Revolution - “Time fled quickly, like a sprinter on a treadmill who is going for a record. And finally, six o’clock came. All the guests were summoned, the table was set”...

                                                                
                        P E V O L U T I O N                       
                                                                
                                             ."..The worms are smiling
                                                in the pile of DEPbMA!"
                                                  "Agatha Christie"
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
   ... I woke up early in the morning and saw the sun rise. I
turned on the box, they were just showing an advertisement for "IBM" - the latest model -
del.  My eyes lit up and I felt how much I wanted this
IBM.                                                            
  It was three o'clock in the afternoon. Someone, probably for the second hour, was knocking on my door.
door, but I didn’t react, I was busy thinking about "SUPER CAR"
(cough cough). Finally I opened the door, my friend was standing there.           
- Are you sleeping, Petka?! - Igor yelled displeasedly. “I’m going to
I’ve been knocking on your door for the second time, I saw you sitting through the window             
on the sofa and stared atceiling.                                  
- Yes...I'm uh-uh here a little...                       
- Why are you blaspheming here: “uh-uh-uh-uh-a-little...”, you have sclerosis
or what? It's your birthday today!                   
- AX I'M PASTYAPA !!!!!!! I completely forgot and didn’t prepare the cake.       
- Well-uh-uh. I brought you a cake... And invite the guests yourself!          
- Okay, I'll call you! Come at six o'clock!                        
- Okay! Okay, bye!                                          
- Yeah, bye!                                                    
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 Time ran quickly, like a sprinter on a treadmill, who
goes for a record. And finally, six o’clock has arrived. All guests
convened, the table is set, lunch (and dinner) is prepared, I’m sitting, waiting for guests
...                                                             
   And here it is, the long-awaited doorbell - it’s Igor! The same one
Igor, without whom there would be no my birthday (He reminded
me about him).                                                     
- So-a-a-a-a-k, what do you have there?“Well-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o,” he drawled, “I congratulate you on your birthday.”
... The box contained... Lottery ticket !!!                      
- Why the box?                                             
- For beauty.                                                  
- Excellent!                                                     
 I must say, this was very opportune! The point is that I loved
all sorts of lotteries and the winner was IBM!!! I was beside myself
happiness, but in time I remembered that I had not won yet.               
- Well, are you glad for the gift?                                          
- Of course! Where did you get it?                                  
- From the new Distribution Center. - Igorek said proudly. And
here we go! Guests came and                           
they came and brought ... well, of course, lottery tickets ...
The win was right in front of me!!! The celebration went well, and
the next day I decided to try my luck and erased one ticket... 
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 I erased the ticket and saw... Wow! It's hard to say what I'll see
business... In general, I won1000 rubles! "At this rate, at IBM I
I’ll save up in three years!” I thought. And off we go: three-plot
trip to Hawaii, washing machine "FAIRY", book "What is it?
Who is this?" - this is all right, but a bag of doorbells, wood
a dry cart and four boxes of “eco-friendly” toiletries
the papers just drove me crazy.                              
   There's a knock on the door - it's the omnipresent Igor again.                    
- How is life? - he asked - what did you win?                       
- Well-uh-uh. It's hard to say for sure...                       
- Okay, I won’t bother you with my questions.         
- Excellent!                                                     
- Shall I come in?                                                     
- Come in!                                                      
- Okay!                                                       
   Igor sat down and asked displeasedly:                               
- Where is the coffee!?                                                 
- Which ? - I was surprised.                                         
- Well, there are all sorts of grains there, well, what do they treat guests to, what do you think?
fell from the moon.                                                
- Oh, this! I'll cook it now!                                  
- Preferably faster.- I want IBM to win! - I shouted joyfully from the kitchen.          
- Wow-h-h-h! Strongly ! Just why do you need MS-DOS and this pisulnik
?                                                               
- What?  Who is this scribbler? Right now I’ll give you a tea-
ku, you yourself will become a scribbler!                                    
-  Come on  ! OK ! If you win, you'll see! Betterspectrims
TR-DOS'om buy it!                                                
- But this is my business!                                          
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 We stayed up late, talked about all sorts of computers and
systems, in the morning, at about four o’clock, Igorek said:                     
- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I'm dying to sleep! It's probably already about one o'clock
fuck!                                                          
- I agree about a-a-a-a-g-x, but it’s already five o’clock! -
I said.                                                       
- Evenings? Notjoke like that!                                        
- Morning! Oh you!                                                
- Morning? O woe is me! Four o'clock in the morning! Oh! Ah! Help!   
- What's wrong with you?                                                 
- At seven o’clock I’m going fishing with Vaska!                     
- It’s okay, you’ll have time!                                              
- Oh, yes!                                                    
 So, at seven o'clock he left, and I: I sat and erased the tickets: a hundred
rubles, children's album, candlestick, toilet tank... Remaining
There are already five or six tickets, and I have lost all hope for IBM. But
suddenly... Five million!!! I almost went crazy with joy!!!
O! Five million! This would be quite enough for IBM!!! And here on
the next day I go to Radiotekhnika-1 to ask if
They have IBMs. And finally:                                  
- Do you haveIBM-586?                                      
- Alas, we don’t have them, but they were just delivered to Radiotekhnika-2. If
hurry up, you will have time to buy.                                    
 I decided to go...                                               
                                                                
                              *** It was hot, about thirty degrees, it was a long walk to Radiotekhnika
reluctantly, but I had to. All the way I was tormented by the thought, what if
sold out, and what if there is not enough money. But I finally got to Pa-
digital engineering:                                                     
- Please tell me, do you have IBM-586?                        
- There are a couple of copies left, five lemons each, will you take them?         
- Yes, I'll take it...                                                   
 I reached into my pocket for money and then... there was a hole in my pocket
!!! A hole, and the money was lost, only a hundred rubles remained - one
from winnings!  I wanted to buy a rope, but immediately changed my mind
(guess why).  Even though I had one chance in a million
billions, I went to look for this money.                           
   I went back in such heat to look for money. Along the way, glances -
the shaft anywhere, even looked behind the bushes, it’s unclear why
(by the way, behind one of the bushes there was some kind of sleazy woman who
she continued to relieve herself without noticing me). I was lost
all hope, until the thought flashed through my head... I don't
I took this money from the distribution center! ***                               
                                                                
 ...If Igor were with me, he would certainly say:
"Oh, you bungler, oh sclerotic, what a slob!!!" I repeated about se-
I took these words and decided to go to the distribution center (under
the aforementioned heat!). when I reached (the end of the city), I
small - what if they closed? It was no wonder - six
o'clock in the evening (fortunately, the sun was no longer soaring!). And I'm definitely talking about
Rock walked up to the door and almost fainted. There was a write-
sano: "P E M O H T - come on August 12 (may end
...)". I had no choice but to crawl (!) home.    
 ...I was lying on the sofa almost unconscious (almost!) and dreaming about...
Eghm!  Well, you know.  And suddenly... That's right - they called
door, and... who do you think? Eh, you guessed it again: Igor. He me
(for some reason) asked:                                            
- Hello! What, are you dreaming about... Eghm! (well you know)     
- You guessed right, boy!                                         
- Well, okay!                                                      
- Come in, or something!- I'm reluctant - I'm in too much of a hurry!                                     
- Okay, bye or something                                            
- Aha-pokedova because I’m leaving tomorrow.                       
- How long?                                                     
- No, for a day.                                                  
- Why did you come by to pick up the “Golden Ring” cassette, or what?         
- Actually, say “pokedova”.                                 
- When you come, come in and tell me everything.                       
- I'll come...                                                     
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 The next day, walking near the Center branch
Distribution, I noticed that the "Repair" sign had been removed. "Again,
“Someone must have made a joke,” I thought, catching myself
I already went inside. Oh, really... Yes! The renovation is over too much
quickly (probably I just needed to fix the push) and today I
took his five million.                                       
 As you may have guessed, I immediately went to Radio Engineering, but...
That's right - all IBMs have sold out. Out of frustration I stilljust thought about 
rope (this time with Samay soap).                      
   I couldn't sleep all day (I mean at night) - I kept thinking about
IBM'ke.  And then one day... I will describe everything to you in detail, look, no
faint!!!                                           
   It was five o'clock in the morning (you can guess what I was doing) and
suddenly, a call...???!!!  It was... Oops! What am I, you're on-
guessed it right!? Well, of course, an insurance agent! (What did you guess-
vye)                                                            
  - Agency “Insure, don’t insure, you’ll still get x...”
"- the man introduced himself. I didn’t really believe it, since insurance agents don’t
wear felt boots on bare feet (especially in summer) and do not walk in dirty
a peacoat that had more holes than the peacoat itself.         
- Hmmmmm... Well, come in! - I said.                            
“Thank you, layman,” the man said and hit me on the crowbar.
head                                                         
“What are you doing?” I asked.                                          
- Ops, sorry I accidentally, I didn’t mean to, I have reflexes, sorry, I
I didn’t want to take the sausage out of my bag and hit you on the head. A-A-A-
-A!!!                                                          
 And he fell down like he was knocked down.                                 
“Crazy!” I thought out loud. - Well, at least I’ll have a saucepan withheads
I forgot to take it off when I approached the door.                            
“But no!!!” said the man in a leather jacket, black glasses and
I used to be crazy with a pistol, but now I’m not. Do you want to see him?      
 I'm confused...                                               
                                                                
                             ***                                
                                                                
...  HELP ME !!!! Oh, what am I, I don’t speak English! Save
!  Help! Killers! Crazy! Schizophrenics! Killers! Workers!
Collective farmers! Artists. Loaders...                            
“Yeah, more poets and writers!” said Igorek                    
- Oh, I forgot! A, what, where, when! Where am I, what is it, I muttered in my throat
sweating                                                     
- Taakk! We’ll answer right now: nightmare, at home, now! - satisfied!     
- Oh, it's you, hello! How did you end up here?                 
- What do you need a window to look at the yard, or what?             
- I think so, but what?                                             
- Yes, so...                                                   
- Well, come in, since you’re here.                                        
- Already came in, oh, that isclimbed up                                 
-Where is the coffee?                                                 
“What the hell is this...” I said, looking at the helpless jar with
some incomprehensible and noticeably rotten spots, from which
it hit a kilobyte faster than my push.                          
- I see, well, let’s go shopping, shall we?                              
- Well, how are things going with the pussy?                         
- Oh, don’t tell me, these.....you’ve already sold them all.              
- Sooo cool. Well, it’s okay, the matter can be fixed, I’m here tomorrow in Moscow
I’m on my way, maybe I’ll bring you a fur coat (if you give me the money, office). 
- Well, okay, just a nickel, I know where you live.              
- Okay bro!!! Well pokedova!                               
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 All night I was tormented by doubts, what if... no, he's on it
not capable.  I thought, what if Igor was right that IBM is
to put it mildly, a bucket or something like that... Well, in this case
I have a Tefal frying pan with an anti-shock coating.
Soon I fell asleep.                                                
 In the morning, at about six o'clock, I was woken up by a brutalcall. That was it
capable only... (Hmmm... forgot... A ! Vasya!!!???... No?
A!  Igor!) I picked up the phone and almost went deaf - a frantic voice
raised my hair on end.  A voice shouted: “I’ve stuffed myself with a pussy-
Xia, I’ll come tomorrow morning!!!!!!” The voice died out. I almost froze
he galloped around the room with joy and almost ran out onto the balcony. "At least
“No way,” I thought, “Like a stone from the soul!” No, not like Igor Ku-
drank IBM, and then finally the mad voice died out!!! I tore off
calendar leaf and...... August 5th!!! The holiday ended on the sixth
and I had to drag myself to work! The mood was ruined...
A though!!!  Igorek will arrive in the evening, and we will be friends (?)
use PC !!!                                                    
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 In the morning, at five o'clock in the morning, I woke up from powerful blows on the door,
brutal knocks on the radiator and terrifying screams from the yard. These
screams shouted: "E-e-e-y!!! Malaaaev!!! Peeeetka!!! Get up-
waaay!!!" Like a sleepwalker, I got up, got dressed, put on my shoes and went out into the street.
.                                                               
- What do you need? You raised the whole house on its feet!                  
- I brought you your junk.                                
- Yes? Hurrah! Get it quickly!                                    
- Oh, yes, I called you to help me bring in the IBM.                      
 A minute later we were carrying the box together.                         
- Yes, to the left! Here ! Take it to my apartment.                    
- How about yours? This is mine!                                        
- Yours? After all, I bought it.                                     
- With my money!                                               
- A-ah-ah exactly! And I was upset - I thought - was it really my five
wasted millions? And since it was your money, then I am yours
wasted money. Why should I spend money on this crap? U
I already have enough of myself.                                       
- Shut up and move away!!!                                           
 Soon we dragged the colossus to my home.                       
- Let's ! Press the button! Let's press!                         
- Tiiiho! I know what to do!                                  
I turned on the computer and all sorts of nonsense appeared on the screen. I was actually sitting
the first time for IBM, but from the very sight of it I immediately wanted
to the toilet (mostly).                                         
- Wellsame! Let's !!! Press faster!!! - Igor shouted and cracked
on the keyboard with such force that two buttons fell off and the keyboard
cracked in half!                                              
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 ...I threw the broken keyboard out the window, under which there was
There were heart-rending screams. “There’s no point pissing under the windows!” I shouted and
threw the nightstand out the window. There they screamed even louder. Finally they
quieted down after I threw out my old refrigerator...  
“Listen, I wanted to tell you, shta-a-a,” Igor began,
but a knock on the door interrupted him.                                    
 I opened the door.  A rather shabby uncle stood on the threshold, almost
no pants, wearing a sleeveless shirt. His glasses got stuck in his nose and
the jacket dangled helplessly on a shoe without a sole. The whole picture
crowned with a keyboard placed around the poor fellow’s neck. I accompanied him to
room.                                                        
 The uncle mumbled something, but it was not clear what.                     
“Moo-oo,” the cow says: she tells us to drink milk,” he shouted
Igor gave the poor uncle a big kick.                   
 ...An hour later, when unclerecovered. Igor was still spanking him
cheeks.  Uncle got scared and almost blurted out again, but Igor
supported him by giving him another kick.                        
“Come on, stop it,” I said, “let’s better listen to what  
he wants to say.                                               
“You see, I’m a foreigner,” my uncle began with an accent. - Name   
meBill Gates...                                              
 Uncle didn’t finish speaking, as he received a tasty kick in the eye, after
which Igor threw out the window.                            
“Well, that’s all, fuck all the bourgeoisie,” he yelled and kicked IBM with
such force that the chandelier fell to the floor (okay, at least back later
hung).                                                      
                                                                
                              ***                               
                                                                
 The next morning myIBMwas completely irritated and looked not at all
better than yesterday's foreigner (that's not a typo). Judge for yourself: screen
monitor broken with a sledgehammer and turned inside out, hard drive
dangled from the chandelier, showing with all his appearance that he didn’t care at all
notbetter than a monitor.  The minitower turned into a cake because
Igor built a trampoline on it. He did not touch the disk drives - he said for
Spectrum will come in handy.  And now he was amusing himself by playing
football, baseball, volleyball and water polo with a processor "intel
rentiim",  which, in turn, looked no better
the contents of my toilet (I ate too much watermelon yesterday).            
 In short, the revolution took place.  Igor persuaded me to buy
Spectrim,  so now the pussies are over. I'll feel sorry for them
not enough.  How?  And who else can you kick with impunity and
 ***                               
                                                                
 The next morning myIBMwas completely irritated and looked not at all
better than yesterday's foreigner (that's not a typo). Judge for yourself: screen
monitor broken with a sledgehammer and turned inside out, hard drive
dangled from the chandelier, showing with all his appearance that he didn’t care at all
no better than a monitor.  The minitower turned into a cake because
Igor built a trampoline on it. He did not touch the disk drives - he said for
Spectrum will come in handy.  And now he was amusing himself by playingfootball, baseball, volleyball and water polo processor "intel
rentiim",  which, in turn, looked no better
the contents of my toilet (I ate too much watermelon yesterday).            
 In short, the revolution took place.  Igor persuaded me to buy
Spectrim,  so now the pussies are over. I'll feel sorry for them
not enough.  How?  And who else can you kick with impunity and
throw it out the window?  Whom?  Well, that's the same. That's why they're so fast
are sorted out. Well, there you go. And you say - useless.