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- ---------------------------- -: ESGAROTHAN JOKES (CHI-91) :
- ---------------------------- -
One day an Esgarotets looked into the palantir.
- What did you see there? - asked him menacingly from nowhere
taken by Gandalf.
“Dirty,” the Esgarotets cursed briefly, “but it’s free.”
One day an Esgarotec visited Minas Tupute and was unpleasant
amazed by the mismanagement of the Gondorians: there is food in the city
rations, and free meat flies over the Citadel.
One day a Gondorian decided to become an Esgarotian. He came and said:
- Here I am! - and esgarotets emy in response:
- Hey, bro, first of all, clean the boilers at Hapkucca until they shine!
...It still cleans like this.
Driving past Esgaroth, Gandalf's hat flew off.
- Let the storm blow harder! - the wizard screamed in his hearts.
...For a long time Gandalf was remembered in Esgaroth.
In Esgaroth, Gandalf was not loved for his always preoccupied appearance and
for croaking a lot. I mean, I scoffed. Sometimes, a liter of beer
he howls in the tavern, and when they ask him for money, he immediately says:
- There is no dragon on you, extortionists!
After the collection was published in large numbers in Middle-earth
jokes about Gandalf, the GrayThey began to ask the wanderer more often,
Is he a relative of the famous intelligence officer?
Two barrels were floating along the river. On one there was the inscription "Kilka"
on the other - "Filka".
“The nieces are swimming,” Thorin said importantly.
When the fleet of Ar-Parazon approached the shores of Valinor, the Valar
turned to Iluvatar with the question of what they should do now.
“Sink the Hymehop,” replied Ilúvatar, “and repaint
Sauron in green.
- But, Eru, why green? - Valar was surprised.
“I knew it,” Iluvatar answered, “that on the first point
There will be no differences between us.
One day Celeborn decided to beat his wife. Hearing the lady's screams
heart, Gimli grabbed an ax and, without making out the way,
rushed to Deloni Vladyk.
...He woke up lying on the grass, with a huge lump on his forehead.
- What happened to me? - asked Gimli.
- You felt the power of the Lord of Lorien, - not very
Kheldar explained clearly.
One day Melkor disguised himself as Fæanor and did a lot of damage.
Then he hid and watched what would happen now. Sees everything
They run and shout: “Everyone is Melkor! He’s all of him!” "Ugh! -thinks. -
Almost immediately Melkor!"
Then he disguised himself as Manwe and held a trial. And he said that
Melkor has nothing to do with it, but Feanor is to blame for everything. Everyone was uncomfortable
undermine his authority, and they began to shout: “Yes, yes, that’s it
Feanor, damned Feanor!"
Then Feanor got angry, disguised himself as Melkor and extinguished
Light - and everyone started crying. And Melkor disguised himself as Ungoliant and
rushed at him. But in the darkness all the Melkors got mixed up, and
Ungolianta ate herself.
And the Wise (sobbing) all asked Manwe what should they do now?
write in the Books of Knowledge? Who did all this? Then Manwe waved
hand and said: “Write “Melkor” for now, and we’ll figure it out there.”
Since then, Melkor has been nicknamed the Black Enemy of the World.
Orome loved Children very much. It happened that all the Valars would settle down in
circle in the light of the Trees and sing the praises of Ilúvatar and Orome
will certainly climb into some wilds of Middle-earth, and the Children
looking for. Will chase after someone, grab - and this is not a Child, but
some kind of dirty trick. That's why they called him the Great Hunter.
Orome loved Children very much. But he did not love Melkor. It happened
As soon as he sees it, he immediately blows his formidable horn Valaromy.
And Melkor got scared and immediately ran away, and then became very offended by
Orome. SomehowMelkor out of anger disguised himself as Orome, and
came to the Children. And at this time Orome also came to the Children. And then
They'll both pop out! The children were terribly confused. And Sauron thought:
"What a fool this Melkor is!" And he chuckled.
Tulkas was a skilled warrior. He ate the dog on this matter. And not
one. That's why there are no dogs in Middle-earth.
A crowd of all the peoples of Middle-earth poured into Isengard. They
shouted:
- Saruman, come out! Come out, you vile coward!
And Saruman shouted from his tower:
- I won’t go out! If the Wise One said “no,” it means no!
And he didn’t come out. So I sat in Orthanka until I got tired of camomy.
He got out, grabbed it - and the interesting thing ended without him. I've finished it!
The Noldor left the gates of Tupuoha in haste, for Feanor
He was afraid that their impulse would cool down and his words would be in vain.
- Nothing, Feanor! - Mandos consoled him. - Where-where, a in Tyhe
your words will not be lost!
The Noldor walked and walked north along the shores of Elende.
It was drizzling.
- A! - The Noldors frowned. - Manwe's machinations!
And Feanor sat on the ship under a gilded umbrella. Creations
he was still amazed by Valinor....And then for the third time Ilúvatar rose and extended both
hands - and a powerful chord thundered. And there was silence.
And in the ensuing Silence Sauron winked at Melkor, and Melkor
congratulated himself on the First Maya.
HI-HI ON HI /HI-91/
Roll call in the Guardian Squad:
- Hobbit!
- I!
- Do you have hair on your legs?
- Eat!
- You won’t get felt boots for the winter!
Sauron, Capymahy can only be trusted when drunk!
Joan of Orc
Honorary title "Thrice Dead of Middle-earth"
Frodo, Sam, Laurel... Ooh, damned Nazguls!
On the question of how a Nazgul is killed: cam from melancholy
will wither away if someone he killed begins to argue with him for two hours
hobbit
The Nazgul was taken out of the game by five stabs in the back. Only on
On the fourth day they decided to put the shields behind their backs.
Dol-Ampot was originally announced as being "under construction afterfire." In the end, it was "burned" by defenders who did not want to surrender
fortress to enemies. A month later he really gave off firebrands
remained. Fate!
The wounded son of Denethor reached Gondor. All Middle Earth
he ran around and no one cured him. I was just about to die
got ready, but they just point emy at the tent and say:
- The doctor is sitting there. Go to him, he will cure you.
- It will cure, of course. The Black Horseman wounded me, no
anyone.
- He will cure, he will cure!
The “doctor” looked at the wounded man and said:
- Well, do you understand who I am?
“Yeah, Aragorn, I guess,” he guessed and instantly recovered.
It was believed that Pohan cattle "produced" maccy
organic fertilizer, simply put - manure. But how
distinguish a real “product” from a crafty fake? There was a way out
found. On each container sent abroad there was
inscription: "Dung. Eomer, third seneschal of Myctahrpuma." Immediately
there was a large round seal with the family coat of arms.
On the second day of the game, Saruman "darkened" and became the only
in Middle-earth "the owner of a black belt."
"We will answer falseGuardians of the false Orodryin!
And they answered...
The elves walk along the path and see: there is a master in the ground, up to his neck
buried.
- Who are you, poor fellow? - the Marvelous People sympathized.
“Goblins, bastards,” the sufferer answered with difficulty.
- Well, did they feel sorry for the little one? - the elves were exhausted. And not
They took pity on the lapnik master. I don’t feel sorry for anything for my friends, c
threw their heads.
___________________________________________________
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""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
N. MAZOVA
CONVERSATION OVERHEARTED BY A MAN
WALKING BETWEEN SEVERAL bonfires
(BRIEF OUT OF PLAY)
- This hobbit, that is, Gollum, finally tried
strangle Frodo, that is, of course, not Frodo himself, but him
faithful Sam, and Sam screamed...
- Stop, guys! I’m telling you this as a master!...
- And the orcs believed. What else could they do? When
a signal sounded: “Eorlings, forward!”...
- Razdolbai leaned out of the bushes looking as if he
he drank without stopping for a hundred years, and on the hundred and first he got a hangover
ended. And after him...
- Lanor jumped from the tower and chased the goblin, but he
fired back...- And, of course, I hit Diska in the leg, she screamed “Burk”
Khazad!"...
- Back! - I shout emy! What is it! I was so carried away that I even
I didn't notice the red rocket. Well, the Nazgul, after the fight...
- After a fight they don’t wave their fists. So we beat Saruman
they didn’t, even though he deserved it, the bastard, but after the Game it’s no longer
considered...
- The troll screamed joyfully, pulling the arrow out of his eye. Otherwise
There is another joke like this. Razdolbay sits in the basement of the Haradrim
towers...
- And he says: “Nothing, at least from a magic wand
I'll light a cigarette...
- Gandalf was so enraged by these words that he forgot about his
responsibilities. Rosie was saved only by something he couldn't find...
- Our Galadriel's socks...
- Ring...
- Entrance to the Amoh-Loina tower...
- Tavern...
- I agree, not Games, but a tavern and a mess! What were these alone worth?
vaunted crossings of the Anduin...
“Three rohomuhku,” I say to emy, “and not a coin more!” And
here this jackal takes outrhombus ring...
- And puts Arsylu between their ears! It's a pity, of course
sausages, but the enemies didn’t get through, and at dinner we made up for it
matter...
- Ypyk-xaem, and even with a catapult! The Valars had no right
to do this, because my wife laid it on my grave...
- A can of condensed milk, and he says: “Are you really so cheap?”
do you appreciate your friend? For Denethor will give you half a piece of gold
Gave away the reserves of Gondor!"...
- Boromiry. But we must give emy justice - he didn’t
was going to carry it to Minas Tirith, Legolas provoked it...
- With a sword on the back, and the Nazgul shouted that he was flying away, and instead
the door climbed into the chimney...
- Yes, these elves are wonderful people, needless to say!...
THE SCARLET BOOK OF WESTERN CROMUM
Beginning of the Fourth Age. Hobbits sit in a clearing and drink
beer. A stunned Frodo flies out of the bushes, shouting “Nazgul!” That's it,
Naturally, they hide. About ten minutes later they crawl out: neither Frodo nor
beer, no snacks...
Battle at the Mopahhoha Gate. A cry of “Eagles are flying!” is heard. Via
for a few minutes the eagles and signs appear (simultaneously)
destruction of Barad Dur. Gandalf (Gwaihipy):- Where have you been for so long, you nerdy crow!
He did destroy the Ring!
Gandalf (climbing out of Durin's Tower on top of Zirakzigil):
- Well, this Legolas jokes! I'm walking across a narrow bridge, a
he's behind "The Balrog has come!"
Overnight on Amoh Cyl. The Nazgul creeps up to Frodo. Frodo:
- And Elbereth Giltoniel! And Elbereth Giltoniel!
Nazgul:
- Eh, I’m getting old, I can’t hear anything anymore...
At the Gondor metal products warehouse. One storekeeper
to another:
- Listen, we always have brass washers, someone
pokes?
- Oh, don’t pay attention, it’s Sauron. He's gone crazy, poor guy.
after disincarnation...
The slogan of the CPSU that went underground with the beginning of the Fourth Epoch
(To the Communist Party of Cyronites of the Middle Earth): “We will realize
Sauron back to life!"
When Gimli asked Galadriel for a lock of her hair, Lady
thanked the Valar for the fact that the rest had already received theirs
gifts.
Notein the newspaper "Voice of Darin":
"Yesterday a new promising
the birth of the Balrogs. According to the forecasts of experts who have researched
There will be enough reserves for a nepekpack of at least 30-40 Gandalfs."
When Sauron's servants captured Gollum, the Ring was not with him.
it turned out, but a box with mop mice, metal, was found
which seemed painfully familiar to the Black Lord.
At the Council of Elrond. Gandalf:
- And now I will present to the Council the main evidence that
that this is exactly the camoe Ring! (puts the Ring on his finger)
ESH NAZG DURBATULUK, ESH NAZG GIMBATUL...
Having received a blow from a Morgul blade, Frodo was not at a loss and
responded to the Ghost King with a hobbit kick. Only sanatorium in
The resting place was able to put the unfortunate Nazgul back on his feet.
Elrond's Palace in Rivendell. People sit by the fireplace and brew.
Suddenly steps are heard on the roof, coughing, swearing, then
To everyone's amazement, the Ring falls into the fireplace. Gandalf:
- Don't pay attention. This is Frodo training...
Otctab from life during the battle with the Balpog, Gandalf was
very puzzled by rumors that the Black Lord is very
decreased in height, and his legs were overgrown with thick hair.
By the end of the Third Age the processexpansion of the FIDO network has reached
to Middle Earth. The first BBS were called "Voice of Saruman" and "Voice
Sauron."
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