╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Textbook. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ (R) SANDMAN TUTORIAL ON COMPUTER LITERACY If suddenly, when hiring you, you were required to know "computer", then don't be alarmed. Believe me, those who demand this, They know no more about computers than you do. So just carefully follow the instructions below and consider the job yours in your pocket. STAGE 1 The first stage is the most important: you need to answer oral questions. The most important thing here is to take the initiative into your own hands. Learn the most Read the following text (don’t try to understand it, it’s up to you absolutely not required) and in a confident tone, without stopping, emphatically steal it before the boss opens his mouth. "I've been working with computers for a long time; the products I like best are there is a crooked axis, although it is less popular than vents, but drives faster lately I've come across creaky iron with it was impossible to stomp on it with jumps and all the pills were hanging and didn’t fly, I hope you have powerful props and cars, otherwise there will be a jump and no computer techniciansdefiantly." If, after such an attack, you can still read on the boss’s face some then thoughts, don’t let him come to his senses and, looking straight into his eyes, ask: “What kind of pussy do you personally have?” As a rule, this is enough. However, it should be noted that sometimes there are particularly persistent bosses who, having gone through the above procedure, will ask go to the computer and show your skills in practice. STAGE 2 Don't worry and don't get upset. Approaching the computer ru, sit as close to him as possible, don’t be afraid, he won’t bite you (there was one attempt to eat an apple, but it ended in failure - but he didn’t eat it, he only took a bite). Pull the keyboard closer to you (such a flat board with many buttons) and, as if between pro- chim, say: “What a wonderful technique you have, probably from America- Ricky" or "But the computer was supplied to you by a well-known company!" This The boss will like the compliment and will answer in the affirmative, even if it's not true. And you will have more chances. But never don’t say: “What a nice computer you have, I wish I had one.” such a house." This will be regarded as an attack on property. STAGE 3 Now sit up straight and get ready to work. On the "rug" (don't crawl under the table,it should be on the table, it's so small square plate) there is a "mouse" (do not jump on the table), "mouse" is not real, or rather a real one, but not a mouse, real "mouse", but the mouse is not real. In general, square-round- an oval box with two or three buttons. Found it? If this the device is on the right, which means the boss is right-handed; if on the left, then he's left-handed, and if he's in the middle, he's stupid. Place your hand on the mouse. Now take her around the carpet a little Riku, as if getting used to it (don’t play around, this is not a kindergarten). So, we are comfortable with the instruments on the table, let’s move on to the screen. STAGE 4 Look at the monitor (a thing like a TV). There repeating all the movements of the “mouse”, the arrow or pen moves with finger (stop giggling or you'll get kicked out). Now point- those on any inscription on the screen and press the button on the "mouse" or a large key on the keyboard labeled "Enter". Must pos- examine immediate response. Different tabs will start to appear. personal messages with inscriptions and text. Quickly read aloud the first one you come across. the inscription and press the key again so that it does not pass through read chief. After some time of such a frenzied race, he should stop you. If he doesn't intend to do this, With your left hand, quietly start pressing all the keys in a rowand one- at the same time. Eventually the computer will freeze (don't open your computer). Rocky eyes, the computer won't move in the air, it's frozen - that means that nothing works for him), and by pointing to him you can say: “Well, there’s a power surge,” and then ask: “I, na- I hope I did everything right?" If the boss is so stupid, who answers: “No,” then ask him to do what you done, and point out mistakes.
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