PC-Humor - Mouse herders.

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Well, the following excerpt REALLY annoyed me..



 Taken from relcom.comp.os.windows.

 (c) Microsoft & Chemistry Faculty of Moscow State University '98
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   Translation of a piece of text to Win95 help
without a main dictionary by a translator
Poliglossum with medical, commercial and
legal dictionary.


 Mouse Herders
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Microsoft company gets a lot
responses after the appearance of Windows 95. We
revealed that many users met
mouse problem.  In this document Service
The technical focus of Microsoft company brings
together all the useful information about possible
problems with mice and mouse keepers and
care-shooting.
   If you have just pinned your Windows
95, you can see that your mouse is bad
behaves. Hypcop may not move or
mouse movement may exhibit strange
marks on the table surface, windows and wallpaper.
The mouse canreact inappropriately to
Kidney snap. But don't rush! It can
be a physical problem, not a bug Windows
95.
   Clean your mouse.  Unplug it
leash from the computer, pull out the genitals
and wash it and the rollers of the innards
alcohol.  Re-sew the mouse. Check at
leash fractures.  Connect your mouse to
computer. Take a closer look at your gasket
(to the pillow) - it should not be the source
debris and dust in the genitals and rollers.
The surface of the gasket should not restrict
mouse movements.
   Maybe you should buy a new mouse.
We highly recommend Microsoft
mouse.   It is ergonomically designed,
specially made for Windows 95 and has a third
kidney in the form of a wheel that can
curl the windows. Microsoft mouse copulation
and Windows 95 does your daily work
easily pleasant.
   Experience it all.   If problems
left - your mouse handler is not worth it
under Windows 95. It will have to be removed.
 You need a new mouse guide. If you
Microsoft mouse user visit
Microsoft Servant of the Web, where in a special
basement you can lower-load
Microsoft's current mouse maker.
If your mouse manufacturer is different,
find out about her tour operator.  All major
mouse manufacturers already have workshop workers
mice for Windows 95.
   Before youyou will consolidate
Mouse keeper, make the back-upper
a copy of your files. Clean your hard drive
makes sense. You must have a start-up
disk from Windows 95.
   After you have assigned a new one
road worker, most likely your problem
resolved.  If they remain, write to
Microsoft Technical Support, and your
The case will be dealt with by the Special Department.
   For effective technical assistance
emphasis, our engineer must know the trade
your mouse brand, type (in-port mouse,
periodic mouse, bus mouse,
Police Station /2 mouse, no leash
mouse, genitals on caterpillar tracks and
etc.), workshop operator version, manufacturer
computer (mother board), position
ports and switches on the mother board (and
card layout), as well as the contents of the dossier
Auto-###.bat,config.sys and Boot-log.txt

  In addition, some useful tips

   1) do not fix Windows 95 to yourself at the same time
the very place where you have the windows fixed
3.x, you can't do some things well
familiar.
   2) if you are new to Windows 95,
Get used to the new mouse features.
Click on the left kidney - highlight the item,
click on the right menu button with
context will pop up, strike two quickly
times on the left kidney - launch the agenda in
court
 4) practice a quick double strike
mouse kidneys withwith the help of a special
simulator on the Windows control panel 95
   6) Microsoft company specialists after
a large number of experiments have revealed that
the most effective team from under Windows
95 is "Send to...", which
available at any time and place upon impact
on the right kidney of the mouse. If you have just
secured windows 95, you will be able to send
only on A (B) and in a special place “My
briefcase."  But as you go
assign yourself new programs for Windows
95, you will start sending to more and more
complex and interesting places and objects.
   The “Send” command is especially effective
on..." will be acquired when sending messages
via E-mail and communication with your colleagues
and friends in the local work network.
Try the power of the "Send to..." command,
and you will quickly see that it is difficult without her
exist under Windows 95.
 Write to us and remember that Microsoft
the company always thinks about how you
better to do.