╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Roll call in the army: - Private Orlov! - I! - You are our eagle! Private Sokolov! - I! - You are our falcon! Private Kozlov! - I! - Well, it’s okay, it happens... * * * The client calls his lawyer: -Well, how's my business? -Justice has triumphed! - File an appeal urgently! * * * A brigade of racketeers is traveling through Chukotka. Angry, tired. We decided to hush and pinch someone. They look at the Chukchi standing near the road, they jump out, grab him by the legs and head-first into the hole. After 5 minutes they pull out: - Is there money???!!! - No, however. They go back into the water and pull him out: - Is there gold????? - No, however. Once again into the water, again pulled out: - Well, is there anything? - EEEEE, you either hold me in your hand longer, however, or let go dive deeper - the water is muddy and you can’t see anything. * * * The World Boxing Championship is underway. There's one boxer in short - three closets for four, beats everyone, current gloves inflickering in the air. Well he I crumbled them all into a fine vinaigrette. And yells -Who is the coolest boxer here? - Michael Tyson - Give him here to me, I’ll knock out his teeth, beat off his kidneys, and in the ground - I'll drive you!!! His trainer stands nearby and whispers in his ear: - Well, Michael, no matter how much I tell you, Tyson is YOU!!!! * * * In a dark alley, three gloomy individuals approach a lonely to a passerby and say: - Man, buy a crowbar! - What are you guys doing, why do I need a crowbar? - Then take off your hat, boots and give me your wallet! - Uh-uh... How much do you say the crowbar costs? - And scrap is no longer for sale!!! * * * - Have you seen what kind of scarecrow Rabinovich put on his vegetable garden? - No, which one? - It’s so scary that the crows brought back last year’s harvest! * * * A snow-white 4-deck (in the sense of a storey) floating on the ocean liner. Suddenly there is a rustling sound throughout the ship and they announce through the loudspeaker - man overboard! And indeed, about 50 meters away he is floundering woman... A tanned American jumps out onto the upper deck from the casino. man in a tuxedo. Literally, with one movement of the hand, he rips off suit, shoes; remains in steel-colored swimming trunks, jumps into from the upper deck, withoutenters the water with a single splash, swims a very beautiful rabbit, but does not swim 10 meters and drowns. And the woman is still floundering and calling for help... Here a tanned Frenchman jumps out from the bar onto the upper deck wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. In the same way, he undresses instantly; remains in turquoise swimming trunks, jumps into the water from the top decks, enters the water without a single splash, floats very smoothly breaststroke, does not swim 5 meters, and also drowns. The woman continues to flounder and scream heart-rendingly... And then slowly, squinting, crawls out of the engine room Mitek in felt boots, a padded jacket and an unimaginable tpeyxe. Very honey slowly, carefully undresses, carefully puts things on semi. Remains in torn, black family shorts. Slowly re- falls from the 3rd deck to the 2nd, from the 2nd to the first. Literally pa- gives into the water, raising a sea of splashes... And drowns immediately... ;) * * * - How did the trial between the Ukrainian and the Jew end? - They gave the prosecutor five years... * * * A (h) egg is driving through the forest in a Merc, and meets a (k)aban: K: Kosoy, where did you get such a car? Z: Yes, here in the cemetery in the old corner there is a grave with a stone stove, knock on it three times, and then you will see everything for yourself. (K) goes to the cemetery, knocks on the grave, graveopens, A skeleton crawls out from there and says: “Tell me, what do you need?” K: B-b-b-paper... * * * A drug addict came to the market to buy weed. He approaches one grandma and says: - Grandma, do you have weed? Grandma answers: - Yes Narc: - Is she good? Grandma: - Of course it’s good, take a joint and try it. Well, the narc takes the whole joint right there and ckypubaet. Suddenly his eyes suddenly darkened, then brightened again, it darkened, brightened again, etc. Afterwards, the narc comes to his senses a little and says to the grandmother: - Grandma, you have great grass. What even was that? Grandma is scared: - Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know, son, but you’ve been standing here for five days already. * * * The fox first met a hare, then a wolf, then a bear in the forest. And they all complained that they were beaten by the bun. The fox asks crows: -What kind of bun showed up in the forest? -This is not a bun, this is a hedgehog who has returned from prison. * * * Winter. An old sparrow sits on a branch, ruffled. Close to him A young sparrow is melting. -Chief, oh boss! Maybe we'll fly south? -Don't fuss. -There are butterflies fluttering, grasshoppers jumping, canaries fly. Warm. “Don’t fuss,” says the wise old sparrow. -Lookattention definitely on the road. We'll let the horses go - we'll be left without hot food again - Xia. * * * They stand for (r) Ruzin and (r) Russian. (d) - There are flies on you. (p) - Not at you, but at you. (d) - For crumpling? (p) - Not on me, but on me. (d) - Again at you! What an impudent fly! * * * - Waiter!!! There's a fly in my soup!!! - What did you want for 75 cents - boiled lamb? * * * - How will you pay the bill? “That’s it,” he said, taking a revolver from his pocket. * * * In the cafe. - Do you have water without syrup? - What kind of syrup do you need? - No apple juice for me, please. - You're lucky, today we just have water without apple syrup... * * * The teacher is tired of endlessly reprimanding Vovochka for bad good behavior. One day she told him: -I would like to be your mother for at least three days. I would quickly re-educated. “Okay,” answered Vovochka, -I'll talk to dad, maybe he'll agree. * * * Russian-Japaneseborder. Our soldier (R) is bored standing on guard le and he begins to mock the Japanese border guard(s): (R) -Japan, Japanese, is that you? (I) -Yes I am (R)-Fuck x$: This was repeated for several days and (I) got tired and decided to continue do the same with (P): (I)-Russ, russ (R) -Japan, it's you (I) -Yes I am (R)-Fuck x$: * * * (GB) The pigeon made a date with the (GK) pigeon at twelve o'clock day on the town hall clock. Twelve o'clock - no dove. It's one o'clock in the afternoon - she's gone. Two hours too. And only about five o'clock in the evening she appeared at the clock. (GB) -Why did you come so late? After all, from your square to City Hall is a five minute flight? (GK) -Darling, the weather is so wonderful outside that I decided walk.
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