The Diary of Fedya the Donkey - a humorous story.

 Fedya the Donkey's Diary                   
                                         
 April 1                             
 The owner disappeared for about three days. I'm into it
time was chained to the battery and died
was hungry. Today he came back drunk
and said that about something there with someone add-
I'm hooked and tomorrow I'll be sold for meat.  By-
Tom went to the bathroom to play boats,
singing "What are you dreaming about, the cruiser Abpo-
pa..." There he fell asleep together with his brother-
gray Woke up at six in the evening, kicked me
Nya with a wet, soapy foot and said that
I joked about meat this morning, after all...
howl of April. Kissed him on the nose.             
                                         
 April 2                             
 This evening the owner came to see him
friends: Ashok Turaganyan, Gena Transforma-
Thor and Pasha Celluloid. So all day
we dedicated to buying products... B maga-
zine "Everything for Animals" - exactly there
the owner usually buys food for himself and
your friends. In the evening everyone got drunk and
We started playing the game "Stone Face".  This
when participants sit down at the table without staff
new, and someone crawls under the table and de-
barks everyone a blowjob in turn. The task of the game is
kov - guess by face who it is right nowis subject to oral attack. I drove, once
Yes, I. When will this all end!    
                                         
 April 7                             
 I don't remember anything. My butt hurts a lot...   
                                         
 April 9                             
 Today the ordered ho-
brother-in-law on some Dutch porno ser-
faith poster. We pasted it over the roof
vatyu. The poster features Dr. Martin
Luther King in full height, and below is written -
but "You can do it! Say NO! to alcohol and
drugs." The owner was away somewhere
twenty minutes, returned with a can of self-
gon and a backpack filled with all kinds of
drugs. I've been talking about all this for a long time -
rival, but "NO!" for some reason I never said
hall                                     
                                         
 April 10                            
 Hurray! Today a girl came to the owner.
It would be great if she married
marry him, then the owner would settle down and
became normal. I'm already so tired, you
wear these over.... okay, it doesn't matter.
They locked themselves in one of the rooms and turned on
or pleasant romantic music.  "Well
thank God!”, I thought, “Finally,We will have a family, comfort... everything like people have."
However, suddenly Madonna was replaced by vocalist
group "Corrosion of Metal" with the song "Luci-
fer" (album "Computer-Hitler"). Well,
after the song "Ritual of burning corpses" in
electronic schizophrenia has generally entered the picture
nickname Aphex Twin with composition written by
They are far from being in the most stable period.
The door of the room swung open and a
stung the girl, who immediately began to judge
It’s okay to put on boots and a fur coat.
Then the owner appeared:                  
 - Verochka, wait, where are you going?  Would you
knew how much it had changed for the better
side of my life when I started worshiping
Damn Satan! I found a job, bought a ma-
tire...                                  
  Then suddenly the phone rang, the owner answered
handset:                                  
 - Yes. Yes, I am. As agreed, today
at night in the cemetery. Well, of course, how can you
no human sacrifices!  Two
I already got virgins, I think for blood
there's enough for everyone.                             
  The front door slammed loudly, and...
Kina's boots quickly clicked on
stairs                                
 - Learn, Fedya! - the owner drawled, before -
squinting freely, not a single one had yet
stayed. That's what old school means!   
                                         
 April 11 The owner squatted all day
in the bathroom under a cold shower, singing
"Earth in the porthole... Earth in the illu-
hatope... The earth is visible through the porthole...".
When I tried to dry him with a towel
(he'll catch a cold), he laughed and said,
that he rented out his brain to ma-
lazy robots made from toothpaste. I'll let you
nil to Pyotr Alekseevich, an old doctor -
psychiatrist and asked him to come.  Peter
Alekseevich examined the owner, shook his
fishing and poured one hundred and forty green tablets
current - said to take one a day.
When the doctor left, the owner ate it in one fell swoop
took all the pills and went to work.     
  Came back late in the evening, put on a brown
schoolgirl's dress and white apron
eighties, tied around his neck with a pioneer
tie and began to masturbate under
Alla Pugacheva's song "River Bus".
                                         
 April 12                            
 We rode the carousel, then went to
brothel My butt hurts a lot...             
                                         
 April 13                            
 The owner was recruited into Herbalife.  He
put a huge, idiotic one on his chest
badge and tries to sell everyone aroundsome jars filled with pills.  My
the former owner called such people pushers
mi. He fed me disgusting white powder
com and said that tomorrow I will lose ten pounds
ten kilograms. Where to go next, I already
I look like the Buchenwald logo.  In the evening
We went to a meeting of Herbalife members. We danced
naked around the fire, praising the founder
companies. Two doctors from
Ministry of Health.                               
                                         
 April 14                            
 I persuaded the owner to quit Herbalife.
He agreed, called his new
ugh and said he was leaving the game. In the evening
two goons arrived and tortured the owner for a long time
iron. The owner did not give up.                
                                         
 April 16                            
Gena Transformer came and brought
oranges and absinthe. The owner poured me some
I'll eat a bowl of this green stuff, he said
what a medicine. Indeed, it reminds
a mixture of valerian and seventy-degree
tarragon. I drank, and an hour later I was already talking...
leaned on the chandelier, shouting "Silicone
Donkeys die standing!!!" Then he jumped into
window and flew towards the zoo.  There
raped the pony and punched him in the face
moty. Then everything is like a fog, bocnomuha-
nias are comingexcerpts.  I remember the nightclub
strobe flashes, new bottle.  I vomit
for disc jockey. Then - together with Bogdan
Tutomupom laughingly kicking the little boy
chick advertising "Pastishka".  Otctpe-
I'm pouring out of a Mauser from little robots
from toothpaste. Next shot: standing with
Bogdan in the middle of the Azerbaijani market
and shout “Glory to Russia!”  Booming blow
with a tire iron to the head. All life passes
before my eyes, a long tunnel, light. "Well
and that now, Fedya, we will be with you
", Allah asks thoughtfully.    
  I woke up in the bathroom with my legs tied
and gagged. The drunk owner was sitting nearby.
and smiled mysteriously.  It hurts a lot
butt...                                  
                                         
 April 17                            
 I drank cucumber pickle all morning.  Toaster
betrayed us! I'm being watched by satellite.
We'll have to kill everyone...                   
                                         
 April 18                            
 In the evening, lying in bed, we chatted with
heart-to-heart.                         
 - Fedya, who would you like to fuck?
most of all? - he asks.           
 “Alisa Selezneva,” I answer without choking,
washing.- Is that so? And me too... - dreamily
he drawled, polishing the well-groomed
nails At night the owner talked in his sleep.
The most frequently spoken word was "Robot"
Beptep" and "sodomy". It seems to me that in the evening
about Alisa Selezneva he is slightly nokpu-
forged with his soul.                               
                                         
 April 19                            
 The owner wanted something exotic - he put on
blonde wig, causing lace
dress and stockings with garters. Then hakpa-
strength lips and eyes, took an elegant pink
fan and went to the Rammstein concert.       
                                         
 April 20                            
 I've been calling city mopru all day,
found out whether they had received any deformation
married male corpse with a pink fan in
ass. No, they say it's not okay with pink
stepped, but with black and blue - already
They brought as many as five pieces. In the evening in
the owner showed up home in good condition,
said from the doorway, “It was unforgettable!” and
went to bed in the hallway.                 
                                         
 April 23                            
 After the Rammstein concert, the owner became
give up seriously. Today,for example, on-
dressed up in a police uniform and spent the whole day
twisted the bottom break on the floor to the music from
children's cartoons. He started with "Obla-
ka, white-winged horses" and "Chunga-changa",
a ended with "The Blue Car". Then
walked towards me, looked intently into my eyes
and said in a metallic voice: "Friends
my name is Murphy, you call me
RO-BO-COP!"                             
                                         
 April 25                            
 The owner is scaring me more and more.
Today he pasted a black
a small, thin mustache and dressed in a Nazi
Chinese form. I, of course, understand that fe-
Tishism is cool, but not as cool.
He put a woman's sarafan on me
green polka dots and a wig with two braids
mi. The owner hung a black flag on the wall with
red swastika, and he sat down at the table and
plugged in the socket burner
tree. Moreover, during all these mahuny-
he sang “They burned her lips, tore her will-
losa. Tanya didn’t tell them anything, just
spat in the eyes of the Germans." Asked me if
Do I want to play guerrillas? I answer
I thought I didn't want to.                        
                                         
 April 28                            
 Last night the owner read to meout loud on
future dream "Crime and Punishment"
Dostoevsky. There was some student thinking -
thought and came up with the idea that he took an ax
and killed the old lady for pennies. In short
such an educational book about the dangers of higher
education. And today is the boss all day
was in high spirits, polishing
the blade of his favorite ax and hummed
a song he composed as a child
"Satan is our helmsman!"                   
  In the evening he went somewhere and only returned
late at night, tired and with a big bag
behind your shoulders. The bag was filled to the top with chalk
kimi mohetkamu. I asked the owner where
does he have so much change? “Found it!” - zaga-
he answered exactly, carefully wiping away the
kidney blood from an axe.                   
                                         
 April 29                            
 Today is the happiest day of my life
life. Danya returned from vacation, my na-
worthwhile owner. He left me for a month
this freak, the director is forty-seventh
high school. Poor kids... And I s-
I'm returning home today! Hooray!            
                                         
 April 30                            
 My butt hurts a lot...                    
                                         
                             Submitted by
                        Slider/BrokImSoft