he watches the fairy tale every day,     
Father won’t switch to football.             
                                          
Grandmother loved her granddaughter very much -             
She put Mina in her bed,           
Powerful explosions were heard at night -           
The granddaughter also loved her grandmother.            
                                          
The son gouged out the eyes of dad and mom,           
So that grandfather can at least once                    
Read him fairy tales.                      
                                          
It's cold in the house, dad is in a jacket,           
Mom with daughterheats the stove.              
Children in the basement were playing at the hospital,         
Plumber Sinitsyn died during childbirth.         
                                          
Three friends went hunting,               
A dead grandfather was found in a ditch,             
A cry of joy immediately broke out -         
"It will be a great barbecue for breakfast!"       
                                          
A little boy was sitting on the roof,         
If he were a butterfly, he would fly          
Someone quietly crept up with a club          
So the idiot's dream has come true.            
                                          
Masha and Misha played on the roof,              
After two shots it became quieter.        
                                          
A little boy climbed onto the ledge,        
But he stumbled and fell down,            
Did a deadly somersault in the air -     
It took a long time to scrape it off the asphalt.          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
A little boy climbed a cherry tree,         
Grandfather Afanasy took out his sawn-off shotgun,           
A shot rang out, then a child's cry,     
"Forty-eighth!" - the old man smiled.      
                                          
The boy climbed into the kindergarten to pick up plums,         
Old Yevsey took out his sawn-off shotgun,           
A shot rang out and the guard fell -          
The father was covering the boy from behind. A little boy was walking around a construction site,       
A three-ton roller passed by,           
The boy decided to check the system -         
Now you can hang it on the wall.         
                                          
A little boy was walking around a construction site,       
I accidentally fell into a barrel of gasoline,        
He began to choke, stuck his nose out,             
Good uncle brought a match...          
                                          
A little boy found a rope          
He came to school with this toy,        
The counselor and the children laughed for a long time -           
Like a bald director hanging in the toilet.       
The boy sealed TNT in an envelope,       
I put it on my dad’s desk...       
My son asked me to write on granite:           
"There was nothing to scold for a deuce!"           
                                          
Daddy gave his son a dagger,              
So that he loves daddy more,            
Dad was reading a newspaper in the kitchen,               
The gift was sticking out between the shoulder blades.             
                                          
Daddy wanted to poison his son              
He asks to put arsenic in the roast,          
The waiter suddenly becomes stricter:         
"It will be 20 kopecks more expensive!"              
                                          
The girl found a razor in the field              
"What is this?" - she asked dad,           
"This," he said, "is a harmonica"     
The baby's smile is getting wider and wider.          
                                          
A little boy walked by the stroller...     
Sister's eyes are swimming in the soup.        
                                          
                                          
A little boy, lame since childhood,      
The soup was slurped from a large plate,         
"Well, have you had enough, lame bastard?"        
Mom said, taking out an ax.             
                                          
Papa the butcher gutted the old man,            
The son said to him irritably:              
"Grandfather should have ended a long time ago,            
Carrion will only sell for twenty rubles      
 five"   
Carousel, carousel, whomanaged,              
That's it, on my hairy carousel.      
                                          
Naked women are flying across the sky,                 
A rocket hit the bathhouse.           
                                          
When I was a child, my mother gouged out my eyes,       
So that I don't find jam in the cupboard,          
I don't see the sun and I don't read fairy tales,       
But I smell and hear well.              
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
We asked mechanic Petrov:              
"Where did you get the rope, Uncle Vova?"         
Uncle Vova did not answer us -                
Only the wind shook his corpse.And an acacia tree has bloomed in our garden,            
My whole family is happy,                   
I have my period today -              
That means I'm not pregnant.                    
                                          
Two pioneers for one pioneer                
They performed an abortion on plywood with a stick,           
A guilty counselor stood nearby -           
He finished off the pink fruit with a shovel.          
                                          
And here is our Soviet coat of arms,               
It has a hammer and a sickle,               
You want to reap, but you want to forge,              
But you will still get...                 
                                          
I love walking in a bucket,                   
Bring your hip over it,                   
Pee, poop, and then                   
Return to a warm home.                
A little boy was walking around a construction site,       
The skating rink was quietly approaching him,              
The unfortunate mother cried for a long time,             
Trying to roll my son into a roll.      
                                          
Saleswoman in a store                     
Called me a pig,                     
Women thought it was pork,                    
They stood in line behind me.                 
                                          
Good in my native land,                     
Smells like hay and dung,                    
You go out into the field, you sit down to shit -            
It's a long way to see you!                       
                                          
Uncle mowed the lawns leisurely.                
Two babies are finely chopped...              
                                          
Daughter asks mom for candy,             
Mom said: “Put your finger in the socket!”   
The body twitched, the bones charred...     
The guests laughed for a long time at the joke!          
                                          
                                          
The girls were picking flowers in the field,            
The boys were playing Indians in the field,        
Masha bent over, an ax in her ass,             
The Indian Egor shoots accurately.               
                                          
A little boy played diver,       
He dashingly rushed to the bottom of the toilet,            
The fat lady pressed the pedal -              
The boy rushed off into the underwater distance.         
                                          
A little boy found a machine gun,          
No one else lives in the village,          
Only Baba Matryona remained,             
It's a pity, there wasn't enough cartridge for it.          
                                          
A little boy found a kimono,           
he saw 40 techniques in the movies,               
With a cry of "Kiya!" and kick             
Daddy's balls dripped into his boots.              
                                          
A boy lies in the snow,                   
Pink blood snow,                    
This is dad playing with him                     
In Pavlik Morozov.                       
Children in the basement played Gestapo,          
Plumber Potapov was brutally tortured,        
The legs are nailed to the back of the head,          
But he didn’t tell them where he hid the bottle.   
                                          
The girl found a lemon in the field,             
The baby came to dad with a question,           
"Pull the thing," dad said,         
A blue bow flew over the field for a long time.         
                                          
The boy climbed into the concrete mixer.         
Uncle didn't notice him, but it's a pity...           
                                          
Two lovers fucked in the rye,         
Quietly the combine stood onboundaries,               
Quietly started, went quietly,                 
Someone found half a penis in a loaf.         
                                          
A little boy was chewing gum,           
Dad has a cow in the barn ..al,                 
The boy thought while chewing gum:              
"When I grow up, the cow will be mine!"          
                                          
                                          
Filya trudged into the studio tiredly.           
Stepasha and Karkusha were eating lard.          
Filya asked: “Where is our Piggy?”       
"He is no more," Karkusha cried.   
                                          
Mom bought a meat grinder the other day.            
"We need to check!" - Anyutka decided.        
She stuck her fingers in and began to twist...           
The hand cannot be sewn back.              
                                          
A little boy was running along the roof.         
He waved his pen and squealed loudly.         
The roof ended - a whistle was heard.       
The janitor was in for a New Year's surprise...       
                                          
Near the house where two spruce trees were drying,            
Petya was swinging Helen on a swing.            
The cable broke, blood sprayed -          
This is how great love dies...             
                                          
The father took his son to hunt,            
I loaded my gun with Zhakan,            
I shot at the wolf and hit my son.         
"That's an insult -the cartridge was wasted!"     
Gas came out of the open tap,             
A little boy found a match...         
Heads, arms and legs are carried,                
And someone thought: the exercises are underway.            
                                          
Mom and dad went to bed.            
The little boy dived under the bed.     
Took out a grenade, shoved it under the mattress,         
He pulled the ring and shouted: “Atas!”         
                                          
The girl Masha went for a swim               
I dived on Wednesday and surfaced on Saturday.       
                                          
This is not a sheet of whatman paper, not cardboard,         
Thinly divided in half,              
Not a calendar, not a poster, not a newspaper-      
A boy who ran over this with a roller.          
                                          
I'm grinding my sister in a meat grinder             
(The meat all falls into the basin)                   
And for some reason I'm a little sad -               
Apparently, I'll pay now...                  
                                          
                                          
Cheerful children were sitting in the entrance            
And the fingers of the boy Petya were broken.            
A ringing, joyful laugh sounded loud -    
There is nothing better than children's fun!           
                                          
The children stole the cherries from the garden.                
Grandma Vera was very happy:             
No wonder she sprinkled poison on the trees -       
Many funeralswill be in the village!            
                                          
A little boy was digging a dugout,         
I found a piece of iron and knocked on a brick...      
Legs on the Christmas tree, hands under the oak tree -            
You can't handle a mine so roughly!      
                                          
The little boy put on scuba gear.         
The old hose was poorly screwed on.     
The water quickly inflated the stomach.              
In three days, a blue corpse will float up...    
                                          
Mashenka walked with the dog in the park        
And she set her on her friend.               
She couldn't hold the leash -               
Tanya’s leg has become shorter.             
Son, what happened toyou?     
Why are you upside down from the tower?    
No, no trouble would have happened to my son,        
If water were poured into the pool...          
                                          
Uncle was in a hurry to see the shoemaker,            
I decided to run at a red light.        
The result was a bit sad -            
Uncle no longer needs boots...         
                                          
The girl Masha was looking for raspberries,               
She stepped on a mine with her foot.             
They will appear in my dreams for a long time           
Those blue eyes on the pine tree.                
                                          
Scarlet ties hover over the square:        
The bomb hit the Palace of Pioneers.           
                                          
A little boy was walking at a construction site,       
A tower crane nearby was lifting a load.         
The old cable could not withstand the weight, -     
The boy's ears are attached to his sandals.          
                                          
                                          
Little Petya was lying on the grass,           
Misha accidentally fell from the roof.               
Parents in the morgue didn’t sort it out:            
"Where are whose hands, and where are whose legs?"    
                                          
Little Petya was sledding,         
Fearlessly descended from a high hill.     
Panas does not press the brake, -             
The Kamaz was going to be washed anyway.         
                                          
A little boy was playing at a construction site.       
I accidentally fell into a barrel of gasoline.          
The top was covered with a slab of three hundred tons       
And it turned out to be a tourist's breakfast.              
                                          
A little boy played in the sand,        
A dump truck quietly drove up to him.            
No noise or groan was heard -        
Only the shoes stick out from the concrete.          
                                          
I asked the technician Petrov:            
"Why is there a wire around your neck?"            
He is silent, does not answer,                   
He only shakes his legs.                    
The sun has long gone behind the mountain,            
A consumptive boy chops wood.           
With a crunch, the iron went into my leg,            
Childhood is gone along with your leg.              
                                          
Vanya is driving a car                       
All smeared over the tire.                 
                                          
The girl loved her daddy very much,             
Opened the tap on the gas stove.          
Dad was sleeping in the next room,             
I used to snore, but now I stopped.         
                                          
Dad brought a plane from work,             
The son reported his dad to the mentor.            
The belt danced with a furious whistle:      
The boy wrote a denunciation with a mistake.          
                                          
Children in a sandbox playing cardsplayed.          
Kolya and Petya cheated all day long.          
So they gave Vanya an ace:                 
Dad's eyes will have to be gouged out.             
                                          
                                          
A little boy was sitting on the roof,         
The sun's ray warmed his head.            
The roof collapsed, bones crunched...         
No, we will not go to visit the boy.     
                                          
A little boy floated on a piece of ice      
An icebreaker approached him from behind.            
There is no more gratifying picture in the world:          
On the left is half-Petit and on the right is half-Petit!         
                                          
A little boy fished for fish,             
A crocodile crept up on him from behind.          
The old crocodile suffered for a long time:          
A pioneer badge stuck in my throat.        
                                          
Little Bill came down from the baobab,       
With a crash, the twig under my foot broke.       
But little Bill didn't hit:            
The crocodile opened its mouth in time.         
                                          
A little boy shot with a slingshot...   
Patches are glued to dad's head.            
                                          
                                          
A little boy was cleaning a gun,           
I grabbed the forend with a small hand,        
I pressed the trigger with my small foot...        
The eyes went to the ceiling with a whistle. Children found a neutron bomb               
They came to school with this toy.           
The teacher council laughed for a long time:             
The school is standing, but there are no students.              
                                          
The captain's daughter named Nadya               
The red button was pressed in Nevada            
With a roar, a colossus took off from the pit.           
Argentina was a good country.           
                                          
At night, Yegor climbed into the neighbors' house.            
The thief stole a toy from a friend.              
He won't take the doll over the fence, -            
Natasha accurately throws an ax.                
                                          
A little boy entered the store,        
Here a Georgian gets off the tram.            
The boy bent down to pick up a toy...       
He was included in the list at number five.       
How can I trust people now:              
I surrendered to him under the moon,                  
And he took my girlish breasts               
And he tied them in a knot on his back.           
                                          
There is a fast train from Sochi to Baku         
The door pinched the man's head.             
The train started moving, the man ran.            
I watched him for a long time.            
                                          
Someone grabbed the toggle switch with their hand,        
Pershing met with Chukotka land.  
There was no needgo to work:           
There are no jokes about the Chukchi now.          
                                          
The October class has joined the pioneers,         
I decided to celebrate this event.               
Petya wanted to pour himself more...          
The stone on his neck will prevent him from floating up.        
                                          
Half is lying, and the other one is nearby -          
Here Uncle Vasya waited for the tram....        
                                          
                                          
A little boy walked through the forest.          
I fell into a trap with my little foot.         
"What luck! - thought the forester. -        
Tomorrow I'll invite my friends to a picnic."          
                                          
The girl of her beloved grandfather shaved.              
I couldn’t resist - I got a little naughty.       
His face became like a pear...          
Grandfather is old, why does he need ears?            
                                          
A little boy was chasing pigeons,          
Here he runs, faster and faster.      
The roof is over, a luxurious somersault...      
For a long time they scraped brains from the asphalt...      
                                          
A little boy sat at the helm,         
A-310 fell from the sky.                        
                                          
A little boy was lying in the hay          
I counted the stars with a small hand.           
He has many roads ahead!               
If only I could get the pitchfork out of my chest.Little boy - striped trousers     
I sawed off a board at the mausoleum.             
A brick hit the skull with a thud.             
Sleep well, Vladimir Ilyich.           
                                          
The boy (or uncle) collected poems,        
In them he read about various atrocities.       
Started to jam on the hundredth sadushka          
The boy is now having fun in the psychiatric hospital.      
                                          
Dad entrusted his son with the steering wheel,                
But it didn’t fly on a computer;             
Children's hands reach for the remote control,            
Hatches open at height;               
The steel crew is very obedient:           
The speed decreases and turns.        
The pilot's mother will no longer meet            
They will just find the wing of the plane.             
                                          
Yes, the little boy was not bored there either,    
He called Dr. Rawlings dad.           
He appeared to Kelly in terrible visions,       
Where perverted love was explained.       
                                          
Poor aunt suffered for two months,          
But she gave in, with the desire to hang herself.       
The gloomy plan is not destined to come true,        
Snickers and Mars will heal all wounds!         
                                          
Grandmother was waiting for her granddaughter from school,            
Potassium cyanide in a mortar,Grandfather was ahead of grandmother,                 
I nailed my granddaughter to the fence.          
                                          
Don't be ashamed, drunkard, of your nose -     
He has a red banner of the same color.