Humor - The collapse of Agent 008 (end).

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║  Agent 008  ║
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 CHAPTER 7

 Improve your education

 The first person Karasev saw when he regained consciousness was complete blackness.
new-haired woman with a disgusted expression on her face. In her eyes
there was contempt, a notepad in his hands.
  “Last name, first name, patronymic?” the woman asked in an authoritative voice.
  - I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything, I don’t know anything, nothing
“I won’t tell anyone,” the spy firmly stated.
  “Don’t pretend, I know everything,” the woman reprimanded him.
“You should have fallen asleep so stupidly,” he clicked his teeth like a wolf
agent 008 and, continuing to pretend to be a sheep, meekly said:
  - My dear, this is some kind of misunderstanding. Give me the ship.
  “If you lock yourself in, I won’t even shake your hand,” icy—
the woman remarked in a low tone.
  “Experienced,” thought the saboteur, “you can’t fool someone like that on chaff,”
and was feigned surprise:
  - What, aren’t you a nurse?
  “I will ask the questions,” the woman answered with dignity.
No, I'm not a nurse.  I am a junior literary employee of a city newspaper
Svetlana Kalmova. I perform the duties of a senior literary officer.The editors instructed me to interview you.
  “Mine?” Pyotr Vasilyevich froze in amazement with his mouth open.
The sun's ray, reflected from his shining teeth, rested
Kalmovoy in the left eye.
  “You’re stopping me from working,” she said dryly. “Shut your mouth.”
and tell us about yourself. So you are an inventor.
  Karasev hid his teeth in a crust of bread and began feverishly
remember what he could invent during his stay in this city
kind.
  “Aren’t you mistaken?” he asked in fear. “Are you sure?”
do you know who I am?
  “I’m never wrong,” the acting officer objected with aplomb. senior
literary employee.  You are the chief engineer of plant number seven Ivanov, av-
torus of some kind of invention. Personally I don't care, but
I need material for the section "On the cutting edge of science."
  The spy's breath caught. “And the beast runs towards the catcher,” joyfully
he said to himself in Russian. “So this inventor is here too.”
Let's try to find out details about his work."
  “Do you know what kind of invention this is?” he asked carefully.
he.
  “I don’t know and I don’t want to know,” Kalmova snapped.
  “What are you interested in?” Karasev asked in amazement.
  - I’m interested in how often your bed linen is changed, vo-
How often are medications given? I'm writing an essay about those who move forward
medicine.
  - But why did you turn to me?
  - Because you've been lying here for two weeks. However, you take a long time
you'll still have medetain? By your grace the editors are forced
without me for twenty minutes already.
  “Forgive me generously,” said Pyotr Vasilyevich insinuatingly.
what kind of room do you need?
  - Thirty-first.
  “You have the wrong number!” the spy answered triumphantly and
turned monstrously towards the wall.
  Kalmova moved her shoulder offendedly and hit it hard against
door frame and went out.
  And a villainous plan was already brewing in Karasev’s head. "I wonder if-"
How long will they keep me in the hospital? - Pyotr Vasilyevich pondered.
What if they discharge you tomorrow? We need to come up with something to stay longer
here for at least a week."
  He sat up in bed, strained himself and bit himself painfully in the stomach.
Then he examined the wound, anointed it with mustard and smiled with satisfaction.
nulsya. According to his calculations, this should have been enough for eight days.
The saboteur pulled on hospital pajamas and went to look for the main
engineer.
  Trying not to knock his slippers, he crept along the corridor to
thirty-first ward and cautiously looked inside. On two beds
The sick were sleeping on the third floor, and on the third floor sat a man surrounded by drawings.
rank and wrote something in a common notebook.
  “Neighbor, let’s kill the goat?” Karasev suggested cheekily.
  The man shook his head.
  “What about checkers?” the spy continued.
  “No,” the man muttered.
  - Then maybe we can do a crossword puzzle? The engineer was silent.
  “I can teach foreign languages,” he said in a fallen voice.
agent008.- They may be useful to you in your work.
 - Sorry, I don't have time.
  “What are you so busy with?” Peter asked unceremoniously
Vasilyevich.- I see you are drawing something.
  The inventor looked expressively at Karasev and with irritation
Niem noted:
  - I'm working.
  “This is in vain,” the spy said morally. “In the hospital—
You don’t need to work, but to get treatment. The doctors are taking care of you, they don’t have the strength
they regret it. And we are breaking the regime. Now I'll call the head of the department -
nim.
  “No, no, please don’t do this,” the engineer begged.
You see, I’m finishing work on an invention. So amazing
I came up with a thing using semiconductors. She is revolutionizing our industry
will produce. Let's wash our noses abroad.
  - Oh, so you are an inventor! This is another matter,” Kara nodded importantly.
north. So, aren’t you guarded here?
  “Well, who should we protect from in the hospital,” the engineer was surprised. “You
do you think... Do you think that the invention could be stolen?
  “No,” Pyotr Vasilyevich waved his hands. “What are you, what are you!”
Who would think of this? Get creative and don't worry. Long
Do you still have something left?
  - Five days.
  “Well, well, I won’t bother you,” the saboteur hurried. “Work.”
those, and I will keep watch so that the doctor does not enter.
  Karasev closed the door tightly behind him and walked like a demobilizer.
The bathroom soldier headed to the staff room:
  - Discharge me in five days, doctor.
  On the sixth day, Pyotr Vasilyevich handed over his pajamas to his sister-hostess,by-
Having received his suit from her, he changed his clothes and began to walk around
corridor, waiting for the inventor to remain alone in the room.
Finally the desired moment arrived.  The sick, sighing and groaning,
We scattered for procedures, the nurse went out onto the stairs to smoke.
The saboteur quickly, like a racing frog, burst into the ward
and closed the door behind him. Now he was face to face with the engineer.
  “Here, I came to say goodbye,” he smiled wryly. “Well, the law
have you been working on an invention?
  “Imagine, just this morning!” exclaimed the engineer.
ner. Here are all the drawings. - He affectionately patted the bedside table with his hand -
ke.- My colleagues will come in the evening, I’ll take them to the plant.
  “Congratulations,” Karasev muttered, putting his hand in his pocket behind his
ominous fountain pen.  However, he found only fragments there. All
the pocket was stained with curare poison. Pyotr Vasilyevich pulled back his hand
ku, stomped around and resourcefully said:
  - And they urgently call you for an x-ray. I just came from there. Ka-
It turns out that they suspect that something is wrong with you.
  “How,” the inventor was surprised, “I just did an X-ray yesterday.”
did.
  “They didn’t save the film,” the spy sadly shook his head. “Mole.”
It was eaten in three places.
  The alarmed engineer ran out of the room, and Karasev jumped up
to the bedside table, with his usual movement he pulled out the drawings and laid them out on
beds.  My hands hardly shook. Pyotr Vasilyevich reached for
built intobutton with a camera, but not in a hurry
could feel it.  He looked up from the drawings and looked at
your jacket. Two buttons were torn out by the roots. The third, in which
there was nothing in the swarm, it was hanging by one thread. James Bond made
he turned purple with anger. He fiercely bit the thread with his teeth and
swallowed the button without chewing. Having become enraged, Agent 008 became already
to think about whether he should be transported beyond the cordon instead of the main in-
wife of the hospital sister-hostess, but at that moment in the ward
the inventor was walking. Pyotr Vasilyevich quickly shoved the drawings into the nightstand
Kui, without blinking an eye, asked:
 - Well, what did the x-ray show?
  Ivanov looked at him suspiciously, then looked into the dark
barrel, saw the drawings and calmed down.
  “You’ve got something mixed up,” he shrugged. “They didn’t call me there.”
Nya, but some Karasev.
  “Karasev?” the spy was frightened. “I know him, he’s in our ward.”
lies. What is it? All his photographs turned out great.
  - That's the whole point. His photographs are sent to the exhibition.
  “What other exhibition?” Bond turned pale, mortally afraid
any publicity.
  “To the international photo exhibition in Brussels,” said the engineer.
All the best, Comrade Karasev. Your jokes are strange.
  “Sorry,” Pyotr Vasilyevich was embarrassed, “at one time I was not successful.”
wanted to get an education.
  He paused and added neither to the village nor to the city:
  - You don’t have to scrape the floorsrequired?
  “Thank you,” Ivanov answered coldly, “I have already ordered the oil.”
tera in the consumer services plant.
  “You’ll have to wait there for a long time,” the spy warned.
  “Nothing, I’m not in a hurry,” the inventor reassured him,
alive from the ward. - Be healthy, Comrade Karasev. Increase
your education.



 CHAPTER 8

 Operation "Safe"

 Returning from the hospital, James Bond changed his clothes and began to think
how to live on.  All he knew about the inventor was that Ivanov
I was waiting for the foreman from the consumer services plant. The spy decided to
tangle with this thread and confuse the whole ball. And agent 008
went to the plant to get a job.
  Along with his jacket, just in case, he changed his apartment and last name.
Liu.  Now in his pocket there was a passport in the name of Karp Karpovich
Bildyugin, teacher of singing and work. His appearance is also not
recognisably changed.  He let his hair go down to his shoulders and put on dark
glasses and looked like a cabaret star who received fifteen days
for petty hooliganism. Even his own family wouldn't recognize him in this form.
mother, who was replaced by his boss.
  At the plant, Karp Karpovich was received warmly, although
They were shocked when they saw the diploma of graduation from the technical school. Bildyugin carried
how much did educationalthe coefficient achieved by the
team of scrapers and door upholsterers. All employees without exception
were enrolled in higher education here. In the field of upholstery
two agronomists, an ameliorator, an oil producer and even one
candidate of some low-paid sciences. However, Karp Karpovich
they accepted him as an equal, especially since he promised to arrange
go to evening college.
  For two days the spy, remembering the past, regularly repaired other people's
apartments, trying not to stand out among the crowd with anything other than their hairstyle.
lay down On the third day, he waited until everyone had gone to their facilities,
bolted the door, curtained the windows and, carefully looking around
sides, took out the order book. Placing it next to the
fight pistol, Bildyugin began feverishly leafing through the pages
on their faces, shuddering in fear at the slightest sound emanating from
a jackhammer constantly rumbling under the windows. Finally,
Karp Karpovich found the required entry and joyfully rubbed his hands together.
wearing gloves.  The gloves rustled, frightening the saboteur to the point of
lusdeath. Without waiting for a command, he meekly raised his hands up,
getting ready to give up. After sitting like this for some time, he dared
turn your head and find that there is no one in the room.
  “We’ll have to go see a neurologist,” Iron Joe sighed and
he turned his head pitifully, like a cow shooing away flies.
  He angrily pulled off his gloves and threw them in the trash.cart and
Taking an eraser out of his pocket, he began to carry out his diabolical
Volsky plan. First on the list of tomorrow's clients was
a book by some Tarasyuk Venera Afanasyevna.
  “Tarasyuk will wait,” the spy decided, “I waited longer.”
  He unceremoniously erased the customer's name and wrote it in its place
engineer Ivanov. He stuffed Venera Afanasyevna into the very co-
the author of the book, kindly giving her the turn of the inventor, who
should have arrived no earlier than in a month.
  Having completed the exchange operation, Bildyugin put the book back
her place and went home. The next morning, just before dawn, he was already knocking
to the chief engineer's apartment.
  -Who's going to scrape the floors here? Are you going to be Ivanov?
  - I, but... - the engineer hesitated. - Now I have no one to leave
apartment, wife on vacation. I was told that you will come in October.
  “You’re lucky, master, we got it done earlier,” he said in a friendly manner.
Karp Karpovich fell on his shoulder. “And don’t doubt about the apartment,”
Stay tuned, I'll keep watch.  No fly can fly here, its kernels are in the co-
ren.
  “I wouldn’t like to bother you,” Ivanov mumbled.
  “It’s nothing,” Bildyugin assured. “Put in an extra three rubles and call it a day.”
you.  “Maybe he really will,” the spy thought hopefully. In his
position, a three-ruble ruble would not be superfluous at all.
  The inventor hesitated at the door.
  “Perhaps you don’t trust me,” James asked offendedly.
Bond.- I graduated from technical school, I haveI have a diploma.
  “What are you, what are you,” the engineer blushed, shook his hand and, reluctantly
heart, went to work.
  Left alone, Karp Karpovich locked the door from the inside, checked
were the buttons of the new jacket in place and carefully walked into the room?
that one  First of all, Bildyugin carefully searched through the drawers of the written
table, but didn’t find anything interesting there. The saboteur stopped by
I went into the closet, looked under the bed, and shook out the rugs. Drawings
was nowhere to be found. He looked carefully at the room again and saw
a large safe standing in the corner. "So this is where he hides them, - respect -
Agent 008 thought carefully. “Cunning, you can’t say anything.” However
You can't outsmart James Bond. Now we can assume that the drawings
mine." He made himself comfortable and took a penknife out of his pocket.
with a walkie-talkie built into it and began to call his foreigners.
private owners.
 - Center, center, center...
 “What,” responded the Center.
 “I made contact with the inventor,” Bond said. “All the drawings.”
the same as what is in my hands. I await further instructions.
 The response message arrived about forty minutes later.
  - On the twentieth of September in a place known to you in international
a submarine will be waiting for you in the waters from five to ten in the morning.
Appearance with drawings and inventor. Hello!
  Bond put away the knife with the walkie-talkie and looked at the desk calendar.
It was the eighteenth.
  “I’ll have time,” Karp Karpovich smiled self-confidently. “Now I have to
just don't scare me offinventor.
  He cycled a little for show, then boiled some tea for himself and,
sipping from the saucer, he began to daydream:
  - In a week I will be surrounded by everything dear to me: women,
baseball, Russian caviar.  And then I’ll take a vacation and go somewhere else
be in Brazil. Oh, this southern exotica! Chocolate women, sho-
chocolate cars, chocolates... Mmmm...
  The bell rang. The engineer returned from work.
  “Sorry, master,” Bildyugin bowed guiltily. “A little.”
I didn’t have time to finish it, I’ll finish it tomorrow. Your parquet is oak, with
You'll get sick of him, the parasite.
  The spy said goodbye and went home to prepare for his mission.
the last, decisive operation. All night he packed things, brought
weapons in order, compiled reports on the amounts spent for
intelligence accounting. On the morning of the nineteenth, agent 008 went to
city air terminal, bought a ticket for a long-distance flight and, holding it under
autogenous apparatus with the mouse, came to the apartment of the chief engineer
ru. The inventor was already getting ready for work.
  “Don’t expect me today,” he said. “When you leave,
slam the door and that's it.
  “It will be done, master,” assured Karp Karpovich, and to himself
I thought maliciously: “Well, keep your pocket!
I'll wait, rest assured."
  When the engineer's footsteps died down on the stairs, he took out the autogenous
machine and went to the safe. Bildyugin was fiddling with the safe about
hours.  Finally done inside wall, sufficient from-
hole, put his hand in and pulled out three rubles.
  “What kind of tricks,” he swore. “Apparently, this guy is hiding in this
and a stash from my wife.
  The saboteur pulled himself up, stuck his head into the hole and began feverishly
happily twist it in all directions. The safe was empty. Karp Karpovich
He pitifully pulled his head into his shoulders, and the safe pulled in with it.
James Bond began to tremble from all his experiences and he couldn’t
I couldn’t get my shaking head out of the hole. To calm down
he tried to remember something pleasant. But I remembered my
the formidable boss and began to shake even more violently. About forty minutes later the burglar
finally figured out how to open the safe door and, without any effort,
freed his head. He spat vindictively into the hole and threatened with an autogenous gun
a photograph of an engineer hanging on the wall.
  - Okay, inventor, you will answer for everything. Do you think es-
If you are a big boss, you can mock people. And also
Do you consider yourself educated? Well, wait a minute, through your education
you will suffer with me.
  The spy took out a thick volume of encyclopedia from the bookcase and
weighed it in his hand.
  - I’ll hit the top of the head with this thing and roll the body into the carpet
and put it in your luggage. That rug over there will probably do. Let him invent
The traveler will be surrounded by his native surroundings along the way.
  Karp Karpovich removed the carpet from the wall and laid it out for convenience
on the floor and began to wait for Ivanov.
  At seven o'clocksteps were heard on the stairs. The saboteur raised
over his head a weighty tome and hid. The steps kept getting closer.
Now they knocked very close, the door opened. Agent 008
closed his eyes, swung and...
  “Bildyugin, finish your work, they’re sending you to harvest potatoes,” handout
elk right next to the spy's ear.
  Karp Karpovich dropped the encyclopedia on his foot and opened his eyes.
A fellow agronomist stood in front of him.
  “Which potatoes?” asked Karp Karpovich, stuttering, jumping
on one leg. - For what? I didn't do anything like that, honest professional
allied word.
  “Just think, what a deal.” The agronomist indignantly rubbed the scratch.
ear at the corner of the book. - Why are you bully? Me too last year
They sent me to the collective farm, but I didn’t fight. Someone needs potatoes...
ku dig.
  “Sorry, I got excited,” the agent came to his senses. “It’s a shame, I understand.”
eat, why should I go?
  “And who?” the agronomist was surprised. “Mytishchin has radiculitis, Sergi-
Enko academic degree, Comintern Petrovich in a chess tournament
participates, and you’re new, you’re entitled to it according to your rank. So,
drop everything and go get ready, the car leaves at six in the morning.
  “Okay, I’ve persuaded you,” Bildyugin agreed. “It’s just work.”
I'll finish now. You go home, I don’t have much left here.
  “Let me finish it for you,” the agronomist generously suggested.
you won't get enough sleep tomorrow.
  - No, I do it myself. The owner promised me a tip. We have to wait for him.
  - Ha ha, -said the agronomist, “ha ha ha.” Your master in the morning
sent for potatoes. He called us at the office and asked before...
fight to apologize.  “I forgot,” he says, “I give your master three rubles
give as promised. I'll give it back when I get back." So what will you get?
Bildyugin, your tip no earlier than in two weeks.
  Karp Karpovich clenched his teeth until they crunched and spat out the broken bone.
gun and jumped out into the street.

 CHAPTER 9

Last sabotage

 Behind the impregnable stone fence stood gloomy, like a princess
Nesmeyana, building. The gate was decorated with a modest gilded high-
weighty "Plant N7". James Bond noticed this object a long time ago, but
getting there seemed to him an extremely difficult task. However
Now there was no choice. There were only a few days left before the plane.
watch.
  - Fir trees, the forest is thick, - the spy cursed dirtyly. - Invented -
The body managed to escape, but the drawings will not escape me. Not
I wish I was Iron Joe.
  He resolutely struck himself on the chest with his fist and walked up to his work.
guard, an old man in a rumpled straw hat, a menacing passer-by
standing at the gate with a small-caliber rifle in his hands.
 - Father, is there a light?
 Grandfather lit a match.
  “Help yourself,” Bildyugin insidiously suggested, holding out a pack of di-
version of special cigarettes. Old mantook a cigarette, took a drag and suddenly
dropped the gun, grabbed his stomach and rushed to the toilet. Cigarettes
were stuffed with salt that was not ours, not Russian.
  Agent 008, without wasting a minute, put the mask on his face, quickly
climbed over the fence and crept up to the building. By drainpipe
he climbed onto the roof and ducked through the dormer window. In five minutes
He was already carefully walking along the long corridor of the factory administration.
Suddenly a woman appeared in front of him with a wet rag in her hands.
Seeing a man in a mask, the woman took a step back and was scared.
asked:
  - Who are you going to, citizen, in this form? Everyone has already left.
  “They sent me to do disinfection,” Karp Karpo said, not at a loss.
HIV. You have too many flies here. Move away, mother, this-
I’ll start spraying for an hour, then I’ll accidentally splash some more.
  “What else can you say,” the cleaning lady was offended, “we don’t have any
flies I manage them myself. Here's a rag.
  Bildyugin looked at his watch. There was no time to argue. He you-
pulled a pistol and pointed it at the opponent of disinfection.
  - Stop talking, show me where your head office is -
nony engineer.
  The cleaning lady pursed her lips, raised her hands with a rag and
him to the door with the sign “Chief engineer Ivanov”. I stood in the office
a large table covered with green cloth. The spy tied up the cleaning lady
a tablecloth for meetings and opened the safe with an autogen. The drawings were lying
inside.  Karp Karpovich joyfully kissed the cleaning lady,wiped the floor
howled with a rag and suddenly froze, like a child seeing a cat for the first time
row. On each of the drawings was clearly written in ink: "Road
semiconductor electric kettle.  Author of the project: engineer Iva-
new".
  James Bond dropped the blueprints in confusion and stared blankly at
space. He didn't understand anything.
  “Darling,” the cleaning lady couldn’t stand the long silence, “I want everything.”
ask you: did you come here for an enamel teapot or for
samovar?” And, seeing his confusion, she condescendingly added:
  - What an eccentric. Can you really find at least one teapot in our city?
We send all our products for export.
  “And what... what else does your plant produce?” the producer said in a defeated voice.
carried by a saboteur.
  “Boilers, electric frying pans,” she proudly began to
the cleaning lady says - irons with a regulator.
  - That's all?
  - Well, we’re also mastering a transistor kettle, but it’s unlikely to be soon
There will be some time, so I don’t advise you to wait.
  Bildyugin recalled the chief engineer’s enthusiastic stories about
his invention.
  “It’s an amazing thing, we’ll miss it abroad in the morning,” with hatred before-
agent 008 said, “I’m this Ivanov... I’ll break his legs, clo-
I'll let you into the apartment.
  “And he’s on potatoes right now,” the cleaning lady remarked sympathetically.
  - Then... then to the director of this unfortunate factory.
  “It won’t work either,” the cleaning lady shook her head. “He’s in
went on a business trip to Belsk
  - Where?Where? - Karp Karpovich asked ominously.
  - To Belsk, to the neighboring region.
    “Are you kidding me, old poker,” the spy yelled in
-English.  And, seeing that the cleaning lady did not understand, he immediately translated
phrase into Russian. - Why are you fooling me, we are now on-
We go to Belsk.
  “No, my dear, you climbed into the wrong place,” the cleaning lady calmly objected.
tsa. This is the city of Pelsk, and Belsk is four hundred kilometers from here
that's it.
  “Damned conductor, overslept, woke me up in the wrong place,”
Bildyugin whispered. And the amazed cleaning lady saw that her
The rider became completely bald in one minute. “I don’t think so.”
I bet, I will complain to the Ministry of Railways, I will
I’ll get to the minister.” And, leaning against the cleaning lady’s shoulder, James Bond
burst into tears.




 CHAPTER 10

End of agent

 Agent 008 returned home after midnight. There was nowhere to rush. Sa-
the plane flew off, somewhere in international waters Bond was still waiting for
water boat, but in a few hours it will leave with nothing.
The spy didn't even try to catch her. He knew that without drawings he
It's better not to show up there. The owners will not look at the previous
meadows and will transfer him to clerk.
  Iron Joe took the rope and went out into the yard. He approached the old
mu who sawall sorts of times, poplar, threw over it
the thick branch of the rope made the loop stronger and suddenly pulled back
zero.  The saboteur remembered that the insurance policy remained with him.
sewn into the lining of a handkerchief. “They probably won’t find it” - sluggishly
he thought, took his head out of the noose and went to the room for the last time.
I need to get my documents in order.
  Coming out into the yard, the spy looked at him with a farewell glance. Poplars are not
it was.  In its place stood a stump slightly taller than a man.
There was no way to hang myself on it. B
at the far end of the yard two men standing on a sliding ladder,
sawed off the top of a mighty linden tree. The saboteur looked around helplessly
- There is not a single decent bitch left in the yard. All trees
stood bare as the pipes of a crematorium.
  Bond staggered out of the yard. He wandered, not making out the road, along
lawns, on rails. On some street he noticed a sign "Ka-
fe", went inside and ordered a boiled egg and a bottle of vodka. In one gulp
Having drained the glass, the spy peeled the egg and began to
thoughtfully scratch on the oilcloth: “There is no happiness in life.”
A plump man with cheerful eyes sitting at the next table
and leaned over James's shoulder with a sad nose and curiously
followed the birth of the phrase.
  “Yes,” he exclaimed passionately, having read to the end, “permit me under
subscribe to this!
  “Huh?” asked the saboteur.
  - Let me shake yourshand,” said the fat man, “no, not this one.”
The one you wrote to. My last name is Nitkin and I am completely with you
I agree.
  “Ah,” Bond repeated.
  “No,” the man confirmed. “I like you, that’s why I
I won’t hide you - no.
 “What’s missing?” the spy was gloomily surprised.
  - There is nothing.  There is no happiness, no constancy, Ivan Ivanovich
no...
  - Which Ivan Ivanovich?
  - The one who was in the city executive committee. Can you imagine
he was released from there.
  “I don’t care,” Agent 008 waved him off.
  “How can anyone give a damn?” the interlocutor was indignant. “When three months
ago I was fired from the railroad, who provided me
position of director of city trade, maybe you? No, not you, but Ivan Iva-
today  And when I was released for disorderly conduct, who transferred me to
management of a communal farm? And who then recommended me to the boss?
com RZHU?
  “What, what?” asked James Bond, painfully trying to suck-
refocus.- Who else have you worked with lately?
  - Better ask who I didn’t work for. Command telephone center
Val, he was a supply manager at a hospital, he headed a department at a factory
electric kettles.
  “And now,” the saboteur asked in an ominous whisper, “this-
Who are you?
  “Head of the landscaping trust,” the fat man introduced himself and
sadly added, “for now.” It’s unlikely that I’ll stay here long either - everywhere
intrigues, undermining.
  But the saboteur was no longer listening. He began to see clearly. So this is the one
the person whostood in his way all the time, the man was to blame
whom he, agent 008, suffered such a fiasco, stopped believing in
myself, ruined a brilliantly started career!
  “Well, just wait,” Bond muttered, clenching his fists and getting up from his
chair. Scoundrel!  Slacker! Tune... vtune... parasite.- His face
gradually took on the color of hemoglobin.
  - It’s not enough to evict you, deprive you of your registration! Work has been ruined everywhere!
  - But, but. “I’ll ask you to choose your expressions,” Nitkin threatened, fulfilling
lying on the floor and backing under the table. “I’ll give you... I’ll give you, I’ll give you...
I won't shake hands.  Defend yourself! - and he pulled the spy’s leg from below and
knocked him down right on top of himself.
  Clutching, they rolled towards the distribution room. Fight about
didn't last long. Half an hour later the rivals were already standing in front of the hundred
la the duty officer at the police station.
  “Last name, first name, patronymic?” the junior lieutenant asked sternly.
The spy was silent, staring at the window bars with a dull gaze. -
“Your name,” the duty officer repeated. Bond, biting his lip, sadly
looked at the clouds floating behind the bars.
  “Calm down, citizen,” the junior lieutenant said affably.
Nantes, drink tea, light a cigarette, make yourself at home. So, what's your last name?
  Iron Joe's chin trembled and his Adam's apple began to shake.
  “Write,” the saboteur said decisively. “Bildyugin, aka Shchu-
kin, aka Karasev, aka James Bond, agent 008.
  He took a breath and looked ingratiatingly at the junior lieutenant,
added:
  - PleasePlease note that I am giving my testimony voluntarily...

 EPILOGUE

 What happened with James Bond is, of course, atypical, because
that rotten people, lazy people, slobs, money grabbers, speculators and other people
negative types are always a godsend for the class enemy, not
his free accomplices. Oh, if only it were the other way around! That's how we wrote it -
sali, on the contrary. In terms of an ironic dream, taken to the point of absurdity,
yes. And since the absurdity is obvious, the authors warmly agree
flock to those people who are struggling with disorder, disorganization
lowliness, lack of discipline.

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