╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Narc went fishing. I walked and walked and remembered that there were no worms dug up. He climbed into the hemp field, dug up a worm and continued to rustle. On the shore I put a worm on a hook and into the water... After 5 seconds the worm climbs out along the fishing line: - Bro, really, what are you doing? They're going to bite me!!! * * * Grandfather planted a turnip. And Repka came out of prison and killed his grandfather. * * * A father and daughter are walking. - Dad, buy some sneakers! - Here's another! - Well, buy some sneakers! - I won’t even think about it! - Buy it! - What sneakers, you haven’t worn your skates yet! * * * Someone contacts the lost and found office of the railway station. - I forgot a three-liter bottle of whiskey on the train. Tell her to you didn't you bring it? - Unfortunately, no, sir. But they brought that gentleman who Roy found her. * * * The sergeant gathers the soldiers and announces: - Next Sundaythere will be a military parade. If in the morning there will be rain, the parade will take place in the afternoon, and if it rains will be in the afternoon, then the parade will take place in the morning... * * * Addict - zoology teacher: - Children, write the title - “Cow”. (fills a joint) Cow refers to cattle ckoty... (he drags on, letting out smoke through the window - nxxxxx...). So the cow has horns... (nxxxxx...) The cow has an udder... (nxxxxx...) The cow has wings... Student: - But the cow has no wings! Teacher: - No - they will grow... (nxxx...) And fly-e-ate! * * * A drug addict sitting at home, high. doorbell. -Who's there? - I! - I?!?! Yes you drive! * * * The wheels of a man's car were stolen, he approaches the seller and says rith: - Do you have wheels? “Yes,” says the seller. - Well, sell four pieces. The seller starts counting out the pills: - One, two, three, four... The man clarifies: - Yes, I need to leave!! - Five, six, seven... * * * Two drug addicts are sitting in a trench. A tank falls on them. One to another: - Matthew! Throw a grenade...... - Crowbar...... - Matthew!The tank is close...... it might crush...... - Come on...... The tank stops, the tanker leans out and says to hapkomaham: - Guys, throw a grenade, it’s such a waste to go further........ * * * New airliner. A flight attendant enters the passenger cabin: - You are on our new airliner, in the bow of the sa- On the flight deck we have a cinema hall, in the tail one there is a gaming car room. tomatoes, on the lower deck there is a swimming pool, on the upper deck there is a sauna. A Now, dear gentlemen, fasten your seat belts, and with all this Damn it, we'll try to take off. * * * Flight Moscow-Tbilisi. The Georgian approaches the pilot and points him towards pistol to temple: - Come on Tbilisi! - Well, we already have a Moscow-Tbilisi flight. - Come on Tbilisi, I say! - But we’re flying to Tbilisi! - What did I tell you? Come on Tbilisi, otherwise I’m flying to Tbilisi for the third time- Foxy, I’m landing in Istanbul! * * * A TU-154 is flying over the Black Sea, carrying, among other passengers, There are two residents of Odessa, both very drunk. The plane does approaching Odessa, suddenly a flight attendant comes in and says: - Comrades, our plane is flying over the Black Sea. According to pre-made planall the engines of the plane caught fire bodies. According to the plan, the plane should begin to fall, but above the very water let's fly again... Well, it’s clear, the plane falls into the water and after the explosion on the water everything is all over again calm. Suddenly two Odessa residents appear from the water and one says: - Zhorik, I didn’t understand the joke - have they already flown away? * * * Again, the TU-154 is flying over the Pacific Ocean, two people are talking in it passenger: - You know, I’m terribly unlucky - as I’m flying on an airplane, it’s... yes, I’m on a train and some plane flies into it... As soon as he said, the flight attendant came in: - Comrades, our plane is falling into the ocean. Wear rescue gear vests, and now we will give you whistles to scare away- sharks - Well, what did I say? Now either I won’t get the whistle or a deaf shark will get caught!.. * * * One TU-154 took off, gained altitude, and came out to the passengers as a steward. Dessa says: - Hello, dear passengers! We are flying at an altitude someone, the temperature outside is such and such, you are being served by an e- page, crew commander Ivanov Iv.Iv. This is his 138th flight, The previous 137 ended in disaster... Now he will tell you a few words from Ivan Ivanovich himself... They roll out a wheelchair, lies and sits in it allplastered Ivanov Iv.Iv.: - Well, what, suicide bombers, let's roll around? * * * One TU-154 took off and gained altitude. A voice came from the speakers: - Hello, dear passengers! We are flying at an altitude someone, the temperature outside is such and such. Now take a look at the right porthole you see the engine is on fire. Look to the left porthole - the wing fell off. Look down - you see several black dots. This crew wishes you a pleasant summer. * * * Dispatcher: - Attention, board 135, I’m calling! - Aircraft 135 is in touch! - Connect to the microphone of the first pilot. - This is impossible, the first pilot is drunk. - Then the second pilot... - The co-pilot is drunk. - Then give me a commander!!! - And the commander was taken to the sobering station while still on the ground. - Who is talking to me? - Hiccup! Whoa-whoop-pilot! * * * The little worm, crying, asks his mother: - Mom, mom, where is our dad? - Shut up. Dad went fishing with the men. * * * At the entrance to a Swiss town there is a roadside sign: “We ask drive more carefully! Both the doctor andundertaker - both are on vacation - ke". * * * They interview a boxer: - Tell me, why do you need such strong hands? - Well, this... - Probably to hit your opponent harder? - Yes! - Why do you need such strong legs? - Well, this... - Probably to move around the ring faster? - Yes! - Why do you need such a small head? - Well, this... - Probably to make it easier to dodge blows enemy? - Yes!... And I also eat there. * * * In the Odessa port, right at the pier, a mermaid emerges with a small child in his arms and addresses the crowd of curious people: - Where does the diver Zhora live here? * * * In Odessa. The wife is cooking in the kitchen, and the husband is chopping wood in the yard. va. Suddenly a cannon shot is heard. The wife leans out the window to: - Abram, why did the gun fire? What, did they bring meat? - No, this boss came from Moscow. A few minutes later there was another shot. - Abram, did they bring meat? - I told you, the authorities came from Moscow. - What, you didn’t hit it the first time?
Share your thoughts about the article