╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Funny stories. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Today a joke happened. Suitable at the height of the day I am a user and asks how she can do something there. I'm going to her I'm starting to do it. I'm terribly late, there's no time, and the car... it slows down in the most vile way. From impatience while she thinks, I move the mouse on the mousepad from side to side. The user asks Like, does the computer work faster because of such manipulations? Being immersed in, without thinking something affirmative hummed. And he left. I came here an hour ago - I look... No, it’s not describe it, you need to see it with your own eyes. The department is sitting - 7 people, and everyone is united with terrible force crawling on rugs like mice! F:-[ ] ───────────────────────── ─────────────────── ──────────────────── I printed here a hundred dollar bill (on one side image, on the other - just white paper). It seems, by the way, it worked. From a distance of more than 50 cm it seems natural steward And I decided to make fun of it. I'm standing at the bus stop, this steward carefully lays it down with the white side down and walks away himself andI watch him quietly. About two minutes later he turns to him attention, some woman, clearly one of the fire victims, two-metre- with great leaps, with a joyful muzzle, gallops towards him with a clear intention rhenium to pick up. I just got close, and on the other side... The bully flies up, and with a wild cry, “Don’t touch it, bitch, I dropped it— la" naturally hits her in the face with a crutch. That crazy one is standing there, catches up with what it was, and upon catching up with a cry, “Oh, you stump “I’m old, I’ll knock out your false teeth in a minute,” she grabs her grandmother. Then the wind, before their eyes, turns the bill over to the white side up... Their faces should have been seen, I rolled on the ground laughing xya... :)))))))))))) ───────────────────────── ─────────────────── ──────────────────── Instructions for use and operation mobile phone "PONT-6" "PAGANINI" Mobile phone (MT) is a complex electrical device consisting of five million transistors, resistor ditch, wires, rubber bands, ropes, mules, most of which, subject to the user’s compliance with the Instructions, not works. The main purpose of MT is to give its owner so called "ponta". This model is capable of showing off like a Soviet locally with the owner, and offline, issuing on average him 50millipont per day in a dry and ventilated place. Preparing the device for operation is a responsible process that requires ious from the participant in complying with the rules. First of all, it is necessary to dress up in a special pontoon suit, the so-called suit kid, including a crimson jacket, a canary T-shirt and a fi- olet boots. As for trousers, you can easily get by and without them. Scope of application of the "PONT-6" mobile phone. The phone is designed for use in the noisiest and most the most inappropriate places for a telephone conversation: on discos (closer to the speakers), in restaurants (close to orchestra), at rallies (under the podium in front of the sound amplifier) and etc. To increase your show-off, require the participants to do the above events, be quiet during your negotiations. When If this condition is met, the manufacturer guarantees the Botka up to 100 milliponts per hour per sq. meter. Note: It is not recommended to show off in toilet stalls. kah, solitary confinement, in the forest, because there will be no showing off in front of by whom. In conversations, it is recommended to mention amounts less than a million bucks, number of corpses less than twenty, drinks less than five bottles on your face. Possible malfunctions and ways to eliminate them. 1. Girls pass by: - change the crimson jacket to an emerald one; - move 30 meters away from your “Cossack”; - wash your socks. 2. You are asked to be silent: - ask where you are; - replace the batteries; - shut up. 3. You are detained by a police squad: - call the Minister of Internal Affairs and sing "Our service and dangerous and difficult"; - explain along with who you are; - listen to who you are from the senior person in charge. Warranty. Autopont is configured according to the approved standard. The plant is not responsible for reducing the level of show-off in the event non-compliance of the phone owner with the approved standard. (c) "Free News", January 16-23, 1998. ───────────────────────── ─────────────────── ──────────────────── Selected masterpieces from the Book of Challenges of the Chief Engineer. 11.19. Demidov and Popov - ask for silicone!!! 22.11. Ivanov blows on the loggia. 23.12. Change the seal on Komsomolsky Prospekt. 25.12. Deal with Tverskaya. 28.12. Luda comes out. 7.01. Finish the cops. 12.01. Specify the dimensions of Potapova. 14.01 Remodel Bapym cottage. 16.01. Petukhov from Zhulebinocut off the foam. 20.01. Adjust Lyubertsy. 22.01. Stepanov called. Wants liquid. 23.01. Falcon Mountain. Go for a rework. Don't forget Sasha and Lesha. 25.01. Evteev. The windows are sweating. He will scream. 26.01. After lunch, go to the aunt with scratched glass. 26.01. Shcheglova. Install the flashing. 27.01. Dima called from Dedovsk. I'm willing to pay for the call. 28.01. Call Tarasova back. Tell me what you can use to lubricate it. 29.01. Plaster Belova. 30.01. Northern Butovo - ask for silicone! 1.02. Gerasimova. Insert the handle on both sides. ───────────────────────── ─────────────────── ──────────────────── You remember, I wrote about how I had the opportunity to raise two weirdos? How was I the horse "Raven"? So yesterday we checked tribute to this story. We were sitting at a friend's work and playing Need for speed 2. Well it has the same meaning as Descent, only sometimes you also drive on the ground. Suddenly a heated Diman runs in and shouts: - Guys, I bought UFO-3!!! My wife will be happy!! We looked at him sympathetically, crashing into the very red post, and continued to play.. At this time Diman called by phone: - Natasha, I bought UFO-3!!!! What? Should we go quickly? No, I can't we still have to pass out in Warcraft 2... Huh? Well I can't right now... Don't like it? No matter how I love it, II love you, you know it! ...Well... You are dearer to me, of course... And what does this have to do with children? ... What? - and he about- looked at us sternly. - What's happened? - I asked excitedly. - She hung up, there will be a scandal at home... There was a pause. - Listen, let me go and take her UFO-3, and you’ll come back later- you're talking. The kids know me, Natasha too, so we’ll have fun time. Don't worry, I'll calm her down. “He’s probably crying...” Diman didn’t let up, “okay, go!” .... Natasha met me on the threshold, sniffing a little, but that’s all. still looking hopefully into my bosom. “I brought it, I brought it,” I reassured. - Give it! - and she grabbed the CD and ran to the computer. Little Sasha came up to me and asked in a whisper: - Will dad come back?? - Of course, he’ll work and come back... Natasha’s already huge eyes were like buttons, she looked I watched as the game was being installed. - Yura, Dima told me that you upgraded your computer. - Yes! - I answered proudly. - Lucky... but my husband doesn’t want to... We’re here with the girls in Quake rude... This phrase almost made me fall out of my chair. -...it's a good game, isn't it? I made an agreeing expression on my face. At this time Sashka jumped onto my lap and began to tell me about the last kindergarten championship in Bushido. Sasha was Harry Albreit... Dissatisfied phrases were heard from the other end of the room “Oh, I didn’t start the mouse driver..”, “Oh, how can I do this?”,“And these are strangers??”, “Oh, cute...”. Finally dissatisfied sounds were replaced by even breathing and the rustling of the mouse on the table, which says it was clear that the girl had succeeded... Half an hour later Diman arrived. At that time I was looking for something in the kitchen I wish I could eat it, Sashok advised me what was tastier... Diman took it out bags of bread and beer (family rations) and offered to devour it with whatever is in the refrigerator. An hour has passed... “Yurok, where is Natasha,” Diman suddenly realized. - In the room, playing. - I'll go kiss you... My son and I walked into the hall; from the room we could hear quiet, dying sounds. voices that spoke of complete harmony in the family... As if there were no problems... After playing with them for an hour Worms, I went home since it was already late. I realized how important it is to learn to give in to each other in a family, even if at first glance to the detriment of oneself, but the result always speaks of the opposite. A woman always wants to appear young, so she can... Once again, such carefree toys will prolong this unnoticed moment youth. Yuri Merkulov '97
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