Tale - Summer at the dacha 3.

 Summer at the dacha 3
             ------------


Alcohol is not good
                   will bring, especially,
                   when he thoroughly
                   supported by wheels and
                   grass...

 (c) Chainick


   As is known, it is not for anyone
the secret is what the Teapot does,
relaxing at the dacha... But of course he drinks. But
There were times when alcohol was
blood was equipped with powerful hardware
support from wheels and any
such rubbish.   I don't recommend it in advance
repeat such experiments, since often
they end in death.
   So, one sunny day the Teapot and
Gas were looking for a third... Call a bunch of people
it was unprofitable, meaning little
amount of "fuel".  And so, like a gift
providence, to meet the already desperate
find someone alcoholics go young
girl.
   - Will you be third?  - proudly declares
Kettle.
   - Confused about it.  - answers "gift"
fate."
   - In drinking vermouth.
The kettle, of course, knew that it wasn’t about vermouth.
will be limited, and what lies at home
a bottle of vodka, and he also knew that in
pocketjeans pleasantly warmed Teapot's thigh
wheel boxes...
   And now everyone is assembled and sitting at the Teapot
at home.  The only thing that upset me was that this girl
I was very young (about 14 years old), so
somewhat spoiled the prospects for a "continuation"
banquet."  But nevertheless she drank like that,
as if I was born with a bottle in my teeth, and
nothing to complain about, it was enough
relaxed. :)
   Having drunk a fair amount of vermouth, the company
set to work on the main product (i.e.
vodka).  The guest pushed back a little, but
an organism teased by vermouth (by the way
vermouth is an aperitif, i.e. raises
appetite) required supplementation. And vodka too
went to "Hurray", but went with her
and wheels, with the generous hand of the Teapot
scattered into glasses. Everyone has already had everything
no matter what they drink, what they eat, etc. And
Then a glitchy thought came to Teapot’s head:
   - Let's have a striptease! :)
   -  And what?  Let's!  - Gas agreed.
Only the girl remained silent.  (but clever
smiled. something like this ;-) )
   - Give me a cigarette for each button!
said Gas, and Kettle spent a long time comparing
mind the number of buttons, cigarettes and days,
who will have to choke on ASTRA... And
finally deciding that in the Soyuz-Apollo block,
what was lying in the room under the bed, cigarettes
a lot, authorized the extradition.
   After some time the girl was
a lot has been filmed...It's strange, but
there was so much to see there that everyone was there
incredibly happy.   Just one fact
spoiled the impression somewhat
viewing... This fact was vodka. Kettle
I tried to unfasten it for about half an hour
a sophisticated clasp on the girl’s back. (she
I couldn’t do it myself).  After fussing about so much
for a long time, Teapot took a chair and continued
your mental and physical labor while sitting on
German  (He was tired of standing, and he began to fall
often.
   - There's only one hook. - explained
girl.
   - Maybe, but I don't see him. -
answered almost out of breath from
excessive labor Teapot. - I think there
sewn tightly.
   But still, after a while, angry
the clasp obeyed. "Patience and work are everything
will grind!  What a vital expression!" -
thought Teapot and, taking a deep breath,
sank down onto the
chair   Then his gaze fell on Gas.
The latter was sitting on a chair with the absent
look, looked with unblinking eyes somewhere
in the corner of the ceiling and did not answer questions.
Apparently the wheels did their job. Slipping
past Gas, Teapot's gaze stopped at
window.  There were faces in it. Looks like everyone is local
Gopniks and onanists have gathered here! Their
there were a lot, and they almost fought over
the right to stand at the window.  "Here are the goats!" -
thought Teapot, “they didn’t post
packs of cigarettesviewing!"
   - Get out of my garden!!! - yelled
The kettle and closed the curtain.  (she was
so full of holes that it didn't close at all
review. However, the "spectators" did not move far away
at home.  With choice abuse, the teapot began
button up on the girl that architectural
a creation that is popularly called
bra   But he came up with all this!  A
especially the fasteners.  So much fuss, damn it!
I would kill.  After suffering for another half hour,
Still he returned the kettle to the girl
decent looking as far as it went
perhaps.
   Then screams were heard from the street. People
wanted to lynch our guest. Still not
It’s clear why. It doesn't look like
this rabble was the abode of morality and
decency. It must have become envious.
   Through some persuasion they still managed
lure this girl out onto the street where she went
"talk" with representatives of your
floor outside the gates of the dacha cooperative.
   The kettle sobered up instantly.   He
felt responsible for
(i.e. TU) whom he gave to drink. Honestly speaking,
The kettle has always had a strange feature
instantly sober up in extreme
situations.  So the Kettle pops up on
the street where he sees a crowd of assholes.
   - What's going on here? - asked
indignant Teapot, but no clear answer
and did not receive it.  It turned out to be male
halfall this rabble cared about was
that the Teapot did not invite them to drink with him.
   - Do I really look drunk? - asked
Kettle.
   - Apparently not...
   - So what's the matter? I'll call ten
a person for half a bottle of vodka? Yes and besides
all day I haven't seen any of you
one person!
   - Yes, we went swimming...
   - So what's the matter? Why are you fuming?
Why did the women go?
   - Behind the gate.
   - Let's go separate them.   Only
I don’t have enough scratched faces here. And
let's go.  We went out the gate.  We hear what
Women are talking in the corner. You can't hear the narcissists.
   -  OK.  Let them figure it out there until then.
Quiet, while we have a smoke. - said the Teapot,
taking out cigarettes.
   In 5-10 minutes. Everyone smokes. From the outside
at the gate, steps, swearing and the crackling of bushes are heard.
"Gas is coming!" - Teapot’s heart shuddered.
And he was not mistaken.  With a terrible roar of Gas
crashed into an iron gate without hitting
gate.  Everyone is frozen in confusion: Teapot
seems sober, but Gas! Difficult to pick
words that could describe it
the state Gas was in...
   - Now I've @#$% of them all!!! - yelled
Gas, and rushed towards the women, but did not
having found his footing, he plopped down onto the
land.
   - Nooo!  It won't work that way. To
from#$%@#need NOL!  - Gas thought out loud.
This comical scene shocked everyone
present in some kind of manic
laugh,which lasted about ten minutes...
Then the people recovered a little from the attack
laughter, Gas was nowhere to be found.  He later
appeared for a while with a long
a branch of Jerusalem artichoke (this is a plant
kind of like potato tops, but much more
longer).
   -  Here!  This is NOL!  Now I'm all of them
from@#$$%#!   - With genuine pride
Gas stated. The spectacle promised to be long and
exciting... But, bad luck, "count"
broke right in Gas's hands...
   - Nothing!   There's enough for everyone!  -
Gas said happily and disappeared into the bushes.
Soon he returned with an armful of
Jerusalem artichokes and began to distribute them to everyone.
   With the words: “You have a count... And you too
stake!"   Gas solemnly presented the tops
to the people.  After which, apparently from a large
mental stress, the spirit of a fighter in Gas
withered away, and the already peaceful Gas went to mow
grass" with his NOL...
   - That's it! I've had enough of this circus! -
Said the Teapot, “One of the wheels has eaten himself,
another one is tearing his face off... It's time for all this
the menagerie hangs out at home. Kettle
caught up with the clueless Gas,
went to the women, took away the girl from them,
by the way, her sobriety is not much from
Gas was different, and almost under his arm
dragged them home.
   The teapot was only frightened by what already happened
the time is late, and the girl for her small stature
it was necessaryurgently take you home and
hand over to the care of parents.  Everything would be
ok, but she would probably go to her house
didn’t make it... And her parents would have
definitely not approved.    Teapot
I remembered the proverb “if you give me something to drink, you will
sober up!”, and he decided to follow her.
Having seated Gas and the girl at the table, Kettle
rushed like lightning into the kitchen. And he prepared
that EXPLOSIVE mixture.   It included
an unmeasured amount of tea leaves,
red pepper, ground black pepper and
peas, bay leaves, and everything in general,
what was in the kitchen, including turpentine and
detergent... 8-( ) Komet, like
They say it even kills germs... :)
   While all this was bubbling in the saucepan,
The kettle stuck its head out of the kitchen to
see what the boogers are doing there...
And he found the following picture: Gas is sitting
opposite the girl and holding a HUGE in his hand
pickled cucumber.  Apparently, this
The cucumber was already more than one year old. (he looked
sluggish, moldy and watery)
   - Open your mouth... - Said Gas
in a strange, ingratiating voice.
   - Don't want.
   - It's for good!
   - No, I don't trust you.
   - I also know how to sober up no worse than Teapot!
Gas lied. - I know what I'm doing!
   She opens her mouth.   Next events
unfold with lightning speed:
Gas grabs a cucumber and with all his might
sticks it in the poor girl'smouth... She
tries to say something, but the cucumber entered
can be seen deeply, because after some
time she begins to choke... And Gas is still
holds a cucumber in his hand and does not give it to her
get your mouth... After a pause Gas
sharply squeezes the cucumber with his hand, at the same time
turning it around its axis clockwise
arrow.  Splashes and seeds from that cucumber
still decorate the ceiling and walls
teapot cottage...
   - But now you will smell like cucumber
only! - Gas announced joyfully.
   A POTION has ripened in the kitchen.  It was difficult
of course make her drink THIS, because
she was already scared and was expecting another
catch.   But since Canik has
universally recognized gift of persuasion, then she
soon she agreed to drink from the cup...
After the second sip she remembered everything
your life as before death, but poured into
her all using physical force.
They said that if you don’t drink everything, you won’t
will work, but since she likes her dad
apparently she was afraid more than death, then she didn’t
especially refused.
   After this procedure she smelled like
from the grocery store, it only cost her
open your mouth.  She no longer realized who
she is where she is, however, and there is no alcohol from her
it smelled.  She smelled like ANYTHING, but only
not a fume, which was pleasing. And the Teapot led
her home, and brought her, and let her go, and she entered
to your home, andher parents didn't notice
no smell of alcohol or cigarettes
smelled it too, and therefore they decided that
Kettle their minor daughter on drugs
planted it because for some reason she had difficulty
remembered my name, not to mention
that she wasn't standing on her feet...
   And her parents hated her Teapot
with fierce hatred, and they hate him until
until now.
   This is such an instructive story, but
there is also a sequel to it. Next
time I tell you about how Kettle in
accused of rape, so what?
everything happened...